


The Truth Never Set Me Free (I Did It Myself)

by TenSpencerRiedPlease



Category: Black Panther (2018), Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Anger, Avengers Breakup, BAMF T'Challa (Marvel), Heavy Angst, Hurt Tony Stark, I Don't Even Know, Not A Fix-It, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Seriously Tony is some pissed, Slow Build, This is Not a Forgiveness Fic, and there will be no forgiveness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-02
Updated: 2016-10-27
Packaged: 2018-07-28 20:26:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 23
Words: 103,884
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7655548
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TenSpencerRiedPlease/pseuds/TenSpencerRiedPlease
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There were a lot of opinions on Tony Stark and T’Challa was not sure which, if any, to believe. He has done his research, extensively so. He poured over the information once, twice, three times, and a fourth for good measure and came to the same conclusion every time. But Tony was his soul mate and his heart hurt to be away from him like this. It would be foolish to assume he could ever see the man objectively.</p><p>Soulmate AU in which everyone sees in black and white until they meet their soulmate</p><p> </p><p>  <a href="http://8tracks.com/wintyr/the-truth-never-set-me-free">Playlist</a></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Ok I know nothing about Okoye's character, I'm just going to assume she was the badass lady who told Nat to move or she would be moved because damn. She's got some good things going, I like her. Anyways just borrowed names from confirmed Black Panther characters, I haven't read the comics. 
> 
> Two, oh man is Tony angry in this and this is not the place for forgiveness. I like the stories that work on forgiveness, I think they're neato, but I wanted to see something different so I wrote it. Tony has gone his separate way from the Avengers and he's not going back. And on that final note, just because I wrote Tony's thought process doesn't mean I agree with it. Don't come at me like I'm writing personal opinion, you have no idea what I do or don't agree with. 
> 
> And final FINAL note this is a sliiiiiiiiiiiight AU. T'Challa walks in just as Steve gets smacked by Tony in that bunker for purposes you will learn later. Mostly because I wanted to write a scene and I can't remember when T'Challa showed up after Tony, but I think it was at the beginning of Zemo's Standard Villain Monologue. But I thought I should warn before someone goes ??. I feel you. Also I mostly write AU's so if I forget a film detail I am sorry I am but a Sad Trash Can.
> 
> PPPS this fic is named after a Paramore lyric from the song 'Careful', can be found with the playlist.

There were a lot of opinions on Tony Stark and T’Challa was not sure which, if any, to believe. He has done his research, extensively so. Old interviews, business decisions, friends, lovers, he has gone through everything he could get his hands on from Tony’s past and then he combed through everything from his present. Friends, lovers, Avengers, S.H.I.E.L.D files, business decisions, everything. He poured over it all once, twice, three times, and a fourth for good measure and came to the same conclusion every time. But Tony was his soul mate and his heart hurt to be away from him like this. It would be foolish to assume he could ever see the man objectively.

When he seen Tony for the first time… he was a fool. He saw him and his world exploded into color in perfect time with Tony turning to Steve with a hurt expression on his face, asking if he knew. Knew _what_ T’Challa was unsure. He showed up just in time to find the man he was looking for, just in time to find out it was not Barnes who killed his father. He left Tony there, battling it out with Captain Rogers and Sargent Barnes to go exact his revenge on the man who murdered his father. What drove Tony mad he had no idea and when he had asked Rogers he simply looked away in guilt. No one else seemed willing to fill him in, if they even could, and the only other person who knew what happened right before T’Challa showed up was currently frozen. They had not made any progress on how to extract the conditioning from Bucky’s mind and T’Challa was sad for it. When they managed to heal Bucky’s mind he would like a chance to formerly apologize to him for what he has done. But until then he had to deal with Tony.

Coming to an objective conclusion on his own was not an option so he decided it was time to call in the Dora Milaje to help him out. They were trained in this sort of thing; they would come to a logical conclusion. Okoye in particular was one of his most trusted guards, she would make sure that they got to the bottom of the Tony Stark issue.

*

Okoye had her Dora Milaje look over the information King T’Challa had gathered for them but she did not have them read his notes. It was important that they come to an unbiased conclusion and this was a useful test for them. Some of the younger recruits were nervous of course, but they looked over the information just as diligently as the seasoned warriors and she was pleased with that. She went over the information too, planning on gathering the opinions of the other Dora Milaje. Then she was going to cross reference the information with the King’s notes and see where they all stood.

She did not expect the information to be so… conflicting. The media persona of Tony Stark was the flippant ladies man who drank too much and indulged only in himself. The business persona of Tony Stark presented an extremely business savvy man who predicted patterns of business before they even happened and profited because of it. The private persona of Tony Stark showed a lonely man with fewer than five friends, none of which he was particularly close to anymore. Rhodes was his closest friend the man had and they talked infrequently, and Okoye was hard pressed to include Miss Potts due to her being paid at first, and romantically involved later. Stark’s relationships were rocky and did not end well. Stark’s persona for the Avengers starts as rocky as his personal relationships. The team did not trust him, he did not trust the team, and Okoye did not see any evidence that this has changed.

The Black Widow gave her report and Okoye read that too, cross referencing that with the months she was undercover with Stark to draw conclusions. She was more than a little surprised to find these conclusions were drawn and _accepted_ under extreme circumstances. She dismisses the report because it was not drawn from an objective viewpoint. The interviews come next. It was safe to say that she strongly disliked Tony Stark in his youth but she does her best to not let that color her view. The man was abhorrent, rude, crass, and had spent a lot of time talking with no clue how to do it. It then occurs to her that perhaps Stark genuinely did not know how to speak to people despite spending a large portion of his life in a highly evolved communication sphere.

To draw further conclusions or dismissals she refers back to his childhood. She had gone over the information of course but now she had a theory and it was time to test it against the reality. Stark was a boy genius, he grew up with a cold and abusive father and his mother did not appear to make up for that loss, and he went to college young. In short the man never had a childhood but it appeared that no one ever taught him how to be an adult either. It was no surprise that he was so wild as a young adult, it would appear that he was genuinely confused as to what his behavior was to look like. People loved and hated him for that too and it became clear in his later life that that ate at him but she did not know when that started. It could have started after Afghanistan or it could have started as early as childhood.

When Stark’s unease with his reputation started did not matter now that he was older, but it would have been useful to drawing objective conclusions about his character. Instead she was certain that the man never learned to communicate because he was never taught, and by the time he got to adulthood he was supposed to know the rules. But he had been living simultaneously as an adult and a child his whole life and it must have led to a severe maladjustment in his ability to relate to his peers. Instead it looked as if he developed his own method of communicating, one that no one understood. That, too, was simultaneously praised and demonized by the media and his peers.

Next she looks at the long list of lovers because this list ran a direct contradiction to her previous conclusions. Stark would have to be good at communicating to get people to go home with him and this list suggested he was _very_ adept at that. Thankfully there was a large amount of video proof to go with the list. She resists the urge to roll her eyes at every stupid, cheesy pick up line but she does find the pattern fast. Stark was terrible at communicating, his awful pickup lines proved that, but he _was_ adept at flashing his status. He knew he was attractive, he knew he was intelligent, and he knew he was rich. With these three certainties he managed to pick people up despite the cringe worthy pickup lines. He let people use him but _why_? And why did that stop for a while after Afghanistan only to pick back up again and then end for good? And what did that say about him, the people around him?

His list of friends was small; clearly people did not like him. Except the media spectacle he created doing anything showed that people did like him. Sometimes they liked him so much that the idea of someone else being with him made them quite literally homicidal. That was disturbing to say the least. So why the small list of friends? She digs into their pasts too, finding nothing particularly noteworthy for Stark to have picked up on. James Rhodes and Pepper Potts were exceptional people, of course, but they were not more exceptional that Stark himself. The only thing that stuck out to her was prolonged exposure. Did prolonged exposure lead to Stark… growing on people? She dismisses the theory immediately, remembering that the Avengers all had a considerably strong vendetta against the man. They have also spent a long time with him, they spent nearly six years _living_ with him and they still disliked him.

 _Stubborn, suspicious, reckless, narcissist, arrogant, unbalanced, single-minded, selfish_. Those were the words the Avengers associated with Stark and it was easy to see why if all they ever saw was the interviews the man did. It was not that there was no evidence to support those things, she has found lots of evidence to support those things, but there was too much that suggested that was the mask rather than the man. If Tony Stark was a selfish, unbalanced narcissist why did so much of his life suggest the near opposite? The man donated to charities regularly, which she would have dismissed as evidence of being a good person if it was not for Stark founding half of them. So he was aware enough of the issues to find people to build a charity for the issue and he donated regularly. Most of the charities were for abuse victims, abused children and battered women. She wondered if the man was trying to rewrite his own history by making sure others did suffer the abuse he had. He was failing.

Stark also went one step further than stopping his weapons business, he actually _recalled_ everything and had it properly disposed of. The figures she had for the cost of this operation were very high, higher considering his business was failing at that point. But he did not seem to care. He also showed up to a random village and freed it from terrorists and that action was curious because it made no sense. Why show up to some remote village in the Middle East to rid it of the terrorists there? Why not choose a larger target? He does do that later on but his first act was a small one and it was very unlike what she has so far gathered of Tony Stark to do anything small. The man had a flair for the dramatic.

In the file King T’Challa gathered of Afghanistan she finds the answer in one Yinsen. The man had been held captive with Tony and he was the one that saved Stark’s life. He died in those caves, right in front of Tony according to Colonel Rhodes’ reports. It appeared that Tony flew to Yinsen’s village to rid it of the terrorists to avenge him or honor him, likely both. Interesting. Many of Stark’s first acts as hero were rash and were likely not very well thought out. Reckless. But the man also knew what he was doing and from the low set of casualties it seemed that despite his rash decision-making he was not running a task of complete reckless abandon.

Then came New York. After Afghanistan his drinking stopped while he recalled his weapons and did his best to rewrite his wrongs though being a hero and working in clean energy. Saving the planet. She allows herself a single eye roll at how dramatic that was but Stark was a man of extremes if her notes and conclusions were correct. His drinking picked back up again when the reactor began to poison his system and the man was a _disaster_. Any fool looking at his case should have known that something had gone wrong, never before did Tony Stark’s self-destructive tendencies ever negatively affect people like they were then. It was like every bad trait he ad increased tenfold and Romanov seemed content to either ignore this in favor of drawing her own conclusions or she was a terrible spy. She allows herself one eye roll at that too.

Stark’s partying stopped immediately after the reactor was fixed. _Immediately_. This did not align with the conclusions that Romanov drew. While her words described the situation she lived well it did not account for Tony’s mental and physical distress, and it did not account for his behavior afterwards. A good conclusion would have examined the before, during, and after but her report only covered the during. Some of her words were applicable elsewhere but they still did not account for the mental distress, which grew exponentially after Loki. New York broke him more than anything had before and he picked up a new habit, one he thought he could trust.

His compulsive building ultimately led to Ultron. He tried once before to destroy the suits and let being a hero go but his inability to let go of New York, of what he saw in the wormhole, led him to continue being a hero. This led to Ultron, which led to more of a split in the Avengers than there already was, which led to his girlfriend and a good portion of his very, very small support system leaving him. Then came the ‘Civil War’ as the media had dubbed it, which led to people Tony had tried to bond with all turning on him. They were not without reason but Okoye found the reasons… flimsy. She understood their actions, and Tony’s, but they were all rash and it led to them all putting too much faith in things that one needed to look at critically.

So the Civil War ends and Tony no longer has a girlfriend, almost loses his best friend, already lost his beloved AI JARVIS, loses the Avengers, loses the Accords, loses his _mind_ , and he very likely assumed he lost his soul mate too. The man tried so hard to build something and every time that happened he lost it. He tries to be a hero and almost ruins it when he lost it after the reactor started poisoning him, he tries to be an Avenger only to be working with a team that had little to no faith in him, he tries to save the world from aliens and nearly ends it himself. Then he tries to listen to what the world is telling him to do, something he was not very good at even with his repeated efforts at it, and he loses near everything else he held dear.

She sits back and sighs. Tony Stark was indeed reckless, he was indeed stubborn, and he was indeed unbalanced but in her opinion the rest of the conclusions the Avengers drew were incorrect. It would appear that they assumed that the persona Tony wore for the media was the man he really was and- no. She shakes her head to clear it some. No, her information was inconclusive. There was too much either way to make an accurate assessment and it would be foolish of her to draw a conclusion simply because she hurt for her King’s soul mate. It was time to confer with the other Dora Milaje.

*

They came to the same conclusion she did, or rather the same lack of conclusion. Their thought process aligned right down to making the foolish assumption that Tony Stark was misunderstood without having any real proof that he was, or that he was not. Nakia, one of the newer recruits, lifts her hand slowly and hesitantly. Okoye nods at her to continue and she takes a deep breath, “I think at this point it would be most beneficial to talk to Tony Stark in person. It is the only way we can draw a proper conclusion without resorting to assumptions,” she says. Her voice is strong and clear despite her nervousness and Okoye is proud of her for it.

“I agree. Good work,” she says and she turns to the rest of the Dora Milaje, “all of you.” With that she leaves the room so that she could give her King a conclusion one way or another.

When she and Tony Stark meet it is very clear that he was not expecting her there, “Jesus Christ, who the hell are you?” he asks, hand pressed to the space over his heart. His right arm is in a sling and that does not look good.

“Is there something wrong with your arm?” she asks. It did not appear to be in a cast and she saw no bruising. His breathing was restricted though and that did not bode well either. She narrows her eyes at the thought of someone harming her King’s soul mate but she blinks, letting the anger go. Now was not the time or place.

“None of your business, and you are?” he snaps, glaring at her suspiciously.

“Dora Milaje,” she responds vaguely, “and I am here on the behalf of King T’Challa.”

“T’Challa can fuck off,” Tony snarls viciously and her eyebrows shoot up.

“Excuse me,” she says in a dangerous tone. Soul mate or not she would not allow him to insult her _King_.

“Anyone who is involved with Steve Rogers is no use to me,” he snaps.

Her eyebrows remain raised, “I understand that Steve Rogers has caused you pain, but I do not understand how that extends to King T’Challa,” she says calmly. Perhaps too calmly but Stark either does not understand the danger or he does not care.

Stark rolls his eyes, “I’ve spent the last five years dealing with people who blindly follow Steve Rogers around like a bunch of fucking lap dogs, I don’t need to have one more person tell me that I can never compare. I _know_ that. No need to have anyone else remind me,” he says bitterly, his lip curling up in disgust.

That changed things. “I here because the King is not sure what to believe about you. He and the Dora Milaje agree that the information about you is too conflicting to draw a reasonable conclusion. So I am here to try and find the truth, to see what you’re really like. I must admit that I do not like you,” she says honestly. Perhaps the man would take the honesty well.

He does not, instead he flinches hard but the expression is gone very quickly. “Great, then you’re just like everyone else. Go report back to your king, tell him I’m as worthless as everyone says I am,” Tony says, turning and walking towards his kitchen.

“I do not like many people, that does not mean that you are not a good person. And my personal opinion of you means little when you are not meant for me,” she says. Tony’s shoulders tense at that but he turns slowly to face her.

“What do you want to know?” He looks exhausted, like he hasn’t slept in days and she supposes that it is very likely that he has not. The man had chronic insomnia and she suspected it made his very obvious PTSD worse. The dismissals from everyone else around him, including his closest friends, probably did not help the situation.

“Why did you support the Accords?” she asks bluntly. Cutting to the heart of the issue was what she was good at, and it saved her time and effort beating around the bush.

“Steve told me that I needed to trust people, to listen to them. He was right, so when the opportunity came to listen I did, or at least I tired but apparently _that_ wasn’t right either,” he snaps bitterly, that disgusted look back on his face.

“You feel guilty for Ultron,” she says and it is not a question. He flinches at the bot’s name, he certainly felt guilty for being the creator of such chaos.

“Of course I do, who the fuck wouldn’t? I nearly ended the world when I ran that program and I should have said something to someone,” he says. She finds that curious, his anger at Steve and his acceptance that Steve was right in his conclusions about his communication skills or lack thereof.

“But you did talk to someone, Dr. Banner. I know that he is currently missing but surely you count your communication with him as something,” she says. Banner appeared to be the only Avenger who was not adverse to Tony. The two bonded over science and Tony’s lack of fear of him.

“Lot of good that did,” Tony mumbles.

“But you spoke to him and he agreed that it was a good enough idea to try,” she says.

“So what if I did? Everyone blamed me for it anyways, might as well take the blame. Bruce said it could go wrong and I didn’t listen, I should have.” He leans against the counter and sighs heavily, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“Just because your team blamed only you does not mean it was fair. It is not like they are lacking in recklessness and stupidity themselves. What kind of moron releases a brainwashed assassin onto the world? Steve Rogers is very lucky that seems to have had no consequences. And his taking the word of Bucky Barnes as proof of five other Winter Soldiers was not wise either, the man hardly knows what is real and what is not, he is still partially under the control of HYDRA conditioning. Only a fool would take the man’s word at face value. I believe that your holding off until you found real proof of the Winter Soldiers’ existence made you the most intelligent and clear headed of the group, at least in that moment. The rest of the team has far too much faith in a man who is living in nostalgia. Bucky Barnes does not, nor will he ever, exist again as Rogers knew him. He should accept that,” she says bluntly.

It was a harsh truth, yes, but a man would never be the same after a trauma like that. Rogers himself was more than likely not the same man he used to be so he should not expect Bucky to be. He should also accept the reality of that trauma on his friend because living in his memories was not going to help Bucky Barnes. Accepting reality, no matter how harsh, was the only way to help Barnes heal from his wounds. It would not be easy for anyone but it was the most beneficial.

“You… think I’m the smartest and most clear headed of the group?” Tony asks, looking beyond shocked.

“In that moment, yes. You are not without your mistakes but that was not one of them. Tell me more about why you chose to support the Accords,” she says.

This time Tony pauses for a long time and she lets him gather himself. It was important to make an accurate judgment. Finally Tony looks up, “Steve was right about listening to people. Sometimes I go too fast and I don’t think things through right, I’ve done it time and time again, even when I was supporting the Accords. I’ll make a snap decision that looks good at the time but I don’t talk to the people I’m supposed to be helping, I just make a decision and assume it’s for the best when it isn’t. I had one hundred and seventeen countries telling me to slow down and stop and I didn’t think that was something I should ignore. They weren’t making unreasonable requests, they just wanted a say in how we ran things and you can’t help people if you aren’t willing to listen to what they need you to do. I’ve learned that now,” he says.

“Rogers thinks the best hands are still your own, you do not agree?” she asks, curious.

Tony rolls his eyes, “no, he thinks the best hands are still _his_ own, not _our_ own regardless of what he says. You saw what happened when someone said no, it didn’t line up with his beliefs and instead of reaching out and asking to change things, or asking why things looked the way thy did he threw the whole damn thing out. Besides, if we’re talking histories here I have a near one hundred percent fail rate. The best hands aren’t my own so I thought maybe if I had someone else vetting my decisions they might be better but if that person isn’t Steve Rogers Steve doesn’t think it’s good enough.”

Harsh words, but they were mostly true. She, too, found the Captain too rigid in his values. “And the agendas he spoke of?” she asks. He was not wrong for being suspicious of the government. They were corrupt, as near all systems were outside of Wakanda and even there they had their issues.

At this Tony looks down, “I put too much faith in a system I know doesn’t really work that well. But we aren’t apolitical people, we know what the UN’s agendas were, they were clearly written on paper and we could have worked with that, used it to our advantage. But the fuck if I know what their agendas are. Natasha flip-flops more than a fucking fish out of water, so does Clint, I have no idea what Wanda’s thinking, you already know what I think of Steve, and Sam… well he’s an alright guy. I think he’s an idiot for following Steve around like a lost bird but he’s a good man. I know I made mistakes but that bullshit letter Steve sent me proves he doesn’t care.”

She did not read the letter so she is unsure what he is talking about, “would you care to explain?” she asks, trying to be gentle. The man was raw, in pain, and it was bound to end badly for him. She was sure she had her answers but she was curious about the letter and more information would not hurt.

“Oh he’s glad I’m back on the compound, obviously I moved back out, but he doesn’t like to think of me being alone because the Avengers were more mine than his. Pretty sure the fact that they’ve all always hated me minus maybe Bruce indicates that that’s a bunch of shit but whatever. And he has faith in people, in individuals? Really? Because I didn’t see any of that faith when people, individuals, were reaching out to us to talk to them and he slapped them down because what they wanted wasn’t what he wanted. And he’s _never_ had faith in me. _Never_. I find it really hard to accept that he gives a damn about hurting my feelings, especially when he’s always assumed that I didn’t have any. And his stupid ‘I wish we agreed on the Accords but we didn’t so fuck you’ at the end was a real nice touch. He might as well have wrote ‘lol everything before this was a joke because I don’t really care what you think was right, it wasn’t what I think is right so you’re wrong’. At least we can both agree that he was a selfish prick keeping my parents’ deaths to himself,” he mumbles.

So Tony Stark fell somewhere in between his public image and someone she did not know. He was clearly emotional, in pain, and that was not going to go well for him but he was not a bad person. He was not what the Avengers thought he was either. “You’re parents’ deaths?” she asks.

“Yeah, I mean I can’t keep secrets or so he reminded me about a million times with that Ultron bullshit, but he can keep the fact that Barnes killed my parents to himself. Guess all the shit I do is totally fine if he does the same damn thing. I don’t listen and accidentally create Ultron I’m a problem, and that’s fair, but he can ignore _the whole fucking world_ and that’s totally A-Okay with him. I can’t keep secrets, but it’s fine if he does. I can’t be suspicious of government structures without being labeled ‘insubordinate’ and ‘arrogant’ but when he does it it’s _fine_!” Tony yells, throwing his hands up. He gathers himself some and settles against the counter, “sorry about that, this isn’t your fault or your problem. Go tell your king that I’m not the soul mate type. I don’t have much of an interest in him anyways.”

Tony turns around, back to the fridge, and opens it to get a drink. It’s a clear dismissal and she did not stay where she was not welcome.

*

Tony had thought about it for a long time, at least for him anyways. He stayed in the compound for two weeks before he moved back out, giving up on a dream that was never going to be a reality. Never was a reality, even. He knew damn well what the team thought of him and he was done with it, done with people looking down on him without even _knowing_ him, or worse, deciding that if he wasn’t the one doing it the actions were totally fine. His whole damn life he’s had people tell him that he wasn’t good enough, that he’d never measure up. Howard reminded him near every five minutes he’d never be Steve but it turned out they had a lot more in common than anyone would have guessed. Not that he wanted to admit that.

At first when he got Steve’s letter he was happy, happy that he was being forgiven but then he started thinking about it. The more thinking he did the more it reminded him of that bullshit tape Howard left him when he was a kid, the one where he treats Tony like shit _at the time of filming_ and then goes on to say that he’d change the world and that he was Howard’s greatest creation. Like he was a _thing_ instead of a person. No wonder he and Steve liked each other so much, they were two peas in a pod. They fucking deserved each other, and so did the rest of the Avengers minus Sam. And kind of Scott, his idiot ass was just somewhere it shouldn’t be and if he was honest with himself, and these days he tried to be, Peter shouldn’t have been there either.

Hell, even Wanda was a little behind on all the things that led to the Accords, not that it mattered because the Avengers were no more. Tony was working on individual agreements with individual countries that wanted the option of Hero for Hire. He left contact open for any countries that had emergency situations and needed help but didn’t want him involved in much else. It was only fair after what he had done, what they had _all_ done.

That fucking airport mess that he got stuck cleaning up was proof enough that people had reason to be afraid, they had a superheroed spat in a fucking parking lot and caused millions in damage. He’d be scared too if he couldn’t fight back against that. But Steve knew best. So he gave up on that pipe dream and he threw that fucking insult of a phone into the ocean where it belonged. He burned the letter and Rhodey informed him that that was dramatic. He didn’t care. Even if Rhodey was kind of right.

And then T’Challa. When you met your soul mate you were supposed to see colors but Tony had always seen them. After countless visits to doctors and specialists they concluded that he either didn’t have a soul mate or that something was wrong with him. Howard figured it was Option Two and made sure he paid dearly for it. But when he met T’Challa, and he used that term loosely, he felt something. At the time he thought it was part of the anger and hurt fueling him in his rage against Bucky but later, when he had mentioned it to Rhodey he said that Tony probably met his soul mate. Except Tony didn’t _have_ one. It had felt right though, T’Challa being his soul mate, like when he finally got a math equation right.

It shouldn’t have surprised him when T’Challa didn’t show up but it stung like hell, knowing that once again someone liked Steve better than him. He spent his whole fucking life playing second fiddle to the guy and he hadn’t even been _around_ until Tony was in his late thirties. Christ that was sad. So that was it, he wasn’t playing second fiddle anymore; he wasn’t going to be someone’s second best. He couldn’t take any more of that.

“Hey,” Rhodey says, “you okay?” He looks worried and he shouldn’t be, Tony isn’t the one who was never going to walk again without assistance. Rhodey was getting better at assisted walking, he’d be able to use crutches soon, but not for an extended period of time. It made more sense to remain in the wheel chair most of the time. And that was Tony’s fault too and he would admit that.

“I’m fine, Rhodes. Want pizza?” he asks, mustering up a smile for him.

Rhodey looks skeptical for a moment but eventually smiles back, “can we watch Stark Trek?” he asks,

“You know it,” Tony says, smiling for real this time. He orders the pizza and makes sure Rhodey is comfortably settled on the couch before throwing on the movie and settling himself.

When FRIDAY informs him that someone was at the door he assumes it’s the pizza guy so he tells her to let them in without paying much attention. He doesn’t even notice when the pizza guy doesn’t ask for money because he’s more focused on the plot of the movie. “I am rather fond of Star Trek too,” someone says from behind him and the sudden _zing_ Tony feels tells him who it is.

He turns slowly towards T’Challa, hoping to hell that maybe the pizza guy also happened to be his soul mate or something. No such luck, T’Challa was standing there looking down at him with an almost… fond? expression on his face. “That’s… nice,” Tony says awkwardly.

Rhodey looks back and forth between the two, “uh, I’ll… need some help to leave room but then I’ll go,” he says. Tony wants to tell him to stay but T’Challa is already offering his assistance and Tony has the urge to flee but he didn’t know where he would go, plus he wasn’t running from his own damn home.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Firstly, thanks to much for the huge response to this story! I did not expect that and it was nice to get all the lovely kudos and comments. Also, thanks for all the lovely opinions and such on how you all viewed the chapter! 
> 
> Now as for warnings... everyone has mental health problems, this chapter is very angsty. And I have come to the conclusion that this is going to be a beast of a story, I'm 11K in and I haven't even touched on most of the issues I want to touch on so. Hope you're all along for the ride!

With Rhodey gone Tony feels ten times more uncomfortable, his skin feels hot and sticky and his head hurts with the quickly forming migraine over his right eye. He stands up and walks a few paces away to try and out some distance between himself and T’Challa, rubbing the space over his eye as he goes. Out of the corner of his eye he can see the brief flash of hurt on T’Challa’s features but Tony didn’t abandon him first, he had no right to look hurt. “Tony,” T’Challa says softly, reaching out slightly. Tony shies away even though he’s several feet away from T’Challa’s hand. This time when the hurt crosses his features it doesn’t go anywhere. “I don’t know why you look so upset, you already made your disinterest clear, you don’t get to look at me like I hurt you.” It comes out harsher than he intends but he doesn’t regret it. The statement was true and that wasn’t his problem. If T’Challa didn’t like it than maybe he shouldn’t have dropped Tony like a hot potato only to look sad when Tony didn’t like him much.

“That isn’t-” T’Challa starts and Tony cuts him off.

“Yeah, it is whether you want to acknowledge it or not. I don’t hear from you in over a month and the first sign you’re even remotely interested in me is one of your Dora Milaje breaking into my house. No offense but none of that makes me feel particularly warm and fuzzy inside,” he snaps. And he gets it, sort of, T’Challa had a country to run and he would have been far more understanding if he didn’t go out of his way to make accommodations for Steve and his Marry Band of Assholes. Whoever said that soul mates were supposed to be the people who understood you the best were clearly delusional because T’Challa had the opposite of a good understanding of Tony.

“There were things I needed to settle-”

“Like Steve? Wakanda I get, I’m not an idiot, clearly I’m not more important than a country full of people. But you went out of your way to settle Steve and the rest of the Avengers so clearly you had _some_ time to do things that didn’t necessarily pertain to your country’s safety. Actually considering the fact that they’re all wanted on international charges of _treason_ it actively puts Wakanda in danger. I mean come on; you’ve proven you’re more willing to put your country in danger hiding criminals than contact me. Then you show up looking hurt and upset like _I’m_ the one who’s done something wrong. So, please tell me where in that I’m to draw any sort of message that I have any importance to you?” He wasn’t wrong and he wasn’t going to accept T’Challa’s bullshit excuses either. If he had an interest in his soul mate he had ample time to show it and instead his Dora Milaje showed more interest than the actual king.

That stung more than Tony would like to admit. Sure, maybe he never thought he had a soul mate and maybe he didn’t think he deserved one but fuck, he didn’t need to know his soul mate felt the same way. “I admit my priorities were not where they should have been,” T’Challa says, drawing Tony’s attention back to him, “but I promise you that isn’t a lack of interest.”

He considers this for a moment, considers the events that led up to this moment. “I don’t believe you,” he says bluntly, “now get out.” For a moment Tony is sure T’Challa is going to open his mouth to argue but instead he deflates some and nods, turning on his heel and walking away. Tony lets out a sharp breath, trying his best to ignore the pain in his chest and arm as he slides to the ground, wrapping his arms around his legs and resting his head on his knees. He feels hallow and empty and he doesn’t know why because T’Challa only did what Tony told him to.

Sometime later he feels a hand on his shoulder and he looks up to find Rhodey leaning over him somewhat awkwardly considering the chair. He drops his head back to his knees and Rhodey rubs small circles on his back like he used to when Tony was too young to be playing adult.

*

Since finding Tony T’Challa has found so much beauty in the smallest of things, entranced by the new technicolor of his world. Everything was new, fresh, even things he’s grown up with for years. He had no idea that the floors in his home, for example, were red granite. They looked stunning and he’s spent a lot of time staring at them. The trees outside were so _vivid_ in their green, Natasha’s hair a bright orange; his clothing was an array of colors. When he first noticed the colors it was Tony that was the brightest, the metal of his suit gleaming bright red and gold but in that moment he hadn’t care about much else but killing Bucky Barnes.

He could see that he was being foolish now, childish. He should not have tried to exact revenge on Barnes in the first place and when he saw Tony he should have said something. Maybe not in that exact moment but he stuck around afterwards to see his friend safely off, and even with Rhodes off to the hospital he stuck around to see the damage he caused at the airport. He paid for the all the damage and T’Challa was not certain what happened after that because he had left to complete his mission. He had only stuck around as long as he had because he had allowed himself a few moments to observe his soul mate, to see what he was like. And then he attached himself to the man knowing that Tony had a far better chance of finding Barnes than he did. He very much doubted that Tony would approve of his methods.

What he saw, though, informed him that there was something wrong with the image of Tony Stark as others saw him. He watched as Stark sat with Rhodey, talking to him the whole time until the paramedics showed up. He watched as Sam sat off to the Side, quietly observing the two before flying away as the siren lights became visible. Tony did not speak to him but he did not do more than hit him with the repulsor once after he landed. It would have been easy to blame Sam for Rhodes’ fall, and to kill him for it considering Sam stuck around but he did not. Instead he made it difficult for Sam to follow Steve by hitting him with the repulsor and ignored him afterwards. Then he helped the paramedics carefully pull Rhodey from the suit to properly assess the damage.

T’Challa expected him to leave with Rhodes but he didn’t, instead he stayed to evaluate the damage and paid for damages that he was not the sole cause of. None of his observations lined up with the image of the selfish, crass billionaire who had no interest in the safety of others. That was not even considering that at no point until the bunker did he observe Tony using excessive force. But he did not have the knowledge to properly assess what happened in the bunker. Whatever Tony might have been before Iron Man was irrelevant now, and whoever he had been before Ultron seemed to matter little now too. What was left was a broken man that T’Challa got to see in full color reject him and that _hurt_.

Perhaps it was foolish of him but he thought that Tony would be… he wasn’t sure exactly what he was expecting but he hadn’t expected to be met with such suspicion and vitriol. Steve had been certain that he had smoothed things over though Okoye had given him a look that suggested he was delusional. Like a fool he had assumed that the Captain was right only because that suited his needs better than Okoye’s obvious distrust in that statement. Now he was paying the price for it. Maybe he bought too much into those stories he was read as a child where the soul mates lived happily ever after always. Shuri had always been suspicious of the tales, always asking question like ‘what if one died before they met?’ and ‘well what if one was colorblind?’. Maybe he should have been suspicious too, Tony certainly was.

It had hurt to see the way Tony flinched away from him even when he was so far away, eyes focused on his hand like he might manage to touch him despite being several feet away. He was tense and hurt, T’Challa could see his restricted breaths, but what was worse was that Tony didn’t seem to notice this himself. Like he was so used to being hurt and in pain that it was commonplace in his life. T’Challa did not want that for his soul mate, or anyone else really, but especially not Tony. The biggest source of pain, though, was knowing that he had caused much of the hurt that Tony felt. When he had found the Captain and Bucky he had asked about Tony but he was informed that Tony had found a way out and he had no reason to disbelieve the Captain. Now he wondered how true that was if Tony felt so betrayed.

Logically he knew that he should have checked himself, that it would not have taken long. But he had been preoccupied with Zemo and his guilt over having tried to kill the wrong man for some time. He felt he owed it to Bucky to help him and by extension the Captain too. When he was informed that Tony was fine it was said with finality and sureness that T’Challa had believed for what he now recognized was no reason. He had been too caught up in his own emotions, his grief, his guilt, and his hurt. It had not occurred to him that Tony must have been feeling at least some of those things too, that he needed the same kind of care and support that T’Challa had when he went home. Now he realized that he left his soul mate hanging in a near support-less environment, and worse, Tony assumed that he cared about everyone _but_ him.

The rest of the Avengers coming to Wakanda had not been his initial plan but they were battling the law and he did not see their imprisonment as lawful. Regardless of what Hawkeye said T’Challa did not believe that Tony found it lawful either. Signing the Accords was not meant to sign away the basic human rights of the Avengers or Tony would not have signed. Besides, T’Challa himself had read the Accords all the way through and while he did not, like the Captain, like the politics that surrounded the situation he was not enough of a fool to assume that he was without politics and agendas himself.

The Accords also made no mention of jailing the Avengers in an underwater prison should they break the law, of course the corrupt government system broke their own laws to do that. There was no mention of Wanda at all, which T’Challa had not initially made any note of until he learned of her conditions in the prison. Of course the law would skirt around what to do with an enhanced person, he had assumed the vagueness of the law was because of the various special accommodations each Avenger would require. Tony in particular should not be allowed access to any technology, for example. The man managed to blow himself out of a cave with nothing but scrap metal and a broken heart, he would break out of a jail in far less time with any sort of resources at all. Of course the government used that vagueness as an excuse to violate Wanda’s basic human rights and while T’Challa was disappointed he was not surprised. It had not made Tony wrong, it made the system wrong and the Avengers were not making the distinction.

But then it was clear from Tony’s reaction to him that this was not new, even within the Avengers. T’Challa was aware of the abuse Tony suffered with his father, the abuse his mother suffered too. He could not imagine what that was like as his own father was very involved in his life, always supportive. He nurtured T’Challa and Shuri always, and Hunter for the brief time he was around. It was difficult to imagine any other life but the one he had and he was glad for it. But Tony, he had suffered greatly and T’Challa was not certain anyone saw how damaged he was. Wanda once pointed out that Tony had everything she never did, a family, a home, money, power.

The problem with that line of thinking was that Tony had no home, he had a space he was forced to share with an abuser. When he was at school he was in a space where he was forced to be an adult, and when he was in public he was in a space where he was forced to put on a show. Wanda thought he had power and maybe he did now, but he did not when he was young. Howard Stark had all that money and power before and T’Challa would be unsurprised if it was used as a weapon against Tony. So Tony used it as a weapon too, because he knew nothing else and had no one to teach him otherwise until Afghanistan. All it took was contact with one person who cared and seeing, feeling, the effects of his weapons for himself for Tony to change his tune. He has abused his power yes, but T’Challa had to wonder how much of that was Tony and how much of that was his business partner.

Clearly Tony had no interest in the care of others, at least not by Wanda’s standards, before Iron Man, but it wasn’t hard to look at his interviews. Tony was a dreamer of the highest caliber if he truly believed his weapons were never used in faulty wars by a corrupt government, but he seemed to believe his own words nonetheless. His suspicion of authority was curious in that respect given that he seemed to have unwavering faith while also remaining heavily skeptical. But T’Challa knew that people were often contradictory, he himself spent a lot of time running in circles reconciling seemingly opposite opinions. It was not that Tony was uninterested in helping, he had plenty of interest, it was that he had no clue _how_. This is something that becomes a reoccurring theme as a hero, but he was never unwilling to help. And he was rarely unwilling to listen, at least so long as he trusted the source. The problem with that was that he was given no reason to trust anyone and it showed. Unfortunately people assumed that was arrogance rather than some very clear and obvious trust issues.

Another seemingly obvious problem in the logic he has encountered of Tony so far, particularly pre-Iron Man Tony, was his obvious alcohol addiction. Later this is replaced with PTSD, but in both cases everyone around him was obviously lost of how to deal with his mental health issues and what was worse was that the media treated his alcoholism as a funny quirk. Someone so unused to positive attention was likely to repeat a behavior that garners positive attention again to get the same effects. Tony repeated the pattern so much that he became dependent on the substance and by then he treated his problem as a personality quirk too. But that disappeared after Afghanistan; at least until he started dying and people reacted badly to that too.

T’Challa understood why, Tony was acting like a moron and an ass but one had to wonder _why_ when his life was seemingly better than ever before. His business was fully recovered and had the highest profits he had ever seen, he was in a stable romantic relationship, his visits with Rhodes were frequent and regular, and he was a well-respected hero. There was no obvious reason for him to go off the rails and instead of finding the stressor that sent him into a violent relapse people punished him for being an addict. It was T’Challa’s firm opinion that they could have addressed Tony’s out of control and stupid behavior without chastising him for his addiction, in fact that was the _only_ way to go about addressing the situation in his opinion. He understood why people reacted the way that they did, but their reactions required them to completely overlook Tony’s mental health issues, and then shame him for having them. That did not fix the problem, it exacerbated it.

Knowing all this it was not a surprise that Tony was suspicious, that he had trust issues, and that he was unwilling to think anyone cared about him. Even his closest friends abandoned him when he needed them the most, leaving only his machinery for him to lean on and Ultron ruined his faith in that. So Tony put too much faith in a corrupt government and _that_ failed too and now he had nothing, not even his own mind because he lost that too. A few times, actually. T’Challa rubs his temples and sighs because the chances of Tony trusting him at all at any point were almost none.

But, no, Tony was a dreamer of the highest caliber. Every time he got knocked down he got back up again, and again, and again, and as many more times as he needed to in order to succeed. T’Challa marvels at the strength it must take to get back up after losing everything you thought was certain in life several times over. He lost his father and his mind once and he had had a hard time coming back from that. It was still difficult to leave his bed, to run his country like he was supposed to because some days the grief was too much still. He could not imagine how Tony managed to not only to leave his bed every morning, but how he managed to achieve such high success, and how he continued to grow with such hostile conditions.

It was his hope that one day he could grow to be even as half as strong as Tony Stark must be to not give up when he believed he was doing what was right.

*

Tony was eating the left over pizza when FRIDAY informs him that Peter Parker is at the door and that she went ahead and let him in. He thanks the AI nicely because she was finally starting to pick up on cues and learn. It’s been so long since JARVIS was first made that he can’t remember if he took this long to learn things or not. All he had was a dead companion that knew his every need at all times and adjusting to FRIDAY had been difficult. She was doing well though; she picked up patterns in the suit fast and was very helpful in the field. It was the home that she had problems in because his moves were far less predictable for her. She was getting there though, learning to read his body language and interpret it like JARVIS had before her.

He vowed that he was going to hate FRIDAY with a vengeance but she was growing on him, and she was learning to sass back. Honestly it was exciting to watch his progeny learn and grow, he forgot how nice it felt because it’s been so long since he made a project like this, one that would benefit him more than anyone else.

“Uh, hey, Mister Stark,” Peter’s nervous voice pulls him from his thoughts. “I uh, sort of broke the goggles fighting Villain of the Week, you know how it is,” he jokes, shifting around nervously. “So… could you fix them? I mean you don’t have to I guess, I could maybe do it myself. Probably. Actually probably not I have no clue how they work I tried to take them apart to figure them out and almost busted them myself so I just left them, I am _so_ sorry. Uh, gunna stop talking now.”

It was amazing how the kid was so confident in the middle of a fight and so nervous everywhere else. Tony grins though, “of course you wanted to know how they work, that makes sense. I wouldn’t have been mad if that’s how they ended up broken anyways, taking things apart and putting them back together fosters imagination. I’m not to type to crush that,” he says, sliding off the stool to take a look at the goggles. Peter lets out a breath, releasing some of the pent up tension in his frame and Tony was glad for it. He didn’t want the kid to feel uncomfortable around him and having a nasty case of hero worship would do that. He’d know, his own childhood hero had turned out to be a colossal disappointment that nearly took off his head because _he_ kept things from Tony. So he figured he should be a less disappointing hero to this kid because realizing the person you looked up to was a fucking liar and a cheat sucked.

“The hell did your villain _do_?” he asks, examining the mangled goggles.

“I don’t even know man, there was a lot of being thrown around and, at some point there was a subway car, and _birds_. It wasn’t pretty,” Peter says, shaking his head with wide eyes.

He snickers, “well then. Guess at least you haven’t run into Doombots yet, those things suck. I actually have a new design I’ve been working on for these so I can hand those off while I fix these, if you want,” Tony says.

Peter lights up and Tony almost flinches at the kid’s excitement, “that’d be _great_!” he says enthusiastically. When he first found the kid he’d been in a panic, trying to find a way to bring Steve in without hurting anyone, least of all Steve himself. He’d been keeping an eye on the kid for sometime before that but it had taken time to connect Spider Man to Peter Parker and then he fucked up on his age too. He assumed, for whatever reason, the kid was in college and it turned out he was a tad ten years younger but he was already _there_ and Peter’s skills were useful. Of course he hadn’t anticipated that Steve would drop a fucking metal box on the kid without having any idea what he could handle. Ironically that’s probably the only time Tony could think of where Steve had total faith in him- why else would he have done that? Clearly he assumed that Tony picked up a kid that could handle himself.

Granted Peter shouldn’t have been there to begin with, he was too young and while Tony had no say in what the kid did in his spare time he shouldn’t have gone around dragging him into shit. But, in his defense, he thought that Steve would have Barnes and maybe Sam with him. He had no clue that Steve had called in Clint, who had gone and got Scott and Wanda. Tony figured it’d be him, Natasha, Peter, Steve, Bucky, and maybe Sam. Vision was there with Peter for backup, both of them with useful but untapped powers so they were meant to be last resorts. Had Vision not joined them late he could have anticipated the extra people but he hadn’t so Tony had no idea. So instead they ended up main fucking players and Peter nearly got hurt, and Vision accidentally paralyzed Rhodey. And then there was the added addition of T’Challa that Tony hadn’t been expecting and with Steve running at him with three unanticipated people and then Natasha siding with Steve out of fucking nowhere he had no time for soul mates.

Natasha had called him arrogant for not siding with Steve too, acting like he should have put any sort of faith in the word of a brainwashed man who had just reverted back to his Winter Soldier state. What kind of idiot would put any faith in that? Steve, he got Steve, of _course_ he would do anything, believe anything, his old best friend had to say. Tony knew he was having trouble adjusting to life here in the modern age given that everything he loved was gone now, Tony knew what it was like to lose everything, and he knew how hard he’d cling to what little he had left too. But Natasha? What the _hell_ was that? A lack of faith in him because she assumed that that one party she was at when he had been dying and panicking and out of control defined him. He hated her for that, really, for being a _world class_ spy and she _still_ couldn’t see through his shield. He had no idea if that made her a bad spy or him a really, _really_ good actor and at this point he didn’t give a damn.

Peter squints at him a little and he realizes it’s taken too long for him to respond, “sorry, thinking of designs,” he lies smoothly and bless him, the kid falls for it easily. They needed to have a talk about not believing everything you heard but he’d do that later. “I’ll grab the goggles and you… eat some of the left over pizza or something, you’re too skinny,” he says, gesturing to the pizza. Peter spies it and practically attacks it with a level of enthusiasm that only a hungry fifteen year old possessed. Tony leaves him to it while he goes down to the lab to get the updated goggles. So he had no control over what Peter did as Spider Man, and Tony wouldn’t even _try_ to tell the kid to stop, he had good motivation and he was fifteen. He remembered, vaguely, what it was like to be fifteen with all this potential and motivation and he had _loathed_ when people acted like he was a kid.

Didn’t matter than he _was_ a kid, he didn’t see it that way and he doubted Peter did as well. He was a good kid and he was doing good things, so Tony figured instead of trying to play the role of ‘I’m The Adult So I Know You Better Than You Know Yourself Because Reasons’ he would make sure the kid was safe doing what he did. Or about as safe as he could be. With all that potential and goodness the kid was bound to do great things and Tony wasn’t going to squash that on him by trying to control him. He’s been there and it wasn’t fun, so maybe Peter was far too young to be playing hero and maybe he couldn’t make an accurate prediction as to how this was going to affect his life long term, but he _did_ know how he felt now and that was important. It wasn’t his place, or anyone else’s, to try and tell Peter how he should be feeling now or ever just because he was young. He could figure that out for himself.

When he returns with the new goggles Rhodey has exited his room, probably drawn out by the noise, and he’s sitting with Peter at the table surrounded by books. Homework, probably, because Peter was young enough to care about such things. Rhodey was helping him with it and that was just wholesome. Peter looks at his books in confusion and Rhodey is gently explaining things to him, pointing to different things on the page and Tony’s heart squeezes a little seeing Rhodey look so invested. Since the accident depression has hit him hard and Rhodey had no clue what it was. He wasn’t outwardly affected by the loss of his legs; he had accepted it faster than Tony would have, but he was still having trouble with his newfound dependence on people.

Rhodey has always been very independent, his mother used to have so much pride in that before she passed. She had always been so proud of how her son almost never needed help, and more than that he helped others too. Boy had she hated Tony when he first came around. Her independent, smart, and talented Rhodey had been arrested within a week of knowing Tony and she had _not_ been impressed. But she grew to love him once she seemed to clue in to his home life or lack thereof. And of course she couldn’t possibly chide Rhodey for finding someone who was falling behind in so many ways and trying to help him out just like always.

But he didn’t have that now, not in the way that he felt mattered, and his dependence on Tony rather than the other way around was throwing him so far off his usually steady-minded game. It was worse because he had no clue that the feeling he had was depression and that it wasn't about to go away any time soon. Tony knew better than to bring it up. Rhodey didn’t exactly have a comprehensive knowledge of mental illness like Tony did, and Tony has had more than enough discussions to know that Rhodey halfassed didn’t believe mental illness was a real thing. That was probably why he’s always reacted so negatively to Tony’s own problems, because Rhodey’s solutions were clear-cut and obvious to him and he didn’t understand Tony’s compulsive self-destructive tendencies. Only now the mental illness was his own and he was so lost in that feeling of despair and his usual ‘work hard and get over it’ method wasn’t working.

He was working hard, very hard, and sometimes he even managed to take a step or two without assistance. But it wasn’t making that feeling go away and he didn’t understand why. Tony figured he’d leave that for Rhodey to figure out, or for him to talk to Tony about later. It was only a matter of time before Rhodey mentioned it to him anyways and Tony knew to tread lightly. In the meantime it was heartwarming to see Rhodey helping Peter out with his homework and laughing when Peter made some snarky comment to cover his frustration at his inability to get whatever was in front of him. Tony could relate.

After a few moments Peter spots him and jumps a little, covering the nervous tick quickly with a joke. “I can, uh, go if you want,” he says and Tony doesn’t miss the dejected look on Rhodey’s face.

“Nah,” he says, setting the goggles on the table beside Peter’s books, “finish your homework at the very least. If you want I can call your aunt May and tell her where you are,” he says with a wink.

Peter wrinkles his nose, “eww, please stop hitting on my aunt, it’s painful to watch,” he says.

Rhodey laughs, shaking his head, “good luck getting him to stop now,” he says, grinning. Peter lets out a long drawn out groan, throwing his head back dramatically like a proper teenager. Tony can’t help but smile at him, astounded that a kid that young could have his shit together so much. He was an impressive kid and Tony felt lucky to know him.

They end up ordering Chinese and watching some cheesy eighties horror movie and Peter accidentally webs the T.V when a jump scare freaks him out, causing him to apologize profusely while Tony and Rhodey pissed themselves laughing.


	3. Chapter 3

Tony was almost so distracted with the task at hand that he almost missed the sudden flush of his body, mistaking it for an adrenaline rush until he turns his head. It was funny; his whole life he’s seen in color and when he met his soul mate is hadn’t mattered anyways because he was wearing all black. Tony can’t help but think the little cat ears on the top of T’Challa’s helmet were cute but then his soul mate doesn’t look back, doesn’t look interested in him at all and Tony tracks his sightline. Bucky.

Figures, he goes his whole life believing he had no soul mate and when he finally finds his he isn’t even interested enough to spare him a glance and Tony _knows_ he’s noticed. He would have seen the color leak into the world, unlike Tony, and yet he was focused on Barnes. It isn’t until later, when Ross says something, that he realizes his soul mate was King T’Challa and he was focused on his father’s murderer. He would have forgiven the understandable lack of focus on him if it weren’t for his complete lack of interest later.

He wakes up with a start, rubbing his temples, annoyed with the stupid dream that seemed to be there more than it wasn’t these days. Someone touches his side and he almost freaks out before he remembers that he brought someone home last night, right, and that was the guy he dragged out of some stupid event he had to go to in order to look good. He fucking hated appearances but they were necessary these days and he had to make sure the Avengers still had a good name whether or not he believed the rumors he was spreading. He gives his one night stand a pretty smile and makes sure to be distracting enough that nothing looks amiss.

*

T’Challa sits across from Steve, intent on getting his answers so he could figure this mess with Tony out. He got the distinct feeling that he was walked into the middle of a hornet’s nest with no protection and no idea that that nest was even there. Steve looks away, out of guilt T’Challa is sure, and he notes the movement in an attempt to gauge what exactly was going on here. “ _What_ happened in that bunker?” T’Challa asks again, more intent this time.

“Look, I know how this is going to sound-” Steve starts and T’Challa cuts him off.

“That does not sound promising. Explain,” he says shortly, annoyed with this cat and mouse game. Steve needed to accept that he was the mouse here.

Steve sighs and pinches his nose, “where do you want me to start?” he asks.

“Preferably from the beginning. I only caught the tail end of the conversation, just enough to know that Zemo killed my father and that Tony was not happy with you.” He could still see the hurt on Tony’s face so clearly, dreamed about it more often than he’d like to, before he slammed his hand into Steve’s face but that was when he had taken off. Last he saw of all three of them before he found Steve and Bucky limping out of the bunker was Tony intent on killing them both but _why_? Especially considering how he was handling the press. T’Challa knew that Tony was not happy with the Avengers, any of them, but especially Steve and yet he rarely indicated this to the public. He was an expert in avoiding giving his personal opinion and when he did the answers were short and spoken with minimal annoyance. It was a far cry from what T’Challa had seen in his brief time in Tony’s company and he wanted to know why.

So Steve explains Zemo’s speech, his showing Tony a video of his own parents’ death and T’Challa winces hard, knowing how it feels to watch a parent die. Expect he was not lucky enough to see it through a screen. And then, according to Steve Tony lost it but T’Challa knows that isn’t quite true, “no, he asked you something first. I saw that bit, he was still calm, what did you say? What did _he_ say?” he asks. He had been turning away by the time Tony had hit Steve and that seemed… contrary to the calm that had been there seconds before.

“He asked if I knew,” Steve says and he looks away, telling T’Challa that he did without him having to ask. “I said that I didn’t and he told me not to bullshit him so I said that I suspected but-”

“So you lied to his face after he _watched his parents get murdered_?” T’Challa says, tone sharper than he means it to be. He takes a breath to steady himself, to contain the anger that was rising up. That would not do anyone any good, least of all him.

“I didn’t know for sure and-”

“You watched what remained of your best friend kill his parents, watched him watch that, and you found it acceptable to _lie_ because of a _technicality_? I am sorry Captain but that is unacceptable, you have lost everything, I would have assumed you of all people would know how much it would hurt to have someone _lie_ to you about loss. How long did you know?” he snaps. He curls his fist into a ball and lets it go after a moment, taking another steadying breath in an attempt to gain some control.

“Roughly two years, a little more,” he says quietly. T’Challa’s hand curl into a fist again and he takes a deep breath despite the fact that it did little to calm him now.

“You knew for _years_ and you said _nothing_? How could you look him in the eye knowing that his parents’ death was not an accident as he believed? How could you have accepted his resources? His care? You are despicable,” he snarls, shoving himself out of his chair and marching a few paces away. He was being unreasonable he knew, letting his own experiences color how he viewed Steve. Death was difficult, he knew, and it was unlikely that Steve knew how to handle such a situation but he could not help but feel that he should have at least _tried_. Or, at the very least, he should have owned up to his mistakes when Tony asked him the first time. There was no reason to lie then, aside from trying to save his own skin. No wonder Tony backhanded him like that.

“T’Challa,” Steve says and he can hear him get out of his own chair, taking a few steps closer.

He turns quickly and Steve freezes where he is, tensed as if he was expecting an attack. Given Tony’s reaction perhaps the action was not completely unwarranted. “You know loss, better than anyone else on your team, arguably better than most living people, and yet you toy with loss because it makes you uncomfortable to tell the truth? Imagine how Tony felt to have found out a friend was willing to lie to him for years, and then again to his face, about the death of his parents.” He shakes his head; surprised that Steve of all people would do something like this. T’Challa would have assumed that having experienced so much loss himself would know better than to lie about something so important. And the death of a _parent_ , T’Challa swallows his tears, doing his best to not think of his father. If he were Tony he would have been livid though not at Bucky. But he did watch the man kill his parents and knowing what he knew about Tony before that incident happened it was not a surprise that he hit a breaking point.

“I know, I already apologized,” Steve says softly.

T’Challa shakes his head slowly, “Okoye spoke to him, she says that Tony was rather insulted by your apology, which makes me curious as to what you said.” In the space of two weeks Tony lost his girlfriend, almost lost his best friend permanently, lost almost his entire team, he perceived the loss of his soul mate, and he found out that his parents were murdered and that one of his closest friends lied to him for years about it. T’Challa had a hard time believing that Steve could make all that _worse_ but Okoye insisted that the letter certainly made this situation worse. Steve explains the letter, thankfully without prompting, and T’Challa takes a moment to digest it, to try and see the letter from Tony’s point of view.

It does not take him long to find the problems with it. “You realize there is a difference between apologizing for hurting someone and saying that you are sorry that they were hurt by your actions, right? One is genuine and the other is backhanded and absolves the person making the apology of all responsibility for hurting that person’s feelings. You did not apologize to him; you proved to him that you have no interest in anyone’s feelings but your own. And Bucky, though the letter was not what proved that. So you fought, what happened after that, when did Tony leave?” When T’Challa had last looked back the man was hell bent on killing Steve and Bucky, though T’Challa was sure he was more focused on Bucky. He wondered where that interest was now that he has calmed some. Surely he realized that Bucky was not truly at fault here? He hoped so given that he was currently storing the man in the basement.

Steve looks at the ground again and T’Challa wonders how the man managed to get through life being so easy to read. Or perhaps he felt guilty because T’Challa was clearly so angry with him. “I don’t know when he left,” Steve says and T’Challa’s eyebrows shoot up because this was not the story he was given when they left. “I… he’s clearly fine,” Steve reasons.

“He is very far from fine, Captain, what happened before you left?” Something Steve was not comfortable telling him if his avoidance of the subject was any indication.

“I… he… I managed to gain control in a manner of speaking and I broke off his helmet, left him exposed. Then I crushed the arc reactor with the shield and left, leaving the shield there with him,” Steve says. T’Challa waits for more, specifically the part where Tony left just fine like Steve told him he did but it doesn’t come.

“And how did he get out?” he finally asks. Steve had to know; he wouldn’t just _leave_ a teammate there with such a high risk of death, right?

“He… I don’t know but he obviously managed, he’s fine now,” Steve says somewhat helplessly.

“You _left_ him there? The reactor, that is what powers his suit, yes?” he asks and Steve nods, “so you left him there with no way to protect himself, no way to get back home, and for all you know HYDRA agents could have stormed in and killed him at any second,” he says slowly, trying to make sure he got this situation right. Because he has seen Steve with his team, it was hard to believe that he would just _leave_ one of them behind like this. Even Scott Lang, a very, _very_ recent addition was treated with a large amount of respect; surely Steve would not have simply left Tony like that.

Steve clenches his jaw, “he tried to kill Bucky, it wasn’t even his fault that he killed Tony’s parents and he wasn’t seeing reason!”

“Who sees reason in the face of death!” T’Challa yells before he tempers himself, “you did not try and kill me and I tried to kill Bucky. In fact here you are, accepting my help. Please, inform me of the difference between my grief and Tony’s?”

“That’s different,” Steve says immediately and T’Challa clenches his jaw. “Tony’s had almost two decades to process his parents’ death, your father just died right in front of you. And you had no idea about Bucky’s past,” Steve says almost gently, like he was trying to comfort T’Challa. He found the action patronizing but he quells his annoyance, knowing it was biased.

“Tony delivered a speech to a bunch of kids at MIT not two weeks before full well admitting that he did not process his parents death well if at all. And then he toyed with his brain to recreate a memory so he could reenact it with an ending that made him feel less guilty about whatever his last words to his parents were and you think his grieving process was over? Perhaps if you had no idea what he was doing I would believe that but you lived with the man, and you knew about that speech, so you full well know that your opinion on Tony’s grief is false. Even if you did not, you cannot expect a man to watch his parents die when he thought their deaths were an accident to respond to _reason_. Death and grief does not know reason, you know that, it’s likely why you made the stupid decision to leave Tony behind after nearly loosing Bucky again. The fact that you stand by that decision is questionable at best. And so you know I full well knew about Bucky’s past, I did not care. I wanted my father’s murderer dead because that is what grief does, why you expect Tony to act with more reason than either of us did I have no idea. Do enlighten me.”

He watches Steve closely, noting the way he clenches his jaw before looking away briefly. “You don’t know Tony, you Highness, he doesn’t respond to reason _ever_. He just does whatever the hell he wants, it wouldn’t have mattered when I told him about Bucky the results would have been the same.” Steve sounds frustrated, annoyed, and T’Challa knows that he did not look at any of his other teammates this way, including the constantly insubordinate Clint Barton. The man had a S.H.I.E.L.D record twice as long at Tony’s, which was impressive considering Tony was genuinely a danger to national security and has proven that by hacking various government systems several times. Most of those times were to ensure that Rhodey had a week off to come visit, which T’Challa thought was a clever show of power, if irresponsible. The military stopped being so understanding of finding Tony Stark in their systems when he stopped making weapons for them so Tony responded by hacking their systems twice as often. T’Challa had found that amusing though that was mostly because he rather disliked the American military.

“You did not listen to the entire world telling you to sign the Accords. Clint has proven himself insubordinate more than any other S.H.I.E.L.D agent to date, Natasha has alternative agendas more often than she does not, and all you know about Scott Lang is his name. It seems contrary for you to judge Tony for not listening to orders when none of you do, which is why governments were pushing for the Accords to begin with, might I add.” He raises an eyebrow in question, curious as to why Steve accepted the behaviors Tony exhibited so long as it was not Tony who exhibited them.

“That’s different, the Accords were attached to political agendas that I didn’t want, that Tony shouldn’t have wanted. He should know better than to trust governments, he never has before-”

“Which you heavily criticized him for until you started to distrust the government too,” T’Challa points out, “and you’ve never criticized Natasha for her distrust in the government either.”

“You can’t possibly think Tony was right, your Highness,” Steve says, just a bit of an undercurrent to his voice indicating that he was judging T’Challa on his answer. He did not appreciate such judgment.

“I believe Tony was more correct than you. Yes, the government systems are corrupt and they are not to be trusted and yes, Tony did not take that into account. But you did not take his reasoning for believing in that system into account either, content to ignore his feelings in favor of focusing on your own. I find it amusing that you mention agendas when you had your own agenda throughout this whole ordeal: Bucky Barnes. Do not speak to me about how agendas can go wrong when your own went disastrously enough to destroy an airport at the very least. Which Tony paid for, in case you did not know. We are not above politics, Captain, whether you would like to believe it or not. It is arrogant to assume that any one person can be apolitical. It is also considerably terrifying that you think any group of people should have _unlimited_ power. I understand your distrust in government systems, but I do not understand how you could think yourself apolitical and all powerful.”

As much as he wished it were possible to be apolitical it was not reflective of reality. But by virtue of living in a world of inequality every person was living in a political body that informed their view of the world. While T’Challa did not approve of Tony’s excess of trust in the system he did approve of Tony, the least likely candidate according to Steve, choosing to reach out and listen to the voices of the world. And yet he did not listen to reason.

“That… it isn’t… it’s not the same. Bucky needed help and I think I can make better decisions than the government, look what they did in New York,” Steve finally stutters out.

“So I am learning. Though it is worth it to note that Tony offered to help Bucky, and he was the one who saved New York. From what I have gathered you have no issues with any of Tony’s behaviors, all of your team has exhibited one or more of the same traits on multiple occasions and you do not have a lack of respect for them. You have a problem with Tony, not his behavior and he knows it. He does not have respect for you because you lack respect for him, and even then I doubt that he had a complete lack of respect for you. Natasha told me that he spent a lot of time trying to avoid Ross setting his people on you and Barnes, yet Barton is under the impression that Tony personally threw you all in jail. And Sam informed me that Tony full well admitted that he was wrong in the RAFT when he wanted your location, yet you speak of him as if he never admits his shortcomings. So tell me, Captain, what is the truth? Because everything, including your own team, is giving me two near opposite pictures of Tony Stark.”

Steve watches him carefully, clearly not liking being under such scrutiny, but he should have considered that before he lied to T’Challa several times. Initially, at the bunker after Bucky was hurt, T’Challa could understand that. Steve almost lost someone else because of Tony and as much as he did not want to he empathized. That must have been difficult to watch, even if T’Challa was of the opinion that Steve’s own ignorance was what put Bucky in danger to begin with. His own fault or not though, it would not have been easy to watch one of the only things Steve had left almost die after being lost for so long. But after that Steve had no excuse, Bucky was safe, and T’Challa did not appreciate the lies.

“Can I ask why you care, your Highness?” Steve asks, tilting his head to the side in question. He does not miss the snide tone Steve used when addressing him and he wonders if this was how he spoke to Tony. If so than he saw little reason for Tony to like Steve Rogers let alone take his orders.

“Tony Stark is my soul mate and I must admit, so far I am not impressed with the way that he has been treated,” T’Challa says. Steve looks surprised, then guilty, then he manages to wipe all emotion from his face in general. Smart move. “I would like you to gather your team, I have questions for them too.” With that he turns on his heel and leaves, going to gather Okoye so she could sit in on the interrogation and gather information that he did not.

*

Shuri was sure that her brother had no idea what he was doing. He was looking in all the wrong places, putting his effort into all the wrong people, and that was going to go badly for him so she decided to do a bit of work for him. Besides, she was curious about what kind of man could throw her brother into such a tizzy when he was usually so calm and collected. That was how she found herself at Stark Tower waiting for his AI to let her in or reject her. Thankfully FRIDAY lets her in and Shuri _swears_ the AI sounds apprehensive about doing so but that was impossible. It was technology, technology could not feel emotion with the exception of the Vision and he had an alien stone in his head. He hardly counted.

When she catches sight of Tony the man looks highly suspicious of her presence and she does not blame him. T’Challa has not handled the soul mate thing very well so far and it appears that Tony is the one who has suffered for it. “If you think I am going to try and convince you to date my brother you will be happy to know that I would find that request extremely disturbing. I am here to answer questions about T’Challa, it only seemed fair considering he’s looked into you.”

Tony’s lips quirk up a bit, “good to know. But I don’t have questions,” he says and she almost believes him.

“Everyone has questions about their soul mate, even if they’re directly related to how stupid they can be. And lets not lie here, T’Challa has handled this terribly, surely we can agree on that,” she says. Tony, oddly enough, looks more suspicious of her then than he had before and she makes note of that.

“You think T’Challa has handled this badly?” he asks and Shuri resists the urge to smile.

“I do. Anyone with basic common sense knows that harboring your soul mate’s arch enemy is bound to reflect badly on you,” she says. The comment gets an actual laugh out of Tony though she noted that he does not relax much. But he was more open, if he was willing to laugh, and she needed that.

“Technically he isn’t harboring Justin Hammer but point taken. Why are you here?” he asks and they both know what he’s talking about. Tony Stark has played the political game all his life and Shuri was counting on him being annoyed with it, otherwise her answer was not going to go over well. Her answer could very well go wrong anyways, but she was not interested in playing games and she highly doubted Tony was either.

“Because, despite having no interest in convincing you to date my brother I do not like seeing him struggle. If you had a personal connection to someone close to him you would be more willing to hear what he has to say, regardless of how badly it might come out. And besides, I am curious about the man that has sent T’Challa into such a tailspin. He is not easily flustered,” she says, smiling just a bit at that.

“You look happy about that,” Tony notes.

“I am not. But I would be dishonest if I said I got no happiness at all from watching him flounder. I love my brother but I have lived in his shadow my whole life despite being just as good at things as he is. It is nice to watch him struggle for purchase as I have had to, even if I wished that he did not have to,” she says. She had been a very jealous teen and she liked to think that she has grown out of being so resentful of T’Challa’s natural talent, but it did not mean that living in his shadow would ever be easy.

“What a great way to make yourself seem human and relatable, making yourself an underdog. Clever,” Tony says, lips quirking up just a bit though she wasn’t entirely certain what that meant. Both she and T’Challa struggled to read people at times and he had obviously not faired better trying to read Tony than she was currently.

“Is it working?” she asks, grinning.

Tony’s walls don’t drop completely but she did not expect them to. But he does give her a genuine smile as he shakes his head, “well I don’t hate you so far. So, tell me more about T’Challa’s awesomeness,” he says in an almost bitter tone.

“Do not compare yourself to him, it will not do you any good. Besides, he is under quite the impression that your team has wronged you. He is not very impressed with your Captain,” she tells him.

“First, not my Captain, second, is this your attempt to make T’Challa look like less of an ass?” he asks, eyebrow raised in question.

“No, of course not. Making myself seem likable enough to have a conversation with does not mean I intend to make T’Challa any more or less likable than you might already find him. I am simply stating facts,” she says. She had no desire to dupe Tony into liking her brother, she was certain T’Challa was likable enough for that on his own, not that Tony seemed very open to finding that out.

“Fine then, what’s T’Challa’s worst trait?” he asks.

“I expected a better test of faith from a genius but fine. T’Challa has two traits that irritate me in particular. The first is one you have experience with, his tendency to always be logical and analytical as he sees fit. The problem is that he tries to apply logic and analysis to things that are not logical, like emotions. He understands better now than when he was younger, and more so since-” her throat unexpectedly closes and she takes a deep breath to steady herself.

“Since your father’s death,” Tony says quietly and she is grateful for his assistance even though she usually detested when people tried to speak for her.

“Yes. But he has not dropped the habit completely, as you know. What he should have done was talk to you, try and understand you as you understand yourself, not get everyone else’s opinions and apply them to you but for some reason he saw that as more logical. It is not as if Wakanda is in a lack of danger with the Avengers in the country, I highly doubt you’re more of a threat than they are. But here we are, experiencing T’Challa’s logic. That, and he has a difficult time realizing that people are not naturally as good at things as he is. He has grown out of this for the most part but sometimes he still gets annoyed when people do not show the same amount of talent at something as he does despite knowing that he is naturally good at… almost everything, really. It made childhood irritating,” she says. Of course her father loved her too, but T’Challa was his pride and joy and she knew it. For a long time that was too painful to bear but she has moved on from that.

Tony considers this for a moment, “yeah, his logic is fucking stupid,” he agrees and Shuri laughs. “So, T’Challa is naturally good at everything and you don’t really seem all that excited about it, what’s with that?” Tony asks.

It was fair, she supposed, even if she had anticipated answering questions about her brother rather than herself. She supposes in a roundabout way she is talking about T’Challa, which very well might be what Tony was going for to begin with. He did not seem overly fond of the subject of her brother and after his actions she did not blame him for that.

“Well,” she says, “I have spent a lot of time working to keep up with him and for a long time I was bitter about it, and I cannot say I am very happy about it now. T’Challa rarely has to truly try in order to succeed; he is a natural leader, a natural fighter, a natural at retaining information and learning. These are all things that I have struggled with and he only recently started to understand that my inability to be the bright shining star he was was because I simply cannot keep up to his natural talent. My father loved us both but he always preferred T’Challa and I understand why, but it did not make it hurt any less and T’Challa never did see the favoritism. I am sure you know what it is like to be held to standards you have no hope of reaching, not that you did not try your hardest.”

She did eventually catch up but it took her years of work to do what T’Challa could do naturally. No one gave her any credit for it either, despite having put in far more time and effort than T’Challa. Tony looks at the ground, drawing her attention back to him, “yeah I know exactly how that is. Expect now everyone else compares me to Steve now too. The whole fucking world instead of just my dad. And here I thought never being able to live up to Steve Rogers as a kid was horrible, now I want to tell kid me to be prepared to have the whole world hate him for not being Steve Rogers as an adult,” he says, blinking the wet out of his eyes.

Shuri is unsure what to do with that for a moment before she leans heavily against the nearest wall. “It is not easy being the black spot next to the shining white knight beside you, nor is it easy knowing that no matter how hard you work you will never be seen in the same light they are,” she says quietly.

“Well, if it makes you feel any better I like you better than your brother,” Tony says and Shuri appreciated it but she knew that was temporary. T’Challa would figure this out, just like always, and of course Tony would like him better, should like him better even. The universe thought they belonged together for some reason and they were bound to end up together.

“For now,” she says simply.

“Liking T’Challa more doesn’t mean I’d relate to you less. Right now I see no reason as to why the hell we’re soul mates, frankly _you’re_ a better match. At least we have stuff in common, I can’t possibly see why the hell I’ve been paired with a Wakandan Steve Rogers.” Tony rolls his eyes, clearly annoyed with this.

“Oh, make no mistake, T’Challa is many things but he would never be as arrogant or self centered as your Captain.” Or Tony himself, but she does not say that because she actually enjoyed Tony’s company. She could not say she felt the same about most of the Avengers though she did rather like Sam and Scott, the two were very good at bickering with each other and she found them amusing.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, let's hope this is all good! We will see :) If this needs any warnings let me know as well.

T’Challa looks shocked and Shuri can’t help but take a small victory in that. “He spoke to you?” he asks as if to be clear with the information that Shuri had given him.

“Extensively, yes. Unfortunately he has awful taste in music,” she says. Eighties rock with a dash of some artists his friend Rhodey preferred. That was hardly music so much as noise and Shuri made sure he knew it too, but he found classical music ‘dead boring’ so she supposed they were even.

“You know what kind of music he listens to?” T’Challa asks, sounding dejected.

“So do you, he is not shy about it and I know you have watched his interviews,” she says. Part of his research, no doubt. Of course he was going about this all in a way that was actively making Tony distrust him but she was going to leave that to him to figure out. Call her spiteful but it was refreshing to watch T’Challa being the one to try and catch up to her rather than the other way around. Besides, he would figure it out at some point and solve his problem and he would live happily ever after just as he always does, it was hardly like this was a permanent hardship.

“Yes, but he has not told me what music he prefers himself,” T’Challa says.

“And whose fault is that?” Shuri points out. T’Challa looks properly shamed so she figures that she has done her job well enough. Had he attempted to talk to Tony himself rather than trying to gather information from anyone _but_ the man in question he would not be in this mess. Tony was well aware of what people thought about him, that people either treated him as a hero or tolerated him at best. Neither image was close to the truth in Shrui’s experience.

“Fine. I have Avengers to question and if you could sit in that would be greatly appreciated. I do not have experience with Tony and apparently you do, you would be more helpful with this than I would be unfortunately.” T’Challa does not look particularly pleased with this but this was a situation of his own making. She agrees to sit in nonetheless; curious about the man Tony seemed to resent so much. From what she had gathered T’Challa was not overly fond of Steve Rogers, or at least not fond of the way he talked about Tony. Shuri was looking forward to the part where the Avengers got kicked out even if she doubted it would happen. T’Challa was far more diplomatic than she was though she felt that her spiteful nature was sometimes more suited to the needs of a situation than T’Challa’s diplomacy. Sometimes people simply had to go.

The Avengers were gathered around the large dining room table looking apprehensive about their summons, particularly Scott. Shuri attributes this to being in unfamiliar territory because the rest of the Avengers minus Wanda look relatively relaxed. Okoye was there too, glaring at the redhead with more irritation than Shuri has ever seen on the severe woman’s face. Well, that was curious. She takes a seat and turns to her brother, wondering what, exactly, he was going to say. T’Challa stands there for a moment, silent, before he finally speaks. “What is going on with the way you all view Tony Stark?” he finally asks.

“Eloquent,” Shuri quips, earning a glare from T’Challa.

“Guy’s an arrogant jackass, what is there to explain?” Scott says, shrugging as if this was a fact. Sam frowns a little but he does not say anything.

Shuri, however, rolls her eyes. “We’re _all_ arrogant, self-centered, and cruel to some extent, do not act as if you have moral superiority over Tony Stark because you are blind to your own selfishness.” It was human nature, even T’Challa had moments of selfishness and he was the best person Shuri knew. Why these people were hung up on Tony displaying human traits she had no idea.

“Shuri,” T’Challa says, giving her a look.

“I cannot help facts, T’Challa. If humans were not selfish we would not have survived for very long, everything in this world is just selfish enough to ensure survival. Tony Stark is no exception to that rule and neither is anyone else sitting in this room. It is absurd to hate someone for displaying their humanity,” she says. Tony Stark’s stepping away from the team after the mess that was the Accords was further proof of his attempting to save himself from more pain and hurt, and to try and save others too. Humans were selfish by nature but she found Tony quite generous in his attempts to survive. At least he did not try and step on others in an attempt to save himself and that was more than she could say for most.

Of course she still thought that at some point Tony would break and deviate from that pattern but that was because she knew everyone had a point where they broke and set out only for themselves. Even T’Challa hit that point, albeit briefly, while he chased down their father’s killer and left Wakanda for her to deal with. If he broke anyone would.

“How does keeping secrets, not listening to orders, and setting deadly AI’s on the world ensure anyone’s survival?” Steve Rogers asks. She decides that she does not like him.

“The same way you keeping secrets, ignoring government orders, and dropping all your responsibilities as Captain America onto Tony Stark ensured your survival, Captain,” she says in a sharp tone. Steve flushes and looks away for a moment, turning his head back with a prepared response but Sam cuts him off.

“What secrets?” he asks, frowning.

“Who cares? She obviously got the information from Stark, who would believe him anyways?” Clint Barton asks and Shuri’s eyebrows shoot up in question.

“Says the man who took orders from a man who took the word of a brainwashed assassin freshly out of his brainwashed state. That is not reliable information and yet you followed blindly. Do not judge me for what I believe when you are far more irresponsible than I have ever been, Barton. To answer your question, Sam, your Captain has known for years that his best friend murdered Tony’s parents- as the Winter Soldier-” Shuri throws in when Steve looked ready to interrupt, “and Zemo took advantage of this. After watching the video of the Winter Soldier murdering his parents he was understandably distraught and he asked Steve if he knew. Then he _lied_ but Tony must not have believed him because he asked again. He was not impressed to find that Steve at the very least had a strong suspicion that Tony’s parents’ car accident was a planned assassination and said nothing. For _years_.” She would have tried to murder both Rogers and Barnes too, even if Barnes was technically innocent. Even T’Challa would have reacted that way, _did_ react that way.

Sam swears, running his hand over his bald scalp, “shit. Is he okay?” he asks and he looks genuinely worried.

“In a manner of speaking. He is not about to fall apart but he certainly hasn’t reacted well to any of this,” she says. Sam swears again, shaking his head but falling silent.

“That does not include the rest of what happened after the bunker either,” T’Challa says. Shuri snorts, knowing how the rest of this story went thanks to a conversation with Tony over Greek food and some absurd American show she had little interest in. Once their initial bonding had taken he seemed far more open to talking to her, perhaps because she both listened and indulged him in information about herself. She knew it made her interest look more genuine but she had not had to fake her appreciation for Tony. He was smart, bitter, angry, and he had no clue how to deal with any of those things. Shuri could relate.

“Clearly Stark’s alive, why do we care?” Barton interrupts, rolling his eyes.

“You should care because after Steve crushed the arc reactor to his suit he had two options of escape left. One, make a distress call and hope it was not Ross who received it, and two, leave the suit behind and walk who knows how long until he found a town to call for help. That HYDRA base was live, HYDRA agents were arrested there mere hours after Vision received Tony’s distress call and came and collected him and the suit. Those agents could have very well made off with that armor considering three of the ten agents Ross’s team discovered there escaped. Could you imagine the damage HYDRA could do with that technology and all of this was because your negligent team mate was feeling petty,” she snaps.

“He tried to kill Bucky, it wasn’t even his fault-”

“You’re right, it was yours. Tony is calm about the situation now, angry for sure, but certainly not murderous. Had you told him about the Winter Soldier killing his parents I suspect he would have reacted much like he is now; angry and upset, but calm about it, objective. He is well aware that Barnes had no control but you cannot expect a man to watch his parents get murdered and be fine with being in the same room with the man who did it, and the man who lied about it. I understand your pain but I find it difficult to pity you when it was your own negligence that nearly got your friend killed.” Harsh, maybe, but it was the truth as she saw it. T’Challa places a hand on her shoulder, her signal that she had gone too far but she felt she had gone just far enough. She understood T’Challa’s need for diplomacy but this was not the time for it. This was the time for the harsh truth on all fronts.

“And,” she adds, “just so you know, Barton, he has relocated your family twice now because HYDRA agents keep finding them. I understand if you do not care for Tony but you _should_ care about what he’s doing for your family.” Not that the ungrateful ass deserved it in her opinion but Tony had been adamant that Barton’s family be protected when she told him this. The kids, he reasoned, had not chosen any of this mess and he did not feel that they should suffer for the mistakes of their father and in part their mother for choosing that particular man to marry.

“You tell him to stay the hell away from my family,” Barton snaps, near leaping out of his chair but Natasha held him back.

“Then you can go home and protect them yourself if you are not willing to accept his help,” T’Challa says in a tone Shuri was familiar with but surprised he’d use. She’s only ever heard it twice before and once was after their father’s death. Barton settles very quickly, shifted into compliance by T’Challa’s cool and commanding tone. Shuri is surprised at the shift in T’Challa’s body language, surprised at how much he looked like the king that he was. Barton was wise to sit down and shut up.

“Okay, so clearly there’s some stuff that we didn’t know about. But what exactly are you looking for, your Highness,” Sam asks, shifting forward in his chair and looking at T’Challa.

“I am looking for the truth but it is becoming increasingly clear that I will not be finding it here,” he says, giving the group a skeptical look.

“I’m sure that’s not true, we’ve known Tony for years. We would obviously have important information,” Natasha reasons.

“I do not trust anything from a spy as bad at her job as you are,” Okoye says sharply, drawing attention to herself for the first time since this meeting started.

“Excuse me?” Natasha asks, confusion and hurt flickering across her features.

“Your report on Tony Stark is perhaps the most biased piece of information I came across and I read an unfortunate amount of TMZ articles about the man. You are a fool and if the other Widows your country trained were anything like you it is hardly a surprise that the Dora Milaje destroyed them when they tried to invade,” she says harshly.

“That report was the truth. Tony is reckless, impulsive, narcissistic, and can’t see past his own agendas more often than not,” Natasha says slowly. Okoye’s eyes narrow and Shuri resists the urge to grin because the woman did not take kindly to people implying that she did not know how to do her job.

“Did you read his business reports?” Okoye asks, pulling a stack of papers from the file folder Shuri just noticed was sitting beside her.

“Obviously I did-”

“Then you are an even bigger fool than I thought. The reports tell us that Tony Stark is methodical, highly intelligent, able to predict business patterns people do not see coming and capitalize on them. Obadiah Stane disagreed with near every decision that he ever made and the company profited because of it, much to the man’s chagrin. However when we look at Stark’s personal life we find plenty of evidence for recklessness, lots of gambling, drinking, a very, _very_ long list of lovers, and a strange lack of friends. I found it odd that Tony was so popular and had such a small friend group. A friend group of three, four if you count the driver, and he paid two and made the AI. So he has exactly one friend. The drinking, gambling, and sex was likely to overcompensate, which suggests loneliness and isolation that presented as recklessness. Plus his gambling never lost him money so I would hardly count that as a sign of carelessness. He was likely counting cards. The drinking turned into an addiction, and the one night stands stopped after Afghanistan. If those were signs of recklessness they would not have gone anywhere or turned into mental health issues,” Okoye says, neatly stacking her papers.

“Fine. Then how do you explain the party and every single reckless decision Tony has made before and after that night, hmm?” Natasha asks, red eyebrow raised in question.

“At least you are not so stupid that you do not know what questions to ask. You are right; Stark’s heroism does reflect some frankly rather stupid decisions. After Afghanistan he blew through several terrorist cells with seemingly little care for those around them. You noted the party, and of course we have the showdown with Aldrich Killain that resulted in him destroying his suits, we have Ultron, and then the Accords. When he got back from Afghanistan he was panicked over what his weapons were doing and felt overwhelming guilt. When that party happened he was dying and panicking because he did not know what to do. Aldrich Killain followed on the heels of New York, which followed with panic attacks and the frustration of one Pepper Potts in regards to his over attention to his suits. And Ultron… I am not certain what triggered that but the pattern is clear. We see the same pattern with the Accords. Tony Stark is not reckless, he is guilty, scared, and panicking and it results in recklessness. There is a difference between the two. One is thoughtless; the other is a result of overthinking. Take this as a learning experience,” Okoye says, giving Natasha an unimpressed look.

Natasha, to her credit, looks impressed. “Wanda showed us our fears,” Steve says, drawing attention back to him, “before Ultron,” he clarifies.

Okoye turns her suspicious glare to Wanda, “and what did he see?” she asks in the same cool tone T’Challa had used not long ago.

“The end of the world, the death of the Avengers, he was all that was left. It was his fault,” Wanda says quietly. Sam takes a sharp intake of breath and Natasha’s brow furrows a bit but most everyone either looked nonplussed or indifferent.

“Panic, fear, and guilt. The same pattern that fuels near every stupid decision he has ever made with the exception of the party, that was just panic and fear. Tell me, Natasha, did you take his very clear poor mental health and inability to handle extreme emotional duress into account when you wrote this report? We have seen this behavior before, after the death of his parents. And even if we had not there was no immediate reason for Tony Stark to go back to drinking too much and partying. Everything in his life was perfect in that moment and you decided… what? That there was no stressor that resulted in this behavior? _Every_ time we see him act like this there is a clear reason for it, at least by the time you met him though I would argue this has been a longstanding pattern. Instead you assumed he was arrogant and a narcissist instead of looking for the real cause of his problems. _You_ were the arrogant one, not him. If you wanted evidence for his arrogance you should have looked at the way he describes himself as a lover,” Okoye says, rolling her eyes.

“I am sorry… can we go back to Tony being shown his worst fears, what was the purpose of that? Some sort of… training exercise gone wrong?” T’Challa asks, frowning.

Wanda looks at the table, “no. At the time I blamed him for my parents’ death and I altered his mind as a method of revenge,” she says.

“And how did Tony kill your parents?” T’Challa asks, tilting his head to the side.

“One of his missiles did, technically, but he made it,” Wanda says, throwing in a bit of her own defense at the end.

“Next time someone gets killed in a car accident I will be sure to tell the victim’s family to kill the CEO of the car company,” Shuri says lightly, earning a look from T’Challa. It was not her fault that that reasoning was stupid, Okoye’s squint in Wanda’s direction proved as much.

“Alright, I understand why you might have fixated on Tony,” T’Challa says slowly, ever the diplomat, “so what happened after you altered Tony’s mind? Did you leave, remain in the vicinity to see how Tony reacted?”

“She altered all of our minds,” Natasha says, “Bruce hulked out and nearly killed a town full of people. Tony managed to stop him before too much damage was done though.”

T’Challa pinches the bridge of his nose, “so you blamed Tony for your parents’ death, I understand in a very roundabout way why he would be a target, but why bother with the other Avengers?” he asks. Logical question, Shuri thought, but not the right one. The question was what the hell was she _doing_ with them after invading their minds like that?

“She was working with HYDRA at that point with her brother, Pietro. We were storming a HYDRA base looking for any evidence of HYDRA and Bucky,” Steve says.

“And how did she end up on the team?” T’Challa asks.

“She found out about Ultron’s plan to exterminate the human race and her and her brother flipped sides, helping us out. She’s the only reason we even won that fight and her brother saved my life,” Clint says a note of pride in his voice. He looks over at Wanda and winks confidently, giving her a small grin. Wanda smiles just a bit, looking marginally more confident in herself before turning back to T’Challa. He does not look impressed.

“Let me try and understand something. You, Steve, are upset with Tony because he tried to kill Bucky because he was innocent of his actions, yes?” Steve nods and T’Challa continues, “but Wanda targeted Tony for something he was not really guilty for, and that is perfectly okay? Not only that but she invaded all of your minds, and one of your teammates nearly murdered a town full of people and _Tony_ was the one to deal with it. _What_ is going on here?” he asks, looking genuinely confused.

“We’ve got a bad case of hypocrisy and stupidity,” Shuri says and this time she does not get a warning look from T’Challa. Ha, he should have listened from the beginning.

“That’s different, Tony actually did make that bomb, it isn’t like Bucky could help being the blunt tool HYDRA used to kill his parents,” Barton says, indignant on Wanda’s behalf.

“No. Tony runs the company who made the bomb; while he would have designed it and tested it he would not have made that particular bomb. How deep would this blame have gone? Would you have killed the particular people who made _that_ bomb, all those who were implicated in its release, all the people who brought it to your country so that it was possible to release that bomb? I understand why Tony would have been a target because he is famous and the need to direct your anger at something is strong, but why would you blame the maker of the bomb instead of the people who detonated it? That is senseless,” T’Challa says, throwing his hands up in frustration.

“Whatever your reasoning is it makes little sense to me but grief will do things to people, I accept that, you have all accepted that with Wanda, _including_ Tony. While we can all agree that Bucky Barnes was not guilty of killing anyone, not under such extreme circumstances, his body was used as the blunt instrument to kill Tony’s parents, Tony watched video footage of this happening. You cannot expect him to not go after the weapon when the weapon is a man that is standing right in front of him as horrible as that is. He _watched_ Barnes murder his parents. Why are you all so willing to accept Wanda’s senseless grief pattern but not Tony’s far more reasonable, though still illogical, grief pattern? And more than that you have all accepted my own grief pattern and it is near identical to Tony’s. From my calculations you are all willing to accept anything that reaffirms your opinion that Tony Stark is a horrible man, which begs the question as to why you would even work with him. I am sorry but I am simply confused by the double standards here.” T’Challa rubs his temples and finally he sits down next to Shuri, sighing.

“Can’t help it if it’s true,” Clint says in a snarky tone and T’Challa’s head snaps up.

“Insult my soul mate again and you will be left in the middle of the continent with nothing but the underwear on your ass,” he snaps. _That_ draws a reaction, mostly of surprise though Shuri is unsure what they were reacting to, T’Challa’s comment of the revelation that Tony was his soul mate.

*

Tony looks at the ground, annoyed with this lecture before it even started. But no, Pepper found his latest conquest doing the walk of shame and now she had all sorts of opinions he was sure he was going to hear a lot of. “Are you okay?” Pepper asks, hands on her hips and lacking a caring tone that Tony would have used to assume she cares. Translation: are you about to fuck up majorly once again, leaving me to clean up the mess?

“I’m fine, Pep,” he says with no conviction. Translation: leave me alone, I just wanted a good lay, we aren’t dating so why do you even care?

“Are you sure, because if you’re sleeping around again than something must be wrong,” she says. Translation: you’re going to fuck up again aren’t you?

“Or maybe I’m single for the first time in years, just a thought,” he says with more attitude than he intended. Translation: no I’m not going to fuck up again damnit; I just wanted a good lay, is that so unbelievable?

“Are you drinking again?” Pepper asks and Tony doesn’t even _have_ a translation for that.

“No I’m not drinking, Pepper, I had a one night stand, I don’t see how that equals alcoholism. Jesus.” Not that he hasn’t thought about it, obviously he’s thought about it, but he was done with that and he wasn’t going back. The last thing he needed was something that encouraged him to screw up and alcohol has never done anything good for him.

“Then where are you even picking these guys up? And why do they all look the same?” she asks, frowning at her StarkPad.

“The daycare down the street, and they don’t look the same,” she says. He didn’t even pay attention to what they looked like. Pepper gives him her ‘are you kidding me’ look and he feels the need to defend himself. “I’m obviously not picking them up from daycare, seriously. There are _children_ there; you know how I feel about kids. I’m a pretty social guy, there are lots of events to choose from,” he points out.

“Please don’t tell me you’ve been slutting it up at Avenger’s press conferences,” she says, pinching the bridge of her nose.

“They landed in jail on international charges of treason and you think people are worried about what I’m doing with my dick? Come on Pep, people have bigger worries than that, myself included. Let a guy live,” he mumbles.

“Well you’ve been _very_ alive for the last two weeks and it’s starting to draw attention, not the good kind either.” Pepper’s giving him that look, the one she would give him when she thought he was doing something stupid but she wasn’t going to out and out call him on it.

“Oh my god, the Avengers have been called up on international charges of treason and people seriously care about what I’m doing with my dick, this is unbelievable. It’s _my_ dick, I’ll do what I please with it, why does the public need to care?” Honestly, of all the things happening right now with the UN, all his government meetings trying to settle some sort of agreement without the Accords, the news of Spiderman getting bigger after being spotted at the airport during their fight, and people cared about his _sex life_? He has officially lost all faith in humanity. Pepper opens her mouth to respond to that but Tony’s phone rings so he fishes it out of his pocket. Peter. Damnit. “Hey kid, what’s going on?” he asks and he’s greeted with the sound of metal hitting glass and brick, “what the fuck?” he asks, more urgent now.

“Uh, yes, excuse me I’m trying a make a phone call at the moment so if you could stop-” there was another loud crash and the sound of scrambling, “holy shit! You could at least not throw cars at me! Honestly I figured we could have a little time out but- hey, stop throwing cars at me! People own those, they can’t afford to replace them, asshole! I need your help, Tony, can you get here- excuse me, I’m not even _over there_. You’re a bad villain. Seriously though, I could use the help and- what are you even doing? Put that down! Gotta go save a food truck, bye!” Peter says quickly, hanging up and Tony was almost to the roof, ignoring Pepper calling out for him to explain what was going on.

*

“You are the best worst superhero ever,” Tony tells them when they finally wrangle Peter’s Villain of the Week into submission. They managed to ruin three city blocks but that was actually pretty good considering all the cars that got tossed around. Tony hoped these people had superhero insurance or they were fucked.

“Um, excuse you, who got hit in the head with a cab and who webbed the guy the wall? Oh that’s right, _I’m_ the hero here,” Peter says, doing a weird little dance that displayed how embarrassingly fifteen he was.

“I can’t wait to show you footage of that in five years so you can know how embarrassing you are,” Tony says.

“Oh what? Some of this?” Peter says, doing some weird hip gyrating thing.

“Oh god, please Spiderfetus, keep the hips in check. Don’t you dare point those things at me, this is the kind of thing people get sent to jail for, direct those hips elsewhere Spiderboy,” he says, skittering away from Peter’s weird hip thing. God that poor kid was going to regret all of this when Tony pulled up the videos at his wedding, and if he was lucky Peter and his partner would get to watch the whole thing in color.

“It’s Spider _man_ , thank you. And I saved the day,” he says excitedly.

“Yeah, yeah, that’s because I let you. Now hop on my back so we can get out of here before you end up arrested and have to explain to Aunt May and the rest of the world why the hell a fifteen year old who should be in his fourth period chemistry class is in the middle of this wreckage,” he says, turning around so Peter could climb onto his back. Peter, thankfully, complies, “hold on tight,” he says and Peter presumably tightens his grip. The important thing was that Peter didn’t go flying off when he lifted into the air and flew off to the Tower.

“Hey, so what do we do now?” Peter asks when Tony lands, climbing off his back.

“You go back to class and do… I don’t know, whatever it is fifteen year olds do these days and I will handle the press, got it?” he says, raising an eyebrow.

“But I wanna help you do… whatever it is you do,” Peter says, taking a hopeful step towards the inside of the Tower.

“Oh no, you go back to class. You can’t do much to help without giving yourself away and right now you have a terrible reputation. Which I’m going to try to fix, which may go horribly since half the country hates me but we’ll see. Go to class, frolic, be a fifteen-year-old kid, and never, _ever_ do that hip thing again. No, no you stop that, oh god FRIDAY are you getting this? Make sure you get tons of footage of this so we can show him how embarrassing this is later,” he tells the AI.

“I have several angles, sir, to ensure maximum shame,” she says and Tony grins, happy that the AI was catching on in the sassing department.

“Oh my god Tony, please do not tell me _that_ is your new conquest,” Pepper says, making her way towards them looking unimpressed. He thanks god that Peter didn’t take his mask off or he’d have to like… mind wipe Pepper Men in Black style or something. Or just pay her a stupid amount of money to never _ever_ say anything.

“Spiderbaby? No way. Get back to your… duties,” Tony tells him, making a shooing motion at him. He expects Peter to take the elevator out but instead Peter gives him a salute and _jumps off he side of the building_. Tony just about looses it, lifting himself via the suit into the air only to spy Peter swinging away between buildings until he rounds a corner and out of sight.

“You’ve teamed up with Spiderman. Do you have any idea what kind of reputation Spiderman has?” Pepper hisses.

“An undeserved one?” he quips.

“Tony Stark you cannot afford to be pulling stunts like this you leave Spiderman _alone_ ,” she says.

“Pep, he needs my help I’m not going to let the media eat him alive because the Avengers and I did some stupid shit that makes his saving people look bad, okay? He doesn’t deserve to suffer for my mistakes,” Tony says. None of that shit was Peter’s fault and he wasn’t going to let the media throw him under the bus for it.

“The Avengers’ mistakes,” Pepper corrects softly.

“These days those are synonymous, ask the Avengers.” It comes out more bitter than he means it to be but it was true nonetheless.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If there needs to be a warning on this let me know :)

“You know you’re going to have to do it sometime right?” Rhodey says, raising an eyebrow.

Tony sighs and rubs his temples; “I know that but… just let me avoid it for a little while, alright? I have other countries to deal with first. There’s a lot of stuff I still have to work out and honestly it’s a little grueling trying to work out individual contracts. At least they all decided to work with that basic document that my lawyers made instead of them all making something from scratch. This way it’s just a few different stipulations on a country-to-country basis. And Wakanda is still pretty isolated, I can deal with them last,” he reasons. He didn’t want to deal with T’Challa again if he could help it but the guy was the king, he didn’t get much of a choice.

Rhodey gives him that _look_ but Tony ignores it. “You can’t avoid him forever… and honestly, man, the sleeping around with people who kind of look like him is getting really weird. Just talk to the guy and get it over with, then you’ll never have to deal with him again,” Rhodey says.

“Okay first of all I am not sleeping with people who look anything like T’Challa, thanks. And I _know_ that but I don’t want to deal with this soul mate shit, okay? I’ve lived my whole life without one, I don’t need one now. Thirty percent of people never meet their soul mates and they aren’t missing out on life. Well, color is kind of cool but I’ve always seen color so I don’t think I have a proper appreciation. Other than that soul mate bonds do nothing,” he says. Or at least most times they didn’t. Most of the time the bond starts and ends with a strong emotional connection, one that wasn’t necessarily romantic despite what previous research suggested, and colored vision.

There were exceptions to that though and no one really knew why certain bonded pairs felt things stronger than others. Some pairs, or even trios depending on the person, reported feeling pain when they were separated from their partners, some reported being able to feel when their soul mates were in pain. Cue some sketchy ass experiments by the Nazis that were picked up by crappy scientists later and it turned out those reports were true. Sometimes soul mates would get access to each other’s memories, their muscle memory, their tastes and likes and dislikes. Those pairs liked to claim their bonds were stronger, more sacred or whatever but there wasn’t much to back that up empirically.

Studies showed that people who lived with their soul mates were overall happy, and interestingly enough people who were without soul mates were just as happy. Tony learned to email people those studies when people tried to pity him for not having a soul mate. Sometimes he’d also send emails with studies that showed that you were more likely to be killed by your soul mate than anyone else, especially if you’re a woman. Joke was on him though; it turned out he had a soul mare the whole time he just saw in color for some reason.

“Tony,” Rhodey says quietly, “we both know that you’re fine without a soul mate but you don’t need to be. And it’s pretty clear that you have one of those bonds that does other things if your habit of sleeping with people who look like T’Challa is any indication. Don’t shake your head at me, get FRIDAY to pull up pictures, it’s weird.” Tony, because he was intent on proving Rhodey wrong, does as he asks only to find that he was right. All of his latest one-night stands _did_ kind of look like T’Challa.

“They do not,” Tony lies, “and we don’t have a special bond, it’s normal. Or as normal as it’s about to get when I’ve seen color my whole life.” So maybe he wasn’t meant to be normal, and for a long time he loved being different. But now it was getting increasingly painful to be the deviation from the norm and the pressure kept mounting and mounting and he couldn’t afford to blow. Not again.

“I know that isn’t true and so do you, Tones. I know you’ve been in a lot of pain since you two went your separate ways and I know you’re good at hiding it but that doesn’t mean I don’t know. I’ve known you for more time than I haven’t, don’t think I don’t notice the way you move around carefully, or the way you hold your ribs and your shoulder. If this was a normal bond I wouldn’t really care, I know how stubborn you are and I know if you want nothing to do with T’Challa you won’t have anything to do with him. But being apart is causing you literal pain and I’m not going to ignore that,” Rhodey says meaningfully. He looks worried too and Tony feels bad for being the cause of stress for him considering all the other problems he was dealing with. He was finally starting to get that loss of motivation that usually came with depression so Tony was doing his best to balance trying to push Rhodey while also giving him breaks.

Ideally he would tell Rhodey to rest and wait it out but Rhodey would never go for that and he would be suspicious if Tony even tried, so he pushed him when he could tell Rhodey was up for it. The rest of the time he claimed he was tired so Rhodey didn’t have to and he could tell Rhodey was relieved. If he wasn’t so god damn stubborn he would tell Rhodey straight out that he probably had depression but Rhodey wasn’t about to accept that and Tony knew better than to try and push it. It wouldn’t go well for anyone, least of all Rhodey.

“I’m not in pain because I’m not near T’Challa, I’m in pain because I had my ribs crushed by Captain Asshole. They’re still tender,” he says, prodding at his middle and regretting it. His chest was tight a lot too but that was to be expected when he had a shield smashed into it full force. He guessed that he was at least lucky that it wasn’t his neck Steve stuck the shield though; Tony was convinced he was going to be beheaded for a moment.

“Well if you stopped running around helping Spidertot avoid death you’d probably be healed by now. You do remember that the kid was doing fine before you came along right?” Rhodey asks, eyebrow raised. Tony doesn’t miss the change in subject, Rhodey’s way of letting him know that he knew he wasn’t about to convince Tony so he probably wasn’t going to push it more than he should.

“He’s a kid, and he doesn’t know the long-term effects of his powers. I figured it was best to play it safe. Also I dropped a fifteen year old into a political battle without double checking that he was at least a legal adult first, I have a bit to make up for, okay?” he says. Granted Peter did great until Lang smacked him into the ground but that wasn’t the point. Tony should have checked to see if his age was where he thought it was and now all those weird comments Peter made about homework made far more sense. If he was in college like Tony thought he would have had his soul sucked out by homework and he wouldn’t have cared as much. He has seven PhDs, he’d know.

“Tony, that wasn’t… okay that kind of was your fault but it wasn’t like you meant to involve a kid. Didn’t you show up talking about bursaries and some shit?” Rhodey asks.

“Yeah, grants, because I thought he was in college. I mean I’ve met some reckless fifteen year olds, I lived though my own stupid phases, but I didn’t think that Peter could possibly be _that_ young, what fifteen year old takes on the world like that? Shouldn’t he be scared shitless like a normal kid? I thought maybe he had something wrong with his pituitary gland and that’s why he looked twelve, I didn’t want to bring it up, that’s rude,” he says. Too be fair that was because he did that once and it went terribly but still, he learned his lesson and he didn’t make comments about why people looked like prepubescent children anymore.

“Trust me Tony, I remember you at fifteen and you would have taken on anything if you thought you would have proved yourself, and Peter is the same way. Plus you both have a protection streak a mile wide and it shows. I know you feel guilty about your temporary child soldier but you stuck around because you see a lot of yourself in the kid and you aren’t wrong. I just hope that he world doesn’t make him as much of an uncaring jackass as it did to you for awhile. Don’t get me wrong I still loved you, but damn I wanted to punch you a lot. I didn’t because I knew that you were only trying to outlive Howard’s legacy and you did that by following Obadiah’s bad advice. But anyways, you know what I find weird? How come his aunt wasn’t suspicious when you mentioned grants? If he’s in high school why would he need a grant?” Rhodey asks and Tony has already been there himself.

“Peter is nothing like me and that’s a good thing, he’s way better than me and the media needs to catch a fucking clue. And he’s set to graduate early, right after his sixteenth birthday. He could have done it earlier but he decided to get a job and it sort of slowed down his genius some because even the smart kids need to sleep. Anyways, May probably thought I was referring to his graduation in the spring, not immediately like I meant. Honestly I was lucky that that matched up or I would have blown his cover and mine.” And wouldn’t that have been a disaster. He might have threatened to tell his aunt but he would have never followed through on it. Thankfully Peter was too naïve to realize it was an empty threat and crawled back home like Tony wanted him too. He really, _really_ needed to have a conversation with that kid about reading people.

“Peter wasn’t forced to grow up as quick as you and he didn’t learn to hide his feelings in the bottom of a bottle or some twenty-one year old, that doesn’t mean he isn’t like you. And you’re good with him, you know. You do a good job giving him advice without sounding like a condescending ass. The early graduation thing does make some sense though, has he picked out a college yet?” he asks.

Tony snorts, “what do I look like? His mother?” he asks. Peter had applied before he ended up caught up in the Accords mess but he hasn’t heard back yet. He was getting nervous about the lack of replies but Tony’s been through this, he just needed to wait some and he’d get his reply. He’s seen the kid’s grades; there was no way he wasn’t getting into his top choices.

*

T’Challa can see himself from across the tarmac and he feels a twinge of surprise and a strange swell of hope. He has seen in color for his whole life, he had thought that he did not have a soul mate but here he was dressed in all black. Of course, obviously he would have seen in color his whole life only to have his soul mate show up in all black. It was as if this was the opposite of what normal people got. That’s when he noticed that his soul mate was not looking at him; his eyes were focused elsewhere so he followed his gaze. Bucky Barnes. He feels something else than, a strange twist of annoyance followed by betrayal and then hurt.

As quickly as he accepted he had a soul mate he rejected that soul mate, turning back to the task at hand: brining Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes in without causing any more damage.

He wakes with a start, frowning at the pain in his ribs and left shoulder. That was not there yesterday and there was no reason for his ribs to hurt, or his shoulder. He gently prods at his ribs and regrets it immediately when pain laces through his mid section. Tony, he suddenly remembers, has hurt ribs and… and he just had a dream of a memory that was not his own. He had a dream of the exact moment when Tony decided that T’Challa was not worth his time and that hurt. Not quite as much as knowing that it was his needless quest for vengeance that was the reason that Tony rejected him. T’Challa sighs and carefully pulls himself from bed, now concerned with Tony’s health with no real way to ask about it, not unless Shuri was willing to help him out.

Maybe she would be, Tony was in genuine pain if T’Challa’s ribs had anything to say about it, that had to be a reasonable excuse to speak with Tony on his behalf, right? He finds her in the kitchen and sits carefully, trying to avoid hurting his ribs more. Shuri raises an eyebrow, “something wrong, brother?” she asks.

“With me? Technically no, but I am fairly certain I am feeling Tony’s pain,” he says. Shuri gives him a suspicious look and rounds the table, jabbing him in the side with her finger. He lets out a string of Wakandan expletives that were probably not very becoming of a king, not that he cared in that particular moment. “Was there a reason for that?” he grits out, glaring at his sister.

“I knew where this was going and I was not going to call Tony because you decided to fake being in pain in some bizarre attempt to connect with your soul mate. Admittedly I did not expect you to be in actual pain so… sorry about that,” she mumbles, looking sheepish.

“I appreciate your faith in me, Shuri,” he says, irritated. He understood her reasoning but his sore ribs did not appreciate her method of truth determining.

“I have as much faith in you as Tony does right now, which is none. Maybe less than that. The point is that if I go to him on your behalf it would not do you any favors if you were lying or exaggerating. It certainly would not do me any good, I have established rapport, if I mess that up you will be stuck in pain for the rest of your life because he will not be going anywhere near you,” she says.

“If he is in pain too than why would he not come to me?” T’Challa asks. It was only logical, soul mates that felt each other’s pain healed faster in each other’s presence. Science had no explanation for that currently though current theories suggested a more positive environment was created and that fostered better bodily conditions. That, however, did not explain why soul mates in terrible conditions still healed faster than average.

“Physical pain will heal, psychological scars last forever,” Shuri says, depressing as always. He loved his sister but he wished she would lighten up sometimes. “Do not look at me like that, you asked and I answered. He has been hurt enough in his life, the last thing he needs is to add another person to the long list of people who have wronged him or left him.” He wants to make a snide comment about who wronged her in life to end up with the same worldview but he keeps the comment to himself. It was rude and the only reason he considered saying such a thing was because he was in pain and pain lowered his patience level. This didn’t stop him from being annoyed.

*

Tony is curled up on the couch nursing sore ribs and a hefty irritation at Peter’s latest Villain of the Week for reinjuring him. When he gets the call he would like to say that he was surprised but he wasn’t because of _course_ he had to have definitive proof of that special bond Rhodey claimed he had with T’Challa. “Honestly T’Challa is whining and crying like he has never been in pain before,” Shuri says and Tony laughs only to regret that immediately.

“I can hear you,” someone in the background says. The small shiver down Tony’s spine tells him it’s T’Challa. He silently tells his body to fuck off.

“Then quit whining, you have suffered worse injuries than this,” Shuri tells him. Tony glances at his phone, frowning because T’Challa was currently seven hours ahead of him and he should probably be asleep.

“Is he okay? He can sleep, right?” he asks, concerned. He wasn’t going to sleep anyways, curse of being an insomniac, but he didn’t want to alter T’Challa’s probably far healthier sleep patterns.

“T’Challa is _fine_ , do not look at me like that, there is nothing physically wrong with you and Tony does not sound like he is in an abundance of pain, are you alright, T’Challa has been crying about your health all day. Did you do something this afternoon to make the pain worse?” she asks. Tony swears under his breath because of course. Technically it was early this morning for him but it would have been sometime in the afternoon for T’Challa.

“Yeah, Spiderkid had a new villain and I got a baby piano dropped on my back. Thankfully the suit is built to withstand that kind of damage so I’m _fine_ , I just need to take it easy for a few days.” Assuming people didn’t keep trying to decimate Queens anyways, how the hell Peter was keeping up with all this plus a job and school he had no clue. This just went to prove that, sadly, his youth was leaving him.

“Tell him to go to the hospital immediately!” he hears T’Challa say and he snorts. Fat chance, he hated hospitals with the fiery passion of a thousand burning suns and unless someone else needed to go, i.e Rhodey, he was going nowhere near that antiseptic covered death trap. FRIDAY informed him that his ribs were bruised and that bed rest meant that he’d be fine and he was listening to the AI. She knew what was going on, he built her to have medical knowledge and she was more objective than the doctors, she would give him a better diagnosis anyways.

“That is not going to happen,” Shuri tells T’Challa, “but in the interest of keeping everyone happy I have a possible solution.”

Tony sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose, “what were you thinking, Shuri?” He asks as a formality, really, because he was fairly certain he knew what she was going to suggest.

He hears T’Challa mumbling something in the background and Shuri mumbles something back in a language Tony didn’t know. Probably Wakandan, which meant he was learning Wakandan. He was good at picking up languages anyways, he spoke ten fluently, he was sure he could figure out another. “I love my brother but he is being a pain in the ass right now,” Shuri says, walking somewhere else if the shuffling was any indication. Tony snorts out something that was kind of like laughter but easier on his ribs. “When he came to me this morning I thought that he was faking it in some stupid attempt to get closer to you so I jabbed him in the ribs. It turned out that he was not faking it.”

Unfortunately for him he actually laughs at that for all of two seconds before he can’t breath and his vision goes spotty from the pain. He takes a shaky breath and lets out a small moan, “yeah, keep the funny moments to yourself,” he wheezes out, “and maybe don’t go poking T’Challa in the ribs.” He figured he should have a little sympathy for the guy; it wasn’t even _his_ fault he was in pain. Yet another thing Tony has failed at, he wasn’t even on the same half of the world as the guy and he was causing him pain and distress. Just his fucking luck.

“Yes, well, I had no interest in being part of some no doubt stupid plan to win you over if it was not actually true. Now I feel bad because of course he would not stoop to such levels. Too late now I suppose, but do you have a high pain tolerance? Because you must,” she says and Tony swears.

“Damnit. I forgot about the nerve damage, I mean yeah I have a high pain tolerance but when the arc reactor was killing me it gave me some mild nerve damage in the chest area so T’Challa is probably in more pain than I am,” he says and he swears again. Of course. Of course this would happen to him because he couldn’t catch a break. Now every time he was out superheroing he was going to have to worry about T’Challa too, wasn’t that just fucking peachy.

Shuri sighs, “well then I guess my solution is looking better than ever,” she says in a reluctant tone and Tony appreciated it. Thus far she was the only one who knew about T’Challa and didn’t think that he was secretly pining after the guy. Weird one night stand coincidences aside he wanted nothing to do with him and Shuri was the only one to respect that, even if she was halfassed trying to make T’Challa look like a more desirable soul mate by establishing a connection to him. At least she was up front about what she was doing and Tony could appreciate that.

“Let me guess, you want me to come and negotiate those agreements I sent out to replace the Accords?” It was less of a question and more of a statement.

“I do. It would be easier this way, then you heal faster and T’Challa stops whining, you deal with the legalities of your agreements, and if you hate him by the end of your stay you will never have to speak to him again,” she says bluntly.

“This is why I like you, you’ve actually considered the possibility that I’ll hate T’Challa,” he says. Unlike everyone else. Rhodey let the… well the cat was a little literal in this case, out of the bag this morning in front of Peter and now he was convinced Tony was doing himself a disservice. He kept from snapping at the kid just barely, reminding himself that he was fifteen and freakishly naïve, of course he believed in all that Hollywood bullshit he saw. That wasn’t his fault and it would be unfair to be cruel to him at all under any circumstance, so Tony kept his mouth mostly shut. Rhodey, however, was an adult and he’s known Tony for years so he should have known better than to push it. He didn’t need T’Challa or anyone else, he’s spent most of his life alone or damn near next to alone and he was fine spending the rest of his life that way too.

“Oh make no mistake, I highly doubt that will happen, he is very likable. But if you do not find him worthy of your time than I see no reason for you to remain here to establish a connection that will never grow. Soul mate or not that is senseless.” She says that like it’s fact and that sort of throws Tony, mostly the part about T’Challa being worthy of _his_ time.

“Uh, T’Challa is the king of a nation, shouldn’t I be the one that has to live up to some standard?” that he would inevitably fail.

“Sure, but that does not mean that he should have no standards to live up to. Being king does not make him immune to mistakes and it does not mean that he should not have any responsibilities to you. More than that it does not mean that he will live up to whatever standards you are looking for in a soul mate, that is illogical. Many leaders are corrupt, you know this, T’Challa may not be an exception to you. Besides, making the assumption that you must live up to a standard while he does not sets the relationship up for a dynamic that is not equal. That would lead to a toxic relationship at best and a flat out abusive relationship at worst,” Shuri points out. She was right, he guessed, but he was used to people holding him to high standards that didn’t seem to apply to him so he had naturally assumed this was more of that. He didn’t have much faith that it wasn’t.

“I guess. You’re probably the only one who thinks I have any right to judge T’Challa though, I’m sure the Avengers would all tell me that he’s too good for me,” he says bitterly. Mostly because they were right.

Shuri lets out an annoyed snort, “the Avengers are hypocritical fools, I would trust the pet rock I had as a child more than I would them and T’Challa has come to a similar conclusion. He was not happy when Barton showed his displeasure with you helping his family. He threated to dump him in the middle of the continent with only his underwear,” she says and Tony lets out another painful laugh that left him regretting the action. “Sorry,” Shuri mumbles as he groans in pain, “but the point is that you should always have a right to choose if you want anything to do with your soul mate. Anyone who suggests otherwise, regardless of how bad of a person they think you are, is ignorant.”

Yeah, he appreciated that, but she was wrong. T’Challa seemed like a pretty upstanding guy even with his mistakes and Tony… well, he was the Merchant of Death and Iron Man did dick all to erase all that blood on his hands. His not wanting anything to do with his soul mate wasn’t just because he didn’t want to get hurt all over again, it was that T’Challa deserved so much better than anything he could possibly offer him. But he agrees to Shuri’s plan anyways because he felt bad for causing T’Challa pain and he needed to get all the legal superhero shit out of the way eventually anyways. He might as well get all of this done, deal with his hurt soul mate, tell him to fuck off, and never speak to him again. It was better that way, really.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for child abuse mentions and I think that's it. If not let me know!

Rhodey wheels after Tony, keeping up despite Tony’s best efforts to lose him. It was an asshole thing to do but he had made up his mind and Rhodey _insisted_ on harassing him about it. “You need someone on your side, Tony, you know all the other Avengers are there and you know what they think of you,” he says earnestly, half leaning out of his chair in an attempt to get closer to Tony to convey feeling. It was sweet, really, but Tony was fine on his own.

“I’ll be gone for maybe a few days, Rhodes, I’ll be fine. You’re still injured and I don’t want to be dragging you all around the world and exacerbating your injuries,” he says. He’s thought this through and he wasn’t going to put Rhodey’s health in danger, physical or mental. He was having a tough enough time as it was; there was no need for him to go dragging him into another one of his messes only to make it worse.

“No, Tony, you won’t. You’re going halfway across the world to stay with a bunch of people you don’t know or trust and I am not letting you do that alone. Now help me get my shit together because I can’t reach the underwear drawer myself and I am not going commando,” he says. Tony could fight him on it, _should_ fight him on it but Rhodey was right, he didn’t know or trust anyone in Wakanda and more than that this was the most passionate he’s seen Rhodey about something in a long time. So he agrees to bring Rhodey reluctantly, hoping that having him there would help them both a little.

*

T’Challa is standing in a large room with the rest of the Avengers and he can feel the panic squeezing at his heart. If he looks up he knows he’ll see the ceiling but just above that? Aliens. _Aliens_ for fucks sake. Things that he never even considered possible were happening right now and he had no idea what he was going to do about it. They’re all talking about what to do about… whatever the hell they ran into in the forest on their last mission but they weren’t thinking big enough. Who cared about some fast guy when that wasn’t going to matter in the end? He knows he shouldn’t, that is wouldn’t go well, but he brings up New York. “Anyone remember when I carried a nuke through a wormhole? Saved New York? Recall that? Aliens came though a hole in space and we’re standing 300 feet below it. That up there, that’s the end game, so how do you guys plan on beating that?” he asks.

He looks at Natasha first because he figures that she’ll get it, she’s a superspy, she _has_ to get it. She doesn’t, instead she rolls her eyes so he moves into Steve because he was the team leader but he rolls his eyes too. One by one they all react the same way minus Bruce, who just looks at Tony like he’s something to be pitied. He wants to yell or scream or _something_ because he can still see the army through the helmet, still feel the shock of knowing that there wasn’t anything on their planet equipped to deal with that and then… black. Next he remembered he was on the ground in New York with the Hulk and Steve leaning over him. He tried to explain, tried to _tell_ them but they wouldn’t listen or worse, like now, they dismissed him altogether. He had to… to _do_ something, anything, to try and keep the world safe and if he was the only one trying then fine, so be it.

When he goes off to the lab Bruce follows, tells him it’s a bad idea to toy with that staff and he would normally agree. Their research was nowhere near complete but it was all he had right now. Bruce resists a little but ultimately he gives in, agreeing to run Tony’s test on the staff to see if real AI was possible using that thing. They set up their equipment and leave it for the night to run, figuring they’d have the results in the morning. In the meantime Tony goes back to his own space, back to Pepper, and holds her tighter than usual that night out of fear that she wouldn’t be there when he woke up. He already saw what would happen if he failed, how all his friends died, Steve’s shield broken in half. Sometimes he could still feel the cold.

It was the anger that woke T’Challa, and the fear, but the fear is quickly chased off by his own feelings. If the Avengers had listened to Tony, talked to him, Ultron would have never happened. He wants to throw something or punch someone but neither would do any good in this situation so instead he takes a few calming breaths before getting out of bed so work off some extra energy.

Upon his return from his run Shuri looks suspicious, or more so than she usually did, and she raises an eyebrow at him. “What?” he asks in a tone far sharper than he had intended.

Shuri’s eyebrow climbs higher, “I am not certain what has angered you this morning, but do not take it out on me,” she says in a cool tone that she reserved for people she was especially irritated with and him. Apparently he got less forgiveness than everyone else but he keeps his irritation with that to himself. Normally Shuri’s high standards for him did not bother him, the reason they did now was because of that dream.

“I am sorry, that was rude. I had a dream last night though; actually I dreamed one of Tony’s memories. It was right before Ultron was set loose and he was talking about aliens and that wormhole that he went though in New York. He was panicking, unsure of what to do and how to combat the issue. It was confusing, he was remembering all sorts of other things at the same time that I had little context for. But Shuri, when he told the Avengers about what he saw in that wormhole they all _rolled their eyes_ at him. They looked annoyed that he had brought the subject up, like this has happened before and… well they presumably were just as dismissive,” he says, throwing his hands up helplessly. _Why_ would they do that? Steve and the others expressed their annoyance with Tony keeping secrets and he understood why that would be a problem but Tony was honest then so why didn’t they listen.

“Because they think he’s arrogant,” Shuri says and he realizes he spoke his thoughts out loud. “If they assumed that he brought up the wormhole in some attempt at bragging then they would not have listened.”

T’Challa rolls his eyes, “he said he saved New York, that was stating a fact, not bragging. And I could _feel_ his panic, I have seen his face when he is feeling strong emotions, he is easy to read. Why did they not see his worry? Why did they ignore him like that?” he asks, sounding a little desperate.

“You are his soul mate, of _course_ you would wonder that. But they do not care, or at least I do not think they do,” she says softly, laying a hand on his shoulder in comfort. He sighs and tries his best to gather himself, realizing somewhat belatedly that the scene was in full color. Shuri squeezes his shoulder and goes off to do her own duties and he wanders back into the house, pondering Tony’s colored vision. In the first memory he had, the one of himself, Tony had marveled at seeing color his whole life but not needing it when he met his soul mate because he had been dressed in all black…

“Your Highness,” a familiar voice says and T’Challa resists the urge to snap at the man. This was not the time or place for it. He turns to face the Captain with some minor annoyance remaining but he does his best to keep it from showing. He must be at least somewhat successful because he does not seem to notice or perhaps he is simply content to ignore everything he did not agree with. No, that was not quite fair, it was clear that Steve Rogers cared deeply for his team, it was Tony Stark he had a problem with. “The place is in quite a bustle, is there… something going on?” he asks.

It was a fair question, particularly considering that those treason charges hadn’t been dropped yet and he was going to have to talk to Tony about that. He was still tempted to tell the Captain to stuff it in no polite terms but he resists. “I have some legal business with Tony to attend to,” he says simply. In part it was to gauge his reaction but he also wanted him to know that Tony would be here. It was important information to him and the Avengers.

Steve nods, “with the soul mate thing?” he asks as if it was any of his business what T’Challa was doing with his soul mate. He barely resists from clenching his jaw, it would show more than he was willing to share, and doing things out of anger never went well.

“No, with what remains of the Accords,” he says, giving as short an answer as possible. Steve rolls his eyes and _then_ T’Challa decides not to hold back.

“Didn’t he learn that that wasn’t going to work? We all got black bagged and stuffed into an underwater prison for not following a law we never agreed to, why would he still think this was a good plan?” he asks in a snide tone.

“The thing about the law, Rogers, is that you will be held accountable regardless of whether or not you think you did anything wrong. And do not mistake a corrupt government system for a corrupt piece of legislation, which can be amended as many times as needed might I add. Tony, from what I understand, believed in what that law could do, how it could help people, the fact that it went through a system that is corrupt is inevitable. No one is without bias, that does not mean we should not try and it does not mean we should decide that we know better than the system that produced us when we interpret the world through that system. I would also like to remind you that my father was one of the founding members of the Accords and I do _not_ appreciate the repeated insinuations that he had some interest in controlling you personally, you are not that special,” he snaps.

It was intended to use the resource that is the Avengers to benefit the public to the maximum amount possible in any given situation considering they would be dealing with the aftermath of their actions. It was hardly the boogyman Steve Rogers made it out to be, it was not the Accords fault that people were corrupt. If Tony still believed in that than good, one should listen to the people, not ignore them as they see fit. He sounded like Shuri, suspicious of a world that had done little to do him wrong. He would shake it if not for the fact that she would be right in this situation.

Steve’s eyebrows shoot up at his outburst, “I mean no offense,” he says slowly.

“You offend me anyway. Now Tony will be here sometime this afternoon and I do not want you or your Avengers anywhere near him. He knows you are here and you will respect him enough to give him space,” he says. Shuro, Okoye, and himself all saw the anger Tony harbored for the Avengers and T’Challa was not going to be the cause of more distress for his soul mate, he has done enough. The twinge in his ribs reminds him that Tony’s pain was not just mental either and that worries him.

“Wait, wait, there’s been some… misunderstanding or something and I need to sort this out. We’re supposed to be a team and I don’t know why he’s mad but we need to be together, as a team,” Steve throws in hastily when he realizes how that sounded.

“No. Tony has not misunderstood anything, he is rightfully angry with you and your team and you will not disrespect him by forcing your shoddy leadership down his throat,” he says in a tone that was perhaps too harsh.

Steve frowns, “is… there a reason you seem so upset with me, your Highness?” he asks, at least smart enough to pick up the change of his attitude. With how blind he was to Tony T’Challa was not sure he would. So Tony was the only one he blatantly ignored, then.

“My bond with Tony is… more than just colored sight. I can feel his pain and I have seen some of his memories. One of which starring you and your Avengers _rolling your eyes_ as he _panicked_ about aliens attacking and completely ignoring the extreme mental health problems he had been having since New York. Had you taken some time to calm him he would have never have been in the panicked state of mind he was in when he created Ultron. You blame him for the results of that but you should blame yourself,” he snarls, turning to leave before remembering another detail and turning back. “And _when_ , pray tell, were you going to inform me that Bruce Banner was _just_ as responsible for the creation of Ultron as you all believed Tony was? I am getting _very_ tired of finding out new information at every turn that contradicts your own so I would _highly_ advise you quit with the selective information giving.”

With that he turns on his heel and leaves the room.

*

Tony frowns as he looks around, confused as to why everything was currently black and white. Someone calls T’Challa’s name and follows it with something in a language he didn’t recognize and he turns as if on his own accord, walking towards the voice. Admittedly he hadn’t seen much of the late King T’Chaka but he easily recognized the man, if a lot younger than when Tony had briefly seen him, looking down at his son. T’Challa pulls his bag off his back and Tony realizes how low he was to the ground. T’Challa must be young, in grade school maybe.

He hands T’Chaka some paper and Tony internally winces, half expecting to be berated or hit but that doesn’t happen. Instead T’Chaka carefully examines the paper and smiles wide at whatever he sees, kneeling so that he is on his son’s level. Tony doesn’t understand what he says but he can feel the emotion behind it, the pride the man obviously felt for his son. More than that he feels T’Challa’s own swell of happiness at having pleased his father. T’Chaka reaches out and Tony finches but T’Challa does not. Instead of hurting T’Challa T’Chaka brushes his hand against his son’s cheek, murmuring more words of encouragement, Tony could tell because of the tone and the way he felt T’Challa felt.

When he wakes up it’s because Rhodey is calling his name. He blinks a few times, frowning because his eyes were watery or something. He touches his cheek and his fingers come away wet with tears. “Are you okay?” Rhodey asks, leaning towards him out of worry.

“I… yeah I’m fine,” he says, ignoring the way his voice broke in the middle of that. Rhodey’s eyes scan over his face and Tony can see that he’s debating on asking Tony more questions but thankfully he leaves it be. Tony carefully curls himself into a ball, doing his best not to hurt his ribs and failing, and looks out the window. He ignores that the tears run down his cheeks long after the dream ends.

*

When they get to Wakanda Tony nervously runs his hands through his hair a few times, unsure of what he was even doing here. “Hey, you’ll be alright,” Rhodey says quietly, reaching up and squeezing Tony’s hand gently. Tony clings back for a moment before letting go and taking a deep breath. Time to forge ahead and do what he needed to do and then he could get the hell out of here forever. Once he knows Rhodey is settled he walks off for a moment to get some air on his own before he had to face T’Challa and maybe the Avengers and whatever T’Challa wanted to alter in that Accords replacement document and whatever soul mate shit he had to deal with. It was all too much too soon and he wants to flee but that was irresponsible and childish so he marches himself back over in the direction that Rhodey had gone off in and grins when he finds him.

Rhodey, much to his future self’s embarrassment, was currently flirting with Shuri, who was clearly amused with Rhodey’s efforts. “Rhodes, you know better than to hit on pretty girls without a wing man,” he says, delighting in the horrified look Rhodey gives him.

“That is not a thing, I do need a wing man,” Rhodey says to Shuri, trying to cover his ass.

“Do so, we had a whole system in college, remember that?” he asks, raising an eyebrow. Rhodey gives him that classic ‘fuck off I’m busy here’ look but Tony remains firmly planted, intent on seeing the look on Rhodey’s face when he realized he just hit on the princess of Wakanda.

“No. I don’t,” Rhodey says, raising an eyebrow at him.

“You should, we used it all the time,” he says. And it worked pretty well too, once Tony figured out where the line was in regards to tacky pick up lines and just weird and gross. Rhodey thought the whole learning process, and the many drinks dumped over his head, was hilarious so Tony figured this was payback. Though to be fair he probably should have gotten a lot more drinks tossed on him, he was an ass.

“Oh my god, we did not, that was not a thing, he’s just making shit up,” he tells Shuri.

“I am not making shit up, seriously, we had a good thing going, especially when Rhodey signed up for the military. Remember all fake stories about your brother dying in the war and you joining up to honor his memory?” Tony says, grinning as Rhodey shrunk in his chair, covering his face with his hand.

“ _Really_?” Shuri asks, shaking her head.

“Oh yeah, we had a whole list we’d go through,” Tony tells her.

“I hate you so much right now,” Rhodey mumbles, “I was doing fine before you showed up and ruined it.” Tony looks at Shuri and she smiles, shaking her head at Rhodey’s words.

“Were not, you should be embarrassed,” Tony says, smacking his arm.

“Well I am now thanks to you,” he says, giving Tony a pointed look. “I didn’t get your name, though,” Rhodey says to Shuri, falling right back into bad lines.

Shuri grins and holds out her hand, “Princess Shuri of Wakanda,” she says brightly, smiling wide as the blood drains from Rhodey’s face and he turns to give Tony a horrified look. Tony forgets all about his hurt ribs and bursts out laughing for all of five seconds before his ribs start burning, only his body hated him and he couldn’t stop laughing. It doesn’t take long to turn into a coughing fit, which turns into Tony nearly nose diving into the ground if it wasn’t for someone catching him. The immediate easing of his pain and the small shiver he gives off involuntarily informs him that it was T’Challa who made sure he didn’t eat shit.

“Oh, that was painful,” he wheezes out. He wants to lean the hell _away_ from T’Challa but his stupid brain wasn’t cooperating with the rest of him.

“Are you okay?” Rhodey asks, concerned.

“Yeah,” he says at the same time T’Challa says, “no.” He glares at T’Challa but the man shrugs unapologetically. That’s about when his body gets the memo his brain has been sending it and he pulls away, shaking T’Challa off.

“You sure?” Rhodey asks.

Tony’s ribs felt like they were on fire and he was fairly certain he was going to pass out at any moment, “I’m fine,” he says in a practiced even tone, knowing that he looked it too. The only decent thing about Howard was that he taught Tony how to hide pain like an expert. Rhodey doesn’t look convinced but he leaves it and T’Challa was giving him a very skeptical look. He would have liked to tell T’Challa to stop looking at him like he knew he was lying, except he felt Tony’s pain and his slightly hunched stance indicated that he did actually know Tony was lying because he could feel it. _Damnit_. This being special bullshit was getting old fast. Thankfully Shuri saves him and launches into an introduction and leads them into a house that was _massive_. And by Tony’s standards was that really fucking big.

T’Challa sticks close by him, likely assuming that he would fall or something again, but Tony was also an expert in moving like he wasn’t in pain too. Thanks Howard for making his childhood a living hell, but also for teaching him how to act normal under extreme bodily duress. Thankfully Shuri’s welcome doesn’t last long and she tells them they can go off to their rooms to attempt to sleep off the jetleg if they wanted, offering to take Rhodey to his room much to his delight. Then, much to Tony’s delight, he tries to cover it in order to not let T’Challa in on the joke. Joke was on Rhodey, T’Challa could see his memories and it was only a matter of time before he got ahold of that one.

Normally Tony would have insisted that he was fine but his ribs felt horrible and he was actually, surprisingly, tired so he takes Shuri up on her offer. Unfortunately for him, though, that meant he got stuck with T’Challa escorting him to his room. They walk in silence, mercifully, because Tony didn’t feel like awkward small talk. The downside was that it felt like an eternity to get to the room T’Challa had put him in. T’Challa opens the door and Tony’s brows rise at the extravagance of the space. First, the bed was _huge_ and he was fairly certain the wood posts had _gold_ pressed into the intricate designs. Panthers and leaves or something from the look of it. The other furniture looks expensive too, something that was difficult to pull off when he’s lived an entire life of luxury and didn’t know what expensive actually looked like.

“Is this alright?” T’Challa asks when Tony doesn’t say anything right away.

“I… yeah this is fine,” Tony says, purposely pitching his tone to suggest he was underwhelmed. T’Challa doesn’t buy it but Tony could hope. He wanders further into the room, looking around at the intricate details on the furniture and the mural on the ceiling. The beauty gave the Sistine Chapel a run for its money. “Tony,” T’Challa say quietly. Tony turns to face him more out of courtesy than anything. “I wanted to apologize for the way I’ve handled things with you, for treating you as if you were a mystery to be solved instead of a person. It was unfair of me,” he says softly.

Tony opens his mouth, and then shuts it again. “Oh,” he says softly because he had nothing better to say.

“I’ll leave you be,” T’Challa says but as soon as he goes to go Tony gasps in pain, the sharp stabbing sensation catching him off guard. “Are you alright?” T’Challa asks, taking a step closer to him out of concern. Tony grits his teeth and makes his way slowly to the bed, sitting on it gently and carefully repositioning himself into a comfortable position.

“I’m fine,” he says more out of instinct than anything.

“Are you sure?” T’Challa asks. Tony cracks an eye open to glare at him and he nods to himself, thankfully taking the cue to leave. Except when he goes that damn stabbing pain comes back only this time T’Challa feels it too, wrapping his arm around his ribs and gasping as Tony does the same.

“Fucking soul mate magic,” Tony mumbles, “guess you get to stay.” He tells his stupid body that that didn’t mean anything at all because he still wanted little to do with T’Challa.

T’Challa, once recovered enough, makes his way to the other side of Tony’s bed, sitting in the far opposite corner to give Tony as much space as possible while also having a place to sit. They don’t say anything to each other, suffering in the awkward silence until a small bell interrupts the noiseless state. Tony looks for the source of the sound and grins when he finds a small grey cat with a bright red collar with the bell that was the source of the noise. “Hello kitty, who are you?” he asks the cat as if it would answer, temporarily forgetting that T’Challa was there to witness his embarrassing love of cats.

The cat regards him skeptically for a moment before jumping onto the bed, sniffing at him gingerly before pressing its head into his ribs lightly enough that he didn’t feel any pain. Tony lets out a small gasp, “I’ve been blessed,” he says excitedly, letting the cat sniff his hand before letting its soft ears.

“How did you know the significance of cats to my culture?” T’Challa asks, ruining Tony’s moment with the cat.

“I didn’t, but when a cat likes you it means you’re blessed, that’s like… the laws of physics,” he says, full well knowing the statement was scientifically incorrect, not that he cared.

“Well, in Wakandan culture when the King’s cat likes you, you are literally blessed,” T’Challa tells him.

Tony grins at the little grey fur ball, “obviously I’d be blessed, I’m awesome,” he says, petting the cat’s cheek and earning one of those droopy eyed looks cats get when they like the pets they are receiving. “What's the cat’s name?” he asks after a moment.

“Cleocatra,” T’Challa says and Tony tries very, _very_ hard not to laugh at that.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for mentions of suicide and I think that's it. If not let me know and I'll add it in.

When Tony wakes up T’Challa, thankfully, is gone. The cat is still there though, curled into his side like she belonged there, snoring away. He gently runs his hand over the cat’s soft fur, earning a short glare from the animal as she cracked an eye open to give him a look but she goes back to sleep quickly, stretching herself out to do so. Tony snorts, rolling his eyes fondly at the cat’s dramatics and going back to petting her fur. The space around him was quiet, indicating it was either sometime during the night or the early morning. He would have liked to have gone back to bed but he knew that that wasn’t about to happen any time soon so he shifts some, irritating Cleocatra and earning an annoyed meow for his efforts.

“What? The world doesn’t revolve around you, I have stuff to do,” he tells her. She blinks up at him for a moment and lays her head back down, except she lays in it his ribs instead of her paws. That was full on adorable and he couldn’t move _now_ , it was cruel to reject such a sweet gesture from the cat. He half wished the cat would go and half wished the cat would stay forever in such a cute position. So instead of going and doing something with himself he lays there with Cleocatra’s head on his ribs for a solid twenty minutes before the cat decides that she has sufficiently proved her point, the world _did_ in fact revolve around her cuteness, and she jumps off the bed.

He couldn’t believe he just one-upped by a cat. Regardless, he pulls himself out of bed with some difficulty; apparently soul mate magic wasn’t enough for him to be completely healed. That would have been nice, not that he was expecting things to work that way but from what he witnessed T’Challa was enhanced somehow. If he was really lucky maybe some of that would rub off on him, it wasn’t like there was an abundance of research into how bonds with enhanced people worked, if they worked differently at all. Tony resolves to take notes and to tell FRIDAY to pay attention to the differences if she spotted any. It would be good practice for her to observe human behavior and get used to T’Challa.

Not that he was going to be around much if ever. But if he were she would at least know what to do. He walks over to the bathroom that attached to his room, noticing the stuff he brought with him as he goes, and ran through his morning routine. He slept in the suit he was wearing when he got there despite the discomfort, which spoke to how tired he must have been. That was weird considering he slept on the plane too and his sleeping habits have long since been destroyed. Even as a child he never slept well, always too many designs bouncing around in his head, taking up space and refusing to leave him alone. Back in MIT Rhodey tried to get him to write things down so he could sleep, figuring that maybe if he wrote down the ideas that were keeping him awake he could sleep. That worked all of once because then the _improvements_ came and no matter how much he wrote down there was always something more to add.

In the end he just learned to live with only sleeping after being awake for long stretches, usually a day or more. It was great in school because everyone else needed eight hours a night and he could function on that for like a week. Two hours a night, or more like power naps during the day, meant he ended up crashing and sleeping for like two days straight but he got his shit done and even sold some of his other work on the side. It also meant that he graduated with high honors with Rhodey and got to brag about it later. Now he slept more than that, aging had some positive side effects after all, but not much more. He wasn’t going to be pulling the stunts he did in college any time soon but he still only managed to get a good rest every could days if he was lucky. Most of his time was spent tossing and turning and going back down to the lab because he might as well be useful if he was awake.

Now he sort of wished he had a normal sleep pattern because jetleg sucked for normal people let alone your average insomniac. But no, he had long since been the exception to the rule even in sleep patterns so he was going to spend the next few days trying and failing to adjust only to go back to New York and spend more time trying and failing to adjust. Rhodey had it worse though, since his accident he has settled into a nice routine and this was going to screw it all up for him. Ideally Tony would have left him at home but Rhodey had insisted and if Tony was honest it was nice to have at least one person that would be on his side.

He exits the bathroom and goes to his suitcases, pulling out a well-worn pair of jeans and an equally well-worn AC/DC shirt. The material was soft and far less restricting than the suit and it makes him feel better, more at home here. He grabs his StarkPad too, the Iron Man armor was always in need of updates and he was working on some new ideas to maximize efficiency, so he could do that before he… did whatever. Negotiations were planned for tomorrow so god knew what he was supposed to do for a whole day aside from maybe go exploring with Rhodey. He decides not to think about it for now and he decides to go look for somewhere that was quiet and peaceful to sketch designs for the armor.

*

T’Challa is dying and he know it, palladium poisoning was slowly strangling him to death. If he was lucky, and current events were not indicating he was, he had six months tops. This was his last birthday and he didn’t know what to do, how to handle it, _if_ he could handle it. He doesn’t want to consider it but he’s always been an ‘on my terms’ kind of guy and suicide was looking better and better every day. That meant his death would be short and easy and everyone could move on that much faster instead of realizing that he was dying. Then he would have to start grieving for him before he even died and that just might put him over the edge. He didn’t want to see the people he loved hurt, especially not for him, so he either did this the easy way or the hard way.

Or maybe it was hard both ways. Whoever said suicide was the cowards’ way out, he decides, had never actually considered the option. There was nothing fucking easy about this for him or anyone else. But what was he supposed to do? He was going to die whether he did it himself or if he waited for the reactor to kill him or hell, even the _shrapnel_ to kill him. Three options, all of them led to the same road, and he at least got to control one. It was a no fucking brainer to him even if he didn’t want to, not really.

All those times he wished he was dead and now that he was dying he didn’t really want that at all. What a cruel fucking joke this was. He’s drunk, he’s pretty sure he took something earlier, and he’s contemplating his own goddamn death on his birthday. He, for one, has decided that fate was a cruel mistress for continuing to kill him with his own inventions. So he deserved it, but he figured he could like… get crushed with a piano or something so it was quick. Poetic justice was what this was, spending all that time figuring out how to most efficiently kill people with his inventions only to be efficiently killed by his own twice now, and the second one was supposed to save him from the first. It was time to face the facts, he was meant to die by his own hand anyways.

He almost doesn’t notice Natalie there, watching him quietly almost looking sorry for him. Or maybe that’s just what she was willing to show him. “So,” he says somewhat conversationally, slurring his words a little, “if this was your last birthday what would you do?” he asks. Maybe she had better ideas than offing oneself.

Natalie tips her head up some, almost in defiance and boy was he familiar with that look, he made it himself all the time. “Whatever the hell I want,” she says boldly. Yeah… yeah, whatever the hell he wanted. He was good at that, spent his whole life doing that and yeah, he _should_ spend the rest of it doing whatever he wanted. Why the hell not, what did he have to lose? Or, that’s right, everything.

T’Challa’s eyes fly open and he is _furious_. All that judgment, all that ignorance towards Tony, and Natasha _encouraged_ the very behavior she was judging him for? He wants to punch something or run off his anger or… or _something_ but he does not. Instead he quietly seethes that the audacity to judge a man for actions you all but told him to do. There was no doubt in his mind that Natasha knew _exactly_ how Tony would have perceived that, how he would have spun out of control more than he already was and she all but told him to go further with it. She judged him for putting people in danger, for causing such a scene when she was partially the cause of said scene and those people being in danger! And yet she did not judge _herself_ for her own stupidity like she did Tony? Unbelievable.

And more than that, what was there to learn from Tony doing more damage than he already was? How did that influence her understanding of him? T’Challa saw no reason for her actions other than curiosity at what he would do and that was unacceptable.

He leaves his room in something of a flurry, earning a look from Okoye but she does nothing but melt back into the shadows, no doubt following him though she was subtle about it. He did not care. Right now he had problems to deal with, like the idiocy of the Avengers as a whole. What made him look out the window he was not sure but when he spots Tony curled up across the yard under a tree he stops for a moment. He means to continue but Tony’s concentration on the StarkPad he was holding captures his attention for a moment, watching as Tony’s brows draw together for a moment before going back to doodling on the pad with a stylus. For a moment he watches Tony, fascinated with the strange sort of foreign beauty he had before he starts to walk over.

“She all but told you to do it,” he says upon reaching Tony. Tony’s head jerks up from his project and he blinks in confusion at T’Challa, like he was genuinely confused that he was there. He saw no reason for Tony to be surprised, he did not make his entrance particularly sneaky, he simply walked across the lawn.

“Who all but told me to do what?” he asks, confused.

Right, of course Tony would not follow his thought process and the comment likely looked very out of place when coming out of nowhere. “Natasha, at your birthday party, you know the which one I’m talking about. She all but told you to act like a reckless ass and she’s spent the last _six years_ judging you for her own stupidity,” he all but snarls. He is _livid_ about this.

“She didn’t tell me to do anything, I was going to do whatever I wanted anyways,” Tony says. T’Challa is curious about that, his acceptance of his actions, but he would explore that more later.

“You were contemplating suicide, I know because I just dreamt it, and you asked her what she would have done if that was her last birthday. She is a highly trained professional, she knew _exactly_ what that response would encourage you to do and she told you to do it anyways for reasons I cannot even fathom. Yes, you reacted terribly and you should not have done that but she should have never encouraged your alcohol induced rampage,” he says. That was illogical, stupid even. And then to spend all that time judging Tony for it and apparently glossing over the extreme circumstances of those events not to mention her own role in them. What Tony needed in those moments was support and from what T’Challa had gathered when Tony got bad everyone up and left him, even his beloved Rhodey. Senseless idiots, and they wonder why Tony does not trust easily!

“Whatever you want is a pretty common response, T’Challa, she was probably just feeding me a line,” Tony says in a bland tone.

T’Challa all but vibrates out of his body with anger. _Why_ would Tony defend her actions? They were irresponsible and they should not be defended! “If she was feeding you a line than she should have told you that she would spend time with those she loves, which is just as common a response. Or even something more mundane than that, like eating an entire kitchen full of food, that is what I would do. Why stick to a diet if you are going to die anyway? The only reason I see for telling you that specifically is to see how far you could be pushed until you broke and that put people in danger. She knew that you were on a bender and if I am correct than she was intent on seeing how bad you would get and then she gave you the final nudge you needed to break. Now she assumes that all you are is what you were in what you thought were your final moments without even taking a nuanced glace at what even caused you to go over the edge to begin with! Fool,” he snaps, shaking his head.

Every time he thought he had all the information something new came up, something more that indicated the Avengers held far more flaws than what they admit to and he was very tired of this game. He asked for information up front, he gathered his own information, and now he realized that in doing this he completely missed Tony’s version of events. And judging from the memory dreams there was a lot more to those events than any of the Avengers let on. Shuri was right, he should have gone straight to Tony and judged for himself instead of assuming he would get a more clear picture elsewhere. He, too, has been a fool and he owed Tony more of an apology that what he has already offered.

“It wouldn’t have mattered what she said, I would have done the same thing,” Tony says in a resigned tone.

“Oh please, you would not have. If she gave you some absurd answer like… like licking an iguana you would have found an iguana for her to lick. Her response was ill thought out, irresponsible, and senseless and it cost you and everyone around you,” he says in a harsh tone.

Tony gives him a long look before responding. “One, you don’t know me so you have no clue what I would or wouldn’t do. And two, I totally would have found an iguana. Doesn’t change the facts though, I acted like an idiot and I paid the price like I should have and I apologized to Rhodey for punching him in the face. In hindsight that was uncalled for considering _I_ was the one in the wrong,” he says.

T’Challa considers tearing his hair out in frustration but he decides against it. He liked his hair and that would also be a very strange thing to do. He did not need to make an even worse impression on Tony than he has already. “No, the events do not change but how they are perceived should be. You should not have acted the way you did, that is obvious, but you do not tell a man intent on self-destruction so large it will take everyone around him down with him to _go ahead_. And you certainly do not assume that that one night is all that man is despite six years of information that suggested the opposite,” he says, throwing his hands up in frustration.

“Really? Because the highlights of the next few years include me blowing up all my suits and almost killing my girlfriend in the meantime, nearly ending the _world_ with yet another thing I built, losing JARVIS, getting all my friends arrested, and recruiting a child soldier. Out of curiosity why the hell would you assume _Natasha_ was the reckless stupid one?” he asks. The same argument the Avengers reiterated, T’Challa notices. He wants to wring their necks but that would be rude.

Instead he focuses on showing Tony a different perspective. “You did not harm Pepper, Aldrich Killian did. You built those suits so fast and in such abundance that it became considerably obvious that it was a reaction of PTSD from New York. When you recognized the futility of the coping mechanism you reacted the same way you did with alcohol. You made an effort to rid yourself of the compulsion in an admittedly dramatic way. You stopped that behavior and focused on a new project, the Ultron project. Wanda then triggered all your worst fears and of _course_ you were interested in building something to help. But ultimately all you did was run a program and judging a man for the consequences of his actions is senseless when there was no way that man could have predicted that outcome. And no one blames Bruce Banner despite being just as guilty. You did not throw your friends in jail, their breaking the law did. And the child with the webs, that… was not wise. Your actions do not exist in a vacuum and I am sick of people treating them as if they were. If they insist you take responsibility for your actions they should have the common decency to do the same,” he says.

It was only fair, only logical really. He was annoyed with the Avengers and annoyed with the shoddy leadership of Steve Rogers. A good leader knows that everyone makes mistakes, himself included. A good leader also knows that singling out a single person for their actions when letting everyone else do those same actions would cause a rift in the team for what T’Challa considered obvious reasons. A good leader knew to listen and learn, and to look at the reasons why things were happening rather than administering a harsh judgment. A good leader knew to step back if he was too close to a problem. More than that a good leader knew when to recognize that someone needed help and Tony Stark has been all but shrieking for help only to have damn near everyone in his life ignore him, or worse, ridicule him for it. And now Tony has heard this argument thrown unfairly in his face so often that even he believed it. That was unfair and it was cruel.

Tony looks up at him for a long moment, seemingly gauging the situation. “You don’t believe what they’re saying,” he says, states, despite it being a question.

“No, I do not. I have asked for information and gotten lies, I have confronted them about those lies only to get more lies, I am about to confront _those_ lies and I’ll likely get _more_ lies. Every time they have given me information they have conveniently left out details that suggested they had pieces of blame in your actions too, like conveniently not mentioning that Wanda _invaded your brain_ and triggered your worst fears before Ultron. They accept all the behaviors they call you out on with each other, making it clear to me that the problem they have is with you, not your behavior. If they did not like you the least they could have done was be honest about it, but instead they act as if they are standing on a moral high ground looking down at you. Then they act wounded and hurt when you do not trust them just as they do not trust you. When you treat someone badly you do not act is if _they_ have wronged _you_. You acknowledge your mistakes and begin to change that behavior, it is not a difficult thing to do!” he says even though that is only half true.

Modifying behavior was difficult, but when your actions harmed someone else it was important to change them. The Avengers expected Tony to change everything about himself to suit their needs and yet they could do the same things with no backlash. They expected Tony to change his behavior when he hurt people but did not change theirs when they did the same. It was hypocritical and nonsensical, the reason Tony did not trust them or talk to them was clear. They treated him as a problem to be solved instead of a human being and unfortunately T’Challa fell into the same trap.

“You… think they’ve wronged me?” Tony asks, frowning as if this was a confusing thing to understand.

“Yes, I do. You did not trust the government and were subsequently attacked for it, but when Steve and Natasha did the same it was fine. Had Steve spoke to you instead of making assumptions about you perhaps you would be on the same page. Steve can keep secrets and lie about things, but when you do it the behavior is a problem. Wanda can work for HYDRA and participate in mass world destruction _purposefully_ but when you and Banner accidentally create a genocidal AI Banner receives no blame and you are heavily shamed. Steve tells you to listen to people and trust them so you do with the Accords and that was wrong too. You cannot win and they wonder why you always fail! It is cruel,” he says softly, shaking his head. “And I am so, _so_ sorry that I have done the same things and expected you to be forgiving too. That was unfair of me, and it was thoughtless of me to not consider how you would have felt about my actions.”

“I… um… thank you?” Tony says, almost asks really, as if this situation was so foreign to him that he was confused by it. That made T’Challa’s blood boil.

“No need to thank me, I am simply doing what needed to be done. You do not owe me gratitude because I have admitted that I have made a mistake,” he says. No one was owed that contrary to what many people thought. “A good leader knows when to admit he is wrong.” Something that Tony’s team needed to learn.

Tony’s lips twitch up some, “yeah, but a great leader does something about it.”

*

He had no idea what to make of T’Challa. First off he never once wavered from his stance that _Tony_ had been wronged, minus pointing out the obvious when he said that bringing Peter into his messes was not wise. He seemed to see the hypocrisy of the Avengers, of Steve in particular even if it was Natasha he started with. But more than that he actually _apologized_ for being wrong. There were no excuses, no explanations, no trying to absolve himself of responsibility, just a flat out apology. It wasn’t like Steve’s letter and Howard’s bullshit video, both claiming that they had faith in him, cared, when neither one even made an effort to say that they _liked_ him let alone much else. Even T’Challa could see that the Avengers all had a problem with him, not the things he did, and that no matter what he did he never seemed to get it right.

Which brought him to his current dilemma. Part of him wanted to give T’Challa a chance, it seemed like he would be… good maybe, not like the others. But he thought that about Pepper too. She always had had an understanding of him that no one else did, Rhodey too, and even though Rhodey had his moments the second he started dating Pepper everything went wrong. It was like she suddenly expected him to be someone else, someone better suited for her and he got it. Yeah, he’s a handful and a half, but she already knew that about him when she got into this. And he tried, oh god did he _try_ to change things but Pepper wanted more than he was willing to give. She knew he was Iron Man and maybe she couldn’t have predicted the long-term effects of that, and maybe she didn’t know she couldn’t handle that, but it wasn’t something he was willing to change for anyone. It was unfair of her to ask, demand really, and then act as if he was the one that was wrong.

So maybe T’Challa seemed fine now, but how long would that last? At least with the Avengers he knew, at least somewhere, that things were bound to end badly. Natasha invaded his life, Steve hated him, Bruce… was actually okay, Clint didn’t like him, Thor strangled him that one time, Sam didn’t know him, and he was sure Wanda never stopped blaming him for her parents’ deaths. And that last one was at least fair, but the rest of them were relationships that were made to break. Rhodey, even with his occasional moments of misunderstanding, was the only one who got him. Pepper used to be that person but then being in a relationship basically fucked them both up and it was like they didn’t even know each other anymore. This was why he avoided the damn things to begin with, he’s seen it happen over and over, people start to date and one expects the other to grow a new personality and change everything for them. He didn’t want that again with anyone, Avengers included.

“What has you thinking so hard?” a familiar voice asks. Shuri sits down beside him on the lawn, tilting her head in question.

“Your brother,” he says honestly. He didn’t know what to make of this situation and realistically he knew exactly how it was going to end, the way damn near everything with him ended- badly.

“That is unfortunate,” she says, laughing softly and Tony snorts out some laughter too.

“Tell me about it. I don’t really know what to do here, if anything,” he admits. It wasn’t the kind of thing he was used to, most of the time he always had a plan and a backup plan in case things went wrong. Of course those plans didn’t really end well, at least not recently, but he at least had something.

“Well,” Shuri says, “if you’ll let him he does not give up easily. It is one of his better qualities unless you are playing video games with him, then he will beat you every time though he at least keeps the gloating to himself. But enough about him, he is boring, you will learn. What about that friend of yours?” she asks, transitioning in perhaps the least subtle way Tony has ever witnessed. Considering his own horrible transitions that was impressive.

“Oh, Rhodey? Once I dared him to eat a strange fruit we found in the street and that’s how we found out that thing caused hallucinations,” he says. In hindsight it was hilarious, but when it was happening it was scary as hell and Tony had no clue what to do, mostly because he was tripping balls too.

“Funny, he told me _you_ were the one to eat the strange fruit,” she says, grinning wide.

“Traitorous bastard. We both ate it because we were young and stupid and didn’t want to eat it alone,” he says. To this day neither one of them had any idea what happened, just that they wrote some really weird things down that made no sense.

“That is true friendship, both of you eating some strange fruit of unknown origins so the other does not have to go through it alone. That is admittedly a very stupid way to show support, but sweet in it’s own way. So, tell me some more,” she says. Tony grins and shakes his head, telling her about when he went missing in Afghanistan. It was probably the best story he had to date that fully encompassed everything that Rhodey was as a person and a friend. Everyone gave up on him, but not Rhodey, never Rhodey. And now, after everything, once again Rhodey was the only one left standing with him at the end if the day, just like always. He tells Shuri that too.


	8. Chapter 8

“Tony cares for you quite a bit, you know,” Shuri tells Rhodey. It was impressive how loyal Tony was to the man, even when he talked of Rhodey’s mistakes. She also noticed that Tony was adamant that when Rhodey did something wrong he always had some blame in what happened between the two. It ran directly contrary to what the Avengers said about him and that was curious considering Tony admitted to his mistakes so often it was no less than habit.

Rhodey snorts, “he better given all the shit I have to put up with. He thinks that Taco Bell counts as actual Mexican food when it doesn’t even count as food at all. Seriously, we had a two hour debate on the subject and I finally gave up,” he says, waving an arm around.

She laughs, “well, he thinks your liking pineapples on pizza makes you a monster so I think you are even,” she says. Frankly they were both wrong, American food as a whole was just atrocious but she got the feeling that they might fight her on that. She figures she will let them get used to Wakandan food and listen when they gripe about their own cultures food when they go home.

“You know what, he just doesn’t see it like I do. Pizza is unhealthy, but if you put a fruit on it it becomes healthy, that way you cheat the system,” Rhodey says proudly, as if that actually worked.

“I do not think that counts,” she says.

“It counts,” Rhodey assures her.

“Well, I suppose I can rest easy knowing those chocolate covered raisins are healthy because of the raisin bit, then.” T’Challa gave her the side eye every time she ate them, concerned for her diet, but she knew about his love of American fast food and that was far worse than anything she would concern herself with. He should keep his looks to himself.

“See, exactly, if it’s got a healthy thing on it it’s obviously healthy. It’s science, so Tony can go on eating his unhealthy pizza and I’ll eat my perfectly healthy pizza and he can suffer,” Rhodey says, proud grin on his face. “In all seriousness though I know Tony cares, people might not see it, but they just don’t know how to look. People used to tell me all the time that he was a bad friend because he didn’t act like normal people do, but they have no idea how much he’s done for me. Maybe he’s an asshole sometimes, but when my mom died he left the business meeting he was in despite the fact that it could have ruined his reputation as new CEO of SI, got on a plane, planned the entire funeral, and paid for it too. I’ve had a lot of friends, none of them did anything that nice for me.”

“None of Tony’s friends spent any time looking for him when he went missing too, but you never stopped looking. Though I am curious as to how you found him,” she says. Tony did not give any details, looking visibly shaken by the small details he did give out, but he was adamant that Rhodey was one of the only reasons he was even alive.

“Yeah, that’s because Tony doesn’t have friends, he has leeches. It happens over and over again, Tony thinks someone cares and all they do is use him for his resources. I get that he isn’t the easiest guy to deal with, and god knows I’ve been at my wits end with him a few times, but people don’t even bother to _look_ at him. All they see is the false bravado and arrogance and they think that’s all there is to him. That’s never been true.” Rhodey sounds and looks sad about this, upset on behalf of his best friend.

“So I have come to learn, and T’Challa too. He is not impressed with the way that Tony has been treated by his former teammates,” she says. Neither was she, really, they all chose to only see what they wanted and no partnership would ever survive such conditions. She was sure Tony had some biases too, of course he did, but she sympathized far more with him than with the rest of the Avengers. It helped that she has been in several of the positions he has been in. She, too, has played second fiddle to a near perfect figure of light and always got lost in his shadow, her social position was also privileged but isolating, and she also grew bitter and resentful of this. It irritated her that people did not often seem to understand people like her, even the near perfect T’Challa. Not that they made any effort to, instead choosing to be harsh and judgmental towards feelings they did not understand.

“Good, neither am I. I know he’s done things wrong but I also know that he has apologized and tried to atone for those things, he _always_ does, even when we were young. You can’t expect someone to change if you’re never willing to see them in a new light, or in this case a light outside your own biased assumptions. Six years, _six_ years Shuri, and they _still_ haven’t seen past his defenses and half of them are supposedly brilliant strategists and superspies. That makes me wonder how bad at their jobs they must be if they aren’t willing to see things in a different light, or several different lights. It really pisses me off that Steve doesn’t get it, he spent years in the damn military knowing you have to look at things from every possible angle to make the best plans and he can’t even see past one man’s defense mechanisms? Unbelievable,” Rhodey says, clenching his jaw and shaking his head.

Ahh, of course Steve’s apparent biases would hit close to home for him being a military man himself. That was why the Dora Milaje were so upset with this, especially Okoye though she harbored a special dislike for Natasha Romanov. “A good leader knows never to assume that you are always right about someone, and a good leader is always willing to see someone in new ways if the situation calls for it,” she says, reiterating her father’s words to her from all those years ago. He may have favored T’Challa but she has always been the better judge of character and he knew it, but she always watched for signs that her assessment was wrong. People changed, hid things, conveniently lied when it would suit them best, and ignored their own shortcomings and flaws. Steve Rogers was a prime example of all of these things. Everyone was human, no matter how good or bad, and if a person was willing to own up to their mistakes, _truly_ own up to them, it said far more about their character than the mistake itself.

So far all of her evidence pointed to Tony being a hasty decision maker, but one that was always willing to admit that he did something stupid and learn from it. Sometimes he did not do a good job, but he was only human, she did not expect him to be perfect and no one else should either.

“A good leader also knows when he’s too close to a situation and when to step away. Bucky Barnes proved that Steve Rogers does neither one of those things and it floors me that he has the audacity to judge _Tony_. So Tony isn’t perfect, and he never will be, but he also doesn’t pretend like he is, not anymore. And to be honest I’m not sure he ever believed any of his own boasting.” Rhodey looks frazzled and annoyed, offended on the behalf of his friend but more than that he looked worried about him. Tony was worried about Rhodey too, concerned that recent events were affecting him in ways he was not necessarily willing to admit to himself yet. Tony was wise not to push Rhodey, that never went very well and people would not admit to their problems until they were ready, if they were ever ready.

“A good leader also knows when to admit to their mistakes and so far I have seen exactly one backhanded letter to suggest Steve Rogers is willing to do that,” she says. Tony reiterated the letter to her and the best she could muster was an eye roll.

“Yeah, well there’s a huge difference between ‘I’m sorry I hurt you’ and ‘I’m sorry you got hurt’. Tony knows the difference, Steve should take a lesson,” Rhodey says, shaking his head in anger. Shuri squeezes his shoulder gently, earning a small smile from the man.

*

Tony is angry with B’Tumba because he was being an idiot and he was refusing to listen to him. His father looks exasperated with him but he remains patient just like he always does. “T’Challa, it takes two people to create a fight, and it take two people to fix it,” he says, always spouting some wise comment. Usually it did not bother him but today it grated his nerves.

“I have tried, he refuses to listen,” he says in a harsh tone, irritated with his friend for not understanding his words. He was right and he did not see a reason why he should have to spend so long explaining himself, B‘Tumba should just accept that he was wrong.

“And you?” his father asks.

T’Challa frowns at that, “what is that supposed to mean?” he asks, confused as to what his father was getting at.

“Have you listened to B’Tumba?” he asks, looking at his son intently.

He scoffs, “of course I did,” he says quickly, how else was he supposed to figure out he was right?

For a moment his father does not respond, instead looking at T’Challa intently. This look meant that he has failed a test somehow but he had no idea what he had done to earn it. He only gets a few more moments before his father explains what he has done wrong. “You did not think before you responded. You seem quite sure you are correct, _too_ sure if your good friend has started an argument about it with you. Perhaps B’Tumba is not correct but you should consider why he thinks he is and what that means for you. A good leader knows to listen to a counter argument whether or not they agree with it because it can both support why your own argument is correct, and sometimes it can disprove you initial theories. Never assume that you are right blindly, always be willing to change what you think,” his father tells him intently.

He leaves the room after that, giving T’Challa space to consider the words. His first instinct is to ignore them but he understands that this highlights the problems with his current line of thinking. Instead he takes a few moments to reconsider B’Tumba’s words before grabbing his coat and heading out the door to try and fix this.

Tony wakes up annoyed with some dude named B’Tumba for no real reason and he gets the feeling that T’Challa was annoyed with him for no reason too. It was funny, almost, how T’Chaka’s words also happened to highlight how stupid both Tony and Steve have been in the past. Tony knew he had a listening problem, he always has, but he was trying to work on it even if it didn’t always go well. And Steve… Tony had no idea what to make of him anymore and he wasn’t even sure he wanted to try anymore. When he was a kid he used to idolize Captain America, wanted to be just like him and he quickly realized he would never mean as much to anyone as Steve Rogers, least of all Howard. And then his childhood nightmare became his adult trauma and once again he found himself living in the shadow of Steve Rogers. He, for one, was fucking done with that.

But he had better things to do today than be annoyed at B’Tumba, especially since he didn’t even know who that was, or Steve. Actually he hadn’t seen any evidence they were even here despite him knowing T’Challa was hiding them somewhere. If he didn’t know any better he would wonder if T’Challa told them to stay away from him or something but he didn’t see much reason for T’Challa to do that. He shakes his head to clear it; he had what remained of the Accords to deal with and then a trip home to plan. There were a few things he needed to get done for Pepper and SI too, and god knew what Spideryouth was doing without him. Probably getting into all sorts of trouble and loving it like a proper fifteen year old.

He pulls himself out of bed somewhat slowly, his stupid ribs still hurt though far less than they had before. The stupid things hurt for over a month and two days with T’Challa in the general vicinity made them feel less like they were on fire constantly and more like they just hurt like hell. His chest, at least, stopped being tight as a whole so there was that. It would have bee nice if soul mate magic was long distance but no, of course it wasn’t. Not, he supposed, that it mattered now considering he was mostly going to figure out how not to piss of Wakanda doing the hero thing. Granted they never really got this far down into Africa so the countries in this general area were mostly safe but you never know, Vision made a good point about being a hero inviting people to challenge you.

Actually being talented at anything invited people to challenge you. His business, his academic work, his so called ‘love life’, which was more like his ‘sad one night stands’ life, his strong personality, all those things always drew someone looking to challenge him in. Hammer challenged his business or at least he liked to think he did, academics never really did do a good job disproving his theories, Pepper sufficiently challenged and almost beat his aversion to romance, and Steve plus the rest of the Avengers did a fine job challenging his personality. And there was that one very awkward time Hammer tried to challenge him at he hero thing when he really should have left the more capable Vankov to his supervillainy. Frankly Vankov was far better at it and he also spent a lot of Hammer’s money essentially trolling the guy into funding his own revenge plot. To this date Tony’s favorite villain was Vankov because although he might be a terrorist the guy had a pretty great sense of humor and objectively Tony appreciated it. What he did _not_ appreciate was that time he almost took out little Tony. That was very not funny.

Vankov was at least the only one who ever went, sort of, for the family jewels. Too be fair everyone went straight to trying to murder him so maybe he should appreciate that Vankov was really only giving him a taste of what he could do. In another life if Howard hadn’t fucked the elder Vankov over Tony could have totally worked with Vankov the younger. They probably could have done some really cool things. But no, his idiot father ruined Vankov and stole all the credit for something he only half did and then his son decided for some reason Tony needed to pay for someone else’s mistakes. Actually, given that it was likely Obi who sold the fucking missile that killed Wanda’s family it seemed father figures screwing him over only to leave him with the emotional fallout and revenge plots was a pretty popular theme in his life. And people wonder why he has daddy issues.

With a shake of his head he sets the thoughts aside and wanders out into the hallways, somewhat unsure of where he was going but intent on getting these negotiations over with. He just wanted to get home, relax a little, and get a few things done before some villain inevitably ruined the peace. Unfortunately for him he didn’t need to wait until he got home for some asshole to ruin his peace.

“Hey, Stark,” a familiar voice says and he turns to find Clint barreling towards him. Tony full well expected Clint to stop and that was his first mistake, well, technically his second. So when Clint barrels into him full force he smacks into the wall behind him, gasping for breath as his ribs flair up in pain. “Don’t be such a fucking drama queen,” Clint snaps, still in Tony’s personal space, “that didn’t even hurt.”

“Glad to know we share a pain level,” he grits out, left arm wrapped around his ribs.

“Fuck you,” Clint snaps, clearly not as pleased with Tony’s sass as he himself was. “Stay the hell away from my family.”

“Fine, next time I’ll let HYDRA kill them all so you can blame me for that too,” he quips, earning a sharp poke to the ribs from Clint, who seemed to have figured out he was wounded. Tony was impressed with his sleuthing skills seems how he was in no pain four seconds ago.

Clint opens his mouth to respond but someone else interrupts him, “you were instructed to stay away from Stark,” the sharp and commanding voice says. Okoye, Tony would recognize someone that severe anywhere given that it wasn’t a common tone for people to use. He expects Clint to move away because Okoye did not seem like the type of woman to cross but Clint has different ideas.

*

Okoye was not fond of Barton but she did not consider him much of a threat. She has dealt with people who had more skills and were more threatening as a child. Barton, however, makes the mistake of judging her the same way she judged him because he all but pounces on Tony, wrapping his hands around Stark’s freakishly white throat and squeezing. He does not do much, if any, damage because she pulls him off quickly, all but tossing him behind her. “Are you alright?” she asks Tony, who looks more unimpressed with this whole thing than anything. She was surprised that being attacked by a friend did not shake him but she supposed that this was not new to him either.

Her hearing alerts her to Barton moving so she turns to give him a warning glare, perfectly content to make sure he was not about to move any time soon if she so had to. “I’m fine,” Tony says, hand rubbing his throat. That seemed to be a common response from him and more often than not he was not actually fine. She gives him a look and he shrugs, “what? It isn’t like this is my first fight though it is probably the most pitiful on my part,” he says.

“Because you did not expect a friend to attack you,” she says and it is not a question.

“Clint is no friend, but I didn’t really expect him to try and choke me to death,” Tony says, sparing Barton an irritated glance. She resists the odd urge to laugh at how absurd Tony was acting and how underwhelmed he seemed by this whole situation. He had a thick skin and she liked that about him. He would be good at survival and anyone who could survive was impressive to her.

“Yeah well don’t think I won’t do it again,” Barton snaps. She wonders if he realizes that threatening the King’s soul mate was akin to threatening the King himself. She hoped not simply because she would like an excuse to properly punch him. Unlike the current Avengers the Dora Milaje had rules they were to adhere to in order to assure the safety of the King, themselves, and more importantly the people of this country. So far Barton was only slightly over the line given that he did not do Tony any actual damage.

“ _What_ is going on here?” T’Challa asks, choosing the correct moment to step onto the scene. Okoye steps aside to let T’Challa handle the situation from here and in hindsight she could see why that was a stupid decision on her part. Barton leaps at Tony, hands outstretched, and she snatches him with an arm around his neck far before he can get anywhere close to Tony. She chastises herself mentally for being stupid enough to have stepped out of Barton’s way when he literally just stated that he would try and attack Tony again. She should have remembered that not everyone held as much respect for her King as she herself did. T’Challa, for his part, looks livid but he turns to Tony first.

“Are you alright?” he asks, scanning Tony’s body for wounds. He would find none aside from the previous injury to his ribs, which Barton seems to have exacerbated, she already checked him.

“I’m fine,” Tony says, his arm still wrapped around his ribs and he still looks underwhelmed by the situation. Okoye considers her options with the still squirming Barton. She could easily knock him out, despite his fighting her hold his strength was no match at all for her own, she could simply hold him back as she was doing now or…

Or she could simply let him go and let T’Challa punch him instead. It would make him look good, protecting his soul mate, and Barton was no real threat to T’Challa. They have already faced down and he came out more than on top, plus she was not enhanced like the King, if she could hold him back he certainly could. She did not like playing her King like this but she liked Barton less so she lets him go knowing he would be too much a fool to wonder why someone with her level of training would ever do something so stupid. She already made one mistake; perhaps he assumed she made another. Or, more likely, he simply did not think at all.

So Barton leaps for Tony and she watches as T’Challa feels the change in the air around him, noting the new sounds indicating a threat, and turns with his hand half raised. When he registers the threat, far before Barton seems to have even noticed that T’Challa has noticed, his hand lifts higher, following through on the swing he half started. The blow lands, obviously, crashing into Barton’s face hard enough to send him considerably off course. He smacks into the floor hard, his head bounding as he goes and Okoye finds the sound satisfying. T’Challa gives her a look and she shrugs, “he escaped,” she says simply. The look on his face suggests that he did not believe that whatsoever but Tony’s laugh draws his attention away.

“That was awesome, you should do it again,” Tony says, grinning. Okoye allows herself a small smile for a job well done. Now her King looked better in the eyes of his soul mate, at least one of the Avengers now knew there was a limit to T’Challa’s diplomacy and patience, and no one got hurt in the process. She did not count Barton.

Barton shuffles some and T’Challa turns to him quickly, “you best stay down, Barton,” he says in cool, brisk tone that suggested he was not to be tested. Barton was smart enough to listen.

*

Rhodey had to admit punching Barton in the face looked pretty good for T’Challa and he got why Tony was happy about it. If Rhodey didn’t have a chair holding him back he would have marched his ass straight up to Barton and punched him in the face himself for ever using his injury as a weapon against Tony. He wasn’t a fucking tool for Barton to use as a pointed barb against a man he disliked, he was a goddamn person and he did not appreciate being reduced to a snide comment. But he was still skeptical of the guy, of how this whole thing with Tony would play out. In an ideal world he would have agreed with Tony and supported him in his decision to not to have anything to do with T’Challa but Tony has always been a special snowflake so of course he had to have one of those weird ass bonds that did cool shit.

Well, Rhodey had to admit dreaming someone else’s memories is actually not that cool but the healing thing was, and whatever else the bond might do. There were a lot of strange accounts of soul mates being able to do weird things, a lot of it was considered impossible, but after his best friend started flying around in a mechanized tin can saving the world from aliens Rhodey’s disbelief was suspended some. And it was obvious that T’Challa was some kind of enhanced, he wasn’t sure anyone knew how that might effect a bond if it had any effect at all. Tony obviously healed faster in T’Challa’s presence if his not being as careful with his movements was any indication. Who knows what else they might discover about the bond over time, assuming that Tony stuck around.

He might have assumed that Tony would leave and never come back but this was Tony, the man was too curious for his own good and no matter what he said he was a dreamer. At some point he would give in either out of the hope that maybe things with T’Challa would work out or to see exactly what kind of bond they had. Rhodey would be there for him either way but if he had to pick up the pieces of yet another relationship gone wrong he wasn’t going to be impressed. As it was he wasn’t much happy with Pepper, who seems to have forgotten that she and Tony are no longer together so her unsolicited opinions should be kept to herself. Hell, even if she _was_ still with Tony Rhodey would be giving their dynamic some serious side eying.

Tony, of course, accepted it because he barely knew what a relationship looked like without abuse, but Rhodey was not very impressed with her at the moment. She _used_ to have a decent understanding of Tony and he found it odd that she seemed to prefer him back when he was an uncaring jackass trying to be Howard Stark instead of himself. He would have assumed that, like literally the entire world, she would have preferred him once he started to figure out that he was not Howard and he never needed to be. All that rediscovering himself, all that work he did on trying to understand himself and the world around him, and she acted like it was a bad thing or something. Or maybe she expected him to change more or something, either way her assuming he was going to essentially become a different person to suit her needs when he already changed into a completely different person was confusing and irritating.

It was a running theme throughout Tony’s life too. Howard wanted him to be Steve of himself, Pepper wanted him to be god knows who, The Avengers all wanted him to be Steve, half the world wanted him to be Steve, even Rhodey was somewhat embarrassed to admit that he’s spent too much time wishing Tony was someone else too. The worst thing about this, though, was that even Tony wanted him to be someone else and that broke Rhodey’s heart. Then enter T’Challa, who is something of a wildcard right now and neither Rhodey or Tony knew what to make of him. In the end it was Tony’s opinion that mattered the most but that didn’t mean Rhodey wasn’t worried about him.

“Colonel Rhodes,” someone says and Rhodey half turns to find T’Challa walking over. He guessed it was only a matter of time before he ran into the man for more than a few seconds at a time but that didn’t mean he was impressed with it.

He inclines his head slightly, “your Highness,” he says somewhat stiffly.

“Has your stay been comfortable?” T’Challa asks. Rhodey scans his face in an attempt to gather what his intentions were but all he got was sincerity. From what he’s learned about the guy from Shuri that wasn’t much of a surprise.

“Tony’s doing fine,” he says in way of a real answer.

This does not escape T’Challa, earning him a raised brow, “did you expect something else?” he asks.

“I expected more of the same from Tony, instead I got something a little different,” he says. He knows the answer is vague and from the tilt of T’Challa’s head he isn’t lost on Rhodey avoiding his questions. Not that he was being subtle about it he supposed, too much time with Tony always made him just a little more blunt than usual.

“Is that… a good thing?” T’Challa asks, frowning some. Rhodey looks back out over the pond he was sitting in front of. Tony told him the water was bright blue and that the fish in it were a vibrant orange but honestly Rhodey barely even noticed the fish against the slightly darker shade of grey of the pond. Apparently the entire estate is stunning but all Rhodey saw was a lot of leaves and cats. It didn’t look much more impressive than Tony’s own mansion though Tony informed him color made all the difference. He wondered if it did actually, make a difference that was, because his own colorless world didn’t make much of a difference to him. It was a pain in the ass to cook sometimes but he figured it out eventually via sense of smell and working out how the food changed via the subtle differences in grey.

“To be honest I’m not sure,” he tells T’Challa. He guessed he was going to have to wait and see how this all worked out for Tony in the end. So far things were going well minus Clint’s little freak out. But this was Tony; god knew how the hell this was going to end up long term. He had assumed he and Pepper would have lasted, they knew each other for years, she’s seen Tony at his worst, they understood one another, but the second they threw romance into the mix that went to hell in a hand basket. Their expectations for each other became completely different and he never did figure out if either one of them thought to have a conversation about it, Tony would avoid doing that for as long as humanly possible.

“Is… is he alright?” T’Challa asks slowly, like he’s unsure if Rhodey would answer the question.

Rhodey lets out a harsh snort, “he’s lost near everything he loves several times over, what do you think?” he says perhaps more harshly than necessary. It was true though, Tony has lost everything and some of that was his own fault but a lot of it wasn’t something he could control. Honestly Rhodey sometimes wondered how the hell he could get up in the morning. It… it was hard for him, sometimes, and he accepted that he was never going to use his legs like he used to and that was okay. Well, it wasn’t _really_ okay but it was permanent so he had little choice but to deal with it. Considering his alternative was death this was infinitely better than that, even if his inability to flip himself over in the night drove him fucking nuts.

But it was still hard sometimes and sometimes he didn’t really feel like doing much of anything at all. There was nothing wrong with him, all things considered he was actually quite healthy but he wasn’t really happy and he didn’t get why. He survived an accident that should have killed him, Tony was more than willing to help him out as much as possible, and he didn’t even have to worry about medical care costs. Even with the injury sometimes he could wiggle his toes and he could walk with extreme assistance. There was no reason for the strange feeling of emptiness and… it wasn’t sadness really, honestly it wasn’t really anything and that was the problem. It made things hard when even the simplest task seemed to take so much energy and seemed so daunting. Tony knew more than he let on but he didn’t say something for some reason and Rhodey would really like to know what the hell Tony made of his strange lack of energy and desire to stay in bed all day avoiding the world.

Compared to Tony he hadn’t even lost that much, though there were some things Tony had that he never had to lose to be fair. But Tony still got out of bed every day, still managed to get things done, in excess even, and at the end of the day he still saved the world even though most days he couldn’t even save himself. That was a kind of strength Rhodey didn’t even know existed until very, very recently. When they were younger Tony mentioned a feeling something like what he was feeling now and he had dismissed it, not understanding what the hell Tony was even talking about. Rhodey remembered after New York too, how Tony panicked and lost his mind and Rhodey hadn’t understood that either. There was nothing wrong with him, why the hell had he been freaking out? And that ‘help me’ drawing on that paper he was supposed to sign for that kid. He still didn’t know what the hell happened there but that was probably one of the most terrifying things he has ever seen and he’s spent a lot of time in war zones.

He wanted to talk to Tony about it, ask what the hell was going on with him but he didn’t know how, especially when he’s spent a lot of time scoffing at Tony when he acted like this. There was nothing _wrong_ with him so what was happening? There was no reason for this, no real reason for Tony to do half the things he did either. He remembered once, when Tony was in his late twenties and doing something stupid as usual Rhodey asked why he always fucked things up. Tony said that he had to and Rhodey had rolled his eyes, at his wits end with Tony’s shitty behavior and he told him he didn’t _have_ to do anything, that he _chose_ to. Now he wondered if there was something more to that statement that he didn’t understand at the time.

“I have no idea how he is still functioning. Sometimes I cannot bring myself to leave my bed for hours, weighted down by grief for my father and he has lost so much more than I ever will. He is the kind of strong I wish to be,” T’Challa says quietly. Rhodey looks over at him in surprise and T’Challa is frowning at the pond in confusion, just a touch of awe hitting his features. Yeah, Rhodey got that too. Honestly since the accident he has a whole new appreciation for his best friend.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for some mental health shit at the end, the one part could be taken as a mention of suicide. I think that's it but as always, let me know if not and I'll add a note in.
> 
> Also I just about made myself cry writing the end of this sucker. Granted I am very sleep deprived, which has made me emotionally compromised, but still. It's sad, okay?

When T’Challa says he wanted to talk about the Clint issue, which Tony didn’t even consider an issue, the guy just had a freak out over nothing, he didn’t expect T’Challa to _deport_ the guy. Actually he wanted to deport all of the Avengers because he must be feeling particularly vindictive or something. “No,” Tony says, pressing his fingers to his temples, his plans _needed_ them here and out of the public eye, damnit! God knows what the hell they would all go about doing if they weren’t currently trying to avoid drawing attention to T’Challa, who was some next level nice in Tony’s opinion.

T’Challa’s eyebrows fly up to his hairline, “ _what_?” he asks, clearly confused by Tony’s reaction.

“I need them here until I can get them acquitted,” Tony says, “I can’t count on them to not ruin my efforts with the courts if you don’t hold their leashes.” They’ve all already done a bunch of stupid shit, himself included, and people were really annoyed with what was essentially American imperialism and they wanted control of their boarders. Steve went against that _hard_ and while Americans were happy to defend him the rest of the world was both pissed and terrified. Given the things Tony knows that _he_ has done, let alone the rest of the team, he isn’t really that surprised. Actually he was surprised it took the world this long to get fed up with being invaded every ten minutes because there was a new HYDRA base, a new villain, or a new lead on Bucky. Villains aside, because those were more of an emergency type deal, people didn’t really like being left out of the loop of what was happening in their own countries, even the governments were running scared.

Tony’s been dealing with governments his whole life, they’re all a bunch of power tripping assholes (not unlike himself, if he was honest), they didn’t run scared from a lot. But they were running scared from the Avengers; intent of shutting them out and Tony couldn’t let that happen. They had no idea that the Avengers were necessary and thanks to everyone rolling their eyes at him and not acknowledging what he saw in that fucking wormhole no one else knew what was coming either. So fuck the Avengers for that but hey, every troll had its use, and Tony was damn intent he was going to make sure his trolls were fucking useable.

“I… why do you want them acquitted? To be quite honest I am not certain _I_ want them acquitted and I chose to take them in,” T’Challa says, brow creased in bewilderment.

“Look, if this was some bullshit situation in which they fucked up I’d be happy to let them burn because frankly they deserve it. They’ve been pretty cruel to me since the get go, I mean Natasha invaded my life and expected me to be totally cool with the whole thing, Steve made sure I knew I’d _never_ be as good as him from day one, Thor strangled me that one time-”

“ _What_? T’Challa all but snarls.

“Chill, it was one time and to be fair that Ultron thing was stupid of me. Anyways, Clint hates me and he’s next up on the ‘strangled Tony that one time’ list. Lang doesn’t like me much, which is weird considering I didn’t even know his name until he was sprung from the RAFT but whatever. Wanda has some pretty decent reasons to hate me but still, it doesn’t exactly foster team spirit. Wait, where was I going? Oh, right. So the Avengers are pretty much the worst thing to have ever happened to me and trust me I hate them for it, _boy_ do I hate them for it. But they aren’t the worst thing that has happened to the rest of the world and I can’t just consider myself, much as I would like to,” he says. Ideally he would let T’Challa do whatever he wanted but there was more to consider than him being strangled, and he was fine so he didn’t think it was a big deal anyways. He’s been through worse. Like that time Vanko just about took out his nether regions.

“I think the rest of the world would disagree with your assessment, Tony, and frankly I am done being lied to. I have been nice enough to hold them here despite the risk to my country and myself, I have given them every opportunity to tell the truth, and they continue to insult me and lie to my face. And then, after specifically telling Steve to keep the Avengers well out of your way I find Barton trying to _strangle_ you. For the second time, no less. I am sorry but I have been extremely lenient, especially considering they have no real right to the resources I have been providing them. I see no reason to let them remain if they cannot treat me with basic decency and respect let alone you. Is there something you are seeing that I am not?” T’Challa asks and Tony can’t help but think how easy it would have been to make that condescending. T’Challa doesn’t sound condescending at all though; instead he looks at Tony intently because he is genuinely interested in his response.

“Technically no. Nothing you’ve said is wrong but this is bigger than you and what you don’t like, and what I don’t like for that matter. The world needs a team of people with enhanced abilities because that’s the only way we’re going to deal with what’s coming and honestly who even knows what alien biology does. It’s only a matter of time before they show up and Vision has made a point. Things here have been escalating for some time now and it’s only a matter of time before those aliens make a return and they had shit I’ve never seen before. How are we supposed to prepare for a threat we can’t even assess? Point is, the world needs the Avengers even if the two of us could go without. I need to get them acquitted and as much as I don’t want to I need to make sure they don’t continue pissing off the world so that they’ll actually _take_ the help. Rogers should have signed the damn Accords like he was going to,” he mumbles.

He had been so close and then no, that whole Wanda thing came up and admittedly that was stupid. He should have talked to her about that first and to be fair he hadn’t told Vision to keep it from her, just that he was and why, but he couldn’t blame Vision for assuming he should do that too. The guy was less than a year old; all things considered he was doing really well for being a baby. But that wasn’t a reason not to sign the Accords and honestly he had no idea why Steve even conflated the two at any point. They were still in disagreement about Wanda being a child though; Tony would argue she didn’t really have a chance to be a child no thanks to himself. She was still old enough to fight, in Steve’s eyes and Tony had been reliably informed that they were better than his own, than she was no child. In his opinion no one who joined a terrorist organization was a kid even if he was sure that she never really bought the HYDRA ideology. But that was some extreme means to her ends and he felt that maybe they should talk about that.

“What did you say?” T’Challa asks, drawing Tony’s attention back to him.

“About what? Because I said a lot,” he points out.

“About the Accords, you said that Steve almost signed them. What stopped him?” he asks intently. Tony reiterates the Wanda thing and T’Challa frowns, “those two things do not have anything in common, doe he truly believe that if you’re judgment was compromised on one issue it is compromised on _all_ issues? Does he truly believe anything is that simple? Though he was right about that being a stupid decision, I understand why you did what you did, but you had no right to make that decision without her consent,” T’Challa says and Tony sighs, nodding.

It kind of hurt to see T’Challa’s surprise but he guesses it’s somewhat warranted. “I know, and every time I do something like this, make decisions for people instead of asking, it ends badly. _Every_ time. Wanda was no exception and that was pretty dumb of me, I’m sure she probably would have been happy to stay put or at least lay low until the public calmed down. She could have used the time for training, that would look good to the public and be beneficial to her too. But instead I made a stupid decision in haste just like I always do and just like it always does it blew up in my face so why the _hell_ Steve thinks doing the exact same thing I’ve been doing for years and failing at would work I have no idea. Especially since he’s criticized me every fucking step of the way but hey, I guess it doesn’t count if he does it,” Tony says bitterly. Steve was the one who _taught_ him that he was going about things in the wrong way, Tony changes his tune and then suddenly everything Steve taught him is wrong and he was doing the wrong thing and the team was on his side despite that he was singing Tony’s old tune. Fucking bullshit it what it was.

T’Challa takes a deep breath in through his nose and blows it out his mouth. “And you recognize that that was a stupid decision. Of course you do, you rarely look back on your actions blindly even if it takes you time to see where you went wrong. I looked through all your S.H.I.E.L.D records, by the way, and the rest of the team’s. Did you know that you apologize for your wrong doings three times more than the others, second being Steve, who still apologizes far less than you. What is interesting about this fact is that you’re perceived as apologizing then times _less_ than the member of the team who apologizes the least, Clint, likely because he does not often deal with the public. You also deviate from Steve’s plans roughly as much as the others and yet the entire team thinks you deviate from ninety percent of Steve’s instructions. That confuses me, particularly when combined with the fact that they repeat _every single_ one of your behaviors that your teammates find problematic in you habitually with no consequence. Explain that,” T’Challa says more rhetorically than anything but Tony answers anyways.

“To be fair I am a handful, and an ass. It isn’t like I’m known for playing well with others,” Tony points out. He’s never been good with the whole ‘team’ thing because he didn’t give a damn if there was no ‘I’ in team, there was an ‘I’ in win and that’s what he was there to do. It hadn’t made him much likable over the years and honestly he was glad for it now, his friends sucked. Minus Rhodey, he was just a little lost in his own issues right now and that was okay. He’s been there and he was more than happy to be there when Rhodey needed him.

“Maybe you are an ass, I have seen little evidence for it, but that does not change the math. You cannot possibly be a handful, as you described yourself, when you do not act much differently than your teammates. The only exception is apologizing more and I hardly see how that makes you an ass. I have seen your old interviews and your new ones, you may have been a handful and an ass in the past but you are not the same person now and your team clearly has not picked up on the change,” T’Challa tells him in a firm tone, one that suggests he knows he’s right and he’ll fight you on it, but he wasn’t being an ass about it either.

“Fine, they suck. But you can’t kick them out until they won’t be detained in some other bullshit facility. And FYI I am so mad, these people are being charged with _international_ treason and the public in America is more interested in my one-night stands. Can you believe that? The Avengers are being charged with _international crimes_ and they care what I’m doing with my dick? For real? I feel like a priority change is needed,” Tony says and he’s so caught up in his annoyance at the American public, and a few other countries too, that he almost misses the flash of hurt across T’Challa’s face. “What? I doubt you waited around for me, your one and only,” he says and he realizes just then he actually had no idea what Wankandan customs around soul mates were and that it was entirely possible that he was wrong about that. “You… didn’t, right?” he asks slowly.

T’Challa rolls his eyes, “what decade do you believe Wakanda is in? Of course I did not wait around for you, that is absurd. For all I knew my bond with you was not sexual in nature and the wait would have been useless and frustrating for everyone. I still did not expect that comment,” he says, looking away.

“Well I have a sex life, one people care more about than the Avengers apparently and I’m annoyed about it. Feel free to sleep around, I don’t really care,” Tony says without thinking it through. That earns him another hurt look but Tony didn’t have time to explain his views on sex to someone, namely that it was a pretty meaningless act on its own. For all he knew he and T’Challa had fundamental differences of opinion on that alone let alone everything else in Tony’s life. God, why did anyone think soul mates were easy? This has been the opposite of easy every step of the way.

*

T’Challa is irritated and objectively he know that he should not be dealing with this in such a bad mood, it would not make him very forgiving, but this was not something he could help. This was the kind of situation that was to be dealt with now, even if he was not completely on board with Tony’s plan. It was important to respect Tony’s opinions and thoughts though, so he would try his way and see how that went even if he did not necessarily like it. The plan did, however, remove the Avengers from his home so Tony clearly considered his feelings in all of this.

The Avengers sit around the table much like the last time they did this, all looking somewhat confused like last time too. That only serves to annoy him more; did they not consider strangling a former teammate to be a problem? He certainly did even if it was not Tony that was the target. “Can I ask why we’re here?” Steve finally asks, ever the leader of the group. T’Challa resists to urge to rip his own hair out in frustration at the statement.

“The fact that you are still in this country is a miracle and you can thank Tony Stark for that, despite his being strangled by your teammate. I specifically asked you to keep yourself and your teammates away from Tony and instead I found one of them trying to _murder_ him. I have been gracious to you, I did not have to take you in even if I owed Sargent Barnes help, and I certainly did not owe any of you after you repeatedly lied to my face. You may be confused on why trying to kill someone for no apparent reason is frowned upon but I am not. I intended to deport you but Tony has asked me to house you until he can get the charges against you dropped. Consider yourselves lucky that I have agreed, though you are being relocated and Clint is being deported. So not look offended, Wakanda does not like when people break laws any more than the rest of the world and Tony has graciously offered to send you undercover with your family. That is far more than you deserve,” T’Challa tells him, unable to keep himself from making the petty jab.

That gets the team’s attention, “I need to talk to Tony,” Steve says quickly and T’Challa frowns.

“Why? He was the one who convinced me to keep you here, I am not certain what you think speaking to him will achieve,” T’Challa says bluntly.

“You can’t kick me out,” Clint blurts out and T’Challa raises an eyebrow at this.

“I am the king, theoretically I could have you killed if I so chose. I would not because that is barbaric, but _I_ am in charge of _my_ country and I do not see the value in sharing resources with people who are dishonest and choose to spend more time insulting my intelligence than trying to work with me. As I said, if I had my way you would all be removed but Tony has convinced me otherwise,” he says. He did not like it but Tony made a reasonable argument, T’Challa felt the panic Tony felt when he recalled that incident. That fear was not the unfounded kind and after the first time… he felt it was unwise not to take Tony seriously, even if his suspicions never became a reality. That was not the kind of thing T’Challa was willing to take a chance on.

“With all due respect, your Highness, Tony is not as perfect as you think he is,” Steve says slowly. T’Challa recognizes the stance he adopts and he finds it almost insulting that the good Captain thought he could negotiate his way out of this. T’Challa wonders if he realizes he is Captain _America_ , not Captain Wakanda or Captain World. T’Challa has been fair, or at least he thinks so, so they should accept a fate that they created almost entirely themselves.

“He never said Tony was perfect,” Sam points out, “just that he’s done with our shit and you can’t deny that none of us look very good from his perspective. There’s shit that’s come out that _I_ didn’t know about and I’ve technically been an Avenger for a year. I mean come on, you essentially left Tony to die in Siberia and I get why but that’s harsh, man. Plus you lied about to T’Challa, not to mention everything else and then Clint. We aren’t exactly in a place to complain.” Well, T’Challa thinks, at least this particular Avenger seemed to get the point.

“Why does Stark care though? I thought he wasn’t exactly fond of us?” Lang says, frowning in confusion.

“No one has said anything about Tony disliking us,” Wanda says slowly, “though that appears to be true if the king’s thoughts are to be trusted. Not that I am trying to invade your mind, thoughts just come to me sometimes,” she adds quickly.

“I understand that reading minds is like an extra sense to you, one that you cannot control and I accept that,” T’Challa tells her. He may not have much trust or faith in her but her ability to capture stray thoughts was not something that was intended to be malicious or cruel, it was second nature to her, like his ability to smell Clint’s sweat. It would be unrealistic to ask her to completely temper her ability to connect to others’ minds.

“But to answer your question, Scott, Tony thinks the world needs us. The king does not agree,” she says, eyeing him wearily, like she expected fear. She should, they all should, they have done little to gain anyone’s trust at this point, Tony included until somewhat recently though that hardly erased his past.

Lang looks confused still but he chooses to move on, “okay but what does that have to do with him if he doesn’t even like us? Why bother defending us?” Lang asks. T’Challa is impressed, he assumed Lang was the dumb one of the team but it seemed he knew when to ask good questions.

“Because he has a plan to get you acquitted of your charges and back in action because he recognizes that disliking you is no reason to discriminate against you. Perhaps the rest of you could take note of his frankly quite noble actions,” T’Challa tells them. He should not be antagonizing them with rude jabs but he felt that was a true enough statement to lack an abundance of sting. It was no one’s fault but their own that the statement was the harsh truth.

*

Rhodey looks deeply uncomfortable so Tony sighs, “what is going on, man?” he asks.

“There better not be bugs on this ground,” Rhodey says, eyeing the grass skeptically. Tony rolls his eyes, here he went and planned a cool bro night hanging out in T’Challa’s huge back yard at night, hanging out under the stars like they used to when they were still in school. They used to get wasted and pass out in the back yard of one of Tony’s many estates but not before they had some weird and sometimes enlightening conversations. He thought it would be cool to recreate it but no, Rhodey was worried about the fucking bugs.

“Of course there’s bugs in the grass Rhodey, that’s where they live,” Tony says, watching as Rhodey made a panicked noise and he probably would have took off if he still had functioning legs. “Calm down, just because bugs live there doesn’t mean they’re on you. Relax, bugs have better things to do than harass some random asshole in the grass.”

“You better hope so or I will not be impressed. Wakanda probably has weird shit we don’t know about,” he says. Okay, so admittedly Tony didn’t think of that but in his defense he was pretty sure Wakandan bugs were no worse than American bugs. They were pretty universally useful and annoying, except for Australia’s bugs, that whole country needed to be set aflame to avoid death by giant fucking spider.

“You leave Wakanda alone, what have the bugs here done to you? Besides, we’re reliving cool college memories without all the shit that made us immature shits. That’s pretty cool,” Tony says.

Rhodey snorts, “so this was intentional. With you I never know if you’re remembering something consciously or subconsciously. It’s probably for the best that we forgo the alcohol and all that stumbling around drunk anyways considering you’re a recovering alcoholic, I’m on pain meds, and I no longer have functioning legs. I feel like that would just go terribly for everyone,” he says, making perhaps the shittiest joke in history.

“Yeah, that’s why I skipped all that stuff. I just thought it would be kind of fun to do that again, even if it wasn’t really exact.” It was one of the most intimate things Tony has done with another person, laying there confessing all his hopes and dreams and fears even if he mostly did it because he was drunk. But he missed it, that kind of intimacy with someone. He hasn’t had that since… well since the last time he did this with Rhodey years and years ago. There were things he shared with Pepper too but pulling an all nighter getting through paperwork with nothing but old Chinese food and coffee to fuel you was a different kind of intimacy. It wasn’t something he was ever going to get back either and he didn’t know how to feel about that.

“So, what’s on your mind? You’re weirdly quiet and it’s freaking me out because that means I have to think about all the creepy ass bugs that could be crawling into my ear to lay eggs or something equally creepy,” Rhodey says, shuddering.

“Wimp,” Tony accuses, “and I was thinking about Pepper. I miss her sometimes,” he says honestly. He didn’t miss people, that was his thing, he never got that invested. It was easier that way because every intimate or personal relationship he’s had has went to hell in a particularly fiery hand basket. His parents, Obi, Pepper, the Avengers, and now only Rhodey and the bots were left. He sort of counted Vision in that too because he was currently housing the guy and he liked him well enough, plus he technically counted as bots.

Rhodey remains silent for a long time after that, thinking over Tony’s response. “Don’t take this the wrong way man, but breaking up was for the best. I don’t know what the hell went wrong or who did what, but she expected way too much out of you. She expected you to be someone else and that wasn’t fair. Plus I think you only dated her because she was the safe option and that wasn’t fair to her either,” he says softly.

The safe option, something he wasn’t at all known for. But he could see where Rhodey got that given that he didn’t have to do much work getting to know Pepper or letting her know him. They’ve been working together for years, she already knew plenty about him and he knew her well enough. It cut out a lot of the shit he was uncomfortable with. He wondered if she knew that and maybe that’s why she wanted him to be someone else. To be fair he wouldn’t be happy with knowing that about his romantic partner either. “Yeah, you’re probably right,” he says. He wished he wasn’t but Rhodey knew about these things so Tony trusted his word on it.

“Have you ever… you ever felt like everything is going wrong even when there’s no evidence of that? Like everything is fine, good even, but you still feel like everything is a mess and you don’t know how to clean it?” Rhodey asks after a long moment of silence.

“All the time. I don’t think I’ve ever known a time when I didn’t feel like I was falling on solid ground.” It used to confuse the hell out of him when he was young, people telling him he was privileged and lucky and that he should be grateful and all he could think was for _what_? Now he knew things weren’t as simple as kid him made them out to be but that feeling of despair never really left. He used to try and drown it out with booze and drugs and sex but then those things became the triggers to his problems so he replaced them with building things. But now that was the trigger to his problems and he didn’t know what to do. He was scrambling for purchase on a smooth surface covered in oil and everyone was yelling at him for not climbing faster. It was frustrating, especially when he could see that everyone else was doing just fine.

“Falling on solid ground, that sounds about right. What the hell even _is_ that and how do you make it go away?” Rhodey asks, looking over at Tony with a worried expression on his face and oh, how do you look your friend in the eye and tell him that _doesn’t_ go away? At least not for him anyways.

“I don’t know Rhodey, nothing I try works, all of it just makes it worse.” Build weapons, destroy the world, nearly destroy himself. Build a suit of armor to protect himself and the rest of the world too, watch as that crashes and burns just when you think everything is going great. Build a team of superheroes to help in world saving, fight with them so much you tear the team apart again, and to add insult to injury they never really liked you anyways. Nearly lose your best friend in the process, actually lose your girlfriend, discover your parents were murdered, get left behind to die in a winter waste land, have a whole mess of soul mate dropped into your lap. God knows he didn’t know how to deal with anything anymore, but he tried his best.

“I don’t think I can live like this,” Rhodey whispers, barely loud enough to hear. Tony reaches out and links his fingers through Rhodey’s.

“You’ve lived through literal wars, Rhodey, just because this one is in your mind doesn’t mean you won’t survive. That’s all you have to do.” Or at least that’s what he’s been telling himself all these years.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for child abuse. If something else needs to be added let me know and I'll add it in.

Clint was _still_ putting up a fuss about being removed and Tony didn’t get it. The guy was going back to his family; he shouldn’t be so pissed off about it. It wasn’t like Laura was lacking in updates, he made sure to talk to her semi-regularly so she knew what the hell was going on with Clint’s legal business. Technically she actually knew more than he did. And if Tony let it slip that Clint tried to strangle him in the latest update, well, it wasn’t _false_.

“I have business here, how am I supposed to know what’s going on?” Clint asks. The Dora Milaje look ready to drag him out and T’Challa looks more irritated that Tony has ever seen him.

“That is not my problem, _you_ were the one who decided to defy both your Captain’s wishes and my own. I suspect you punish your children when they act out as well,” T’Challa says. Tony snorts softly at the subtle comparison, covering his mouth with his hand for a moment to hide his smile. T’Challa must hear the sound because he turns to face him, and Steve too given that he was seeing Clint off. Steve looks irritated and T’Challa’s features smooth out some as the irritation fades a little.

“I’m going to be honest, I don’t see what you’re problem is,” Tony says bluntly. Shouldn’t he be like… happy? He would be, Clint’s baby was trying various fruits and vegetables now and he didn’t even know that, or that the poor kid was allergic to strawberries. Tony figures the kid can bond with Pepper about it later.

“I’m pissed because _you_ got be deported,” Clint snaps. Tony gets the pleasure of T’Challa and the five Dora Milaje making the exact same ‘what the fuck’ face at the same time, clearly as lost on that as he was.

“Uh, pretty sure you assaulting me got you deported but whatever. The baby is allergic to strawberries, by the way, if you even care about that,” he throws out. Cute kid, even if he kind of resembled a flesh colored pumpkin at the moment.

“Oh fuck you, you don’t know anything about my family or how I feel about them!” Clint snaps.

Tony raises an eyebrow at that, “really? So I guess you know that Cooper finally figured out how to ride a bike without training wheels, and then he quickly learned how to fall off a bike but he’s fine. And Lila discovered lipstick, but unfortunately she decided it was for doggy makeovers so Lucky ended up bright red, and Nathaniel thought it was hilarious. Lucky was not pleased with his bath. You haven’t been in contact with your family for over two months Clint, with kids that’s a long time and not only that, but you up and left them in the middle of a vacation. Dick move, man. So I’ll reiterate, why are you so pissed off about being sent home? Because from where I’m standing that’s a pretty fucking sweet deal for you and an even better one for your kids. Laura gets regular updates from me so it isn’t like you’ll be out of the loop, and again, _you get to see your kids_.” He thought that was great but he guessed he made the mistake of thinking Clint actually gave a damn about his family.

“Oh as if you even know anything about family, yours is dead,” Clint says. T’Challa gives him an offended look that would have been funny if Tony wasn’t so insulted too.

“Yeah, my family is dead and guess what, I had a dad that thought his job was more important than me too. Would you like to know how the story ends?” he snarls harshly. Because he could tell Clint that his kids idolized him, they would for the next couple years. But then they would notice he was gone a lot but hey, he was doing good things, right? They’d get a little older, see all his mistakes, but they’ll choose to believe that he’s still good because he was their dad and he was supposed to be good. But the mistakes would get bigger, they’d see more, they’d see what being a hero meant to Clint and maybe they’ll see some redeeming things but they’d question most of it. And then the disillusionment happened and they’d wonder why being a hero meant abandoning them because what the fuck kind of hero did that? They’d learn that Clint cared, sure, but not about them. And then they’d fucking hate his guts and by then Clint had no way of getting them back because they didn’t see much good anymore.

They still might see some of the morals in what Clint is doing, he wasn’t Howard, he _did_ have redeeming qualities even if Tony didn’t see them. But he wouldn’t be their hero and what was the point of being a hero if your kids didn’t believe it too? It was god damn insulting to those kids is what this was and that was just cruel. How dare those kids suffer for Clint’s selfishness, they didn’t choose this and Clint should think of them more than he didn’t. And they thought _he_ was the selfish one, at least he knew better than to bring kids into his messy life. He knew full well that he shouldn’t have kids because they were all right, he _is_ selfish and he had no extreme desire to change that. But he was selfless enough to know that no kid should suffer for his own shortcomings. Maybe Clint should catch a fucking clue.

Clint goes to open his mouth but T’Challa holds his hand up to silence him, “leave,” he says firmly, “and you too,” he says to Tony. He considers arguing but he doesn’t, choosing to leave like T’Challa told him to instead. He can hear continue to argue but he ignores that as he makes his way down the hallways until he can’t hear the commotion anymore.

*

T’Challa perches himself beside Tony and hands him a plate of… something. Rhodey had taken off like an hour ago when Shuri came around because he was a terrible friend. Truthfully he didn’t mind, he had some designs he was working on for Rhodey in relation to War Machine. He was trying to have the suit compensate for Rhodey’s almost complete lack of mobility from the waist down. So far the data from the bionic legs he made Rhodey to assist in his walking was telling him he was chasing dreams but he didn’t let that stop him. Before Afghanistan Iron Man would have been something he laughed at and dismissed as impossible. All he needed to do was think outside normal conventions like he had with the mini reactor and the suit but it was slow going nonetheless.

He sets his StarkPad aside and takes the plate of… whatever and pokes at it with a fork before deciding he was too damn hungry to argue with his better judgment. He tries, and fails, to remember the last time he ate. The food looked like some sort of pasta dish and he figured T’Challa wouldn’t try and kill him anyways, “thanks,” he says and stabs at the food. The second he takes a bite his body reminds him that he needed to do the eating thing more often and he all but inhales the food.

“You are welcome,” T’Challa tells him, smiling like he was pleased with the situation. Tony had no clue what the fuck that meant but he was too damn hungry to care. He didn’t even taste the food as it went down because he was more focused on how his stomach was twisting in hunger. How long had that even been a thing? He had no idea, he learned to ignore his body’s signals years ago and he never did manage to break the habit.

“So,” Tony mumbles around a bite of whatever the hell he was eating. It was pasta anyways, “Clint go quietly?”

Tony gets a dirty looks for that but he suspects that’s because T’Challa was irritated with Clint, not him. “No, he did not go quietly and I am not impressed. I have never understood America’s prison system, to be honest, it is harsh and cruel and it does little to address the problems that lead to people to commit crimes. Now I understand why tossing a man in a small cage is something your culture finds a strange amount of joy in because I would rather enjoy seeing Barton pace a tiny cell. The man is a fool and a hypocrite,” T’Challa says with an edge to his voice.

Yeah, didn’t Tony know it. “To be honest I’m not even sure why he was there to begin with, he’s supposed to be retired. And god knows why the hell he was so resistant to seeing his kids, I thought that was pretty generous but alright,” he says, rolling his eyes. It also ensured that he didn’t haul off and do something stupid while Tony worked through his legal mess. Well, at least Tony hoped it did. He didn’t think Barton was so much of an ass that he would purposefully expose his family like that but he guessed it was possible. Either way Laura was happy that her husband was coming home if for no other reason than the kids asking after him frequently. She tried her best to keep them from the news but they still managed to catch wind of Clint’s incarceration and subsequent escape, and some of his being dragged through the mud.

“It was and I do not think he deserved your generosity. I understand that you believe the world still needs the Avengers, but you do not owe them any of the help that you are still giving them and I do not understand why you have taken it upon yourself to fix their mess. After all the lies and hypocrisy they are lucky they are even here,” T’Challa says. He looks Tony over earnestly, like he could find the answer just by observing him, and his lips twitch up at the sight of the empty plate.

“I’m not exactly a walk in the park, you know. I have more than my fair share of hypocritical moments, and I’m plenty selfish, so don’t blame them for everything because they aren’t one hundred percent of the problem. And maybe I don’t owe them much but I owe the world several times over with all I’ve done to it. If that means I have to swallow my pride and help the Avengers than fine, it the least I can do.” He should do more but he didn’t exactly know how to at the moment, but when he figured it out he’d do that too.

T’Challa examines him for a moment and Tony resists the urge to fidget uncomfortably. “You do not owe the world anything- shush I am not finished. You have undoubtedly made some stupid decisions and that has cost people. But anyone in a position of power will make a decision that will cost someone else, that is the drawback of having power. You blame yourself for how your actions ripple but your actions to not exist in a vacuum, Tony, you did not start the ripple you were a part of it. You did not start the wars that made your weapons necessary, you acted to perpetuate those ripples, and they still exist without you there. Perhaps it was your actions that created Ultron, along with Dr. Banner, but those actions never would have existed if it were not for Loki trying to invade the world with aliens. If you never flew into that wormhole you never would have suffered that trauma, and your team never would have dismissed that trauma as dramatics, and you never would have been panicked enough to create Ultron. Take responsibility for your actions, yes, but know which action is yours to take responsibility for. Assuming responsibility for the actions of everyone around you does nothing but hurt you and allow everyone else to abandon their own responsibility in these events.”

He wants to argue that T’Challa doesn’t have all the facts because he probably doesn’t. Shuri mentioned at least three occasions that led to T’Challa gathering more information, there had to be more that he was missing, but his words still made sense. “Pretty sure everyone else has taken responsibility for their actions, I’m just doing my part,” he mumbles instead.

That gets him a sharp snort, “no they have not, they blame you for everything! I am well aware that you have done some very stupid things, but they often do the same things with little to no consequence or criticism. They tell you that you are flawed and they are not wrong, but they are more than happy to ignore that they are just as flawed. How else do you explain a man being so arrogant that he assumes that he can make decisions that affect the world without ever consulting the people living in that world?” T’Challa asks. He shakes his head, his jaw clenching, “Steve Rogers is not a bad man, I have seen his good, but I have also seen a very nasty undercurrent to that benevolence of his and I do not like it.”

“I’ve been that arrogant a bunch of times. I assumed I was the only one who could build the mini reactor, Vanko proved me wrong. I assumed I could handle Killian on my own and nearly got Pepper killed twice _and_ I got my house bombed. I fucking loved that house, I built it myself and that fucker bombed it. I mean I told him to so that was my fault but still, dick move. Anyways, I decided Ultron was a good idea and then the goddamn bot almost killed the world. Steve told me, after Ultron, that I had trust issues and that I needed to listen to people, that I needed to work with them. And he was right, I have a bad history with not listening to what people are telling me and it always ends in disaster. I don’t like the government any more than he does because I know that they all suck. But I also know that the world had more trust in them than us and that means something whether I like it or not. Besides, we’ve proven pretty thoroughly that we aren’t exactly fit to make decisions. You can’t help people you aren’t listening to, I’ve failed at that a bunch of times and Steve was right to point it out, but I choose to listen and he tells me that’s wrong too. I can’t fucking keep up.”

It seemed like every time he caught on to what the team was telling him the rules changed again and then they got angry all over again when he couldn’t keep up. It was exhausting to have the team change things according to Steve’s every whim because that made no _sense_. Making decisions that way meant assuming Steve was right every time and Tony knew how dangerous that kind of thinking was, he’s spent a fucking lifetime thinking that way himself and it never went well. Maybe he put too much faith in the UN but shit, at this point could they do any worse? The world had so little faith in them as a team they decided that a government that was going to bomb New York a few years ago as a method of dealing with the aliens was a better option than them.

The world was screaming for something better and Steve snubbed his nose at them but dared to call him arrogant. They couldn’t take another chance that they were doing something right when they weren’t, the world wouldn’t allow it and they shouldn’t. They should demand heroes that listen to them because heroes who didn’t listen made better villains. They had a right to be scared of a group of people who decided they were above the law and it took him far too long to catch on. He wasn’t always right, neither was Steve, and neither was anyone else. But if you had a number of voices, agendas or no, you could count on a more reasonable decision. Plus it wasn’t like they were all unwilling to break the law, three of them straight up told the government to fuck off but only he caught flack for that. He also misdirected that nuke when the government made the wrong call in New York, proving that if something went wrong they had options and they _would_ work because they _have_ worked before. But Steve didn’t think the government was fucked up for the nuke, it wasn’t until his precious fucking Bucky got involved that he even cared to look past his own assumptions. And _he_ was the arrogant one.

At Clint’s he said he didn’t trust a guy without a bad side and Steve said that maybe he hadn’t seen it yet. He was right, it turned out Steve’s bad side was Bucky Barnes and that poor fucker didn’t even get a say in all of this. So he might still want him dead, he couldn’t help but want justice for his parents’ murder, but he was clear headed enough to know he was essentially innocent. He was just the tool that was used to kill his parents, not the one who made the call and that had to be hard. He didn’t want to empathize with a guy he had regular nightmares about but he did, to a point.

“You are doing the best you can,” T’Challa tells him, drawing his attention back to him. “You are only human, you _will_ make mistakes, and you are trying very hard to learn. Your team punishes you for not learning as fast as they think you should and that is cruel. Not only that, but your team punishes you for thinking like an individual and questioning decisions your leader makes. A good leader knows to listen to criticism, to examine it closely, especially if they keep hearing the same criticisms. A bad leader shifts the blame to anyone but himself and allows people to take the blame for actions that were not theirs, or not theirs alone, because they do not want to consider that they are wrong. A good leader knows that they may very well be wrong at any point, and that they should always be open to solutions to their wrong doings. You may not be perfect, but you at least acknowledge that about yourself.”

Sure he did, but not nearly enough. And he didn’t exactly do the greatest job applying the things he learned to his life either, falling back into old patterns far too easily. He could see why that was frustrating for people, he said he learned and then proved he didn’t, that had to be fucking annoying. T’Challa places his hand on Tony’s shoulder and for a moment his brain stops forming thoughts, caught off guard by the jolt T’Challa’s touch sent through his system but his brain eventually catches up. He half wants to lean into the touch and he half wants to run but he does neither, instead he just holds his position, testing the waters.

*

Shuri looked like she was about to ruin all his dreams and he did not like it. “You _fed_ him?” she asks skeptically and he resents that. He was not _that_ bad of a cook, he was certainly better than her considering she once burned water so she should not judge.

“I did, and it went wonderfully,” he says, edge of pride to his voice.

His sister’s smiles grows wider, “Rhodey told me that he has a bad habit of forgetting to eat, he did not like your food, he was simply starved enough to eat it,” she tells him, grinning widely at him when his smiles fades.

“Why are you like this?” he mumbles. “Would it have killed you to let me think I pleased my soul mate?”

“Yes it would,” Shuri tells him smugly, “but mostly I am caving you from embarrassing yourself later when he realizes that your food tastes like boiled hair.”

“I am disturbed that you even have that frame of reference,” he says. That is _disgusting_. “And my cooking it not that bad! He ate it!” he says in his own defense.

“He probably has not eaten in days, he likely would have eaten an overcooked rat if you offered it,” she says.

“This is why you are single,” he mumbles at her.

“I am single because I like being that way and I will take that over not being able to provide for my soul mate,” she taunts, snickering at his frustration.

“I can provide, thank you, even if I am the one doing the cooking. And the last time I checked Cleo’s cat litter would likely be a more appealing dish than anything _you_ try to cook.” The last time he had the misfortune of eating her cooking he was sick for nearly a week, at least Tony was not likely to _die_ from his cooking.

“That is not true!” she says, pressing her hand to her heart in offense.

“Is so.”

“Is not!”

“Is so.”

“Is not! Nothing compares to your cat’s _stench_ in the litter box,” Shuri says, wrinkling her nose hard.

“Leave her alone! She has irritable bowels, she cannot help it. And I assure you; your cooking is indeed comparable. I will be sure to let Rhodey know that your food will kill him should he eat it,” he says.

“That is irrelevant information to Rhodey,” she says in a smug tone as if he had not noticed her interest in the man.

“It is if those googly eyes you make at him are any indication,” he counters.

“I do not make _googly eyes_ at anyone! You must have lost a few brain cells and your eyesight when you located your soul mate,” she says.

“Finding Tony has not hindered my sight, Shuri, nor has it resulted in the loss of brain cells. You make googly eyes at Rhodey, accept it,” he tells her, crossing his arms and raising an eyebrow at her. He could not believe she suggested his eyesight was failing him, he could see far better now, not worse! Color was still a novel and amazing thing to him, not that Shuri knew anything about that and if she ever tried to feed her soul mate that new color would not last long. Unless she was one of the rare people who kept the color after her mate died, but he doubted it. It would serve her right for trying to feed the poor thing with her poor cooking skills anyways.

“I will accept it when you accept that you tried to _murder_ your poor helpless soul mate when whatever you fed him earlier. You should call him a doctor so he will not die in the night,” she says dramatically.

“Oh for the love of Bast I did not try to _murder_ him, I fed him! He is fine, at least physically,” he adds hastily. His mental health, well, that was not as good but that was completely unrelated to his cooking. _That_ was because of the Avengers and their hypocrisy.

“Well when he drops dead I will be sure to inform Rhodey that it was your cooking that did him in,” she says, snickering at his offense as she left the room, waving over her shoulder at him. His cooking would not _murder_ Tony. He hoped anyways…

With Shuri gone he goes through his nighttime routine, preparing for bed with only minimal worry that Tony would die sometime during the night due to his cooking. He was fine when T’Challa left him but he had managed for a few hours before Shuri’s food convinced him that Bast must exist otherwise he would have died at the hands of her shrimp. Well, he supposed he would see in the morning, and if he was lucky their bond would alert him to any discomfort Tony felt before anything… drastic happened. The bond had not failed him thus far and Tony’s ribs were healing considerably well, even with Clint’s poking at the wound.

He sets aside his worry because it was mostly unfounded and crawls into bed so he could sleep of the day’s exhaustion. Barton, at least, was dealt with and the rest of the Avengers would be relocated tomorrow afternoon. He was still half tempted to throw Barton in jail but that would do little good here, the prison system in Wakanda was designed to actually help the prisoners reintegrate into society, not further segregate then from it. Let America pick him up later and deal with him, then he could see the man suffer some even if he recognized that was vindictive and senseless. So was his strangling Tony for helping his family of all things so he felt they were even. And the rest of the Avengers would soon be out of his home and into their own space, even if he felt that was still too good for him. But Tony insisted he keep them here while he dealt with their legal processes and he would respect Tony’s wishes even if he had no desire to. The Avengers, among others, have done enough damage to Tony by dismissing his feelings and he refused to contribute to that.

At some point he must drift to sleep because he finds himself in a place that was unfamiliar to him. The room was large and cold and he did not feel comfortable there but he got the distinct impression that he could not leave. The space around him looks staged as if it was intended to be photographed for a magazine rather than serving as a home. It makes him unsure of what to do here so he simply stands there, panicked as to what his next move should be.

“Oh for god sakes, don’t just stand there like an idiot,” someone snaps and he jumps, whirling to locate the voice. He finds a man that looks remarkably like Tony standing there but he was… not the same. _Howard_ his mind supplies and he decides he does not like him much. “Are you going to move or are you just going to stand there like a fucking fool?” the man snaps but he has no clue what he’s supposed to be doing here. Everything was too pristine to touch, there was going to be people here soon, and he didn’t know what he was allowed to do.

“Stand there like a fool I guess,” Howard mumbles harshly before he marches over. He wants to flee but his body doesn’t move until Howard grabs his arm hard, yanking him back as he walked past Tony, pulling him along far too fast for him to keep up. He struggles to get his legs back under him but he doesn’t do much of a good job and Howard only grips his arm tighter and pulls him more. Howard find a suitable piece of furniture and all but tosses Tony onto to it and it doesn’t hurt, not really, but he nearly bounces right back off before he catches himself.

“S-sorry,” Tony stutters out, quickly shuffling back onto the chair he was in.

He doesn’t even realize he was crying until Howard makes a disgusted noise, “are you fucking kidding me? Are you _crying_?” the man snarls and Tony does his best to stop but Howard’s taking a step closer only increases his panic. Howard grabs his face and yanks him closer, ignoring the squeak Tony lets out. “Stop your fucking crying or I’ll give you something to _really_ cry about,” he snaps. The words do little more than frighten him more, even with his best efforts to stop the tears. “Fucking useless,” Howard says, face twisting is disgust, “Stark men don’t cry, Tony, real men are made of iron,” he growls.

The line wakes T’Challa up from the nightmare and he is sweating and breathing hard from the experience. _Real men are made of iron._

_Iron Man_.

He quickly throws him blankets aside and makes a dash for the bathroom, making it to the toilet just in time to hurl, horrified that Tony named his super hero persona after his childhood abuse. For a moment T’Challa is upset that Howard Stark was already long dead because he would have loved to kill the man himself, but his death also meant Tony suffered at least marginally less. Perhaps not enough if he chose to create a superhero persona after something so horrible for who knows what reason.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for child abuse mentions but I think that's it, if not let me know and I'll add it in.

Tony isn’t sure what wakes him, just that he suddenly felt nauseous and upset. But no, that feeling wasn’t his; he didn’t feel much more than annoyed at having been woken up from a reasonably deep sleep so…

He throws the blanket on his bed back and pads out to the hallway, looking around but not seeing much of anything. That didn’t mean much, he knew, because he happened to know that T’Challa now had Dora Milaje trailing him thanks to Clint’s stupidity. They were good at staying well out of his way though, if he hadn’t reluctantly agreed with T’Challa’s decision he never would have known they were there. That nauseous feeling comes back again and he frowns, wrapping an arm around his middle and wrinkling his nose. What the hell was T’Challa even _doing_? This had to be him; there was no other reason for him to feel like such shit if not for T’Challa doing… whatever he was doing.

Ignoring the nauseous feeling he had he presses on so he could go find T’Challa and solve the sick feeling he had so he could attempt to sleep again. Realistically he wouldn’t sleep, more like he’d stare at the ceiling for several hours before he finally got bored enough to write down the schematics to whatever project he’d been thinking about, but he could hope. The house is eerily silent without people bustling around in it and Tony remains unfamiliar with the hallways. He had no clue where T’Challa’s room was, probably a safety precaution or T’Challa not wanting him to get the wrong idea or something. He sort of follow his gut, ignoring how it was twisting in pain until he located a door he was somewhat certain was T’Challa’s.

“If he ever gets kidnapped you would be a useful tracker,” someone says from behind him, making him jump in surprise. He finds Okoye standing behind him with a wry smile on her face, regarding him with something he thinks is respect. Or maybe that was just some level of being impressed that he managed to track T’Challa down using soul mate bullshit alone. It was a useless skill if you asked him. What the hell kind of use could this have?

“That’s nice, but you’d probably still find him faster,” Tony says. “Can I go in or will that get me killed?” he asks, sparing Okoye a glance over his shoulder.

“If I had any interest in keeping you from T’Challa I would have made sure you came nowhere near his room,” she says, answering his question in a roundabout way. He nods and grits his teeth against the twist of his gut as he opens the door and lets himself into the room.

“T’Challa?” he calls, noting the empty bed. He follows the noise instead, finding the man curled up on the ground beside his toilet. “Aww, do you feel like shit too? I feel like ass,” he says in a bad attempt to joke. T’Challa lifts his head from its current position on his knees, giving Tony a bleary look through… tears? “Are… you okay?” he asks hesitantly. If T’Challa was feeling his stomach pain it wasn’t _that_ bad and he was fairly certain he had a high pain tolerance.

T’Challa’s lip curl in disgust and for a fleeting moment Tony thinks this is it, this is the moment when he realizes the Avengers were right about him the whole time and he kicks Tony to the curb like everyone else but then he speaks. “Your father was _disgusting_ ,” he snarls with a shocking amount of force.

“…Oh,” Tony says softly, “what’d you dream?” There were so many memories that he could think of that would earn Howard that disgust and after seeing the way T’Challa’s own father treated him he didn’t want to have him see that. T’Chaka was a good man and a great father, T’Challa didn’t deserve to life through Tony’s horrifying memories of his own shitty example of a parent. T’Challa outlines the dream, drawing Tony’s attention back to him and he frowns at the description. “I don’t even remember that, or at least not that specific memory, they kind of all blur together after awhile.” There were plenty of times Tony heard ‘Stark men don’t cry’, which confused him because it implied that all other men did and what made them so different anyways?

The real men are made of iron thing came up often too, often enough that Tony had finally told him that even iron had its melting point. If Howard wanted him to be strong than he should have modeled him after vibranium, that was the strongest element in existence though there was some debate over adamantium being stronger. It was Tony’s professional opinion that it wasn’t, he’s tested it in Steve’s shield and it couldn’t cut though so that solved that debate. Howard hadn’t been impressed with his snark despite it being labeled ‘Stark snark’ by the media, meaning he _got_ it from Howard, and smacked him hard for his efforts. It wasn’t the first or last time and at this point he was sort of thankful for it. It wasn’t like he got into a lot of fights as a kid; people were terrified of pissing off the great Howard Stark’s kid, but the abuse meant he could take a punch easy. Even if they came from a super soldier, if current events were any indication.

“Tony,” T’Challa says softly, turning his attention back to him again, “how often did things like that happen to you?”

He shrugs, “whenever I was home and people weren’t around, so every few months or so depending on the time of year. More in the summer when I was home a lot more, obviously,” he says. T’Challa places his hand over his mouth and pales considerably, which confuses Tony because he only answered the guy’s question.

After a moment T’Challa seems to gather himself, pulling his body straighter as he turns to face Tony. “Did you not hear yourself just now?” he asks softly, his eyes wide with concern.

“Uh, yeah, you asked a question and I answered it. What’s the big deal?” Sure, maybe the subject was a tad morbid but this was all year ago.

“I wondered why you were so unconcerned with Clint’s attack and it turns out that you are so used to being abused you talk about it as if it was as normal as the weather. People are not supposed to treat you this way, Tony,” T’Challa says urgently.

“It’s fine-” he starts but T’Challa cuts him off.

“No! It is _not_ fine,” he nearly yells, “you deserve respect, and decency. Do not ever say the abuse you suffered was _fine_ because it was not! No one should ever suffer so much that they talk about their abuse as if it is something normal and unavoidable. You deserve better than that,” T’Challa tells him fiercely.

Tony blinks in surprise, shocked that T’Challa even cared that much. He might have said something but his stomach decides that that was the time to remind him that he felt like shit and he ends up with his face in T’Challa’s toilet instead. T’Challa is sweet about it and pets his back while he vomits.

*

Shuri is all but rolling on the ground laughing when Rhodey finds her. T’Challa looks on with an irritated look on his face but this doesn’t seem to alarm Shuri much. “You… you gave your soul mate food poisoning!” she squeezes out between fits of laughter. That made one of them, Tony wasn’t impressed about this at all and Rhodey was suspicious of circumstances here. Clint already tried to off Tony once, for all he knew T’Challa was playing nice with Tony in an effort to kill him on behalf of the other Avengers or something. He didn’t really want to consider that option and neither did Tony but the man was more trusting than he should be. All it took was a few days and Tony went from being intent on never speaking to T’Challa again to all but eating out of the guy’s hand. Well, technically he _did_ eat out of his hand- plate- and that was how he got into this situation but still.

Someone had to think of Tony and if his twenty five plus year friendship with Tony has taught him nothing it was that Tony Stark was never intent on making sure he didn’t get hurt. Half the time he went running towards the shit that hurt him in glee, like that time his idiot ass gave out his address to terrorists. He had been angry and panicked after what happened to Happy but that was no damn excuse. So Rhodey was intent on making sure this wasn’t what he thought it was for Tony’s sake. Better to do all this stuff now before Tony was too attached and got hurt, well, more hurt. There was no way his soul mate trying to kill him wouldn’t cause at least a little stress and he knew Tony well, everything hit him far harder than he let on. Back before all this bullshit with… with depression or whatever he used to roll his eyes at Tony, thinking he was being overdramatic. Tony was dramatic yeah, but Rhodey got the distinct feeling he wasn’t being dramatic about any of the panicking and that fear of failure me mentioned once.

Rhodey had scoffed at it then, Tony was fifteen and he was going into a Masters program, his bots were the best there was, even better than Howard’s, and his future was blinding it was so bright. But Tony had sat on his dorm bed frowning at it, telling him that the more success he had the harder it was going to be when he inevitably fell. Rhodey called him a moron, telling him that his fears were stupid because they were unfounded and he was all about evidence, right? Statistically speaking there was no reason to think a failure was coming. Tony told him that stats were bullshit when it came to feeling like that because it didn’t matter how well he did, only that he knew that he was going to crash and burn in a spectacular way someday. Worse still he seemed to think everyone was expecting him to fail and the media never helped that any.

That first thing with SI that he did, the thing that Obadiah later used to paralyze him to try and kill him by removing the reactor, that pretty much solidified Tony’s opinions. The media had had a field day with it, reveling in the very brief failure of Tony Stark but he bounced back in a remarkable way, becoming the best there was in mere years. He went from being a millionaire to a billionaire, he revolutionized things every six months, and everyone either loved or hated him for it. Then came Afghanistan and Iron Man and all that other superheroing and that love hate relationship never stopped, and this stupid ass ‘Civil War’ didn’t help any. Half of America hated him and the other half loved him though a lot of the rest of the world was tentatively with Tony on the issue.

Still, it was his job as Tony’s friend to figure out which half of the people who cared about Tony Stark his soul mate fell on. Did he genuinely care about the guy or was he pretending to for some ulterior motive? The plus side was that money as a motivation was out; T’Challa was way more rich than Tony so he didn’t need that. Tony’s inventions were a definite possibility but Wakanda was ahead of the game in tech, almost on par with Tony though Tony was still ahead. That made tech an unlikely, though still possible, motivator. He eliminated sex as a motivator in part because he didn’t think Tony would go there quite yet and also because he got the impression T’Challa was kind of a prude. It was technically unfounded but he was pretty stuffy as a whole, it made sense that he’d be stuffy there too (ha). That mostly left the Avengers as motivators given all the big things Tony was used for were out.

For all he knew T’Challa actually believed the shit they were spouting and he was lulling Tony into a false sense of security and then trying to kill him off. If that’s what this was T’Challa was going to be in for a shock because Tony was tough as hell and a little food poisoning wasn’t going to do him in. Plus that was a dumb way to kill someone, who the hell- oh, actually that was a pretty innocuous way to die and no one would suspect a thing. Damn, that was smarter than he gave initial credit for.

“I did not give Tony food poisoning, he just happened to get sick somewhat quickly after eating food I made him,” T’Challa says, pouting at his sister, who only laughs harder. Rhodey tunes back into the events around him so he could figure out what the hell was going on properly.

“Just admit that your food made your poor soul mate sick and that you should have never tried to feed the poor man,” Shuri says, grinning with glee.

T’Challa sulks, “I did not make Tony sick with the food, this is simply an unfortunate coincidence,” he mumbles in his own defense. Shuri cackles, clearly not believing her brother’s words. “I have things to do, Avengers to relocate, Rhodey would you like to come with me?” T’Challa asks, surprising Rhodey by bringing attention to his presence.

“Uh, sure?” he asks, unsure of the offer.

Shuri gives T’Challa a dirty look, which only earns her a cocky smile from her brother. “Come along then, I am sure you have things to say to them,” T’Challa says, waiting for Rhodey to turn himself around and wheel after him. He spares a glance back at Shuri, who was now glaring at T’Challa’s back.

“Oh I have lots to say, whether or not I’ll actually say anything is debatable.” Sure he had a lot of things he’d like to point out but he also knew that all of it was falling on deaf ears so why bother saying anything. If he wanted to talk for the sake of hearing himself talk he had a few superiors that he could choose to have a conversation with. Or at least he used to have that option; his fucking legs kind of ruined his career. Thank god for Tony because he hadn’t anticipated any of this and he would have spent his entire retirement savings on the initial medical costs let alone the rest of this ordeal. Instead Tony foot the bill, repeatedly telling him not to worry about anything but recovery.

Sometimes it made him feel guilty, using Tony’s resources like that. He knew Tony didn’t care but he did, especially when he watched people use him for his money. It would be easy for Tony to wake up and assume he was one of those people too, especially now after all the medical costs that came with his accidentally being shot out of the sky by Vision. That was a whole other issue too, the poor guy felt guilty only he had no clue what guilt was so he was currently avoiding all things Rhodey, which meant avoiding all things Tony because they were attached at the hip these days. That was hard too, that loss of independence, he had worked damn hard to be self sufficient and able to stand on his own like his momma taught him to and Steve fucking Rogers throwing a pitch fit ruined it all.

He didn’t blame Vision, it wasn’t the android’s fault he didn’t understand emotions, it sure as hell wasn’t Sam’s fault for looking out for his shitty friend, and it wasn’t Tony’s fault for recruiting him to help. It was Steve Rogers’ fault for berating Tony for not listening, not working as a team, and not thinking of anything but his own emotions and goals only to do all those same things that landed him in this chair. If it wasn’t for his stupidity and selfishness none of this would have happened and that made his goddamn blood boil. It was all the worse that that asshole thought _Tony_ was to blame in this. He made some dumb decisions yeah, but he was trying to do right by the world he let down not long ago, he’s never seen integrity and ownership of actions like that from Rogers himself despite supposedly being all sunshine and rainbows and shit.

“You certainly look like you could benefit from venting your frustrations,” T’Challa tells him. The comment irritates Rhodey more than it should considering T’Challa was probably trying to help.

“What the hell do you know about me, anyways?” he asks sharply, glaring up at T’Challa. He didn’t know anything about him, or Tony, and he didn’t much appreciate the assumption that he did.

T’Challa blinks in surprise, clearly thrown by the comment. “Not much, admittedly, though I would have assumed you would be understandably frustrated with the Avengers. You seem quite protective of Tony if your… prickly attitude towards me is any indication,” he says, tilting his head in assessment. That annoys Rhodey more but he mostly keeps it to himself this time.

“Damn right I’m protective of Tony, no one else, Tony included, looks out for him so someone has to. Let me make this clear, if you have any intention on pulling any of the shit the Avengers have been, or even Pepper, then I suggest you walk away now. I have picked up the pieces of Tony’s life more often than I would have liked to, more often than he deserved, and if I have to add the pieces you leave behind to that list things will not go well. I don’t give a damn that I’m in this fucking wheelchair, and I don’t care if you become king of the damn world, I _will_ end you if you hurt him like everyone else has. And you better hope all this isn’t some sort of act to win Tony over for who knows what reason only to take whatever it is you want, leaving him behind wondering what the hell he did wrong.” He’s dealt with that enough, especially through college. Tony never really did learn that when it mattered he hadn’t done anything wrong, usually it was strangers that got the short end of the stick, not people he was invested in.

His reaction gets him a frown, “I am not certain where you got the idea that I have some ulterior motive, and I do not say this as a way to be cruel, but Tony does not have anything I desire aside from his company. There is no reason for me to manipulate him for my own ends because I have more of near everything he has and the things I do wish I had that are his are not things I can take. I assure you I have no ulterior motives,” T’Challa says softly. Rhodey assessed him for a moment, considering the slight confusion and calculation on T’Challa’s face, like he found Rhodey’s reaction strange and was looking to understand it.

“Tony is trusting no matter how much he claims he isn’t. He always wants to see the best in people, always has, and it gets him hurt. People like that he’s a dreamer, that he sees what could be instead of what’s there, it means they can use him for as long as possible because he sees their potential instead of the fact that they’re all a bunch of soul sucking demons,” he says harshly.

“Are you talking about the Avengers?” T’Challa asks.

“In part, but they aren’t the first group of people to do something like this. They happily live off Tony’s resources, take his gifts, live for free on every front, and they fucking berate him for it. Believe me, I get that he can be an asshole and if they want to point that out, good, he needs it sometimes. But they don’t do that, they bully him for acting just like they do and that isn’t right. So if you’re going to be next in the long string of people who think it’s okay to treat him like shit because you’re getting something you want from him then fuck off. He had no need for people like that and I’m not planning on allowing any shit like that to continue, if I can anyways.” It wasn’t like he could control Tony’s actions as much as he wished he could sometimes. Tony would do whatever he wanted good or bad but he would be there to help him in whatever the result may be, just like Tony was there for him when shit went south.

It made his skin itch and crawl that the Avengers didn’t know what they had, that they still only saw what they wanted to, just like Tony did, only it was a bad thing when he did it. To add insult to injury he saw all the good in them, all they saw was the bad in him.

“I know what you mean, his seeing the potential instead of what is there. I assume you know about his involvement with the Avengers court proceedings? They are not much of a team, in my opinion. They are sloppy, disorganized, they do not know what the others are doing half the time, and the other half of the time they are ripping each other to shreds over their decisions. Recently, in Siberia, that became literal. I am also of the opinion that Steve Rogers is a piss poor leader. Instead of seeking to understand the members of his team and working with them he alienates them because they do not agree with him. Tony is often the victim of this, but Natasha has dealt with this too. A good leader knows that he has to understand things on the level of the people he is dealing with in order to get things done. Steve Rogers is incapable of seeing past his own problems, something he likes to heavily criticize Tony for without looking too hard. A good leader knows that he should follow his own advice too,” T’Challa mumbles more to himself than Rhodey.

“Why take them in if that’s what you think of them? Why keep them here?” Rhodey has a sneaking suspicion he knows the answer but he wants actual confirmation.

“I did not know enough of what was going on until it was too late. And I owe Sargent Barnes help after nearly killing him for no reason, blinded stupidly by my own emotions like the Avengers have been. I acted like a fool and I was intent on atoning for that. Then I stumbled onto a land mine of information I wish I had have known before, then I would have only taken Barnes in. I chose to keep them here because Tony asked me to, because he sees a team that can help the world instead of a disorganized group of people destined to detonate,” he says softly. “I respected his wishes because he does not need someone else to tell him that he is wrong for wanting to help, even if I strongly disagree with his position.”

Yeah, that was pretty much what Rhodey thought happened so he sighs, knowing there was no way to talk Tony out of it but wishing that there was.

*

Tony felt like shit but his bed and pillow were soft and comforting, almost like being at home even though he was halfway across the world. By now the room even sort of smelled like him, even if the strange scent of foreign cleaning products and T’Challa lingered just beneath the smells he associated with himself. Expensive cologne, metal, oil, and whatever products he put in his hair. Ideally he would have liked to have been on his way home but the only thing worse than flying was flying sick, and then dealing with jet leg afterwards. So he figured he’d stick around until he felt less like he was going to shrivel up and die. Sucked to be Rhodey but Tony figured he could use his extra time to try and woo Shuri, he wanted to see how that panned out for T’Challa’s reaction alone.

“Are you feeling alright?” someone, T’Challa, asks softly.

He cracks an eye open and looks towards the door, “no, I feel like shit,” he mumbles.

T’Challa lets out a heavy sigh, “you confuse me. You are sick and you admit that you are not okay, you get violently abused and that is fine. It would be nice if you were consistent,” T’Challa tells him. Tony can hear him moving further into the room until he stops at his bedside and gently brushes his hand over Tony’s hair. He would have slapped him away if he wasn’t so zapped for strength, or that’s what he tells himself anyways.

“I can take a punch, puking sucks,” he mutters into his pillow. Besides, T’Challa’s dream didn’t even touch on the worst of what he dealt with, god knows what he would do if he found out the worst of it.

“Are your ribs alright?” T’Challa asks gently, running his hand down Tony’s side.

“No, fuckers are irritated thanks to the puking thing. Ugh.” He sort of wanted to remove them for life at this point, they’ve been in near constant pain for over a month now and he was done with that.

T’Challa sighs quietly, “would you like me to stay?” he asks softly. He thinks of saying no, kind of wants to, but he felt less like ass with T’Challa there. Stupid soul mate healing crap, why couldn’t that work with Rhodey instead? He must have said that out loud because T’Challa laughs, “sorry to disappoint.”

“You aren’t that disappointing, kinda the opposite honestly. Kinda makes my wonder when it’ll all go wrong,” he says genuinely. Nothing that went well ever seemed to go right for him for long, minus Rhodey, who mostly seemed to go right. Even his ever-reliable Pepper went wrong and it was _Pepper_ , she was the most reliable person he knew.

“I would like to promise you things will not go wrong but neither of us are fools, nothing lasts forever even if we would like it to. People change, circumstances change, but as long as this is sustainable I promise you I will try,” T’Challa says with a surprising amount of honesty.

Tony blinks his eyes open, looking up at T’Challa, “thanks for that. I appreciate the honesty, and for the lack of bullshitting. I hate when people do that.”

T’Challa’s lips quirk up, “as do I. I prefer the direct approach, it gets things done faster but unfortunately diplomacy requires patience.”

“Fuck diplomacy, do what you want,” Tony says, earning another laugh from T’Challa.

“You know better than that, even if it would be faster,” T’Challa says. Tony wrinkles his nose because he did, not that he wanted to all the time. Politics sucked but he’s been playing the political game since birth so he was at least familiar with the dance. T’Challa continues to chat with him until he passes out sometime later, tired from being sick.

He wakes up sometime later to find T’Challa curled up beside him with Cleocatra perched on his head, looking like she’s achieved something impressive. He grins at the cat, deciding he liked her spirit.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a cute lil chapter of Tony/ T'Challa talking. I think I might be close to the downward arc of this story too. I have some stuff planned for the Avengers, and of course Tony/ T'Challa but yeah, the end is near(ish). There will still be at least 4 more chapters though, probs a bit more.

The next time he wakes up it’s to the smell of food, something with a hint of spice. He cracks an eye open to find T’Challa standing beside him with a bowl of something, “please tell me you didn’t make that,” he says. One meal gone wrong was more than enough for him, thanks.

“I did not, and I have been banned from the kitchen again,” T’Challa tells him. Tony goes to shift his position but an irritated meow stops him from moving too far. Cleocatra is curled up on his stomach and glaring at him, but when he resettles she stops her glaring and lays her grey head over her paws. “She does not like being disturbed during her sleep and is often under the impression that _she_ runs Wakanda. To be fair the people would likely let her,” T’Challa says, reaching out and scratching the space behind the cat’s ears. Tony can feel her beginning to purr and wasn’t that just cute.

“She’s cute, even if she’s sitting directly on my full bladder. So, what do you mean you got banned from the kitchen _again_?” he asks, sensing there was a story there.

T’Challa sighs, “do you want the long version or the short version?” he asks and Tony considers it but it wasn’t like he had anything else to do. Rhodey was in total violation of the bro code by ditching him to go hang out with Shuri under the guise of leaving him to bond with his soul mate, never mind that his soul mate gave him food poisoning.

“Long version, why not?” he says, watching as T’Challa circles the bed to sit on the other side with his bowl of whatever. As soon as he settles Cleocatra all but jumps off Tony, pressing all four of her little paws into his sensitive gut and launching herself towards T’Challa. “Useless sack of hair,” he accuses, glaring at the cat. She doesn’t look the least bit repentant for her actions.

“If you would like to get technical she is actually a hair covered sack of organs, not a sack of hair, and she is technically useless but I love her anyways,” T’Challa says, carefully shifting his bowl to the other hand so he could pet his cat.

“Yeah, yeah, little traitor,” Tony tells her, shimmying out of the bed so he could at least pee before the cat took up residence on his bladder again. When he returns he feels sick still, and tired, and his poor ribs have picked back up in pain, but the bed is at least soft and inviting and T’Challa had a story to tell him. He curls back up on the bed and yawns, tired still, but looking expectantly at T’Challa. Instead of starting his story he hands Tony the bowl he had brought in. Tony takes it hesitantly, sniffing at it but it gave nothing away. Whatever T’Challa fed him hadn’t smelled horrible either, and yet here he was- wait, “is that rice _blue_?” he asks, frowning at the bowl of soup.

“It is, and I assure you it is delicious,” T’Challa tells him.

“Uh huh, I’m sure you thought that about whatever it was you fed me last time too. What _was_ that, by the way?” he asks. He had yet to identify the food and he’s thought long and hard about it too.

T’Challa hangs his head, “oh I must have bastardized that dish something fierce if you could not even identify it,” he says. He gives the cat a horrified look and yeah; Tony’s stomach was in agreement with that assessment.

“So what was it?” Tony asks again.

“Can we simply ignore my shame?” T’Challa asks, looking much like a kicked puppy.

“Can’t be worse than Dummy’s cooking, he once fed me oil on toast thinking it was peanut butter. Idiot bot,” Tony says, shaking his head. He didn’t even realize until he went to grab the second piece of toast and noticed that the substance on it was a little odd and then he proceeded to freak out a little. In the end he was fine but he refused to take food from the bot without checking it first from then on.

“I cannot believe my cooking has been compared to that of a robot’s,” T’Challa mumbles, head still hanging in shame.

“I can’t cook either, it isn’t really a big deal,” Tony says. He could bake though, really well, but that was basically chemistry with food. Cooking was less precise and he always got confused on how much or how little he could add of something so the food always ended up over spiced or under spiced. His pies, however, were to die for if Rhodey’s mother was to be believed and Tony didn’t think the woman would lie. She hated Tony for the first two years of his friendship with Rhodey, then she learned about his conditions at home and took him under her wing and tried to give him basic life skills with very minimal success. He did pick up on baking quick though.

“You do not understand, food is important in Wakandan traditions, it is important that I can provide for my soul mate and I gave you _food poisoning_ ,” T’Challa says sadly.

“Dude, I’m a billionaire, I don’t need you to take care of me but thanks though. Besides, I’ve been doing fine on my own,” he points out. Cleocatra, because she is an asshole intent on taking advantage of their distraction, tries to shove her head into his bowl to eat the soup but she wasn’t the first cat Tony has ever dealt with so he shoos her out efficiently.

“Cleo!” T’Challa scolds, plucking the cat off the bed and dropping her on his other side. The cat climbs back over him in seconds, looking at Tony’s bowl like she was biding her time but T’Challa gives her a stern look so she stays put for the time being. “I do not care how much money you have it is my intention to take care of you, should you let me. And you have _not_ been doing well on your own, you’ve spent your entire life alone and it has not ended well for you most times,” T’Challa says.

“Yeah, okay Debbie Downer, feeding me isn’t the only way to take care of me you know, you could always pet my hair and tell me I’m pretty,” Tony jokes cheekily. “But you have a story to tell, how’d get banned from the kitchen?” he asks, neatly evading the subject of soul mates and being taken care of. T’Challa notices, he watches T’Challa notice, but thankfully he doesn’t call him on it.

Instead T’Challa sighs, “when I was a child I was very irritating, I have no idea how my father dealt with me in hindsight. But anyways, I rather disliked gym classes and not because I have ever been bad at sports, I am actually quite good at sports. But who would like to run around and sweat for an hour and be forced to sit in sweaty underwear until school is out? And I was _not_ putting dirty underwear in the same bag I kept my lunch in. I maintain to this day that that is disgusting. Anyways, to avoid my underwear dilemma I decided that princes do not _run_ ,” T’Challa says primly, making a face of distaste. Tony snorts because he didn’t seem to mind running with a purpose if that whole Bucky thing was any indication.

His aversion to physical activity clearly changed with age considering the level of training he must have received too, Tony remembered the way he fought. He was graceful and elegant and he managed to catch Clint’s undefeatable arrows. That was more than a little impressive. “My father, however, caught wind of this and I suspect Shuri simply wanted to see me suffer in my underwear,” T’Challa says, drawing Tony’s attention back to him. “He decided to teach me a lesson in hubris and appeared unexpectedly to my gym class and made sure I worked twice as hard as my classmates. For a _week_. I was not impressed with the state of my underwear.”

Tony finally breaks and starts laughing, his ribs flaring up in pain immediately but imagining little T’Challa running around annoyed about his sweaty underwear was _hilarious_. T’Challa must feel the flare of pain because he gives Tony a worried look but Tony continues laughing anyways. He took that as a good sign given his body didn’t generally let him do things that hurt unless he could actually recover from them, like laugh despite hurt ribs. Granted Tony usually pushed himself anyways but still, he hasn’t done a whole lot of laughing lately due to his ribs forcing him into stoicism. “That’s fucking hilarious,” he tells T’Challa when he finally regains control over himself. Cleo tries to use his distraction to make a second bid for his soup but he fends her off and shifts himself a bit, careful of the soup, and decides to take his chances with the food. “How’s this relate to getting the boot from the kitchen though?” he asks, spoon paused over the bowl.

“Patience is not your virtue,” T’Challa notes, “I am getting there. After this terrible week of gym my father informed me that a good leader knows he is in a position of privilege and he does not ever abuse that position, especially not at the cost of others. I was seven, I was not interested in being a good leader, I was interested in avoiding dirty underwear, but I learned my lesson nonetheless. Do not ever allow Shuri to find out what I was doing in class,” T’Challa jokes. Tony lets out another snort and sticks the weird blue rice soup in his mouth and almost moans it tasted so good. Damn, T’Challa being banned from the kitchen was the _best_. He quickly shovels the food in his mouth as T’Challa continues.

“So, because my father was intent on making sure we appreciated our privilege he started to teach Shuri and I basic life skills. The first of those skills was cooking, which we took to like a fish to lava. We tried, very hard actually because my father was an _excellent_ cook and Shuri and I wanted to make him proud. We failed in that, in fact we failed so badly we accidentally lit the house on fire and were subsequently banned from the kitchens for life. I, however, decided stupidly to brave the kitchen again in an attempt to court you properly and gave you _food poisoning_. So I have been banned again for the health and safety of all those who eat my cooking,” he says, going back to hanging his head in shame.

Tony sets his now empty bowl on the nigh table to his right, watching as Cleo skirted across the bed quickly to investigate the remains of the food. She was disappointed to find nothing but when she sticks her face in too far she lets out a loud sneeze, likely because the spices irritated her nose. “Yeah, I’d prefer you not trying to feed me again, thanks. But I do appreciate what you’ve done with the Avengers,” he says in an attempt to make T’Challa feel a little better. “So what else does this courting this entail, hmm?” There were no courting rituals or whatever in America or most other Western countries though plenty of other countries and cultures had their own traditions.

“We are supposed to get to know one another, learn about each other’s lives, cultures, hopes and dreams. We’re supposed to learn how to take care of each other, to love each other. There are specifics but I will not bore you with the details. To be honest I have done a poor job of dealing with this and- I had a dream once, not long ago. You did not see color when you saw me, from the feel of your thoughts it was like you have seen color your whole life. Is that true or do you have another soul mate or-” T’Challa doesn’t mean to choke on his own words but apparently Tony having more than one soul mate was too much for him to handle. So the slightly jealous monogamous type, then. Plenty of people had more than one soul mate, sometimes even more than two though that was rare.

“To my knowledge I don’t have another soul mate,” Tony tells him, “but I have always seen in color yeah. When I was little mom thought I was just really good at guessing colors but one time she was dressing up to do to some function and she was trying to decide between a dark purple dress and a dark blue one. I told her the purple one would look prettier and pointed to the correct dress, which tipped her off. So she got two more dresses that were basically the same cut but two different colors and asked which one was the red one and I chose right. She went through a few more articles of clothing but it was pretty obvious I wasn’t a good guesser, I could see the colors. Doctors never did figure out why,” he says. Not for a lack of trying, Howard was not pleased with the idea of his son not having a soul mate, god forbid he not know what he had with Tony’s mother. Personally Tony never did consider their relationship a goal of his as much as he loved his mother. He was horrible to her and Tony didn’t want to be like that to anyone, even if he forgot that for a long time.

T’Challa visibly relaxes when Tony says he doesn’t have another soul mate and listens to the rest intently. “Well… there is no point in lying, I am quite pleased you do not have some other soul mate. I have never been fond of the notion of sharing a soul mate; despite my father’s best efforts I remain selfish about certain things. I have no desire to split my attention with more than one person, nor would I be particularly happy with you splitting your attention between me and someone else. though your ability to see color is peculiar,” he says, frowning.

Tony grins, “T’Challa, King of Wakanda, the jealous type. Who would have guessed?” he says, snickering.

“Shuri could have told you this long ago. I had a nasty competitive streak as a child and I was not a very good loser, or a good winner for that matter. She was often the victim of this and I am convinced that she still half hates me for it. I do not blame her, I was an awful child,” T’Challa says, shaking his head. Tony gets the distinct impression that T’Challa is blowing things out of proportion because Tony couldn’t imagine him being anything less than his perfect self. He doesn’t realize he said that out loud until T’Challa laughs softly, “you are far too kind for your own good. I ignored you for a month, drastically botched our first meeting, and gave you food poisoning. I would hardly constitute that as perfect.”

“Yeah, but you also made an effort to see me for me, not how everyone else sees me and trust me that has happened a grand total of three times and one time got revoked. You defended me to my ex team mates even if I don’t really deserve it, you _deported_ one of them, and you moved the rest to a safe house on the country’s limits and surrounded them by Dora Milaje. You treat your prisoners better than that, literally, given that your prison systems are surprisingly nice and actually humane. You’ve done more for me than anyone has, minus Rhodey, in a really long time,” he says honestly.

Even Pepper hasn’t really been all that supportive in… in a long time if he was honest with himself. He loved her, still sort of did, but she hadn’t been able to handle all the changes that came with being Iron Man, especially after New York and the wormhole. It was no one’s fault, he was hard to handle before all this shit happened and after… after he had panic attacks so bad that they’ve nearly ended the world. That is terrifying and he understood why she had to walk away from that, even if it hurt like hell to see her go. She’s been there for him for a long time and he wished it was something different that made her break, it wasn’t like he was short on flaws, especially pre-Iron Man, but something had to give eventually. And Rhodey was right; something changed when they ended up in a romantic relationship there was no coming back from it.

For a long moment T’Challa remains silent and in his own musings Tony almost misses it. “Your ability to focus on the positive is _astounding_. We both know I have done you wrong and that I have a lot to make up for, do not pretend I have made no mistakes,” T’Challa says softly.

“Have you got one of those inflated senses of guilt too? Yeah, maybe we started out rocky and no, I don’t really trust you right now even if your sketchy blue rice was actually really good, but you haven’t screwed up _that_ bad. Some of it was understandable even if I didn’t really appreciate it, and god knows what your mental state is even like given your father’s death. I was a mess after my parents’ acc- murder. I can’t really blame you for being in an altered state of mind,” he points out. T’Challa is shaking his head before he’s even done though, which causes Tony to lift a brow.

“Do not use my father’s death as a way to excuse my behavior, that is not fair and it does not allow me to take full responsibility-” Tony decides to cut T’Challa off.

“Just because I know you must be at least a little bit of a mess, even if you’re good at hiding it, doesn’t mean I’m about to let you off the hook. That just means I’m acknowledging the circumstances, which happen to be exceptional ones. Don’t think sending your Dora Milaje to spy on me is going to fly any time in the future, even if I understand objectively why you went that route. Asking to meet me would have gone over far better, FYI.” He probably would have sent Rhodey unless he was harassed into going too, but still. T’Challa still would have gotten a relatively clear picture from Rhodey because Rhodey has never made an effort to gloss over his flaws. He thought it was counter productive and Tony agreed.

T’Challa considers him for a long moment, “thank you,” he says softly and the admission throws Tony. “For acknowledging my mistakes and for taking the circumstances of my decisions into account. But mostly I appreciate that you chose to focus on the good, however little of it there is, because that is important and so, _so_ impressive to me. It takes strength to note a person’s good qualities even after you have been hurt by them and I am not the only one you have done that with,” T’Challa says. The Avengers, he means, even if he doesn’t out and out say that.

“Most people think that’s a weakness,” Tony points out.

“People who believe there is weakness in showing kindness and empathy towards those who have hurt you are the reason why this world is so cruel. You are not weak because you care; you are strong because of it. I have gone over your life’s events more than once and I truly marvel at your ability to get back up every time something else goes wrong. I do not think I have the kind of strength to face the hardships you have,” T’Challa admits quietly.

“Sure you do. You’re here now, aren’t you? Dealing with the death of a parent is hard, running a country is hard, and dealing with a soul mate that has no idea if he should trust you is hard. Besides, I’m not seeing the good in the Avengers because I want to; the Avengers are the worst thing that has ever happened to me. None of this bullshit that’s splattered my life for the better part of the last decade would have happened if I had just stuck to doing things on my own but past me is a fucking idiot and decided being on a superhero team was a good idea. But they have the potential to do a lot of good, they _have_ done a lot of good, and I can’t just ignore that because I want to shove them all through a meat grinder,” he says. It was simple logic, just because a person was shitty to him didn’t mean that same person was shitty to everyone else. The rest of the Avengers got along marvelously without him so clearly he was the problem anyways. Also simple logic, he was the common denominator after all.

“There is nothing wrong with your anger, Tony, you are more than entitled to it. But unlike most you know the difference between anger and maliciousness and that is a strength very _very_ few people possess. That is impressive Tony, _you_ are impressive. It angers me that so few people look past their own misconceptions to see who you truly are, that they are content with only seeing the bad without ever acknowledging the good. Worse, the Avengers like to conveniently forget that your actions do not exist in a vacuum and that they often play a role in why you make the decisions you do. Steve Rogers in particular annoys me. A good leader looks at a situation from all angles and examines how their own actions could have influenced a situation and a good leader takes responsibility for their part. They do not _scapegoat_ people because that is easier than accepting his own mistakes! Fool,” T’Challa all but snarls.

Tony considers the words, ducking his head for a moment in attempt to hide the smile on his face. It wasn’t a happy smile either, more like a smile of relief that finally someone realized that he wasn’t some floating island in the middle of the sea somehow managing to fuck everything up. He was part of a dysfunctional system and yeah, he defected more then the others, but he also knew that and they never assumed they had anything to do with things going wrong. It was always him, even when other people were clearly and openly involved. Like Ultron and Bruce was _right there_ , he admitted to agreeing to run the program on the damn stone, he told everyone that he was out and out involved.

And yet Thor strangled _him_ , Steve rode _his_ ass for keeping secrets; the team alienated _him_ for actions that he wasn’t solely responsible for. Clint even blamed him for throwing them in jail for fucks sakes. They broke the fucking law, what did they expect, special treatment? Yes, actually, it’s what they’ve all been expecting for far too long and that was down right irresponsible. No one else got treated like they did, and those that did shouldn’t, so what the fuck made them so special as to be above all laws and regulations? And Steve called _him_ arrogant? And Natasha? A least he knew when enough was enough when it really counted.

They weren’t special snowflakes, at least not the should-be-above-all-laws-and-regulations-for-no-real-reason kind. They were kind of special, and Tony liked to think he’d make a cute snowflake, but they were essentially a super powered taskforce and they went all over the world. The world should have a say in how that task force is run if they had any hope of helping these people. Ignoring them because Steve was arrogant enough to assume his agenda was always the best one is unacceptable, and Steve would agree (has agreed) if it were _Tony’s_ agenda they were all supposed to follow. Because only he can be arrogant and self-obsessed and prone to poor decision-making, right?

And T’Challa… T’Challa agreed with him, saw how arrogant Steve was being, how stupid the rest of the team was being. He saw that they were all blindly following Steve around for no real reason because they were all human, enhanced or not, they were human and that meant they’d never be perfect. They couldn’t count on their decisions to be the best ones, they _should_ listen to the feedback of those around them, that’s what made good allyship. But he was wrong, just like always. It was surprising and somewhat relieving that T’Challa didn’t fall into that pattern and when he did he apologized. _Actually_ apologized.

“I wish I hated them enough to hurt them,” Tony whispers finally, fiercely. As a general rule of not being like Howard he didn’t often wish pain on people but there were just some things that were unforgivable. There weren’t many people who landed on that list well and truly, Killian was the only recent example outside the Avengers thanks to his nearly killing Happy and Pepper, but the Avengers could congratulate themselves on hitting a new level anger he didn’t even know he had.

T’Challa’s hand landing on his own makes him jump from the unexpected touch and the jolt that went with it. “I do not believe that you actually think that. I understand why you would, you gave them everything you had and they threw it all back in your face, ungrateful for your help. In the end you even gave up your position on the Accords to help Steve Rogers only to find that he betrayed you once again. That alone is unforgivable; I would _never_ forgive someone who lied about my parents’ death like that. It is despicable,” T’Challa spits, “but you are not malicious by nature, even when pushed. You rarely hit a breaking point, and when you do it is _always_ after someone you love gets hurt. I think that nature, your ability to let go until that point, is indicative of an impressive well of compassion and strength. Even now, after all the Avengers have done, you still help because _that_ is who you are. Not the anger that threatens to boil over.”

The words are earnest, true. Tony lets out a harsh laugh that sends pain lacing through his ribs because T’Challa, in less than a month, knew more about him than people who lived with him for years. That was a fucking cruel twist on fate’s behalf and he got it, he deserved it for all he did pre-Iron Man but that didn’t mean he liked it any. And hell, he wasn’t even much good at trying to atone for his actions now, try as he might. “I can’t believe you have a better grasp on my personality than Steve. He lived with me for almost a decade, you read like three files. That’s fucking embarrassing. For him, I mean,” Tony clarifies.

“I read far more than three files, but yes, it has become abundantly clear that I know you considerably better than most. I, however, find it sad rather than embarrassing. You are an amazing person, and I am very lucky to have you as my soul mate. Perhaps even undeserving,” T’Challa says softly. Tony frowns at him because he couldn’t really imagine a world in which someone was underserving of _him_ as a soul mate. Except Hammer, he was so shitty he didn’t even deserve _Steve_ as a soul mate and those two jackasses deserved each other. But even as angry as he was he wouldn’t wish a fate like that on any of the Avengers, that was just cruel.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for bullying mostly, and general angst. As always, if I missed something let me know and I'll add it into the warnings.
> 
> Also just assume Shuri and T'Challa are speaking Wakandan. There's no legit reason they would speak English in their home country if they didn't need to.

T’Challa does not want to see Tony go but he could not keep the man here forever, it was selfish for one, Tony had his own life and his own business to attend to. He watches as Tony gathers his things, pulling Cleo out of his suitcase four times before she tried jumping in a new piece of luggage. The chatter between them is easy, relaxed. Things came far more naturally now that T’Challa had figured a few things out, now that he knew Tony at least somewhat better.

Unfortunately that does not last long. As soon as Tony walks out of the doorway of his bedroom his body language makes a shift. His spine straightens, his muscles tense and his face goes from looking easy and relaxed to settling into a mask of cockiness and easy arrogance. He slips his sunglasses on and it’s like the final piece of his shield and the man T’Challa is looking at is no longer Tony Stark, instead he was the mask Tony wore to the outside world. Everything about him changes, including the way he spoke. If this was the way he acted with the Avengers he could see why they might have mistaken him for being arrogant, but if he acted like this with the Avengers he had a clear lack of trust in them. That could hardly be counted against him.

“He has been hurt, T’Challa, you cannot expect him to leave all that behind because things went well for a short period of time,” Shuri tells him sometime later when she finds him sulking.

“But I am not the Avengers, and I have no interest in becoming them,” he says. He understood that he could have handled things better in the beginning but he is trying and he thought he was doing well. Perhaps he thought wrong.

“His trauma did not start there and you know it. T’Challa, there has only been _one_ person in his life that has accepted him for him and even Rhodey knows that he has gone back on that more than once. Granted it is abundantly clear that he has no idea how to handle some of Tony’s problems and thus reacted badly to them but my point stands. Every relationship he has ever had has failed except the one he has with Rhodey. Even the one romantic relationship that he had with someone he thought understood him ended terribly. When your life gives you a failure rate that high you are not likely to trust someone, soul mate or not,” she says softly.

Objectively he knew she was correct, he would not likely trust people either but… “but I am trying, Shuri.” He sounds petulant to himself so when Shuri roller her eyes at him he accepts that he probably deserved that.

“So you are, and if you are not willing to continue trying then I suggest you walk away now. The last thing he needs is a whiny soul mate that is irritated that things are not running according to the stupid fairy tales he believed as a child. It is not his fault you are naïve,” Shuri says harshly.

“I did not say I was going to give up on him, Shuri, that is horrible! I am simply frustrated and not necessarily with him. It is frustrating that he has grown so used to people leaving him that he has a difficult time opening up to people, and it is frustrating that I have to deal with the fallout. I understand that he is not perfect but it is irritating to hear the Avengers in particular criticize him for things they do all the time. I just… wish it was easier for him to see that I have no desire to be like the people in his past or his present,” he says softly. Tony was genuinely enjoyable once he got past at least some of that tough exterior; past that blasé devil-may-care attitude he wore like cloak to hide his true personality. It was upsetting that he felt the need to hide himself like that and T’Challa… he had no idea what he was supposed to do here.

“It is never easy to distinguish the people who are different from the people who have hurt you, especially when those people tend to be one in the same,” Shuri tells him.

T’Challa frowns, “what do you mean?” The statement made little sense to him.

“I mean the people in Tony’s life who have hurt him are the same people he has trusted enough to open up to. Howard, to a lesser extent Maria, Pepper, Steve, the rest of the Avengers, even Rhodey at times. All of those people were supposed to care about him, love him, but near all of those people have hurt him the most. Even if some, like Pepper, may have had their reasons, good reasons, he still learned that nothing good ever lasts. That is a hard lesson to learn.” So it was, though he did wonder how Shuri would have learned such a lesson. They had a privileged upbringing, they were well loved, taken care of, Shuri hardly had an opportunity to learn that no one cared for her.

His question must show on his face because Shuri sighs, “I love you, T’Challa, but you only see what you like sometimes. I know you well; well enough that you do not need to ask me how I learned that no one would ever care. The truth is people _do_ are about me, but not nearly as much as they care about you and they never will. It does not matter how much work I do, how much I excel at something, you are _always_ better than I am and everyone loves you more for it. You never noticed, why would you? You are the shining star of everyone’s lives and I have always lived in you shadow. I understand Tony because people dislike me for being human too, they ignore that they do not excel at things like you do either, but they are happy to criticize me for never being as good as you are. I know what it is like to be less than perfect standing in the shadow of someone far more talented than myself and it hurts, especially when you care about that person no matter how much you wish you did not.”

Her words are sharp, earnest. Her jaw clenches and she looks away, her eyes wet but T’Challa knew she would not cry. She has always been far more tough than he was, always more prepared too and… and he had _no idea_ she felt that way. His first instinct is to deny it because she is better at a lot of things than he is but she certainly was not the first one to be upset with being in his shadow. He remembers B’Tumba and their fallout somewhat bitterly, even after all those years of friendship… “Shuri,” he starts but her sharp look stops his words.

“Do not pity me, I do not need it. It took me a long time to accept that I will never be as good at things as you are, or at least no one will see me that way, and that is fine. I am good enough as is, even if no one but me can see that.” Her words are strong and sure, as is her body language, and T’Challa is amazed by that.

“If I were ever able to accept myself the way you have I never would have pushed myself to the extremes that I have in order to achieve such success. My talent is not natural, Shuri, but my ability to become good at things fast is. If I had half the courage you did I never would have felt the need to tailor myself to what I thought other people needed,” he says. Shuri’s head snaps up in surprise, looking at him with wide eyes, “accepting yourself is not easy, and I am not certain I could ever do what you have,” he tells her truthfully.

Had he had any idea that Shuri, or anyone else for that matter, was under any impression that he was perfect on any level he would have told someone this far sooner. “The problem with being good at things, or able to become good at them quickly in my case, is that everyone is looking and everyone expects success. However my success often creates particularly high standards for myself, which leaves me terrified of what will happen when I fail. And I _will_ fail, it is inevitable, and now that I am King I have an entire country of people to feel the affects of that failure. That is scary, Shuri, and because everyone is always watching my every move they will all see it, and with Wakanda’s entrance into world politics the entire _world-_ ” his voice cuts out for a moment and he takes a shaky breath. “What will I do when that happens?” he asks more to himself than Shuri.

It was a long time fear of his, he has known since he was very small that he would some day lead the country. If something he chose to do went wrong that could potentially harm so many people…

“Then you will fix it,” Shuri tells him as if that was the most obvious thing in the world, frowning at him as if he should have come to that conclusion before.

“I… what?”

“If you manage to fail at something you will fix it. I have known you my whole life, T’Challa, and I have had yet to see something puzzle you for long. Even with Tony you adjusted quickly, easily putting yourself back on track when you gathered new information. It is what you do and you are good at it. I had no idea you had a fear of failure,” Shuri tells him and her eyebrows draw together as if she was having trouble processing that information.

“Well I had no idea that you think you have been living in my shadow your whole life so I suppose we are even,” he says. The concept was strange to him, especially because he spent much of his childhood wishing he was as shrewd and observant as Shuri. His father had always liked that about her and it was the one thing he had not been able to learn fast. He still had trouble with that now, even, and yet Shuri was jealous of _him_. At least she could figure his soul mate out, who knew where he would be without her intellect and insight. He tells her that, too, because he had no desire to leave his sister feeling underappreciated simply because people became accustomed to looking in his direction.

*

Peter looked like hell, which was weird considering Spiderman hasn’t been spotted in over a week and Peter had enhanced healing abilities. It was something he had to hide from his aunt if she did happen to notice the bruises, it wouldn’t do to have her think a nasty black eye would naturally go away in a day or two when they took a week at the least to heal. Apparently his makeup skills were impressive by now.

“What happened?” he asks finally. Peter was toying with Dummy, laughing as the bot reacted in various ways, clearly impressed that the bot had a personality of sorts.

“Villain of the week, you know how it is,” the kid lies smoothly and Tony raises an eyebrow. Where did _that_ come from? To his knowledge Peter was a shit liar, which had left Tony wondering how he managed lying to his aunt but he guessed this answered that. If he lied this smoothly to her she’d never know.

“Most be some sneaky villain considering you haven’t made an appearance since last Tuesday and it’s Saturday.” The statement hangs heavy as Peter realizes he’s been caught in the middle of a lie.

“I… uh… um,” Peter sputters, blinking at him like he was lost.

“Are you okay?” he asks after a moment. Peter looks thrown by that too and Tony clenches his jaw slightly. Of course he knew May took care of Peter but old habits died hard and it was hard to let go of the abuse he suffered as a kid.

“I… yeah… no… I don’t really know. I mean I’ll be okay it’s just hard sometimes, like I know I probably won’t care about some stupid kids in high school in like ten years or whatever but it still sucks,” Peter mumbles, looking at the ground.

“Ahh, you’ve been a victim of the ‘it gets better’ speech I see. Never did get that, how’s some fictional place in some far off future where you _might_ be happy, it isn’t like happiness is guaranteed, supposed to make you feel better? Adults just say that so they don’t have to deal with their suffering teenagers because they don’t actually think their teens are suffering. Well, bullying sucks, and adulthood doesn’t make it go away either, but they probably won’t beat you up so you have hat to look forward to. How long has this kid been bullying you?” he asks. At least a few months if Peter has told someone about it, he remembered being so determined to handle his own problems as a kid. Mostly because adults didn’t ever seem interested in helping him solve his problems, happy to look down on him and claim he needed to learn ‘problem solving’ skills. Problem was that he _tried_ that, hence looking for help elsewhere.

Peter’s eyes light up, “I _know_ right? How is maybe being happy later going to stop Flash from kicking my ass _now_? And it’s so hard because I could just punch him, I could do it, and he’d probably go through a _wall_ but I can’t do that because it isn’t fair. I can’t just use my powers on him like that even if I want to. I’ve thought about it but… but he’s just human, a real jerk of a human, but I’m enhanced. It would be irresponsible to fight back but I don’t know what to do. Plus he loves Spiderman, what a kick in the pants,” Peter mumbles.

He shouldn’t do it because it’s mean but Tony bursts out laughing, earning a rightfully offended look from Peter. “I’m so sorry but _seriously_? This kid likes Spiderman? God, this is the kind of thing you’d see in a comic book or something, ‘Teen’s Bully Enjoys Teen’s Superhero Alter Ego’,” he says in a ridiculous mimicry of an announcer’s voice. “Wow though, in all seriousness that has to be pretty rough and to be completely honest I don’t have any like fortune cookie advice for you either. I didn’t really know what to do about the bullying when I was your age either and mostly I just learned to try not to care, which bullshit advice honestly.” He remembered that too ‘just let it roll off your back!’ He wanted to go back in time just to deliver a special ‘fuck you’ to those idiot adults who thought that was even remotely viable.

Yeah, he was sure everyone could just let feeling like a worthless waste of space roll right off their back. It helped that he still got that advice given that the media sucked and liked to ride his ass for every little thing he did. If people had something valid to say he’d listen, but yet another article detailing his fucking sex life was useless garbage.

“Wait, you were bullied at my age?” Peter asks, looking genuinely surprised.

“Yeah, I was a fifteen year old doing a Masters degree, people either hated me and let me know it or they used me for my knowledge. And people my own age thought I was a freak and they let me know that too. To be honest I never did find my niche,” he says. The Avengers were the closest he got and that was a piss poor example of a friend group.

“Wow,” Peter says, blinking in surprise. “Iron Man was bullied as a kid, and now you’re a badass. That’s actually so helpful, I guess it really does get better. I mean the only thing you’re missing is a soul mate.”

Tony sighs, letting out a small laugh. “I have one of those actually,” he says, somewhat flattered that Peter thought his life was helpful to his bullying problem, even if he didn’t have much of an idea of what he was talking about. The kid is fifteen though, he gets a free pass.

“Really?” Peter asks, eyes growing wide, “who? Wait, not Pepper right?” he asks somewhat hesitantly than winces.

“No, not Pepper, so you can wipe that ‘I just kicked a puppy by accident’ look off your face. My soul mate is, uh, T’Challa. You know, the King of Wakanda.” Talk about high expectations though T’Challa informed him that, thankfully, he had no rights to Wakanda even if he died. He had looked so surprised at Tony’s relief but shit, he couldn’t even control himself, how the hell could he control a country? Plus he had no clue how they did stuff; he’d just be some asshat American… colonizing them really. Which, yikes. He was more than happy to find out that Wakanda was all Shuri’s in the event of T’Challa’s death, even if thinking about T’Challa’s death made his heart physically hurt like it had after being hit with that shrapnel.

Peter’s eyes practically double in size, “holy _shit_ , you’re basically a fairy tale but in real life, except you’re a superhero too. You’re like… my childhood dream come to _life_ ,” Peter says with meaning. Tony snorts and shakes his head, smiling at Peter’s excitement, content to believe just for a little while that maybe he was someone’s childhood dream come to life instead of a mess of a man that flew around in a tin can every once and awhile.

*

Rhodey frowns at him as Tony’s latest one night stand stomps past him and out the door. Tony winces because he really could have handled this whole thing better but sadly he was far more socially awkward than he pretended to be. “What was that about?” Rhodey asks, eyebrows drawing together.

Tony sighs deeply and pinches the bridge on his nose because Rhodey was going to _love_ this. “I uh… accidentally called him T’Challa,” he mumbles, looking at the ground.

For a moment Rhodey is silent but then he bursts out laughing and Tony accepts his fate. “Oh my _god_ this is way better than Tony Stank! I’m gunna text Shuri right now about this because this is _priceless_ ,” Rhodey says. Tony swears he has never moved so fast in his whole life as he did to snatch Rhodey’s phone right out of his hand and he runs off with it too. Once he’s across the room and sufficiently sure that Rhodey wouldn’t be able to wheel after him to get the phone back he settles.

“You do not breath a _word_ of this to Shuri or to T’Challa, they don’t need to know about this,” he says very seriously.

“FRIDAY text Shuri and tell her about this hilarious turn of events,” Rhodey tells the AI, glancing up at the ceiling. God, that was such a weird habit and everyone but him had it. FRIDAY was everywhere; she just spoke through the speakers that happened to be in the ceiling, that wasn’t where she was _located_.

“I already have, sir, completed with a ‘laughing’ emoji,” the AI informs them.

“Fuck you, FRIDAY, you’re supposed to be loyal to _me_ ,” Tony tells her.

“I am, sir, which is why I am informing your soul mate that you care about him. In a strange way, I believe, my research has informed me that your behavior is unusual soul mate behavior. But your other behaviors are odd too,” she says.

“Hey, look at that, FRIDAY’s learning,” Rhodey says, grinning. Yeah, too damn well in Tony’s opinion. JARVIS would have pulled some sneaky shit like that too and Tony feels unexpectedly sad about that. FRIDAY is competent but she wasn’t JARVIS, and now she was picking up on all the sass and underhanded tricks JARVIS used to pull and it was like JARVIS was being replaced and he didn’t want that. “Are you alright?” Rhodey asks after a moment and Tony realizes he went silent.

“Yeah, yeah, I just… JARVIS would have done something like that,” he says softly.

“I am designed to be his successor, logic dictates that I would learn to function similarly or the same,” FRIDAY informs him, more AI than human and surprisingly that helps. Because FRIDAY, despite his best efforts and her learning curve, is not JARVIS. They didn’t usually enjoy easy banter, he didn’t confide his secrets to her, and she wasn’t his oldest and most trusted friend next to Rhodey. But most of all she wasn’t even close to the real Jarvis, who was Tony’s lifeline when he was a kid until he died. God, that was awful, and so close to his parents’ deaths.

FRIDAY, though, wasn’t meant to be a coping mechanism to deal with the death of a good friend and an even better man. She is her own AI, free to develop however she wanted to and even if she did have similarities to JARVIS she would never be the same. That’s what he had wanted anyways, a new AI.

“Incoming call from T’Challa, would you like me to ignore him?” FRIDAY asks, interrupting his thought process.

“Yes,” he says as Rhodey says, “hell no.” They glare at each other for a moment before FRIDAY makes the decision for them.

“I appear to have malfunctioned, the call is going through,” she informs him. Tony gives the ceiling a deeply offended look, for once engaging in everyone else’s bad habit.

“Tony?” T’Challa’s voice asks, filtering through the speakers.

“My AI _hates_ me,” he says with more passion than he initially intends.

“I… alright? Well, I am sure you will be able to fix it,” T’Challa tells him. He was being well meaning but it irritates Tony, he didn’t understand, his own AI was conspiring against him. He wrote out her code with his own two hands and she up and _betrays_ him like this? Unacceptable. “Are you alright?” T’Challa asks, interrupting his musings on how to dispose of FRIDAY.

“I’m fine, what makes you think I’m not?” he asks, frowning. It wasn’t like his ribs still hurt, at least not like they used to. They’re still tender, and his arm was still giving him trouble, but he was over all fine.

“Shuri read that text Rhodey sent to me. She found it amusing but I found it worrying, are you sure you are okay?” T’Challa asks, every bit some sort of fairy tale prince, okay king, that Peter decided he was.

“Seriously? You find out your soul mate is sleeping with people that look like you and accidentally calling them your name and you’re _worried_? Damn, are you like from a fairy tale or something?” Rhodey asks, apparently picking up on Tony’s thought process. He would think Rhodey was a telepath but he’s spent a lot of time mentally screaming at him with no response. The one time he did that to Wanda told him he would have gotten a strange look at the least.

“Wait, is this a habit?” T’Challa asks. And Rhodey, because he is a traitor just like FRIDAY, informs T’Challa that this _is_ , in fact, a habit. “Tony, are you sure you are okay? Clearly this soul mate bond is affecting you more than either of us anticipated, if you need me-”

“I’m good, thanks. I’ll stick with the lookalikes, no need to fly across the world or whatever measly old me,” he says quickly, earning a dirty look from Rhodey at the lookalike bit. Tony shrugs at him, what? It was true; he still wasn’t sold on this whole T’Challa thing.

“It would not be a hardship, Tony, you are worth the effort. If you change your mind though, please let me know,” T’Challa says softly. Tony bites his lip and looks down because T’Challa had told him what he wanted to hear and he hadn’t even known that was what he wanted to hear. He really wished T’Challa would stop doing that.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just assume that whenever Shuri and T'Challa are talking with no English speaking people around that they're speaking Wakandan. I mean why would they speak anything but their native language if they're communicating to each other? Anyways! I hope y'all like the chapter.

“I’m confused Clint, you say you care but you tried to _strangle_ the man who saved me and the kids. _Twice_ ,” Laura emphasizes. She wasn’t sure what she was to expect out of Tony Stark and she hadn’t heard much good about him. When she met him, though, she wasn’t entirely sure why the team disliked him so much. Like the others he was more than willing to help out around the farm, using his expertise to fix that damn tractor that kept breaking down. She would have fixed it herself but mechanics and pregnancy didn’t mix well, she learned that the hard way.

“I don’t trust him, Laura,” Clint says, near pleads, begging her to understand with his eyes.

“Well I do, if it wasn’t for him the kids and I would be dead twice over and that’s just counting actual attacks. The government froze all of our assets for over a _month_ after this Civil War business and how was I supposed to feed the kids with no way to buy them food, hmm? If it wasn’t for Tony we would have been starved out long ago, and he was the one who got our assets back. _My_ bank account was frozen because _you_ ran off to help your old team leader and then you became an _international terrorist_? Do you have any idea what this has done to the kids?” The older two mostly, the baby was still far too young to have any memory of this, thankfully. She did her best to keep them from the news but there was only so much she could do.

“Laura, I was doing what’s right, you know that. Right?” he asks.

“Don’t you dare try and guilt trip me, Clint Barton, you were retired. The only people you had to do right by were your kids and you up and left them in the middle of a vacation! Then you go and follow a man intent on ignoring the wishes of _one hundred and seventeen countries_. What they wanted isn’t unreasonable, Clint! I have no doubt that the Accords have, or had now I suppose, problems, but that doesn’t mean you just ignore the whole world crying for your help. To add insult to injury you told them that blatantly ignoring them was supposed to help when they were telling you to do _the exact opposite of that_. What are the kids supposed to learn from all of this?” Because from where she was standing they haven’t learned anything good.

“They’re supposed to learn to stand up for what you believe in, Laura! Those Accords were run by a bunch of people who have their own plans with us, their own thoughts of what we should be doing. How am I supposed to be sure that we’re doing the right thing with them telling us what to do?” Clint asks.

“How are you supposed to know you’re doing the right thing with Steve Rogers telling you what to do, leading you around with his own agendas and ideas of what you’re supposed to be doing? I understand where you’re coming from, Clint, but you can’t possibly have _that much_ faith that without ever talking to any one of the countries you regularly find yourselves in doing god knows what will always be helpful to them. Asking for some cooperation isn’t an unreasonable request, and laws are subject to change at any moment so whatever was in the Accords that put you off could be amended and changed. You can’t rely on one man’s opinion to any less biased than a government, that isn’t how bias works,” Laura says.

God knows she knew that the government was unfair and cruel, but the Avengers haven’t shown themselves to be any less unfair and cruel and the people have had enough. She absolutely understood why Clint was suspicious and maybe he even had a right to be, but neither the world nor the government is stupid. They needed the Avengers and anyone else equipped to deal with the growing threat of super villains and other powered criminals, or even non-powered clever criminals like Zemo turned out to be. The world would accommodate for the Avengers so long as they made at least some effort to listen, they didn’t have a choice.

“What do you mean what is Steve leads us wrong? It’s always Tony who’s fucking up, without him we’re all just fine. And what do you mean Steve’s biases? He hasn’t lead us wrong yet so I trust him more than the government,” Clint says. Laura resists the urge to smack him because that was rude, even if it might knock a little sense into his head.

“I understand why you trust Steve. He’s a good man and he genuinely wants to do good, but just because the things he does don’t have the same… explosive affects as Tony’s admittedly very poor decisions doesn’t mean he has no bias. You’ve been all over the world raiding HYDRA bases, most of them abandoned, in the pursuit of Bucky Barnes. His obsession with the man has all but completely blinded him because he’s stuck on hurting for an old friend. I know he’s lost everyone close to him and that must be very difficult, I honestly couldn’t imagine, but I don’t think he realizes that Bucky Barnes is not his friend anymore. He probably won’t ever be again and making reckless decisions because of him does no one any good, least of all you. The kids have missed you,” she says. _I’ve missed you_ sticks in her throat unexpectedly, caught there by anger.

She knew Clint was only doing his best and she supported that in theory, but he couldn’t just up and abandon his family every time Steve Rogers called. And he _would_ call again; the team needed Clint far more than they probably liked to think if his being called back for this Civil War thing was any indication. And Clint would go back every time because he might be an idiot but he’s a good man and he wanted to do right by the world. She just wished he had that motivation for his own family.

She knew he was a bit of an adrenaline junkie when they met, he and Phil used to make jokes about it back before Phil died, but she stupidly assumed he’d settle down when he got older. That was her mistake and she loved Clint all the same for it, but she was frustrated and stuck on what to do here. They couldn’t even leave the property now for fear they’ll all get _murdered_ because Steve Rogers selfishly called Clint from his family and them made him a pariah. Now she and the kids were dealing with the brunt of it and no one except Tony Stark even thought to remember she and the kids existed. By then the damn house was under attack and she had no clue what to do. When Tony descended out of the sky and told her to take the kids to the barn it was a blessing. Watching her house and everything in it burn to the ground was less of a blessing but she and the kids escaped with their lives, that was all that mattered to her.

Then came the second attack, Tony said he wasn’t sure how they were located but now they were completely without technology minus the phone she had been assured couldn’t be used as a tracking device. The kids had nightmares semi-regularly still and if she was honest she wasn’t sleeping well herself. It wasn’t as if Clint was around for protection and she couldn’t keep track of the kids and protect them at the same time even if she was trained for that sort of thing. Still, someone had to stay up and listen for anything that sounded out of the ordinary.

Clint sighs heavily, bringing her attention back to her husband. “I don’t get it Laura, how can you trust Tony over Steve? Do you not remember Ultron?” he asks, clearly exasperated. That made two of them, at least.

“Yes, Clint, I do. But I also remember that he is the only one who kept me from watching my children die and very likely dying myself _twice_. I remember him sustaining us for the moth and a half before he managed to get access to my bank accounts back, and I remember him calling regularly to give my updates on your legal process. Steve Rogers took you away from my kids and Tony Stark made sure they were still alive for you to see them again. That says all I need to know about them,” she says perhaps a little too harshly. Steve was nice enough, and he was helpful when he was at the farm, but she couldn’t help but harbor anger against the man for instigating the last four and a half months of hell for her and her kids. If Steve hadn’t called Clint wouldn’t have left and they never would have had to deal with any of this. And Clint never should have left and he damn well knew it.

Clint opens his mouth to respond but a small voice interrupts them, “daddy?” Laura turns to find Cooper there rubbing at his eyes, “when did you get home?” he asks.

“A few hours ago,” Laura answers before Clint has a chance, “but its bed time for you right now so back to bed you go,” she says.

“But-” Cooper starts and Laura cuts him off.

“No buts, you know the rules. Daddy will still be here in the morning so you can say hi then,” she tells him.

Cooper narrows his eyes suspiciously, “are you sure?” he asks.

Her heart breaks just a little bit for her poor boy, “yes, honey, I’m sure. Now lets go put you back to bed,” she says softly, starting towards her child.

*

Clint watches Laura walk off with Cooper, who is still looking at him suspiciously and Clint feels like he just got kicked in the gut. He couldn’t believe his kid just asked if Laura was _sure_ he’d be there tomorrow.

_Guess what, I had a dad that thought his job was more important than me too. Would you like to know how the story ends?_

Tony’s words float back to him unbidden and unwanted so he ignores them, even if the suspicious look on Cooper’s face hurt to think about.

*

He gets another package, this one thankfully addressed to Tony _Stark_ despite Rhodey’s waiting around with a hopeful face for a mistake. “What is it?” Rhodey asks excitedly, wheeling towards Tony to snoop.

“Go away, it’s a present from T’Challa. Or I think it is, either that or some rando in Wakanda sent me a thing,” he says. God he hoped being T’Challa’s soul mate didn’t get him random gifts from the locals, they could keep their money.

“Well open it, I wanna see what it is,” Rhodey tells him, leaning over his chair to poke him in the side.

‘Don’t poke my wounds you busybody,” Tony tells him, waving him off.

“Open the damn present so we can T’Challa’s gift together, its against the bro code to not just soul mate gifts together,” Rhodey says, raising his eyebrows.

“You ditched me for Shuri like _seven_ times when we were in Wakanda, don’t judge me for violating the bro code you _heathen_.” Rhodey was so not in a position to judge, thank you.

“That was so you were forced to spend time with your soul mate and it paid off because you just got a present. Now stop making me wait and open that thing,” Rhodey tells him impatiently. God, Rhodey was an ass sometimes but Tony complies, setting the box on the couch so he could remove its contents. Rhodey leans forward in interest so Tony makes sure to take forever pulling the box apart, getting several glares from Rhodey.

“A suit?” Tony says, pulling the jacket out of the box. It was nice though, _really_ nice and it looked like it’d fit too. Interesting considering T’Challa ad no idea what his measurements were but he figured he could ask about that later.

“Huh, nice jacket,” Rhode says. He reaches out and tips the box over, taking over Tony’s present opening and Tony lets him root through the box because he was more excited that Tony was anyways. “Is this tie a specific color or is it grey?” Rhodey asks, holding up a deep purple tie.

“It’s purple,” Tony tells him, taking the soft looking satin from Rhodey. The tie is as soft as it looks and it’s even a nice shade of purple even if he didn’t much care for purple usually. Too understated for his tastes.

“That a good thing, a purple tie? Or should I get my judging face on?” Rhodey asks.

“Normally no, I don’t really like purple but you can put your judging face away because T’Challa managed to find a shade that I don’t find hideous.” Upon closer inspection the tie also has a subtle pattern on it that was only visible when it caught the light. Interesting.

“Sir, you have a meeting with Everett Ross in an hour,” FRIDAY reminds him, interrupting his musings. He swears and stands there for a few seconds before grabbing the shit and fleeing to his closet to get dressed and find some damn shoes.

When he gets to the meeting Ross looks like he’s got a stick shoved up his ass but that was nothing new. Tony was familiar with the type having spent his whole life playing games with them. “What is it you want?” he asks, carefully arranging himself in his chair. His ribs were only tender now but he wasn’t intent on jostling shit around and reinjuring himself.

Ross narrows his eyes at him for a moment but says nothing in some stupid attempt at a power play. Whatever. Finally though he spins in his chair towards the large projection screen behind him and hits a button on the clicker Tony just noticed he was holding. He isn’t sure if he’s surprised or not to find it’s footage of him and Peter saving the day and he knows _exactly_ where Ross is going with this.

“So this is about the Accords, what little is left of them?” he asks just to make sure he’s got this right. Ross, the moron, looks gleeful that he’s made Tony break down and speak but he didn’t know what cards Tony is holding so he lets him have the temporary glee.

“You were the one who was insistent on adhering to laws and here you are breaking them,” Ross says, eyebrow rising, “care to explain?”

“Actually I haven’t and neither has P-the Spiderling. Just because you don’t know who’s behind the mask doesn’t mean any laws are out of sorts. Go filter through all the video footage, your friendly neighborhood spider is following every law outlined in our agreement so even if you _do_ find your mystery spider you can’t do much about it. You can’t charge people for wearing bad onsies,” he says, grinning cockily when Ross whips around and backtracks the footage. Sure shit Peter is following the laws with a little guidance from Tony of course but Ross probably figured that out already.

“You can’t just recruit people wearing suits, Tony,” Ross snaps.

“Really? Was that somewhere in the agreement because I don’t remember reading it and I have a _very_ good memory. Like I said, you can’t charge people for being anonymous. Spiderman- and do we even _have_ confirmation that he’s a guy because if we find out Spiderman is Spiderwoman that’d be a tad embarrassing- is following all your pretty little laws. Doesn’t matter if you manage to track the spider down or not because you’ve got nothing but a stick up your ass,” Tony says. Now he just needed to have a conversation about the finer lines of the agreement so he didn’t step on toes accidentally. Well, he had that pesky bullying problem too… might as well hit two birds in one stone.

“So you don’t know who this… Spiderman is?” Ross asks, narrowing his eyes skeptically at Tony.

“No, and even if I did I wouldn’t tell you. Spiderman isn’t breaking the law so he’s of no concern to you, at least until you want to admit you have more of an interest in controlling superheroes rather than containing them,” he says bluntly. See, the thing about Steve’s ‘agendas’ argument was that agendas made a person vulnerable and politicians had to lay it all on the line for people to judge them and thus vote them in. or, alternatively, they bought a vote. If they bought a vote, well, Tony had more money so he could buy them right back out. And if they didn’t all it took was the suggestion that they were faulty and people would tear them apart for every wrongdoing possible. If you knew how to play the game it was easy to flip the board back in your favor, he’s spent his entire life in a tangled web of politics. He was well aware of how to cheat the system with the system.

Ross’ constipated look tells him that he’s won, which is no surprise; it isn’t the first time he’s done this. He knew damn well how to read the fine print and exploit it just as well as the government did. He’s well aware of how the agreements could work for or against him in any given situation because planning, building, memorizing, examining, and testing limitations and exceptions was what he did. Just because this was law instead of engineering was irrelevant, he’s spent enough time in the political sphere to know how things go. “So if that’s all…” Tony says, waving a hand around casually.

“Oh no, no, you sit down. When, exactly, were you going to tell us that T’Challa is your soul mate?” Ross asks.

Tony makes a face, “is that information relevant to you somehow? Because I fail to see how that has any effects on your superheroing agreement.” It was part of Ross’ own controlling agenda of course, but he couldn’t just out and out admit that. Unfortunately for him Tony isn’t nearly as stupid as he seems to think he is.

“It could be a problem later, soul mates are known to be very protective of each other and that doesn’t exactly inspire public confidence,” Ross says and _oh_ , that’s how he was going to play it.

“Did you watch the airport footage? Clearly he knows how to focus on things that aren’t me and he freshly realized I was his soul mate then. If he could focus then he can focus now and frankly so can I. Neither of us is so selfish that we’d let the other become distracted with the other given the dire consequences that would have,” he says bluntly. T’Challa didn’t seem the type to be particularly distractible if he had a goal though Tony had to admit he had no real clue if that was true. It wasn’t like he knew T’Challa well, or at all even. Two days of idol conversation hardly counted as knowing the guy.

“Speaking of the airport-”

“Oh fuck off Ross, he didn’t do anything your guys wouldn’t have and he was with me. Plus you can’t do anything about it, he was under the protection of diplomacy at the time,” Tony says. That was an admittedly stupid way to use the law in your favor but Ross and his team would do the same or worse in a heartbeat so. Plus he wasn’t in a position to judge given the stupid things he’s done.

“I thought you said you had only just met then, hmm?” Ross says, thinking he was smart and catching Tony in a lie.

“Yeah, and we had a common interest, bring Bucky Barnes and Steve Rogers into custody. Well, his intentions might have been _slightly_ more murderous but you have trigger finger too so you can’t really fault him for that. And he brought you Zemo alive too so again, can’t really fault the guy. It doesn’t take long to figure out we’re working on the same side,” Tony points out. Ross bats a few other arguments around but ultimately they were fickle at best and Tony easily slaps them down. Within an hour of getting there he’s gone, back into the world and the very brief media spectacle that followed him around at all times.

He glances at the clock before nodding to himself, this was as good a time as any, so he sets off for Peter’s high school. It takes some time to get there but that turns out to work in his favor because everyone, Peter included, was standing outside wither waiting for their rides, standing with their rides, or suffering the bus. He pulls up, his bright sports car drawing attention immediately, and honks the horn. “Get in loser, we’re going shopping!” he yells across the yard at Peter. People look around, trying to locate who he’s talking to and he can hear the whispers from here. Ha, good. Peter, of course, knows right away that Tony is talking to him and he waves at his friends briefly before bounding over and sliding into the passenger seat easily.

The movement is casual, easily displaying that they’re on good terms and have been for some time though Peter doesn’t try for that. It makes the show that Peter doesn’t know he’s putting on all the better. The students’ buzzing was loud now and the inquiries were almost asked directly to them though none of the students were quite bold enough to out and out ask a famous celebrity and superhero what he was doing picking up some rando fifteen year old dork. “Umm, what’re we doing?” Peter asks after a moment of sitting there.

“I told you, shopping. I can’t believe May lets you out looking like that,” he says, eyeing Peter’s terribly coordinated clothes. Boy was he going to be embarrassed when he saw the pictures later, assuming he had a soul mate. Hell, for all he knew May didn’t have a soul mate and that’s why she let Peter run around looking like a bad child’s painting but he doesn’t say that. Peter lost his uncle not long ago and he didn’t want to insult the guy’s memory even if he fully believed that being someone’s soul mate meant dick all. Still, most other people didn’t.

“What’s wrong with my outfit?” Peter asks, looking down.

“Everything, now lets go.” He pulls out of the school zone, student buzzing growing louder as he goes.

“Wait, are we actually going shopping?” Peter asks once they’re a block away, “because I like this shirt. And also that seemed really staged but I can’t figure out how because we were both acting normal.”

“Good eye, kid, that was staged but the naturalness of the movements was the point. So, how exactly _did_ you end up on good terms with a superhero and a celebrity?” he asks, grinning at Peter.

He goes to open his mouth to state the obvious before he realizes something, “they don’t know about Spiderman,” he says.

“ _Exactly_ , so now it looks like you’re randomly on some pretty good terms with celebrities and you were so sure of yourself you never thought to mention it to anyone even with the bullying. Which is technically true anyways, so. But they all saw how easy your movements were, they could visibly see that we know each other well and we’re comfortable in each other’s presence, it indicates rapport. They’re all going to be more than a little desperate for answers so maybe that’ll keep the bullying to a minimum for awhile,” he says. It wasn’t a solid plan but the students would be so thrown they’d be more interested in answers than cruelty.

Peter blinks for a moment before he grins wide, “thank you!” he says meaningfully. “I really appreciate this.” Tony shrugs because it wasn’t much of a hardship; all he had to do was pick the kid up. “Hey, so I know a guy and he claims to have met his soul mate and he says that the stop lights are in color. Is that true?” Peter asks, looking up at the lights they were currently stopped at.

“Rest assured your classmate is a fucking idiot who hasn’t met his soul mate. The top light is white, the middle light has a heavier frosting and I guess it shines kind of blue but it’s meant to appear grey, and the bottom light is black. Now technically black lights shine purple but it’s black, not a color, only people who see color would even notice that and the average person meet their soul mate in their late twenties, long after they’ve learned how to drive.” All the signs and road directions were meant to cater to those who couldn’t see color yet, meaning a lot f reflector tape and weird shapes to draw attention.

“Oh. What about food? That changes colors when it cooks, right?” he asks.

“Yeah, kid, that’s why we have a bunch of different gadgets to tell people if their meat is cooked or not. Raw meat sucks, and it’s pink raw by the way, it turns brown when cooked.” Peter asks a handful of other color questions and he answers them, excited by Peter’s excitement.

*

T’Challa looks down at Tony spread out underneath of him looking more self-conscious than he’s ever seen him. He runs a hand down Tony’s side, smoothing out the wrinkles in his soft AC/DC shirt and hopefully removing any lingering doubts. He looks marginally less worried, blowing out a breath of anxiety. T’Challa smiles at him, leaning down and-

A sharp peel of laughter wakes him up and he looks around, blinking rapidly. “Were you kissing your pillow?” Shuri asks, clutching her sides as she doubles over laughing. T’Challa looks underneath of him and finds twisted blankets and a pillow in place of Tony and glares at the mess.

“I was not kissing the pillow,” he says, _technically_ telling the truth. How was he to know that Tony was actually a pillow? And of _course_ Shuri had to witness this, “who even let you in?” he asks.

“I am your sister, I will come and go as I please. I _have_ to tell Rhodey about this-” T’Challa leaps out of bed to try and snatch her phone but Shuri has already ducked his arms, rolling across his bed and landing on her feet smoothly, tapping away at her screen as she dashes from the room cackling. Cleo, who was sleeping on the pillow next to T’Challa, looks deeply offended that her sleep was interrupted.

“Me too, Cleo, me too,” he tells the cat, giving her a pat before he resigns himself to his fate and leaves the room.

“So, you sent Tony a gift,” Shuri says, grinning at him from behind the table she was currently sitting at.

“Yes, I did.” It was not unusual, actually the fact that courtship started this late was unusual, not that it was happening.

“Rhodey said he wore the suit today,” Shuri tells him and he perks up, “but not because he enjoyed it any, he was in a rush and the outfit was immediate,” she finishes.

He deflates some, “why must you ruin things?” he asks. Shuri took a particular delight in it too, snickering at his annoyance.

“The bonus is that Tony said that the shade of purple you chose was ‘not hideous’. I have no idea what purple looks like but I will hazard a guess and say it is not a color Tony is fond of.” Of course it was not a color Tony was fond of, he was terrible at this soul mate thing.

“I like purple, I like it best actually,” he says. Which was why he chose the color, plus he thought the deep color would look pretty against Tony’s pale skin. Granted he could be completely wrong, he had no clue how to dress someone pale and have it come out nice so he went for a more classic look and hoped for the best. Of course it was the _purple_ that threw it off.

“How nice. Rhodey advises red,” Shuri says.

“I am well aware that he is fond of red, he wears it frequently, and his suit is mostly red with gold. It does not take a genius to come to the conclusion that he likes the color,” he says perhaps a little too sharply. Regardless, he is a genius so even if it _did_ take a genius to figure that out he would have been fine.

“Touchy,” Shuri chirps, “so attempt one in wooing Tony Stark went okay. I assume _okay_ is not what you are looking for hmm? So what is next in your courtships plans?” she asks, leaning forward in interest. T’Challa… shrugs because he was taking some stabs in the dark and evidently failing in his attempts. “You are honestly embarrassing, brother of mine, did you not make a plan?”

“I have no clue what he likes, what am I supposed to get him? Better yet, what am I supposed to get him that I know he does not have?” he asks. He half wished Tony was not wealthy because than this would be easy. Showering him with gifts he could not afford himself would be an easy task but fate hated him and gave him a soul mate that had extensive resources, making him particularly difficult to buy for.

“Dumbass. Woo him with emotions, not money. He has enough money to throw at himself, give him something new, exciting, something he does not have a lot of. Emotional connection fits all of those criteria so take him to places that mean something to you, open yourself up to him,” she says, giving him some very good advice.

He narrows his eyes at her, “I dislike you.”


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter is a bit jumpy, also sorry it's a bit short. I've been very busy with back to school stuff! I have so many assignments, yikes!

Tony stretches out languidly beside T’Challa, grinning. The beach is bright and relaxing with the sound of the waves further up on the sand and the sun warming his skin. “I think you may have a sun burn unless your cheeks are naturally that pink,” T’Challa tells him, laughing softly when Tony groans. He could feel the extra warmth there and he wrinkles his nose, feeling a slight twinge of pain from the area.

“Damnit, now I probably look like a cherry tomato,” Tony says, nose still wrinkled.

“You are pink, not bight orange. So more like a flamingo,” T’Challa says, snickering when Tony makes another noise of annoyance. That was absolutely not what he was going for, plus flamingos are fucking idiots. Who even _needed_ a neck that long? And why do they stand on one leg like a bunch of twits?

“If I _have_ to be an animal I am not going to be a fucking flamingo,” Tony says, “I’m more like… a lion.”

“Lions are lazy, you are more like a peacock. Bright and attention grabbing, everyone knows when you ate around,” T’Challa tells him, smiling softly.

He wrinkles his nose again because he didn’t like birds, but peacocks _are_ pretty so he would accept it grudgingly. “Fine, I’ll be a peacock. What would you be?” he asks.

“A black panther, obviously. They have been the protector of my people for hundreds of years and as king I am supposed to embody the spirit of the black panther,” T’Challa says.

“Well, you do have that sexy cat suit,” Tony says, grinning and then outright laughing at T’Challa’s borderline offended facial expression.

“That… is not what you are supposed to think of my suit,” T’Challa says.

“Okay, but like you have a great ass and that suit makes your ass look _better_ ,” he says. It wasn’t his fault that T’Challa’s as happened to be a gift to humanity. Shit, that suit is also a gift to humanity given how nicely it fit.

“It is _supposed_ to make me look like a warrior, not a… a… sex kitten,” T’Challa says primly, realizing what he said too late.

Tony snickers at the statement, “no worries honey, no one will be worried about your ass when you come at them with those claws. Which are also worryingly attractive.” Were vibranium claws _supposed_ to be hot? Probably not but Tony wasn’t exactly a stranger to being turned on by things he shouldn’t be attracted to. Rhodey would probably never let him live down that time he had sheepishly admitted that math gave him boners, but only the considerably complicated and fun kind. No one thought addition was sexy, even him. Rhodey had laughed for a solid two hours and probably grew abs.

“I worry for you, Tony. Those claws are extremely dangerous and should not be attractive,” T’Challa says, slipping half into lecture mode.

“Oh shush and let me have my fun,” Tony tells him. T’Challa shakes his head at him and they lapse into a comfortable silence. The sun is still warm against his skin, probably making his sun burn worse but he doesn’t mind if he’s laying next to T’Challa and soaking it all in. T’Challa shifts so he is no longer propped up and lays next to Tony, conscious to keep some space between them. Tony doesn’t like it so he presses in closer, curling into T’Challa’s side. That warm feeling he got when he touched T’Challa moved through his body, giving him a feeling of peace and safety. T’Challa gently wraps an arm around his shoulders and Tony grins widely, burying his head in T’Challa’s chest.

*

When Tony wakes up he isn’t very happy about it, at least until he remembers that he isn’t supposed to he happy about this whole soul mate thing. So he drags himself out of bed and makes his way to the kitchen, finding Peter and Rhodey there. “You should have seen their _faces_! They asked so many questions but I didn’t really tell them anything,” Peter says, grinning.

“Tell who about what?” Tony asks, pulling the fridge door open.

“His classmates about you,” Rhodey tells him, grinning.

“Yeah, they’re all still harassing me about how we met and how long we’ve known each other and stuff,” Peter says, face lit up in excitement.

“And the bullying?” Tony asks, pulling the juice out.

“Pretty much non-existent. I mean no one really wants to piss off someone who’s _personal_ friends with Iron Man.” Tony nods to himself, happy that at least one of his plans worked out for the best lately. There was a lot of stuff he had to deal with for the Avengers’ court cases and he had to field a million and one questions from Ross the night before about his presence at a high school he likely wouldn’t be near, convinced he found Spiderman. He was right of course, but Peter Parker was one smart cookie and it wasn’t difficult to convince him that he wasn’t Spiderman; he’s a recipient of a grant for school. Which he still had to tell Peter about…

“Good. And you work for me now, well, it’s an internship- paid if you’re wondering. Ross was up my ass about you but you’re brilliant, he can’t really assume that your intelligence has anything to do with Spiderman when you’ve always been smart. Anyways you start tomorrow after school,” he says.

Peter’s face lights up and it’s like the entire energy of the room lifts with his excitement, “really?” he asks excitedly.

“Yeah, you’re a smart kid, you’ll do great,” Tony says. Peter throws himself at Tony, wrapping his arms around him unexpectedly. Tony nearly drops his juice but he manages to get a good grip on it before he does, patting Peter’s back awkwardly.

“Thank you so much! I thought that I was too late to apply for any of the internships!” he says pretty much directly in Tony’s ear. God he forgot what weird boundaries fifteen year olds had. Or maybe Peter was just odd.

“Technically you are, but I managed to make room,” he says. There were always a few who backed out last minute and he wedged Peter into one of the available spots along with a few other candidates.

Peter steps back, “no one got bumped out because of me, right?” he asks, growing concerned.

“Nah kid, a few people backed out and had your information been in my pile you would have been on the top of the list to replace them anyways, so I put you in one of the newly opened spots.” Technically Peter was more than qualified to have gotten into one of his programs right away but he figures that Peter will gather that in the program.

Peter’s mood lifts again and he starts chattering away about his ideas while Tony and Rhodey threw in some of their own suggestions. Peter’s excitement is infectious and the mood lifts with his happiness, drawing the bittersweet mood Tony had been in away if only for a little while.

*

“We’re going to Italy!” Rhodey informs him with a wide smile.

“O…kay?” he asks more than states. Rhodey hands him a piece of mail and Tony takes it, “wait, you opened a present from T’Challa? You ass, that is so in violation of the bro code!” he says, offended. “I don’t open Shuri’s mail, so no opening my mail,” he says, holding the envelope to his chest.

Rhodey rolls his eyes at him, “Shuri doesn’t send me mail. Plus technically half of that present is for me so I’m half entitled to open it if I please,” Rhodey tells him smugly. Tony opens the envelope to find two tickets to Italy scheduled for the day after tomorrow.

“Well at least he made sure to book around court dates,” he mumbles. There was a hearing tomorrow and Tony had found a few loopholes in various laws, including both sets of the Accords. It should be enough to get them off with some kind of warning and a forced sign of the new versions of the Accords. Americans were happy to have the team continuing to do whatever, or at least the loudest groups were, but the rest of the world was horrified at the idea of a man (or a group of men with a dash of Natasha and Wanda) was so willing to brush their concerns aside. Many called Steve arrogant, but the term ‘American imperialism’ was being thrown around a lot too. People weren’t sure what to make of the rest of Steve’s team aside from some nasty opinions on Wanda that Tony found mostly unfair.

“Yeah. Personally I think he should have planned an entire date around talking you out of cleaning up the Avengers’ messes. You’ve done enough of that Tony, you keep giving them more and more and they don’t appreciate any of it. Why give them more?” Rhodey asks, pleads almost.

“This isn’t for them,” Tony says, “this is for the rest of the world. Much as I wish I could aliens could show up at any moment and I can’t deal with that alone.” He can see Rhodey consider dismissing his fear, the signs were obvious to him now because he spent so much time with the Avengers rolling their eyes at him.

He doesn’t dismiss him though, instead he sighs. “You don’t owe the world anything either, Tony,” he says softly.

“After all I’ve done to it I owe the world far more than I could ever offer it. Don’t pretend otherwise.” He can see Rhodey considering fighting him on that too but he doesn’t, instead he resigns himself to knowing there wasn’t a way that Tony could be convinced otherwise.

*

Court was a stressful disaster but Tony made it through and he even managed to come out on top, winning his case with only a few stipulations surrounding Wanda. He had, of course, not been impressed with her treatment in the RAFT and he had anticipated the ‘safety’ argument from a mile away. The problem was that Tony had planned for the possibility of Wanda being arrested and he had invented a few suppressors that shouldn’t have made her react so negatively. He had improved the designs since then and Vision had graciously offered himself as a test subject given that his powers were close to Wanda’s. Vision is a machine though; he had no idea how it might react with an organic subject.

Either way Wanda’s freedom was conditional on a few different things so her case wasn’t quite solved yet. He guessed he’d have to make a trip back to Wakanda to inform the rest of the Avengers of what was going on and in the meantime he would talk to Wanda, and apologize to her for the mess that was the compound. He’d also have to call Laura later too and relocate them again in part because he didn’t want them in one place too long and also because it would be safe for them to move somewhere more comfortable and convenient. He figured he could ask T’Challa about that later, after he has slept some when he and Rhodey get to Italy.

T’Challa’s security meets him and Rhodey when they land, carefully following them along though Tony was sure there were more conspicuous guards around elsewhere. The hotel they go to isn’t one Tony is familiar with but that was fine by him. It meant there was a possibility that he would be harassed less and he’d take that gladly.

“How was your flight?” T’Challa asks softly, greeting him at the door into the hotel.

“Long and tiring though that’s partially because I haven’t gotten much sleep the last couple days,” Tony says, managing a weak smile for T’Challa.

“Then come along, everything is set up, all you need to do is sleep,” T’Challa says. Tony is so grateful to see a bed in a room that he doesn’t even question than there was only one. He face plants on it and passes out near immediately.

*

They sit in a small coffee shop that T’Challa has not been to in a long time. Tony looks brighter this morning, refreshed. It was a welcome change to the dark circles under his eyes and the heavy slump in his shoulders. “This place is nice,” Tony says, looking around curiously.

“I used to come here with my father,” he says and Tony’s attention snaps to him immediately, “this is the first time I’ve been here since-“ his voice cuts out against his will and Tony reaches out and touches his hand. He feels that familiar zap of energy he got when he touched his soul mate and the warmth that came with it.

“Are you alright?” Tony asks, eyes wide with concern.

He opens his mouth to say he was fine but that is not exactly the truth. “I am better than I expected to be,” he says honestly. He did not realize that he expected this to be a worse experience but he is thankful that it is not. There is a reason he liked this place and a reason he wanted to show it to Tony. “We used to come here if there was some sort of political thing in the area and I hated it at the time. I loath politics and my father was intent on making sure I did not. It did not work, I still loath diplomacy.”

Tony frowns, his eyebrows drawing together, “really?” he asks, surprised.

“Yes really. Just because I am good at it does not mean I enjoy it any. People are cruel and selfish and I dislike politics that advantages all the wrong people and too often that is the kind of politics I am dealing with. My father used to tell me that a good leader knew when to play the game, I used to tell him a good leader should know when to throw out the board,” he says, smiling wryly. Of course things were not as simple as he liked to make them out to be then though he was not wrong, but he was not right either. Sometimes you had to play the game to make a new game that you were in charge of, like what Tony has done with the Avengers’ case.

His statement gets a small huff of laughter out of Tony, “mine used to tell me something similar, that I just needed to learn how to play the game. But the game fucking sucked, people needed to learn how to play _my_ game,” he says, grinning. “In my defense I have a lot of Nobel Prizes, seven PhDs, I’ve made countless groundbreaking scientific discoveries, and I’m a superhero. Points against me for being an asshole, all that time I spent war profiteering, and that time I almost ended the world.” He says the last part bitterly, looking at the table in distaste.

“You also saved the world in New York, you have had a positive effect on countless lives through impressive charity work that you are very hands on involved in, and Cleocatra likes you. She dislikes everyone who is not me, Shuri included,” he says. The last bit sounds more like a joke than a statement but cats held a lot of importance to his culture; they were sacred creatures and picky ones at that. They did not hand their love to the undeserving and would not hesitate to snub those they did not think were worthy of their attention. Cleo liking Tony was a huge anomaly considering the cat did not even like his father. She tolerated him if she had to but she did not actively like him. Cleo _slept_ beside Tony, something she did with no one but him.

“The cat likes me, wow. Most do so I don’t think I’m that special,” Tony says. He cannot tell if the comment is meant to be self-depreciating or if he was simply unaware of the cultural significance of cats to his culture. Probably both.

“If any cat likes you you are special. They do not like those unworthy of their time and Cleo is particularly selective. In Wakanda cats are very important so it is important that they like you, especially as my soul mate,” he says. He had no idea what he would do if cats did not like Tony, or worse, if Tony did not like cats. What kind of soul mate would Tony be if he did not like cats? Certainly not a good one. That would be rather heartbreaking but he did not have to worry about that because Tony very clearly liked cats.

“What would you have done if the cats didn’t like me?” Tony asks.

“Likely the same thing you would have had you discovered I was Luddite,” T’Challa says.

“Oh god, that would not be happening. That is not something I am willing to put up with, and to be clear here, you _aren’t_ a Luddite, right?” Tony asks, eyeballing him suspiciously.

T’Challa laughs, “no Tony, I am not a Luddite. My problems with technology and industrialization have little to do with the material goods themselves, it the exploitation in _making_ those goods that I have a problem with.”

Tony rolls his eyes and T’Challa is prepared to think that perhaps Cleo was wrong about Tony but then he speaks. “I’m billionaire, and most other CEOs are rich, why the _fuck_ can’t you pay people living wages? If you can’t sustain your business while also sustaining the workers that make your wealth possible than you don’t have a sustainable business model,” Tony says strongly. He looks ready to fight about the subject too, like he’s had this argument before and expected T’Challa to disagree.

“It appears that you are a rare believer in your admittedly very sound logic,” T’Challa says, smiling when Tony blinks a few times in confusion.

“Sorry, that’s just the first time I’ve had someone agree with me on that. I mean people like to think stuff starts with the customers but it doesn’t, I mean your workers are the ones dealing with the customers so if they aren’t happy you run the risk of alienating the customer. It just makes sense to take care of your work force, and also it’s just a decent thing to do. I can’t believe I have to fight people on whether or not treating your workers like human beings is a good thing or not. Happy to see you agree though,” Tony says, smiling. It isn’t the kind of smile that indicated happiness to much as the kind that that indicated being pleased at finding some sort of solidarity.

“You know, in my research on you I did not come across this opinion. Not that that is a bad thing, but I would like to hear more about it,” T’Challa says, leaning forward in interest. Tony lights up, launching into a speech about how people liked to quote dumb shit he said in his twenties instead of stuff he said after he pulled his head out of his ass.

Tony’s investment in his staff, though, was impressive and admirable. He cared about his workforce, even those doing more ‘undesirable’ jobs, acknowledging the complications that could come with each job and compensating accordingly. And his thoughts on technology, T’Challa expected something scientific and instead got a touchingly human answer about moving forward and adaptation. It became abundantly clear that, at least to Tony, technology was his way of connecting with the world on a new level. Through technology he tried to improve the life of the user, tried to touch people’s lives individually. The technology acted as a mediator between Tony and the world, it was his way of extending his own humanity and having people reach back. More than that it was obvious that Tony used technology to shield himself too, carefully hiding behind his intelligence and skill, using it as a barrier between himself and the outside world when he saw fit.

T’Challa liked to think of technology as cold, inhuman. But Tony did not see it that way at all, he saw it as a way to transmit humanity in seconds across the world. He saw the power in something like that, and its drawbacks, but the subject remained fascinating. He did not consider technology as a method of creating human solidarity and community. If he was honest he did not consider what technology might do outside of the actual functions of the device. It never occurred to him that human connection was involved at all and Tony’s opinions and thoughts on the subject were amazing.

What he noted, though, was the way these things would affect the way he saw the Iron Man suit. Knowing that Tony saw technology as a method of boosting human connectivity and community created entirely new meanings to the previously cold mechanical suit. Tony has made many comments about _being_ Iron Man, that the suit and he were one and most people brushed him off as dramatic or attention seeking. T’Challa was thrilled to find that he was privy to a new way of seeing the suit, one outside of the worldview of others, one beyond even the childhood abuse Tony suffered and seemingly named his persona after. He genuinely did not see a distinction between the technology he cocooned himself in and the man in the suit because the suit was meant to be an extension of himself, not a new thing entirely.

Tony suddenly stops, apparently growing aware that he was taking up most of the conversation. “Am I boring you? You can just tell me to shut up or whatever, I get that this isn’t everyone’s thing…” he says, trailing off.

T’Challa, for a brief moment, is angry at whomever told Tony that his passion was not worthy of being listened to. “No, I am not bored at all and I do not want you to stop talking. What you are saying is fascinating and impressive, I have never considered technology the way you do and I very much like hearing you talk about it. I find it impressive and interesting and I like the new view. Please continue,” he says, gesturing for Tony to carry on.

It takes a moment while Tony eyes him suspiciously but he continues on, quickly becoming interested in his topic and that bright light and passion is reignited. It lights up his features, animates them in a way that T’Challa could stare at forever it was so beautiful. Passion like this was rare and he knew he would never tire of Tony’s excitement towards technology, inventions, and human improvement.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this one is a bit short! But the confrontations with the Avengers begin Steve first and Tony gets a cat :)

Tony didn’t exactly have a burning need to go back to Wakanda but he had good news to deliver to the Avengers and a conversation to have with Wanda. T’Challa was delighted to have him back, of course, but Tony was still dreading dealing with the Avengers.

“You know that I will support you, right?” T’Challa says gently.

He opens his mouth to give the obvious affirmative but he considers that for a moment. “No, I don’t know that,” he says honestly. People liked to _say_ that but when he needed help, truly needed it, people tried to make him do what they perceived would help, not what he told them would help. Then they got angry when he reacted badly, because he knew that their solution wouldn’t help, and of course he wouldn’t react well to an ill-advised solution to his problems. People only cared to help him if he did what they wanted, they had no real interest in making sure he was okay.

A flash of hurt crosses T’Challa’s face and Tony waits for the ‘of course I’m here for you, what even made you think I wasn’t!’ speech but it doesn’t come. Instead T’Challa sighs, “given the lack of support you have had for near everyone it was rather stupid of me to assume that you would trust me. But I am here for you, and I will support you, and if I do something that makes you question that please tell me so I can change that. I have no desire to prove you right once again,” he says earnestly.

“Thank you,” Tony says after a moment, unsure of what else to say. T’Challa seems to know that, thankfully, and he lets it go.

*

Steve sits across the room from him and Tony itches to leave immediately. “So we’re acquitted?” Steve asks eventually, raising an eyebrow.

“Not exactly. You’ve been exonerated for the charges you’ve been brought up on but if you want to keep doing the hero thing you’re going to need to sign some version of the Accords, the choice is yours,” he says. He had tried to wiggle them out of that option but he didn’t even believe his own argument and neither did the lawyers and it showed. But he tried, even if he didn’t think it was the right option. “The exception is Wanda, people are still out for her blood and they’re proposing some pretty unfair solutions.” The most popular was wearing a suppressor at all times but the problem people had was a lack of control. If she wore a suppressor all the time there was no opportunity for her to learn control, plus the long-term effects of a suppressor were unknown. Taking away an extra sense with no clue how that would play out long-term was dangerous at best.

In the meantime he was working to point out the considerably dangerous reasoning behind limiting Wanda, namely that it was a Band-Aid solution at best and flat out irresponsible at worst. Treating Wanda like a science experiment instead of dealing with the problem, her needing to learn better control over her power, was an infringement of her basic human rights flat out. Social movements were helpful too, and noisy, so he was using the pressure there to push for her to be allowed… well, to live like a normal person. They didn’t want to stick a suppressor on Steve and he was enhanced too and at this point they’ve caused the same amount of damage. That looked bad on the courts so Tony pressed the point further, hitting where it hurt. Ross was pissed but he could fuck off.

“So you basically did nothing for us,” Steve says bluntly. Tony’s pretty sure he hears one of the Dora Milaje snort loudly behind him but that might have been his own reaction taking up that much of the silence.

“I only got you acquitted of international terrorism and treason charges, no big deal. I mean it only cost me almost a million dollars in legal fees to clean up your mess and you aren’t even grateful for it,” he snaps. “But if what you were so insensitively trying to point out is that you and the rest of the team are where you were with the Accords problem when all this started than yes, that’s true. There’s only so much I can do for you and if you have a problem with the Accords take it up with the rest of the world. It isn’t my job to hold you hand and make sure the rest of the world doesn’t hate you. Do that yourself.” What an _asshole_.

Steve sighs and looks down for a moment, “you’re right, I didn’t word that well. I do appreciate what you’ve done, thank you. So what’s going on with Wanda? And Bucky?” he asks.

“Well at least we can both agree that you’re an asshole,” Tony says and Steve snorts, his face scrunching as he rolls his eyes and mumbles something under his breath. “If you just said ‘here we go again’ fuck you. Now Wanda, they’re throwing all kinds of stupid ideas around and none of them are any good for her-”

“What, like your solutions are better for her?” Steve interrupts.

“Here we go again,” Tony mocks, rolling his eyes dramatically. “No, they weren’t but at least I gave a shit about her safety, even if I went about it all wrong. They don’t care what happens to her, they just want her gone because they think _that’s_ a solution-”

“Like you did,” Steve points out and fine, that was sort of what he did with her so Tony lets that go.

“And your solution is better, hmm? Don’t act like Wakanda is any less of a prison to her than the Compound was. It’s the same fucking thing, holing her and the rest of the team for that matter, up in a pretty little package with some weird ass birds instead of a pool,” Tony says, gesturing to the odd bird currently walking past the large window. As far as prisons go this was pretty damn nice, nowhere near as nice as T’Challa’s mansion, but nice nonetheless. This, according to T’Challa, was what affordable housing looked like. Wakanda was ay nicer to the poor than America was that’s for sure.

“But hey, when you choose to stick people in pretty prisons for their own good it’s fine. I forgot that these things only matter when _I_ do them,” he says somewhat harshly. The bird by the window continues walking by as Steve turns to stare at it, turning back to give Tony a brief confused look before turning his attention back to the bird.

“It doesn’t look that weird to me. I mean it has a strange beak and it’s got some really long legs but that’s not _that_ weird,” Steve says, shifting the subject nicely away from himself.

“That’s because you can’t see color. It looks like someone vomited a rainbow on that thing; even its legs are colorful. Anyways, Wanda. Unless she’s content to deal with the legal shit on her own then I guess she says here,” he says.

“Then she stays here,” Steve says with a tone of finality.

“I was going to ask her what she wanted given that was what I did wrong last time but fine, if you want to strip her of her right to choose while looking down on me for making the same- admittedly very stupid- mistake then fine. You get to tell her she doesn’t get a choice then and don’t you blame it on me,” Tony says. He doubted she’d leave but if she did than that was her choice to make, not his, not Steve’s, and not anyone else’s. She isn’t a stupid woman; she could make her own choices without him of Steve trying to hold her hand. Neither one of them should have tried that to begin with, it was condescending and if the situations were reversed Tony wouldn’t be impressed. So he figured he’d give her the information and let her do what she would with it.

“That isn’t what I was trying to do,” Steve protests, leaning forward in annoyance.

“And you think that’s what I was trying to do? Obviously we both wanted what was best for her, but that isn’t our choice to make, it’s hers. Would you like it if people started taking away _your_ choices?” he asks. He wouldn’t, Tony knew, because he bitched every time something even remotely close to that happened to him. Tony did it too; so neither one of them had any business making Wanda’s decisions for her.

“That’s what the Accords are doing but you seem fine with that,” Steve says, eyebrow raised.

Tony shoves himself back from his chair and stands, turning and walking a few paces away. “No they aren’t. What the Accords are doing is giving us a certain set of laws that we need to abide, you know, like every other citizen on the planet has. There is _no_ reason for us to believe we should function without laws, without accountability for our actions, everyone else has to do it so do we. I understand your distrust in the system but I’ve been playing it long enough to know things are nowhere _near_ as black and white as you like to make them,” Tony says. “Besides, I didn’t put anyone’s name on the new version of the Accords and I had the choice to do that. I didn’t because that was never my choice to make so don’t act like I’ve somehow wronged you for disagreeing with your opinion.”

Steve’s jaw clenches but he lets it go, thankfully, “and Bucky?” he asks.

“What about Barnes?” Tony asks tiredly.

“Well what’s going on with him, legally I mean?” Steve asks.

“The fuck if I know, I’ve been too busy with you and the rest of the Avengers to see what they’re doing with all of that. You’re free, go make a few calls, America still loves you, I’m sure people will be happy to answer your questions.” Why Steve thought he’d know anything about Bucky he had no clue, he had no interest in the man’s legal proceedings. He still half hoped that Barnes would be found guilty of his crimes even if he knew objectively that Bucky wasn’t _really_ guilty. Torture was a powerful motivator; he’s done some things he wasn’t proud of because he was being hurt too. That didn’t stop him from dreaming about Barnes’ hand around his mother’s throat while she feebly tried to fight him off until she stopped moving.

“You aren’t doing anything about that?” Steve asks, sounding genuinely surprised.

“I spent nearly a million dollars bailing you and the rest of the team out of jail, did you seriously expect me to bail my parents’ murderer out too? _Seriously_?” he asks, floored that Steve would even _think_ that.

Steve stands fast, nearly knocking his chair over, “it wasn’t _him_ Tony, you can’t let him go to jail for something he didn’t do.” Steve sounds almost panicked and he looked like he was pleading an unsuccessful case.

“You think I don’t know that? I do and honestly that pisses me off even more. I’m never going to get justice, all those other people won’t get justice either, because we’ll never know who made the call. If they’re still alive to punish, even. You want Barnes freed of his charges do it yourself, he isn’t my responsibility. I’ve done enough.” More than enough really, he didn’t _need_ to free the Avengers; he did it because the world had need of them even if he didn’t.

“Tony,” Steve says softly, eyes wide, “I can’t lose him again. I… I already came too close to that with you in Siberia.”

He might have felt for Steve more if he didn’t decide to crush his fucking chest. “So you decided to almost kill me instead, because I’m more disposable to you unless you need me, right? Nice to know what you _really_ think about the value of my life. God, you act like you’re the only one who’s watched your best friend fall knowing you couldn’t do anything about it. I watched Rhodey fall, and Pepper, I was lucky that both of them lived. Sam watched Riley fall too. You aren’t the only one who’s lost someone close. Hell, you aren’t even the only one who’s lost everything. I lost my parents, then I lost someone I considered a good friend when I found out you _lied_ to me for years about how they died because again Barnes was more important to you than me. I lost Pepper, I almost lost Rhodey, I lost Obi, the team, my confidence in the things I build, my fucking _sanity_. But none of you care about that, you’re all content to ignore my pain but you’ll all be damned if you let me forget you’ve all suffered.”

He shakes his head, taking a few more steps away. “I can’t believe after all I’ve done for you that you’d ask for more as if I haven’t done enough. I feel for you, not wanting to loose your best friend again, but it isn’t my responsibility to make sure that doesn’t happen. You didn’t do anything for Rhodey, you didn’t even ask about him. Sam did, by the way. And in case you forgot I offered to pay for Bucky’s treatment before I found out he _murdered_ my _mother_. What the hell have you done for me lately besides ride my ass about lying when you spent _years_ lying to me?” he asks. He shakes his head and walks out of the room, T’Challa’s security detail following him out.

“Good for you,” the severe woman says, inclining her head to him slightly. He frowns at her, almost skidding to a stop but he regains his footing quickly. “You do not owe the Avengers anything and what you’ve done for them given the circumstances is commendable. I would not be so forgiving,” she says. Yeah, he got the impression that the Dora Milaje weren’t the most forgiving of people.

*

The cat was something of an impulsive decision but T’Challa felt it was the right time. Plus the cat is _perfect_ for Tony. Shuri gives the animal a very skeptical look, looking between the cat and T’Challa dubiously. “If you think that thing is a good cat choice that has _got_ to be a bad omen,” she says.

“You leave him alone! He cannot help being different,” T’Challa says, defending the poor animal.

“That is one way to put it. I would simply call him ugly,” Shuri says.

“You are cruel and this is why you have no cat,” T’Challa says.

“I have no cat because I am allergic and they know it, not because they are making a judgment of my character,” she says, nose in the air.

“That is what you tell yourself to sleep at night,” he says, “but the cats know.”

“The cats know what?” someone new asks. T’Challa and Shuri turn to find Tony looking exhausted and upset in the door way.

“That Shuri is a bad person. Look what I got you,” he says, gesturing to the cat with a flourish.

Tony looks at the cat and frowns for a moment, “that is the _ugliest_ cat I have ever seen. I didn’t know their faces could _get_ that squished, and its eyes are pointing in two totally different directions. What the hell is going on with its fur? Are they supposed to be shorthaired and longhaired at the same time? Is that like… a health issue?” he asks.

The cat looks at Tony, well, one eye does while the other eye stares off towards the ceiling before it meows. Sort of. It sounded more like ‘mrowugh’. Despite the strange meow and haggard appearance the cat was in good health, it just happened to be… odd looking.

Tony grins at the cat, “I love it,” he says, walking over to scoop the cat up and immediately wrinkling his nose, “oh god you smell like death. Still like the cat though, he’s not like other cats,” Tony says, grinning at the now clicking animal. T’Challa determined that was a purr, not a signal that the cat was tracking prey like a normal cat.

“I knew you would like him,” T’Challa say proudly, giving Shuri a look of superiority. Finally he knew something about his soul mate that she did not and he was proud of that.

“I maintain that thing is a bad omen. You two are doomed to fail as a couple,” Shuri tells him.

Tony clutches the cat closer to his chest, “he is not a bad omen! He can’t help being different!” he protests.

“That is what I said!” T’Challa says happily, glad that they agreed on something. The cat clicks away, oblivious to the conversation about his ugly state.

Shuri shakes her head and briefly checks the time on her phone, “I do not care that it is a terrible time to call Rhodey, I need to tell him about the absurdity of that animal and the fact that you two think it is acceptable,” Shuri says, waving a hand around. She takes off, presumably to fill Rhodey in on the cat situation and T’Challa clicks his tongue.

“You cannot discriminate against him simply because you think he is ugly! That is cruel,” he calls after her. “There is nothing wrong with being ugly,” he tells the cat.

“Damn right, I like his ugliness. What’s his name?” Tony asks.

“Sharkbait,” T’Challa tells him. Tony snorts and starts laughing, some of the tension in his shoulders falling away as he shakes with it. Sharkbait does not mind, he simply continues clicking away, happy to be held. 


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for a panic attack.
> 
> Also, [Sharkbait](https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/8f/c6/5c/8fc65cfb320ef0b9992aae1b0ca98de6.jpg), except uglier and white lol.

Tony wasn’t much looking forward to dealing with Wanda but… well, someone had to and Steve hadn’t in the time since he left him until now so Tony figured he was the one to tell her about her precarious status. Her not being a citizen of the U.S was also a problem and her home country apparently erased all evidence of her citizenship, meaning right now she was as vulnerable as she could get legally. Rhodey hadn’t sounded impressed on the phone and frankly Tony wasn’t impressed either. Citizenship is important in obtaining human rights and everyone was fucking around because of fear.

He got it, Wanda had the potential to be a weapon of mass destruction- but so did he, Steve, Bucky, hell, even Natasha could be considered a weapon of mass destruction. Actually, with her acting abilities and her combat talents she just might be the most dangerous of them but no one made a move to remove her citizenship. No one tried to strip him of his either and he nearly ended the world, Wanda-induced vision propelling his actions or not. The government, or government _s_ in this case, was acting irrationally but thankfully for him he had a lot of paper evidence to point out their idiocy. It would take work but he’s already in pretty deep and he had a good legal team. He won his case with the Avengers he’d be able to win Wanda’s case too, he’s the one who’s right and anyone with a half a brain would see it. Fear mongering shouldn’t win a case and he was going to be damn sure it didn’t.

When he gets to Wanda’s door he knocks even though she had to have sensed his mind by now. She once told him that he was an extremely loud thinker, back when she first moved into the Compound. Wherever that truce went when she moved in it was gone now and he understood that too, to a point. Her parents’ blood was on his hands- he wouldn’t like himself much either- its what came after that confuses him.

“What do you want, Stark?” Wanda calls through the door.

“You’re pretty much fucked legally. I mean you’re technically off for charges or treason and terrorism, at least the ones the rest of the team was charged with too but the government sucks and they’re pressing to charge you for Lagos. But not Steve, Sam, or Natasha interestingly. It looks bad for them, I doubt much will come of it but the citizenship thing is a real problem,” he tells her.

“Citizenship thing?” she asks. Shit, right, he forgot to mention that.

“Yeah, you’re citizenship for the U.S hasn’t been processed and your home country conveniently has no record of you. I mean it was taken over by terrorists so that’s not surprising, but people are suggesting some pretty stupid things as far as dealing with you goes.” Like permanent jail kind of stupid, and wearing a suppressor constantly kind of stupid. Neither would solve the problem they were all looking to solve, plus anyone interested in human rights was ready to tear them apart so Tony leaked as much of her case as he could to make some noise. It’ll distract everyone a little while he worked stuff out.

“And you think your solutions are better?” Wanda asks, sounding closer this time. The door opens, revealing an irritated looking Wanda.

“As opposed to Steve’s? You were pissed off that I locked you in your room and you know what, you were right. I had no right to go making decisions regarding your life without consulting you and that was stupid of me. So I’m sorry for that, which is part of the reason I’m here. Technically you’re free to leave here, Wakanda I mean, if you want but people are looking to tear you apart. If you go it might not be so easy, but being locked in your room here probably isn’t much better so,” he says, shrugging awkwardly.

Wanda narrows her eyes suspiciously at him, “what do you mean ‘as opposed to Steve’s’? And I’m assuming you are not completely out of options, your mind is buzzing,” she says. That had taken some getting used to, Wanda’s ability to read his mind. It wasn’t something she did voluntarily though, and she didn’t usually catch more than emotions and loud thoughts according to Vision, who demonstrated similar abilities thanks to the mind stone. But ultimately no one could fault her, or Vision, for being able to glean information from their minds when neither of them were doing it on purpose.

“Look around, you’re locked up in a room right now and you have been for months. He was looking out for your health like I was trying to- and failed to- and both of our solutions were to isolate you in a place without asking you what you thought first. Unless when he broke you out of the RAFT he sat down and said ‘hey everyone, do you even _want_ to go to Wakanda with me?’ If he did then my bad,” he says. But he doubted Steve did that and he had somewhat good reasons, there were few places where they would be as hidden as they would be in Wakanda. But Bucky and Natasha were master spies; both of them had the ability to hide in plain sight so realistically being seen wasn’t a problem.

Wanda considers the information and Tony sees something flicker there before it’s gone again. “So what are you here to say, other than letting me know what is going on with my life legally?” she asks.

Tony clenches his jaw, looking away. This was going to go badly and he knew it but… but if Wanda found herself in jail again it was a necessary evil…

“Necessary evil? That does not look good for you,” Wanda warns. Shit, of course she would pick that up.

“The suppressor they put on you, it clearly had a negative reaction with you system,” he says and Wanda’s eyes narrow further. “I made something new-”

“I am not interested,” she snarls, slamming the door closed.

He wants to yell at her to stop being a child but that would be insensitive even if it held a nugget of truth. “I don’t know what they’re going to do with you and if you get stuck in jail I can at least make sure you’re comfortable, well, given the circumstances. Vision tested it and said-”

The door flies back open, “you put one of those things on Vision?” she snarls, red energy unconsciously appearing around the hand that wasn’t currently clutching her door.

“He volunteered because his powers are similar to yours. There were no effects but he isn’t a person, well not in the traditional sense,” he adds when Wanda’s jaw clenches. “Point is, the least I can do is make sure that the suppressor you’re wearing isn’t uncomfortable for you. And I can probably make sure the government is forced to use it too, lest they try and slip in their own inhumane crap.” That was a precarious slope though- he had no interest in the government trying to mass market the things to stick on every enhanced person they couldn’t make use of in the name of ‘safety’. Whose safety would become the question there but he has friends in high and low places and they all owed him favors. It was hard to mess with someone with as much power as him and the government knew it.

All he had to do was hope that he was using that power for good this time.

“What does it look like?” Wanda asks, eyeing him skeptically.

That was reasonable, he supposed. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a slim silver band, holding it out to her. “It shouldn’t cut you off from your power completely but it does mean that power won’t extend from you to other things. It was the best way to minimize the effects of essentially cutting off one of your senses but ultimately I have no idea how it will react to you. I figured I’d leave this here with you in case you wanted to test it and if not, well, you’re capable of making sure no one arrests you. And if so you could tell me, or Vision more likely, what it does to I can try and alter any negative effects on you.”

What the suppressor would do long term was a mystery too and with Wanda’s power they didn’t want an explosion or something equally damaging to Wanda and everyone around her. That was another reason he didn’t want it to suppress her power completely- if he did he worried that the long term effects would be devastating for Wanda let alone anyone else.

“That thing, it won’t make me sick?” she asks, giving the suppressor a suspicious look.

“I hope not, but like I said, I don’t know. This is a prototype at best but with the government freaking out over you I wanted to at least get _something_ working that would benefit you and placate any jail guards. Granted if you chose to stay here there’s less chance of you being arrested, but if you don’t and something goes wrong I figured you’d appreciate less surprises.” Plus he sort of wanted something to stick to Ross. He forgot how much he hated government systems but… it was the lesser of two evils, and Steve’s way didn’t prove any more or less effective than his own ultimately. But this way made people feel safe and at the end of the day he couldn’t fathom up a reason as to why he should have no laws when everyone else had to follow some set of legal rules.

Steve, the champion of the underprivileged, should have probably realized long ago that not adhering to the rules everyone else had gave you a large amount of privilege. Though in their case they followed a set of rules that was to fit their special circumstances. It sure as hell wasn’t perfect but if they waited around for perfection they’d be waiting for forever because perfect doesn’t exist.

Wanda reaches out slowly to take the suppressor band, “I don’t think I’m going to risk leaving here, but I don’t know if I’ll test this,” she says slowly.

“That’s fair. To be fair I wouldn’t want to test it either, I mean I did test it on myself but being a baseline human it didn’t do anything at all. But I don’t have the extra senses that you do so that makes sense.” If Bruce was around he might ask to test it on him but he wasn’t and Vision was his next best chance at testing the band.

“You tested it on yourself?” she asks, frowning.

“Well yeah, Vision isn’t organic. For all I knew it worked fine on androids and tore organic people to shreds or something equally terrible. Good to know that it doesn’t react badly to organic matter, but I don’t know how it reacts to powers like yours _and_ organic matter. Theoretically fine, but theories don’t always play out the way we want to,” he says, thinking of Ultron. Technically he and Bruce weren’t even _there_ when that went sideways and the bastard took out JARVIS on his way to ‘freedom’.

“Oh,” Wanda says slowly, looking at the band for a moment before her gaze shifts back to Tony. They look at each other for a moment before Wanda retreats back to her room and Tony goes, recognizing the clear dismissal.

*

Tony wakes up to a tight feeling in his chest and difficulties breathing. For a moment he thought maybe his weird cat had decided to sleep on his face or something again but the cat was giving him a strange look from the other pillow as he struggled to take in breaths. He’s lost for a few seconds before it hits him. _T’Challa_.

Shit. Tony manages to pull himself out of his bed, dully noting the patter of cat feet behind him as he struggles his way out of his room and starts making his way to T’Challa’s. It takes longer than he would have liked but he gets there, still struggling for breath with his hand pressed to his heart. Okoye is already there, staring at T’Challa with wide eyes, clearly lost on what to do. T’Challa is curled on the ground beside his bed shaking badly and not breathing properly so Tony makes his way over, dropping down beside him.

“T’Challa,” he squeezes out, quelling the panic that was rising now that he was closer to T’Challa. “You need to breathe okay, in and out. Follow me,” he says, reaching out to touch T’Challa’s hand gently. The small touch gets a gasp that interrupts what is clearly a panic attack but it doesn’t pull him out of it completely. “Follow me,” Tony repeats, breathing in, holding it for a few seconds, and letting the breath out. He repeats the action until T’Challa is breathing with him though he was still quite shaky. Okoye watches on, eyes still wide, though she looks less worried now.

“Hey, there you go. You’re doing better, I’ve got you,” Tony says softly, murmuring words of encouragement. T’Challa continues to shake, curled tightly in his ball for several more moments before he all but throws himself at Tony, wrapping his arms around him body and leaning into him. “I- uh, okay,” he says, wrapping his arms around T’Challa back, gently rubbing his hand over T’Challa’s back. Okoye leaves then, apparently deciding that Tony was equipped to deal with this.

“Are you alright?” Tony asks and rolls his eyes at himself for asking such a stupid question. “I mean you aren’t alright, but are you going to be okay?” It was a suitable replacement he supposed, even if he still disliked the question.

“Sorry,” T’Challa gasps out, “I had a dream.” He starts shaking harder and Tony pulls him a little closer, continuing to run his hands over T’Challa’s back rhythmically.

“I figured as much. Sorry,” he says somewhat dumbly. He had no idea what T’Challa dreamed but it clearly wasn’t pleasant if this was the result.

“Do not apologize, you could not help… could not…”

“Hey, shh. You don’t need to tell me about it. Have you ever had a panic attack before though?” he asks, figuring this would be relevant information.

“A what?” T’Challa asks, answering Tony’s question well enough.

“A panic attack, or anxiety attack, either works. That’s what just happened, that shaking, inability to breathe, vision blacking out, heart racing, the whole bit. They uh… might happen frequently. I usually get one at least once a week, sometimes more or less depending on how stressful things are for me that week,” he says. “But I really hope soul mate magic doesn’t transfer that over to you.” That would be pretty damn unfortunate. He hated the panic attacks but he couldn’t help them either, they just sort of… showed up and made plenty sure he couldn’t breath for what felt like hours even though it was maybe a few minutes to a half an hour.

“I certainly hope they do not become frequent,” T’Challa murmurs. “But… can you stay with me, for a few moments?” he asks softly.

Tony holds him tighter, “I’ll be here as long as you need,” he says, surprised that he meant it. They sit there like that for some time while T’Challa calms down more, his shaking tapering off until he was still again. The last thing Tony expected was a loud ‘mrowugh’ to interrupt the silence as Sharkbait took it upon himself to squeeze himself between T’Challa’s bony and Tony’s, clicking away.

“That cat is the weirdest feline I have ever met,” T’Challa says, pulling back some to frown at the furry fluff ball.

“Yeah, but I like him that way. Now you should probably get some rest, you’re probably exhausted,” Tony says, gently nudging T’Challa.

He tenses some and looks away, “alright,” he murmurs.

It takes Tony a second to figure out what’s wrong, “oh, hey, I’m not going anywhere. But get into bed, you need to lie down some and relax even if you don’t sleep.” He rarely slept after a panic attack but he also had insomnia so that was likely why, but he was always dead tired.

T’Challa looks at him for a long moment but he complies, snorting at Sharkbait's annoyed noise as he moves, shuffling the cat around. He stretches out on the bed and Tony stands, lifting the now annoyed cat with him. The cat doesn’t make a break for it though; he just does a lot of grumbling. Tony sets the cat on the bed, which alerts Cleocatra to the presence of another cat so she gets up to investigate.

Sharkbait, for his part, is fine with Cleo sniffing him but he is less then enthused when Cleo lifts a paw and smacks him. He smacks her right back, twice in quick succession and growls. Cleo grumbles and gives a cursory growl back but she wanders off, back over to T’Challa’s side of the bed so she could lay over there and glare at Sharkbait from a safe distance. She was probably plotting her revenge already.

Tony shakes his head and lays down somewhat gingerly, unsure of what the hell was happening here. Sharkbait doesn’t care about his owner’s discomfort, he simply runs over so he could curl into Tony’s side, clicking as he started with his weird purr. T’Challa shuffles closer and Tony half smiles, “beware of cat, if you roll over on him he bites,” he says.

T’Challa snorts, “so does Cleo. Too bad they do not get along at the moment.”

“Yeah, but if they did they’d take over the world,” Tony says. At that moment Cleo decides to prove him right by launching herself over T’Challa and directly onto Sharkbait, who is not impressed with this. Things quickly devolve into ‘no don’t bite!’ and ‘ow, stop scratching!’ with a side of ‘ _ha_ , my cat is winning so _clearly_ I have the superior cat.’


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for mentions of panic attacks, allusions to domestic violence and possible child abuse, and I think that may be it. If not let me know and I'll add it in!
> 
> Also this is a very dialogue-y chapter, sorry D: There were things that needed to get out, okay?

Tony is out in the garden sketching a new design while Sharkbait did his damndest to sleep on the damn pad but he perseveres and eventually the cat settles next to his left leg, clicking his weird purr. The last thing he expects is for Natasha to make an appearance, giving him a wary smile as she drops into the spot beside him. Sharkbait wakes up from his nap, gives Natasha one look and growls at her. Tony fights a grin and the urge to tell Sharkbait he is a good cat because that’s rude.

“What’s his problem?” Natasha asks, giving the cat a look. Sharkbait bares his teeth in response and Tony raises an eyebrow at the now very poufy looking cat. He didn’t even think a cat as lazy and calm could have all his hairs on end. Even his wars with Cleo hadn’t yielded this response. Huh.

“Uh, you, I guess. He’s never done that before,” Tony says. Granted he’s only had the cat a few days but it wasn’t hard to pick up on what’s normal and what’s not and this was not at all normal for the cat.

Natasha raises a brow and chooses to ignore the cat. “So, when are we moving back in?” she asks.

He snorts, earning a stare from the now surprised cat. “Hopefully never,” he says, unable to keep the sarcasm from his voice.

“Wait, what?” Natasha’s brows draw together, “but you-”

“Got you off the hook for _international_ crimes, I know. Not an easy task, FYI, and I’m not exactly obligated to continue paying your way out of mistakes and messes of your own making. You all tell me to own up to my mistakes, to live with them, maybe it’s time you all take your own advice. I wasn’t obligated to do as much as I did let alone more.” He wants to call her ungrateful but she never indicated that she wasn’t happy about what he did and unlike the rest of the team he knew better than to throw around accusations and theories with no proof. Even if he really wanted to.

“We do own up to our mistakes, you’re the one that-”

“That what, Natasha? Dares to look at things outside Steve Rogers’ worldview? I’m not apologizing for that, you can’t function on one way of doing things, that’s senseless and inflexible. And don’t you dare suggest that I don’t own up to my mistakes, I own up to my mistakes more than anyone else on the damn team. T’Challa made a literal fucking graph and I scored triple what the rest of you did so fuck you for that. And this right here, this conversation in which I always end up the shitty person? _This_ is why I will never, _ever_ speak to any of you again if I can help it. Because I was fine before you all came, and I still owned up to my mistakes FYI, and since you’ve all come around you’ve done nothing but destroy me at every turn and then wonder why I’m always in a tailspin,” he snarls with more feeling than he knew he had towards the subject.

“When have we done that, to be curious,” Natasha asks, her eyes narrowing slightly.

“Gee, I don’t know. When you broke into my life, spied on me against my will, wrote a report about how arrogant and self obsessed I was without ever taking into account that I was _dying_ and _panicking_ , which meant I wasn’t arrogant at all I was sick. In very literal ways too, not just mentally. Did I act like a self-obsessed jackass? Yeah, but you were the one who encouraged it. No, I shouldn’t have listened, but you can’t blame a man on the edge for being encouraged to jump. Not to mention the obvious- clearly I was having a mental breakdown but I guess being mentally ill is the same as being an arrogant narcissist these days,” he snaps, taking a deep breath to calm himself.

“And then you all continued to ignore how New York affected me. I mean clearly the fact that I was having panic attacks, very _public_ ones, escaped you all somehow because you all felt the need to roll your eyes at my anxiety. _Public panic attacks_ , Natasha. There’s no fucking way any of you missed that and you all rolled you eyes anyways, then wondered why I fell back into old habits of trying to build something to save the world only to nearly destroy it. Shit, Thor actually felt the need to _strangle_ me for being too anxious. And that isn’t even including that Bruce was half of Ultron’s creators but only I get the blame for it. None of you even _asked_ what Wanda did to my head to make me react so strongly- because you don’t care. And you never have,” he says bitterly, almost sadly.

He thought they were his friends and yet… all of this. “And then the Civil War. Boy was I surprised when you actually sided with me, I thought maybe for once you saw that I was trying to learn from my mistakes. Steve told me to listen, to work as a team, that if I didn’t trust people this wouldn’t work and he’s right. It didn’t. The world was pissed because only a handful of people were calling the shots for the whole world and that is insidious at best. We needed to work as a team, to listen to what they were saying, to help them in the way _they_ needed. We’re _obligated_ to do that for them or we aren’t worthy of calling ourselves heroes. But you took the word of a brainwashed man who barely remembers his own name over me and that was the last straw.”

“You clearly didn’t understand the danger, you-”

“Didn’t take the immediate word of a man who was extremely compromised, Natasha. And I mean Steve by that. Not taking Barnes’ word is obvious, the guy just came out of an extreme dissociative state, but Steve was fucking _desperate_ to bend whatever Bucky told him to make him innocent. The guy could have told Steve the sky is purple with green polka dots and by god Steve would have tried to find a way to make it work because he didn’t want to lose Bucky again and I _get_ it. That’s hard, that’s _really_ hard because I’ve lost everything too and I wouldn’t want to loose what I have left. Not that any of you remember that let alone acknowledge it. So no, I didn’t listen and not because I didn’t understand the danger out of _arrogance_ , but because I’m a scientist. You don’t bend things to fit your thesis; you take the evidence and come to a conclusion based off what’s in front of you. I needed evidence, _real_ evidence, and as soon as I had it I was on board. Only to get betrayed two fold by Steve and by you.”

His voice sounds harsh, almost scratchy with emotion. He wishes that he sounded stronger, more sure, but all he sounded was hurt. But he has a right to be.

“What do you mean by me? Other than that T’Challa thing but I didn’t know-”

“I’m not talking about electrocuting T’Challa, that’s an issue you have with him. I’m talking about the fact that you knew Barnes killed my parents for two years and did _nothing_. Steve? I get why he didn’t say anything even if it makes him a selfish prick. But I’ve been a selfish prick too so I can’t really judge. But you? What excuse did you have other than deeming Steve’s feelings more important and valid than my own? I understand that you’re closer to him but you should have seen that situation clearly, you _know_ how I react under extreme duress, how the hell did you all think I was going to react to Barnes? No, I shouldn’t have attacked him but nothing will ever convince me that anyone else would have done it differently. Given the right circumstances I probably would have reacted far better, but I don’t like surprises and after all that happened that week, well. Besides, Steve spent _years_ hunting down Rumlow for what he did to Bucky, but god _forbid_ I want revenge too.”

He shakes his head sharply, taking in a breath, “I don’t understand you people. You tell me to listen, trust, work as a team and as soon as I do that you all flip the damn script. When Steve wants to reduce the world to one man’s will inflicted onto others then suddenly teamwork, the world’s population, and trust, all that goes out the window. Even though we all know what happens when one man calls the shots- it _fails_. I’ve done it- don’t look at me like that Natasha. Steve Rogers is not perfect and when his screw-ups eventually make the whole world shake with the consequences that blood with be on your hands,” he says harshly.

He turns on his heel quickly, taking a few steps away before he turns back. “You know, Natasha, for someone who wants to wipe out the blood in her ledger you’re far more content with spreading it around.” With that he walks off, not noticing Sharkbait at his feet until he almost steps on the poor animal.

*

In his haste to get the hell away from Natasha he almost doesn’t notice Scott until he’s nearly on top of the guy. “Shit, sorry,” he mumbles, quickly side stepping away to give Scott and himself some breathing room. Tony wondered how the Avengers were so damn spread out considering they were only supposed to be here gathering whatever things they may have left behind after their initial removal but alright.

Scott gives him a snide look, “well, well, your conscience clear yet, Stark?” he asks, tone matching his facial expression.

“I’ll never have a clear conscience, Lang,” he says. Surprise flickers across Scott’s face but Tony ignores it. “Funny you mention my conscience like you know anything about it though. Your powers, they function based off exposure to the Pym particle, yeah? Meaning you have regular contact with Hank Pym?” he asks.

“Yeah, that’s right,” Scott says. He’s stupid enough to puff up with pride too, like going anywhere near Hank Pym was something to be proud of let alone being actual friends with the guy.

“Next time you see him you should ask if _he_ has a clear conscience, and while you’re at it ask why Jan _really_ went subatomic. Or better yet why don’t you call Hope and ask why her relationship with her father is so strained, and I’ll give you a hint. It’s got nothing to do with the Wasp. That man has some _balls_ judging Howard Stark and me by extension when Hope’s childhood was a level of horrifying that even _I_ can’t imagine and I lived with a rampaging abuser too. Then ask him how he can ignore that and judge other people’s consciences when he doesn’t even have one,” Tony snaps. He continues past Scott, hitting his shoulder slightly as he goes. Lang remains silent as he goes, presumably shocked into shutting his big mouth when he had no right to open it in the first place.

He would have far preferred to be left on his own but he runs into Okoye next, thankfully not literally. “Can I speak to you?” she asks softly. It was the least severe he’s seen the woman look and even now she looked ready to fight.

“I, uh… sure. What about,” he asks tiredly. He manages to keep the irritation from his voice though; it was hardly Okoye’s fault that everyone around him is horrible.

“T’Challa,” she says and she shifts uncomfortably. “I… do not like doing this without his express permission but what _happened_ the other night? And how do you deal with that? I have never seen anything like that before and I certainly am not qualified to deal with such things. And you will not always be around to help him.”

It always surprises Tony how much T’Challa’s people cared for him because people were highly suspicious of the leaders of his country. Here, though, people were far more open and trusting of one another. They weren’t much trusting of _him_ given the strange looks he’s gotten the few times he’s been in the general public but with the history of colonialism and white supremacy in the countries surrounding Wakanda he understood the suspicion. Hell, America didn’t exactly have the greatest reputation _now_ and given his own direct participation in that bad reputation Tony could see why the Wakandans were so suspicious. But they were plenty involved with each other and it was a total shock to him.

And the Dora Milaje were extraordinarily dedicated to T’Challa. In return T’Challa was dedicated to his people and the way Tony has seen him interact with people is interesting. He _listened_ to them, took their opinions into account in a way that Tony has never seen before. More than that he was willing to admit that he made mistakes, and he learned from them, he even admitted that he had things to learn. Tony’s personal experience with that showed him that T’Challa was plenty willing to follow through on all of those things too.

“Tony?” Okoye asks, raising an eyebrow at him.

“Sorry, I was uh… I was thinking about what a great leader T’Challa is. The best I’ve ever seen, that’s for sure,” he says honestly.

“That is because Americans are stupid,” Okoye says bluntly.

“In their defense our school system needs some serious reform, among other things,” Tony points out, “but back to the task at hand. What you saw the other day was a panic attack, I get them frequently. You would have come across that in your research-”

“You did not react like that,” Okoye says. Despite the interruption she is highly invested in his words, clearly trying to understand what was going on.

“That’s because I already had a coping mechanism- my suit. Once I got to it I felt safe enough to calm down but T’Challa didn’t even know what happened to him let along how to deal with it. He’s going to need some time to learn to deal with things,” Tony says. Hell, these days _Tony_ needed time to learn how to deal with these things too. It’s been awhile since the last panic attack but he was due for another one soon, one that wasn’t T’Challa induced.

Okoye frowns for a moment, “his coping mechanism is you. That cannot continue, you are not a reliable coping mechanism. No offense, it is just that you will not always be there when he needs it and-”

“I understand what you’re saying,” Tony tells her, “but taking what little he has to help him isn’t going to do anything but make it worse. People tried to do that with me and my tech and you know the rest of that story. It’ll just exacerbate the issue instead of forcing him to find a new coping mechanism. But T’Challa is an excellent problem solver, he’ll know that I’m not the best of coping mechanisms and he’ll find something new. We just have to wait him out a little while he figures out how to adjust and then it’ll be more support than dependence that he’s looking for,” Tony says. Right now Tony doubted much else would pull T’Challa out of the state he was in the other night. He’s a smart man though; he’ll learn pretty quickly what works and what doesn’t. He seemed far less resistant to the idea of mental health issues than Rhodey, or even Tony not all that long ago. That’ll be a huge help later on.

“So in the meantime I can do nothing,” she says. Her jaw clenches slightly in frustration, clearly irritated that she couldn’t do much.

“Basically. I mean other than being generally supportive but you already have that covered so,” he shrugs, unworried about Okoye’s ability to support T’Challa when he had one of the best support systems Tony has ever seen.

“Oh, I am no good with emotions, my children complain frequently. Emotion is not a necessary part of my job, but now it needs to be and I am uncertain how to handle that,” she says, looking more frustrated than before.

Tony snorts, “Okoye, you’re _great_ with emotions. And you use them for your job all the time- don’t give me that look- you do. I’ve never seen a group of people as dedicated, loving, and supportive as the Dora Milaje are with T’Challa, yourself included. You’re all incredibly invested in all sorts of things that aren’t directly related to his safety. I have a lot of personal experience with that given that there has been zero reason for you to defend me to he Avengers, actually there’s no reason for you to care about me at all given that I’ve been proven safe. But the Dora Milaje are invested in my safety because I make T’Challa happy and you care about his happiness. And this conversation in general has nothing to do with his safety. Panic attacks don’t hinder your job much if at all, and you certainly don’t need to know how to deal with them. You saw that he was fine, physically speaking, afterwards. But you care about his mind as much as his body- the fact that you care in _general_ is jarring to me. In America we don’t care for our leaders like that.”

Actually they barely cared about their leaders at all unless it was to point out how horrible they were. Wakanda seemed to function in the exact opposite way- they were all very involved with T’Challa and they cared greatly, in a good way though. The culture here was an astounding difference than what it was like in his own country. He could do without the stares but to be fair he was pretty damn pale compared to everyone else, he sort of stuck out like a sore thumb. He’d ask the rest of the Avengers how the stares compared but he didn’t want to speak to them ever again so.

“You believe that?” Okoye asks, drawing his attention back to the conversation.

“Yeah, of course I do,” Tony says honestly. There was no point in saying that much when he didn’t mean it, at least not in this context. In politics, however, that was a pretty useful tool. That was probably why T’Challa hated about politics so much given that he tended to be a very straightforward and logical person, talking without saying anything was useless and didn’t solve anything. As much as Tony wanted to deny that he liked anything about T’Challa… well, there were a lot of things he liked about his soul mate. One of those things was the people he chose to surround himself with given that Okoye, the rest of the Dora Milaje, and Shuri were all incredible people. He wished that he had people like that and as much as he loved Rhodey one person wasn’t enough and Pepper… that just went sour and he was still sort of bitter about it.

“Thank you,” Okoye says meaningfully, “that is what we strive for.” So Tony knew, they were damn successful in their endeavors.

“Well, you’re doing a good job. So you have kids? What are they like?”

*

“I am not certain what you said to Okoye but she is particularly fond of you today,” T’Challa tells him.

“She asked about how do deal with future panic attacks and I complimented the way she and the Dora Milaje work. They care about you in every sense of the word, they aren’t just doing the job out of obligation or because they get paid. It’s impressive to me,” he says.

T’Challa raises an eyebrow, “what did you say about the panic attacks?”

“That right now you need some time to work things out. She was worried you might grow an overdependence on my helping you through them and she’s not wrong to worry. But I don’t really see that becoming a problem, you’re mostly dependent on my knowledge of how to work through them. You’re a fantastic problem solver, you’ll figure out a way to deal with the panic attacks if they continue.” He was confident in that too and it’s been a long, long time since Tony has been confident in someone like this. Even Rhodey had his issues, though he did a good job working them out. And lately he had a whole new appreciation for Tony’s mental health issues considering his own cropping up. They’d work that out too, though, like always.

“Thank you,” T’Challa says quietly, ducking his head and smiling some. Tony smiles too, happy that T’Challa is happy. “You seem to be in a good mood,” T’Challa notes.

“All things considered I am, actually. It’s nice here, even if I saw a spider earlier that made me decide that Australia might not have the most terrifying eight legged creatures on this planet,” he says. Damn thing was so scary it probably would have prompted some miraculous healing for Rhodey’s back just so he could run away.

“I am sure the spider was not that frightening, they do get that large here. Nor are they deadly. But what do you mean ‘all things considered’? Designs giving you trouble?” T’Challa jokes.

“Nah, I had a run in with Natasha earlier, then Scott. But it’s fine now, I left before things got super heated,” he says. It was mostly true, minus that barbed comment to Natasha he thought he handled himself pretty well.

“ _Excuse_ me?” T’Challa asks harshly, his face smoothing out some when Tony blinks in confusion. “I am not angry with you, but I am rather irritated because I expressly told Rogers to keep his Avengers _away_ from you and once again he ignored that,” he says through clenched teeth.

“To be fair Nat’s a bit of a slippery one, he probably didn’t even notice that she left and came back-” he starts to say in Steve’s defense but T’Challa cuts him off.

“If Steve Rogers was a good leader his people would respect him enough to respect his wishes, _clearly_ that is not the case. I am finished with this,” T’Challa all but hisses, standing and striding quickly towards the door of his office.

“Wait, where are you going?” Tony asks, twisting in his chair to catch T’Challa’s answer.

“I am going to tell them they have twelve hours to get the hell out of my country or I will send the Dora Milaje after them to do what they will,” he snarls, walking out of the door before Tony could protest.

“Is… is that even _legal_?” Tony asks himself more than anyone else.

Imagine his surprise when he gets an answer. “Technically yes,” someone says from behind him, voice accented.

He whirls around to find a Dora Milaje had materialized out of fucking _nowhere_ , “Jesus, do you hide behind the curtains or something? And how is legal, exactly, I don’t want T’Challa to arrested. Or any of the Doras for that matter,” he throws in.

“Technically without the permission of the King to be here, or the Queen should Shuri be in charge, they would be invading the country. Which is the only crime punishable by death,” the woman says, looking pleased about this.

“Damn, you’re harsh,” Tony mumbles softly.

“Only when we need to be. The Captain told the world he had a right to be wherever he decides he needs to be, the world’s opinions on this be damned. Let him see what happens when he steps out of bounds in an unforgiving place,” she says harshly. Tony, for the first time, is glad that he’s T’Challa’s soul mate because the Dora Milaje are _terrifying_ women and he very much did not want to be killed off by them.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is kind of filler, but there's some Shuri/ Rhodey bonding so.
> 
> Warnings for a mention of child abuse and I think that's it, if not let me know and I'll add it in.

“How’d they take it?” Tony asks when T’Challa returns.

T’Challa sighs deeply, clearly irritated. “Well they blamed you for my decision and I do not take kindly to the idea that I cannot make decisions on my own. It is an ignorant assumption at best and racist at worst. I am perfectly fit and capable of making my own decisions about my own country regardless of your opinion. And your opinion almost certainly conflicted with my decision given that you have not been fond of removing the Avengers in the past. So I told them that, and to never assume that anyone but a Wankandan decides what happens in Wakanda. And I docked two hours off their time,” he says, giving his head a sharp shake.

Stupid move, suggesting a foreigner was behind T’Challa’s decisions. It seemed to be a sore point here, the idea of foreignness. It wasn’t surprising with the history of isolation and the suspicion of the outside world, which conflicted with T’Chaka and T’Challa’s plan to integrate Wakanda into the rest of the world. Tony wondered what kind of issues T’Challa had to deal with regarding that, especially since he hasn’t seen any evidence that people disagree with the decision when some must. But Tony didn’t really understand the culture here; maybe they had some other way to complain about things that they didn’t do in America or something.

“Of course they blamed me. I’m the problem with the world don’t you know, just me personally. And then I’m arrogant for believing it,” he says bitterly. Except he _has_ made bad decisions that had worldwide consequences, and those consequences had consequences. Sakovia resulted in the Accords resulted in that ‘Civil War’ resulted in whatever the hell was happening now. That was huge and it boiled down to the bad decisions of three people, he was one of those people. But it was arrogant for him to assume responsibility for his own negative effects on the world, and yet it was arrogant for him to not take responsibility too. Everything was a god damn living contradiction with them and it drove him nuts. How was he supposed to keep up when nothing ever seemed to work with them? It was worse than when Howard was still alive because at least he had his mom, and Howard was one man. With the Avengers it’s a whole team of people.

“I _know_. I simply cannot see how people can be so blind to their own hypocrisy and stupidity but perhaps that is because my father spent a lifetime training me to always take into account that I might be wrong, and to listen when people tell me that I am,” T’Challa says. He sighs and throws himself on the bed, bouncing a little before he settles. Cleo, who must have been hiding, appears out of nowhere and hops onto the bed, immediately curling into T’Challa’s side.

Tony looks at him for a long time before he responds; long enough that T’Challa fidgets some under his gaze. “You’re good at it you know, admitting when you’re wrong. I really appreciate that you apologize when you are too, _truly_ apologize and you didn’t make some stupid side note about asking for forgiveness either. I get it because I’ve done it, but asking someone for forgiveness is stupid and it makes an apology disingenuous because it makes the apology about you instead of the person you’re apologizing to.” That was a lesson he wished he learned far sooner than he had but whenever people mentioned apologies forgiveness soon followed. The lessons he learned told him to apologize for forgiveness and to forgive those who have apologized.

But apologizing doesn’t mean you deserve forgiveness and if you’re truly sorry you wouldn’t expect anything from the person you’re apologizing to. Hope for forgiveness, sure, ask for it? Presumptuous at best, thinking that person owes you forgiveness.

T’Challa sighs, “yet another lesson learned from my father. I have know idea how he learned most of the things he did. People do not really talk about it but his own father was… not particularly good at being a parent, or a king. He only ever mentioned it once, sort of, when he overheard a man tell his son that he should be grateful that he was not abused the way he was as a child,” T’Challa says. Tony’s face immediately scrunches in disgust and T’Challa nods, “that was my father’s reaction exactly. He was not an angry man by nature and that was the angriest I ever saw him get. ‘Children should not be grateful that they are treated with respect, nor should they be grateful that they are not abused. That is a given, not a privilege.’ The words haunted me for months because I was not sure what kind of conditions inspired them, and I am certain I do not want to know,” he says, looking a little paler than normal.

“Probably not,” Tony agrees, “but bad parents are a pretty good way to learn what you don’t want to do. I have a lot of examples of things I would never do, even if I spent far more time _being_ Howard rather than learning from his mistakes.” God, it was horrible looking back now because he could literally _see_ himself turning more and more into his father all while hating the guy. He guessed he was back to that hypocrisy argument T’Challa made earlier because he hadn’t realized what a hypocrite he was either, not until years later.

“You may have been a selfish, callous ass but make no mistake, you were _never_ your father. Even at your worst you still had plenty of good to offer, your father, however, is an evil human being and you were never anything like him,” T’Challa tells him almost harshly, his words filled with meaning. Tony could literally _feel_ the intensity of the feeling behind that, he could _feel_ how much T’Challa believed that.

But he didn’t know how far gone Tony really was, or maybe he chose to ignore all the evidence. He half smiles, “I wish I could believe that,” he says, “but it isn’t true no matter how much I wish it was. Howard is death and destruction and no matter how hard I try I never really did grow out of the Merchant of Death. Maybe I was just kidding myself with thinking that I ever could.”

*

“So how’s Tony?” Rhodey asks. It was freakishly late for Shuri, but the time was better for Rhodey so she suffered with a phone call in the dead of night.

“Fine, his mental health status not declined from the last time you asked,” she says, poking fun gently. Tony seemed to be a sensitive subject for him and she sensed a long history there that she would like to learn about. Clearly Tony and Rhodey were important to each other and she found that personal relationships were a good way to judge how any sort of relationship would proceed. She disliked walking into things blindly so she paid attention to the way Tony and Rhodey talked about the other and from what she got they thought the sun shone out the other’s ass, even when talking about things that they disliked about the other.

“Well it could have, you haven’t had to deal with the mood swings yet. Just be gentle with him, he tries really hard even if it doesn’t seem like it sometimes,” Rhodey says, concerned. Well, at least he was clearly willing to get invested in emotionally compromised individuals, clearly they were meant to be together.

“Oh trust me, we can all see the effort and the strange mental gymnastics the Avengers have tried to force him into. Honestly the man is arrogant for not doing what they want, he does what they want and then they change it all and call him arrogant still. I would be confused,” she says honestly. She’s been in similar situations herself but nothing to the kind of extremes Tony has had to deal with. Why the man even _bothered_ to try was beyond her. Personally she had better things to do than try and please people who would not be pleased no matter what she did.

“Oh trust me, I know. So how’s T’Challa handling all this? I know Tony can be a bit of a handful but he’s worth the trouble, he just has some problems getting to that point because… well he’s pretty fucked up,” Rhodey says bluntly.

“We _know_ , dear, we’ve seen it. And all things considered T’Challa is handling all of this quite well, I would have assumed he would be more frustrated than he is but he has adjusted well to Tony’s needs. And honestly Tony has been doing pretty well at predicting T’Challa’s needs too,” she says. The last thing she would have expected out of her brother was _panic attacks_ considering how calm and collected he was on any given day but Tony handled the situation efficiently enough that even Okoye was impressed. She was not an easy woman to impress; Shuri never had managed to live up to her standards.

“That’s good then. Tony’s still kind of skeptical about the whole soul mate thing, at least outwardly. I’m pretty sure he’s in love and hasn’t realized it yet but he’s one stubborn sonofabitch, he won’t admit it until he’s good and ready. So I hope T’Challa is prepared to deal with that. Anyways, so how are you?” he asks, almost taking it on to the end.

Shuri snorts and shakes her head, “I see how it is, I am third on your priority list,” she jokes.

“No, that’s not- actually kinda yeah. Wait, no that sounds really rude when I say it like that…” Rhodey says, babbling on in a sad attempt to fix his perceived mistake.

“Relax, I know that you meant to check in on you friend, who just happens to be permanently attached to my brother in some sort of bizarre cosmic way. It makes sense to care about Tony more than me, you have known him longer, it would be unfair and illogical to expect you to put me first. And you only care about my brother because he is attached to Tony,” she points out. Had that not been the case _then_ she would have been upset. She has lived in her brother’s shadow her whole life; she was not going to live in his shadow in her romantic relationships too.

Rhodey pauses for a moment before he speaks. “Damn, _where_ have you been my whole life?” he asks and she snorts again because that was simple logic, not anything special. “No seriously, do you have any idea how weirdly jealous I’ve had exes get over Tony? I’ve had more than one complain that I loved him more and _yeah_ , he’s my best friend. Am I supposed to _stop_ loving him?” he asks. His tone suggests that he thought that was the most absurd thing in the world and she agreed.

“Your culture confuses me. You all seem to be under some strange assumption that love is a zero sum and the more you love and spend time with a person the less you should spend with others. So to be clear I am not threatened by your relationship with Tony and truth be told if you wanted to date him you have had years to do it. Clearly your relationship was only meant to be platonic and it does not matter to me how much you love him, caring about me is a different thing than caring about him. You can do both at the same time,” she says. Wakanda was less… harsh in their standards than others seemed to be in that regard. Community was important to her country, they all stuck together closely and alienating people simply because you started a new relationship was highly frowned upon.

If Rhodey were prepared to leave Tony behind for her she would not be interested in him anyways. It showed a clear lack of loyalty and she found the notion of leaving behind old relationships for new ones, romantic or otherwise, offensive. It was one thing to simply outgrow a relationship but it was something else entirely to simply drop your obligations in all your other relationships to pursue another and that seemed to be a very common thing to do in Rhodey’s culture. Especially if that relationship was romantic in nature.

“I am seriously questioning the universe right now because you were clearly meant to be my soul mate. _Every_ person I have ever dated has assumed that loving Tony meant not loving them. It gets exhausting trying to convince people that I actually do care about them so every time that came up I straight up told them they were right. I’ll probably always love Tony more than them, but they probably won’t ever be there for me the way Tony has been and I’m not just turning my back on all of that because of some petty jealousy,” he says in an annoyed tone. “I know it makes me sound like an ass but it’s true. After all he’s done for me, and all I’ve done for him, we have a pretty special bond and eventually I stopped dating because I was tired of people expecting me to give that up for them.”

Shuri smiles, pleasantly surprised that she found someone outside her own country that thought similarly to her. T’Challa had done very well in schools outside the country but Shuri found the new cultures impossible to adjust to, and personal relationships happened to be the area she had the most trouble with. It was perfectly normal everywhere else to ditch all of your friends for a new boyfriend and her friends did not seem to understand why she was so offended. The very few people she dated also misunderstood why she was unwilling to drop everything for them. She stopped speaking to people to avoid the drama and that was when she got stuck with a bunch of ‘attitude problem’ labels. She did not have an attitude; she found the culture she was in senseless and impossible to adjust to without compromising her values. There was a difference.

“Actually, your thought process is highly valued in Wakanda. Here it is unthinkable to up and leave all of your close personal relationships in the pursuit or romance. Actually it is quite offensive, so if you had left Tony behind I would have left you behind. I am not interested in people who do not know the meaning of loyalty,” she says bluntly. Try as she might she could not wrap her brain around _why_ that would ever be a good thing to do. It narrowed emotional support systems so much and it was unfair to expect one person to be the center of your world, and in some cases that was flat out unhealthy. It was senseless to her to rely so heavily on one relationship to work that she let all others fall to the side. And her friends wondered why their relationships failed when they put that kind of pressure on them. It was a no brainer to her- that kind of pressure is debilitating.

“Seriously? All this time I spent wondering if I was like… weird or wrong or something and there’s an entire country that thinks my way is the right way. What the hell,” Rhodey mumbles, irritated.

Shuri laughs softly, “well, we are a very tight knit country. All we have is each other; it was natural that we stuck so close together when we did not have the outside world to support us. Though I suspect my father’s decision to send us outside the country for post-secondary schooling meant that he had been thinking about integrating Wakanda into the rest of the world for far longer than he let on. Then Sokovia happened and he saw a good opportunity to act, and that lead to T’Challa finding his soul mate, and of course I met you, and then all the politics that has gone along with this. I suppose his plan to integrate Wakanda has gone well, we are smack in the middle of world politics now.”

With mixes results at that. The world was just as suspicious of them as they were of the world though no one here said much out loud. There were whispers, of course, people were skeptical of why her father had chosen to lead them back into a world that had no interest in them, and they wondered why T’Challa chose to follow through after what the world did to his father. But even she had to admit that it was not the world’s fault her father is dead, that was the direct result of the actions of one bad man. As much as she would prefer to remain isolated her father was right in assuming that that was no longer sustainable.

“Wait, you didn’t decide to go outside the country on your own?” Rhodey asks.

“Hell no. I wanted nothing to do with his plans but he is my father, I assumed there was wisdom behind the decision and I remain convinced to this day that that was a terrible idea. T’Challa, of course, was curious and perfectly fine with this and of course he integrated well. I have no clue how he managed to do so well in another culture without sacrificing all his own values, I certainly did not manage,” she says. Not that this surprised her, for every one thing she did wrong T’Challa did three things right and people noticed. He may find the attention difficult but Shuri saw no evidence for his fear of failure. Even when he did manage to screw something up he also managed to fix it quickly- Tony was a good example of this.

“Huh. I’ve never really had any trouble, but to be fair everyone knew I was American and treated me like it too so maybe I don’t get it. You know, it was weird though, how people treated me more like an American over seas than they did at home. I don’t know how many times I’ve been told to go back to Africa. I was born in Michigan but like okay,” he says sarcastically.

Shuri frowns, “ _where_ in Africa?” she asks, confused by the statement.

“Good question, but the geography programs here must suck because people like to think Africa is a country instead of a continent. Sometimes if I feel ballsy I’ll ask what country just to watch them get confused,” Rhodey says, snickering.

“That… I do not know to respond to that other than to be confused about your strange form of entertainment,” she says.

“Oh hey, you can’t judge me, you have a pet spider! Those things were meant to be the hell _away_ from people, not to be kept as pets!” Rhodey says and she can practically _hear_ him shudder.

“You leave my spider alone, I am not allergic to it,” she says, eyeing her spider sadly. Rhodey would not allow the poor thing anywhere near him and that was just saddening to her. It was not the spider’s fault that it was born in that particular body. Spiders were useful; she found Rhodey’s fear strange and unusual though most people found her love of the eight-legged creatures strange and unusual.

“Does that have like… cultural significance? Because you Wakandans sure do love your cats, there are statues of them _everywhere_ ,” Rhodey says.

“Well, most of the statues you saw were of Bast, one of our gods, she’s a panther,” she says proudly though Rhodey probably deduced that already. He doesn’t interrupt her to tell her that and she gives him brownie points for it, “but yes, we do love our cats. As for cultural significance, it depends on whom you ask. Some people believe it has significance and that it can tell you about a person, and others find that superstitious and illogical. I fall in the latter camp but I am allergic to cats so I am biased.” Most people found the belief that those that were allergic to cats were inherently bad people that were cursed by Bast to be an outdated belief, but it was pervasive enough of a belief that she got flack for her allergy. It certainly was not her fault that she was allergic to cats though, she loved them and they loved her but she did not enjoy sneezing and rashes.

Being around T’Challa’s cat was terrible enough and she disliked Shuri enough to actively avoid her. That did not stop her from getting watery eyes and a runny nose, and if Cleo decided to try and eat her spider again her pet dander gave Shuri a rash. And then there was the _sneezing_ , and it did not _stop_. That did not stop her from petting the neighborhood cats though, she was going to love every last cat that would allow her to sneezing be damned. Unfortunately the cats have caught onto her allergy and they now avoid her, probably because her sneezing scares them all off. At least she was not allergic to panthers to her knowledge, but then she rarely got close enough to them to tell.

“Huh, interesting. Well, at least Tony will blend in in that respect. Poor guy has always been a cat lover in a dog lover’s world. I prefer dogs; don’t ever tell him I said that, he’d kick my ass. That doesn’t mean your love of spiders is acceptable though, allergic to cats or not you could have picked something cuter and less terrifying to love,” Rhodey tells her.

“I think spiders are very cute,” she says in a mock-offended tone. “Lady Penelope is beautiful.”

“Honey, Lady Penelope is the stuff of nightmares. Specifically my nightmares, I am not even kidding about that. I had a nightmare about that thing last night and I’m real upset because I don’t have working legs. I can’t even run away!” Rhodey says, sounding distressed. Shuri thinks that it’s probably insensitive but she bursts out laughing, doubling over in her seat while Rhodey made scandalized noises.

"Do not worry, I will protect you from Lady Penelope," she finally, managing to squeeze it out around her laughs.

"You better, I'm trusting you with my life right now, don't let me down. And do  _not_ let that spider get me." Rhodey's comment only serves to make her laugh harder.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for a mention of child abuse and abusive relationships but I think that's it. If not let me know and I'll add the needed thing to the warnings. 
> 
> Also I went back and reread the beginning bit of this and realized my dumb ass wrote a discrepancy of meetings. Tony and T'Challa met at the airport, why the first chapter says it's in Siberia I have no idea- at least not one outside of my terrible memory. So we're going to casually ignore that...

Tony doesn’t realize how attached he is to T’Challa until he’s back home and then, like always, he kind of panics. He’s never done well with the whole genuinely liking people thing- Pepper and Rhodey could attest to that- so he isn’t sure what to do here. Obviously T’Challa was… well, he’s great, but he wasn’t the first person Tony has met that was great and as much as he didn’t want to he did wonder when it was going to go down the tubes. Every relationship he’s ever had has gone sour at some point or another- _truly_ sour, not just your average disagreements. Even Rhodey, back when he was dying and panicking and they got into that fight… They worked it out; he always worked it out with Rhodey, but he was the only one that seemed to happen with. What if T’Challa was more like Pepper, fine until romance was thrown in the mix?

Truth be told he wasn’t sure he could handle yet another thing in his life going to shit. As it was he was currently sitting on a precarious balance of having everything together while everything is falling apart at the same time. To be fair his decision not to continue with the Avenger thing was probably for the best but it still stuck him in the middle of a political stew that was far more of a mess than anything else he’s ever dealt with before. What was worse that he didn’t exactly have the best of supports around him. There was Rhodey, sure, but Rhodey needed help more than he did. Tony was used to his mind being just a little bit off, it’s been that way his whole life, but to Rhodey this was all new and he clearly wasn’t sure how to deal with it.

“What’s got your panties in a twist?” Rhodey asks, scaring the hell out of him because he hadn’t heard him wheel up.

“Jesus! Make a little noise, man. But to answer your question, one, I don’t wear panties because they’re itchy, and nothing’s got my panties in a twist even if I did wear them,” he says.

Rhodey wrinkles his nose; “I didn’t need to know that about you but thanks for that. And _something’s_ on your mind because you’ve been staring at that… whatever it is you’re attempting to design for the last hour without actually doing anything. Usually you have no problem with these things,” Rhodey points out. Right, sometimes he forgot that Rhodey actually knew him.

He sits back in his seat and considers his options for a moment before he sighs, “T’Challa,” he says simply and Rhodey nods, understanding immediately. It surprises him though it shouldn’t, but he’s grown used to people not really understanding how he works. To be fair he didn’t really understand how most people worked either so they were even, he guessed.

“What about him? Because from where I’m standing you don’t exactly have much to worry about and trust me, I didn’t really like him much to begin with either. Pretty much everyone you’ve ever cared about has managed to screw you over in some way or another and I didn’t want to see it happen again. Hell, even I’ve done a crappy job at being a good friend sometimes,” Rhodey says, looking away for a moment.

“You’ve been there for me more than anyone else has _ever_. So you’ve had your moments, I had fifteen years worth of moments all in one shot so I don’t feel like I have a place to judge,” he says honestly. “As for T’Challa, yeah, I know he’s great. That’s the problem; Pepper was great too and look how fast that hit the fan when romance was tossed onto the plate. We worked better as business partners, always have. What if the same thing happens with T’Challa?” he asks.

“Tony, there was a lot going on with you that no one, yourself included, was dealing with. Doesn’t excuse you being an asshole but if I had known then-”

“Then I would have made every effort possible to push you away. I didn’t want to deal with my issues because they were scary and confusing and I didn’t know what I was doing. When you’re used to being the expert it’s pretty terrifying to be thrown out of that role. Don’t beat yourself up for not doing something I wouldn’t have let you do anyways,” Tony tells him. There was a person or two that got close when he was younger, ones that tried to help, and he pushed them away as fast as he could because that was easier than dealing with it. And, as much as he didn’t want to admit it, he was used to people using him and leaving him and he wanted to prove himself right. He had, on more than one occasion, and then the people he considered his rocks up and left him too and he was put in a weird space where he knew it was irrational to believe that everyone left him when they were done with him while also having ample evidence for it being true.

Obi, Pepper, the Avengers, even Rhodey though it wasn’t permanent. He considered all of them close, like family, and all of them left without his ever needing to push them away. Hell, he made an effort to _reach out_ to Pepper and even that hadn’t been enough. So he’s been burned, even when he did what people asked he continued to get burned and now… well now he didn’t know what to think anymore. His closest friends were his childhood best friend and a fifteen year old he found on some YouTube videos. That was pretty embarrassing.

“I never would have let you do that Tony, not for long. We… we probably could have avoided so much bullshit if I would have just confronted you with all of this sooner. It probably would have ended up something like your birthday but it would have been so worth it if you actually stopped suffering a little and then stopped making everyone else suffer too. And sorry about never really believing you when you talked about your mental health. I thought you were being dramatic or something but you’re not. I used to think when I told you to just stop doing things and you would tell me that you couldn’t you were saying that you wouldn’t. Except now I get it- I’ve told myself about a million times to just stop feeling like this, stop the thinking patterns but it isn’t that simple. Now I feel bad for telling you you had a bad attitude when you genuinely couldn’t help it,” Rhodey tells him. He looks away again; clearly guilty for the way he treated Tony.

After all the shit he’s handed to Rhodey Tony didn’t think he was worthy of the guilt. “Don’t worry about it,” he says, “shit happens. Besides, after all the crap I’ve dragged you through I don’t really think that _you_ owe _me_ an apology. But yes, I don’t actually have much control over the thoughts. I try, but they keep coming back and then I panic and I… screw it all up. It’s like the faster my brain is moving the less it’s actually doing and it shows in the results of my actions. It would be fine if it was small stuff, but I nearly ended the world because I couldn’t make it stop and I just… I don’t understand how Steve can say the best hands are our own when I’m not sure any of the Avengers can make their thoughts stop,” he says honestly. Steve and his obsession with Bucky, Natasha and her secrets, Wanda and her anger, Vision and his confusion, Bruce and his self-loathing, Tony had the same issue, and Clint kept his fair share of secrets too.

They all had issues and all of their issues were clouding their judgment, especially his and Steve’s judgment. The best hands were almost any hands _but_ theirs and it’s been proven over and over again but most if not all of them. Wanda’s anger still simmered under the surface if her throwing _cars_ at him was any indication- even if he had acted foolishly. Vision’s confusion nearly killed Rhodey; Steve decimated an entire city in the pursuit of Bucky and then invaded no small number of countries to continue his hunt and he had an entire super team behind him. Natasha _still_ ran double missions and her identity as two people at once was practically her nature now. Clint’s inability to focus on both work and his family led to him hiding his family, then nearly losing it when the news got out. Bruce… well they all knew what happened to Bruce, which was also half thanks to Wanda and her targeting all the wrong people.

“The best hands are the hands of the people you intend to help,” Rhodey says softly, “the Accords aren’t the perfect method of going about that but if we sat around and waited for perfection we’d be waiting forever and that’s unacceptable. People need help _now_ and you amended the emergency situations thing so it’s more reasonable. But back to you, I _do_ owe you an apology, Tony. Even at your worst you still apologized for being an ass, and I _know_ you tried to change it too, even if you weren’t so good at it. But I’ve only apologized for what I thought I did wrong and that isn’t right. So I’m sorry for not listening to you, for ignoring you when I should have been paying attention. I could have done a lot more had I pulled my head out of my ass,” he says. Yeah, sure he could have, Tony too but that wasn’t the point.

“What’s done is done. Maybe you could have done more and maybe I’d be a perfectly adjusted individual because of your help but that probably wouldn’t be the case. You aren’t responsible for me and my health and you sure as hell aren’t the only contributing factor in why I am the way I am. My father abused me for years; I was manipulated by Obi for years after that, I didn’t deal with any of that well or at all, and I highly doubt your being more aware would have changed much. If I didn’t try and push you away Obi would have, and god knows what his methods would have looked like. In a way being ignorant kept you safe and I’ll take you alive and here for me now over being dead because you tried to help me then. It’s okay,” he says genuinely. Rhodey was one of his only supports now and the other supports were people he wasn’t sure of; he’d go to Rhodey long before he went to T’Challa. There was a lot of value in Rhodey’s simple presence with him and he hopped that Rhodey knew that.

“I… never thought of it that way. I guess that is kind of a good thing given that Obadiah made an effort to keep me away from you as it was. Man, that’s abuse 101, isolation. How did I not see that?” Rhodey asks more to himself than Tony. He shakes his head; his lip curling in disgust but Tony had no idea what he was talking about.

“What do you mean Obi already made an effort to keep you away from me?” To his knowledge Obadiah liked Rhodey because he brought out the ‘sensible’ in Tony. That was so not true, Rhodey might keep him somewhat grounded but he brought out the wild in Rhodey rather than Rhodey keeping him sensible. That was why Rhodey’s mother had hated him for the longest time. Week one was ‘hey mom, I met Tony Stark!’ Week two was ‘well mom, Tony Stark got me arrested but don’t worry I don’t have a criminal record.’ In his defense he had _no_ idea that car wasn’t his, it was a pretty sports car, _obviously_ it was his. Turned out it belonged to one Justin Hammer and that was the birth of a now life-long rivalry in which Tony squashed him like a bug every time. Even if Hammer technically won Round One of their fights.

“He was always rearranging your schedule to that it didn’t fit with the times I was home. Granted he did a bad job at keeping you away considering you managed to fly from where ever you were to visit almost every time that happened, but I almost always got a phone call detailing how busy you were and how you didn’t have time for me. I never took it seriously because the things he said never sounded like anything you would even believe let alone say,” Rhodey tells him.

Tony clenches his jaw and sits back in his seat, “that sonofabitch, he always told me _you_ didn’t have time for me. I showed up because I wasn’t about to let you military your way out of my life,” he says angrily. Fucking _asshole_. Too bad Obi was dead or he’d find that Grade A piece of shit and kill him all over again for this. How _dare_ he mess with his relationship with Rhodey like that! Honestly that made him wonder what he might have said to Pepper that she was too smart to fall for. She’s a sensible woman and she never did like Obi, she went very far out of her way to avoid him so whatever he might have said to her Tony doubted she’d ever believe it. But it still pissed him off that Obi would try.

“Damn. That adds a whole new layer of why he tried to kill you. He didn’t just want your company, he never did, he wanted your genius too but you’re not the type to be held down. Never have been really. Remember that prof you had that told you that you couldn’t possibly be doing the math in your head? I will never forget the way you laughed in his face and told him in front of four hundred students that he couldn’t fail you for being smarter than him and then solved his thesis by rattling off numbers off the top of your head. I guess Obadiah realized that he was basically the newer version of that prof, trying to stuff you into a box you were never meant to fit in and every time he tried you laughed in his face and did what you wanted. The only way to solve that problem was to kill you. Did you know that JARVIS wouldn’t let anyone into your lab? Not even me or Pepper, he was one stubborn AI,” Rhodey says, shaking his head ruefully.

Yeah, he got hell for that when he got home because how else was Obi supposed to run the company with Tony’s toys all wrapped up tight? With him had been the point, and if J had been a person Tony would have given him a raise. He updated the AI’s code instead. “Actually I did know JARVIS locked everyone out. Obi wasn’t happy about it but you know how I am with people in the lab, and I was way worse then. Never really considered it but you’re right about that abuse thing, it’s like… textbook.” Howard used to do it with him mom all the time but Tony got his free spirit from her. As if he was seriously going to stop her from doing charity work- how would that look to the press? God he missed her, she was the only light in his life as a child because she was one of the only people willing to stand up to Howard and his crap. Her, and a nanny he hadn’t had for long. Constantine was his favorite though, she was a hardass but she also rolled her eyes at Howard’s stupid comments openly and stood up for him mom.

Rhodey sighs, “yet another thing I failed to notice,” he mumbles.

“Hey, don’t do that. I get how easy it is to blame yourself but you were never the problem, Obi was. You can’t blame yourself for being preoccupied with your own life, it isn’t fair, and you can’t catch everything anyways. I made it through and so did you, that’s all that matters,” Tony tells him. Rhodey was there when Tony needed him and he hoped he was there when Rhodey needed him. That was all he cared about. “So um… how are you like… feeling?” he asks.

“Oh my god,” Rhodey says, rolling his eyes, “you sound like a cliché sitcom. But to answer your very corny question I’m not sure. Things seem to be up and down and side ways and all sorts of other ways I don’t really understand right now and I don’t know what to do with that.” Tony leaves it there for a moment, waiting to see if Rhodey had anything else to add but he doesn’t.

“Forgive me for not knowing how else to put it, cliché or no. And I know how that feels, being confused about what’s going on in your own head. You know that you can talk to me right? I won’t judge you, no matter what screwed up thing might be rattling around in there. Trust me, I’ve had my fair share of screwed up thoughts so I am not in a good place to judge anyways,” he jokes though the comment falls flat.

“Yeah, yeah, I know. But let me try and work some stuff out on my own first, I need to try and figure out how to like… organize all of this and right now I’m lost. But we _were_ talking about T’Challa and you know what would help with that?” Rhodey says, grinning at Tony.

“If you say what I think you’re going to say you can never judge me for being a cliché ever again,” he warns.

“Communication!” Rhodey says gleefully.

“You’re a walking stereotype and you can’t judge me,” Tony tells him.

*

After a long, _long_ time of debating and otherwise warring with himself T’Challa ends up calling him, making the debate to call T’Challa moot. Tony lets the phone ring a few times because he might be desperate but he wasn’t _easy_. Actually, yeah, he was really easy and he wasn’t afraid to admit it. But still, he did have a small scrap of pride left. “Stark,” he answers almost automatically and he cringes. God, he managed to screw up a _phone call_ in four seconds or less. He used to be a smooth talker and now he couldn’t even answer the phone without sounding like a twit.

“I know you checked the caller I.D,” T’Challa says in way of a greeting. Well, at least he isn’t the only one who is bad at this.

“It slipped out,” Tony admits grudgingly. It was half true; he panicked for three rings and then accidentally answered like it was a business call. He did it regularly, once when he and Pepper were still together he accidentally mistook a call from one of his investors for a call from Pepper and answered with ‘talk dirty to me.’ He wasn’t sure who was more embarrassed about that, Pepper or him.

“Well, I suppose I don’t much have a place to judge. I have answered with worse,” T’Challa says.

Forgetting his own embarrassment Tony leans forward, “ohh, I sense a story, do tell,” he says excitedly. So he wasn’t much willing to indulge in his own embarrassing tales, but he’d be damned if he was missing out on an opportunity to hear T’Challa’s embarrassment.

“Oh you know how it goes, clearly considering you just answered the phone as if I was a business investor. Unless you _intended_ the formal greeting,” T’Challa adds slowly, giving Tony the space to admit whether or not that was intentional.

“I didn’t, but it’s probably better than anything I would have come up with otherwise to be honest. One time I didn’t check the I.D and told an investor to talk dirty to me because I thought he was Pepper. He was not Pepper and everyone was very awkward. The deal went well though, so in the end it was fine,” he says and curses himself. Damnit, he _wasn’t_ going to share his embarrassing tales and here he was, his big mouth running away on him.

T’Challa bursts out laughing and Tony silently enters a shame cube of his own making. The saving grace to his day was Sharkbait entering the lab and jumping into Tony’s lap. He circles around twice and lies down, purring away despite the fact that Tony hadn’t actually got to petting him yet. That was a sign of a good cat, when they purred from being in your presence. It was like being blessed. He runs a hand over Sharkbait’s soft fur while T’Challa continues laughing at his expense. “Oh, that is far worse than the time I answered my phone thinking it was a lover only to find out it was my father. Thankfully it shamed me into the habit of checking to see who was calling first and I am forever grateful that it was him over my thesis supervisor. She was a severe woman and I am convinced she would have dropped me as her student had I answered _her_ phone call like that,” T’Challa says.

“First off I am offended at the lack of detail in all of that, and two, I also made a habit of checking I.Ds but it never did help. I always answer with something weirdly inappropriate given the circumstances,” he says. Hence answering the phone with ‘Stark’ when it was his damn soul mate calling. He could have at least used _Tony_.

“Yes, apparently Rhodey has entre stories around your inability to answer the phone,” T’Challa says in a bemused tone.

“Rhodey needs to shut his whore mouth, there are _no_ stories to tell unless we’re talking about the ones where he gets sick and I end up nursing him back to health. Let me tell you some _wild_ things have happened,” he says. Rhodey wasn’t the whining and crying type- usually that was reserved for Tony- but when he was sick he turned into a child. He also got really weird food cravings and that’s where the wild adventures start. If Tony never saw a man eat a burrito with chocolate ice cream on it ever again it would be too soon. To add insult to injury Rhodey never did manage to keep the food down but he was damn insistent that he _eat_ the food. On the plus side it led to Tony acquiring the knowledge that apparently cherry popsicles tasted almost the same coming up as they did going down. Those were now Rhodey’s go-to sick food and they had the added benefit of keeping him hydrated.

T’Challa hums his agreement, “like what? Because I feel like something has to be particularly strange for you to find it odd,” he says. It’s a fait assumption- it wasn’t like Tony was known for being normal.

“One time he decided that pickles and ice cream were a good idea. Orangesicle ice cream,” Tony says with emphasis. That was one of the more disgusting things Rhodey’s sick addled brain has come up with.

“That… is disgusting. I am glad he is not my soul mate; I could not do that to the ice cream. Or the pickles, that is just not right,” T’Challa says.

“Uh huh, you won the soul mate lottery,” Tony jokes, “I’m the _best_.” He wasn’t even close to the best but that’s fine, he ended up being T’Challa’s soul mate anyways, even though T’Challa _is_ the best.

“Of course you are. You are the perfect choice,” T’Challa says, dead serious.

“Uhh. Thanks. That’s totally fake, but thanks,” Tony says before his stupid brain could stop his mouth from speaking. Damnit.

“It is not!” T’Challa says, offended. “I know that you have not been treated well in the past but I promise that I am not more of that,” he says firmly.

Tony snorts, “I believe that when I see it,” he says flippantly. He regrets it immediately though and he sighs, “sorry, that wasn’t fair. I have plenty of evidence that you aren’t like most of the people that have come and gone from my life. It’s just a little hard to believe, especially when a lot of the people I thought I could rely on… didn’t really work out that well.” Pepper for one, even if he understood why she went. It wasn’t her fault and it wasn’t really his either, they just weren’t compatible anymore. Obi was the other and that had went all sorts of bad even before he thought it did.

“I know it must be hard, objectively speaking, thankfully I have not had to deal with the kind of heartbreak you have. But I am quite used to people depending on me, so I like to think myself reliable,” T’Challa says softly.

Yeah, so Tony gathered. “Must be a lot of pressure, people always relying on you. I’ve never been good at that, you’ve seen the results of people relying on me and honestly they aren’t good.” It was a fact as much as he wished it wasn’t, but he couldn’t just ignore the evidence that was sitting right in front of him. He’s spent too long doing that and it was time to let the results lead him to where he needed to go instead of what was going on in his too-cluttered brain.

“The results I have seen are mixed, and quite a lot of your bad results are either a direct result of someone else’s actions- Ultron coming from Wanda irritating your PTSD for example, or from people not taking your genuine issues seriously. Like your birthday party. Had people taken the time to actually work with you then those things would have had less of a chance of happening. But to answer your question yes, it is a lot of pressure but I have spent my entire life preparing for it,” T’Challa says.

If people had made an effort to help when he didn’t want it he would have made damn sure they didn’t try twice- he was quite vicious when he wanted to be- but he doesn’t say that. Like Rhodey T’Challa would probably argue that all he needed was a little help but he didn’t accept help until he was good and ready, it was one of many character flaws. Instead he focuses on T’Challa’s second statement. “Just because you prepare for something doesn’t mean it’s any less scary to do it. I can’t imagine being a king, honestly fuck that, I’d rather be a hermit.”

T’Challa snorts, “a hermit with a lot of technology maybe. You are an extroverted person though; I highly doubt you would enjoy a life as a shut-in. As for being king…” T’Challa pauses and Tony can practically hear him thinking about whether or not he was going to say what he wanted to. “I am a very successful person, I always have been, and that’s half of what terrifies me. Everyone expects perfection because that is what I always seem to deliver, but people are not perfect. I am bound to mess something up at some point and I dread the day when that comes. Shuri thinks I will be fine but I am not so sure,” he says honestly.

Tony takes a minute to process that because it was honest, more honest than he was used to. “I get that, at least before I actually did screw up all the time. Well, on a large scale, I’ve sort of always been a bit of a screw up. It sucks because every time something goes right it makes it all worse because that’s just one more thing people will hold against you when you inevitably fail. It’ll be ‘well you did a, b, and c right so why not x, y, and z!’ It won’t really matter that those were completely different things.” Actually that happened to him a lot when he was young, but it still happened now. He’d do something right and when he managed to make another mess it ended up being some crap about how he was doing ‘so well’ but then he ‘fell off the wagon’ or whatever stupid metaphor was used. It made him feel like he could never screw up because when he did everyone made such a huge deal of it, but no one ever cared when he wasn’t failing.

“Yes, exactly! It is hard to rest easy when I know something will go wrong, and I _will_ be responsible, and then people will have expected that perfect person they constructed in their heads and… and I do not know how to deal with that. I cannot win, if I succeed I fear failure, if I fail, well, I fail. There is not option in which my actions just… are,” T’Challa says. Oh, and Tony got that too. Everything he did was under a microscope, always had been, and when he did something someone was always bound to have a problem with it. The things that he did were never just _there_ , he never really had gotten that privilege and then people wondered why he got so frustrated. How T’Challa managed he had no idea, but Tony doesn’t tell him that. The last thing he needed was one more person telling him he was doing just fine, creating yet another dynamic in which he was afraid to fail.

“Yeah, and then people tell you that nothing is wrong because things _aren’t_ wrong, everything is going right but _that’s_ the problem. When all you have to deliver is perfection that becomes the standard, and when an imperfect person is expected to be perfect, well, that’s just a recipe for disaster. For the record if, or more likely when, you fail at something I won’t judge you for it. You’re only human; I couldn’t ever expect you not to fail. Besides, I know what it’s like to be defined both by your perfection and your failure. Both suck.”

He wasn’t entirely sure which one he would prefer either, on one hand it was nice to be doing something right but the pressure was awful. But on the other hand everyone hated him and expected that perfection regardless so it wasn’t like he was ever escaping that perfect little box people kept trying to stick him in. Frankly he liked T’Challa’s just… _being_ as a solution. Just once he’d like to do something and not have people read into it, to just let the decision be nothing more than a choice he made. That was never going to happen though, even if he really wanted it to.

“I… thank you,” T’Challa says softly. “I have never met someone else who actually believed that, most think that I am not grateful for my success when I say things like that. But I am, it’s just…” he trails off, probably unsure how to word something.

“Its just that you know that your value is in that perfection and if you stop being that perfect person you stop mattering entirely,” Tony says.

T’Challa remains silent for so long that Tony winces, thinking he said something wrong and earning a one eyed glare from Sharkbait when he shifts uncomfortably in his seat. “Actually yes,” T’Challa finally says, “that was not something I realized until now, that I put so much of my own worth in my ability to succeed because that is why people find be valuable. That is disheartening.”

Tony knows the feeling; it took him a long _long_ time for him to be able to word it too, mostly because he spent so long running from it. “It isn’t true you know, you aren’t valuable because you’re good at stuff. You’re valuable because you’re here, because you’re a person worthy of dignity and respect. I know it’s kind of difficult to accept but it’s true,” Tony says softly, meaningfully. When he first met T’Challa, back when he showed up at his place out of nowhere, he never would have guessed that T’Challa feared anything. From what he seen T’Challa was bold, brave, intelligent, wise, but not frightened, certainly not of his own success. That just goes to show how much you could pick out about a person without actually knowing them.

“It is nice,” T’Challa says after a moment, “to know someone understands. I do not thing people believe that successful people can have issues. I understand that I am very privileged, but it does not stop me from feeling like I am on a path that will only lead to my own demise because perfection is not sustainable.”

Tony huffs out a laugh, “I know. I didn’t really get the privilege thing for a long time, probably still don’t honestly. But that never did buy my sanity. I knew a guy once, he told me I had everything and nothing and honestly those few words changed my life. With all that I had it didn’t occur to me that I could have nothing too.” Yinsen knew so much about him, so much more than he knew himself at that point. He started a lot of self-reflection on Tony’s part and he would be forever grateful that Yinsen was there for him, with him, in those caves. He did wish that he had gotten Yinsen out; he had deserved life so much more than Tony had, but that wasn’t how things went. _Don’t waste your life_. Tony could only hope that he wasn’t.

“Wise man,” T’Challa says softly, “my father used to tell me that a good leader knew he would fail, but that he would try not to. Most unfortunately for me I have failed very little and it leaves me anxious for when something _does_ happen. I have never dealt with failure, I do not know how I will react and I have a country of people to worry about affecting. I suppose all I can do is hope for the best.” Yeah, pretty much and wasn’t that just a kick in the pants?

They sit there for a moment in a comfortable silence, content to acknowledge the person on the other end of the line without actually using words. It was nice and generally unusual, most of the time Tony felt somewhat compelled to fill the silence but for now it was alright to leave it be. “I miss you,” Tony says softly, almost too soft for his own ears to hear so he was certain T’Challa hadn’t.

“I miss you too,” T’Challa says and Tony jumps, earning a grumpy meow from the now startled Sharkbait. “Enhanced hearing, remember?” T’Challa says, laughing. Of course Tony would forget a tiny detail like T'Challa being enhanced even though that was evident since the first time he had ever seen the guy. You'd think that was the kind of thing he wouldn't forget but here he is.

“Well now I do,” Tony mumbles grumpily.


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long!
> 
> Alright, so I was going over things and noticed a discrepancy awhile ago that I may or may not go back and fix- but at the beginning it says that T'Challa met Tony in Siberia, and later is says at the airport. It was the airport he met Tony at (obviously) and it's referred to that way afterwards but for some reason my dumb ass mixed it up.
> 
> Also this is basically a chapter of worldbuilding but it felt natural this way. I've been trying to squeeze a kiss in here somewhere but I think i might have Tony/T'Challa kiss in a dream (since they share those frequently) and since it isn't _really_ a kiss because it's a dream they can kiss in real life and get _two_ first kisses. That seems like the kind of sappy romantic stuff people love lol.

Tony curls into T’Challa’s side, admiring the way that the sun hit T’Challa’s warm skin. It almost looks like he was illuminated from the inside out with the way the sun hit his deep bronze skin, making it glow warmly. “What?” T’Challa asks, tilting his head to the side at Tony.

“You’re gorgeous,” Tony tells him. He lifts his hand and gently runs his fingertips over T’Challa’s jaw, earning a wide smile that makes his eyes glow too.

T’Challa catches his hand and brushes his thumb over Tony’s fingers, “you flatter me,” he says, pressing a kiss to Tony’s hand. “But if one of us had to be the star of the show it would easily be you.”

“Now who’s the flatterer?” Tony asks playfully. “But I only steal the show because I’m loud though. You command a presence because you have thoughts and ideas that are worth listening to.”

T’Challa frowns at him, “and you think that you do not? I know that you dwell on your mistakes, but you are one of the most brilliant thinkers I have ever met, and more importantly you are very good at learning. I do not know many people who learn the way you do, who not only own up to their mistakes but actively try and change them again and again until they get things right. There is so much strength in admitting you are wrong, and so much more in trying and change that. My father used to tell me that a good leader was not made in a day- that we have to learn and grow as people and with people before we truly understood how to best serve people in the ways they need. Do not insult yourself because you are on a learning curve.”

“Okay, but I almost ended the world that one time,” Tony points out. He wasn’t on a learning curve to learn to be a better leader; he was just bad at the hero thing and not for a lack of trying.

“Had you had even the slightest of idea that running that program with Bruce- he was involved with Ultron too and taking responsibility for the actions of others is irresponsible- would result in a genocidal AI than I would seriously question your decision. But there is no way that you could have predicted those events, all you were looking for was the possibility of a smarter AI than the one you already knew how to build. You never intended on creating catastrophe, and you have since acknowledged that that decision was not a good one. Yes, you and a colleague were tampering with things you should have left alone, but Bruce already ran experiments on that stone. The fact that it was the experiment that involved you that went wrong is nothing more than an unfortunate coincidence. For all you know it could have been Bruce months before,” T’Challa points out.

He’s made the same argument to himself about a million times but in the end it didn’t matter what could have been, what _was_ is what mattered. And what _was_ happened to be the near destruction of the world and once again being berated by his team for not trusting people and doing stupid things on his own. Bruce, to his credit, accepted responsibility right away but Tony had gone down the path T’Challa had. It was an accident really, it wasn’t like he and Bruce left the program running so a genocidal AI could bust out and kill people. But that’s what happened and he saw now that not taking responsibility for his actions, however unintentional, had horrible consequences. “Maybe I didn’t mean to hurt anyone, but I did and I don’t get to decide now that my not meaning to hurt people somehow make me less guilty. It doesn’t- don’t shake you’re head at me, you’re supposed to support me; I’m your soul mate. There’s not point in absolving me of responsibility of my own actions, and Bruce’s.”

T’Challa remains silent for a long moment, “you frustrate me sometimes,” he tells Tony.

Tony snorts, “oh honey, welcome to the club. I frustrate everyone, including myself. I should get you like… an honorary little ribbon or something- First Time Being Frustrated By Tony Stark, But Not The Last!” he says with enthusiasm, letting out a laugh that sounded half way between forced and real.

“We are all frustrating sometimes, Tony. When I met you I walked in the opposite direction and then ignored you for over a month while housing a team that spent quite a lot of time using you as their emotional punching bag. I think I may win the ‘frustrating soul mate’ award. When you hand me your ribbon I can hand you my own. I will make it purple because I like purple,” T’Challa says.

“You like purple?” Tony asks, not exactly certain why he was surprised by that.

“Yes, why else would I buy you a purple tie? I have never seen you wear the color, had I bought it based off your preferences I would have chosen red,” T’Challa points out.

“Oh. Well that makes the suit a way better gift; I thought you were taking a pretty bad shot in the dark. I mean you did all that research and got me a _purple_ tie, I don’t even like purple. But it’s your favorite color, which makes it sweet. I wish I knew that when I got it, I would have appreciated it more,” Tony says, “not that I didn’t like it,” he throws in when he realizes how that sounds.

“I knew what you meant. Sometimes I have a difficult time remembering that not everyone is on the same page as I am so I sent it off assuming you would understand and clearly you did not,” T’Challa says. “But the color looks very nice on you, I was unsure. I am not used to pale skin so I had no real idea what the color would look like on you.”

“Terrible, but thank you for lying,” Tony says, grinning. T’Challa laughs too, shaking his head-

“Tony,” someone new says and Tony frowns, “ _Tony_ ,” the person says again and this time he kind of shakes.

“What?” Tony snaps, waking up with an irritated start. He glares at Rhodey, who raises an eyebrow at him in surprise. “I was having a good dream,” Ton explains with a little less irritation in his voice.

Rhodey wrinkles his nose and pulls his hand back, “eww man, I didn’t need to know that!”

It takes a second for Tony’s sleep addled brain to pick up where Rhodey went with that, “oh get your mind out of the gutter, it wasn’t _that_ kind of dream. Now what did you feel needed my immediate attention?” he asks.

“The Spiderling broke his goggles again and he’s moping around in the living room about it. You know I don’t speak fifteen year old so you’re going to have to decode why he’s so upset and fix it. I have _no clue_ how you’re so good with the teens,” Rhodey tells him and not for the first time.

“S’not hard, just don’t assume you’re speaking a different language. Kids are smart; let them explain what’s going on and then talk to them about it. Simple,” he says. That, and he had a lot of experience of being the teen everyone routinely ignored, labeled overdramatic, or shamed. He went out of his way to make kids feel anything but what he felt when he was their age, even if it was for a moment.

“If you say so. Go do your teen whispering, I’m calling Shuri to tell her that your cat is was uglier than what she described to me.” Rhodey eyes Sharkbait, who is currently curled up on the pillow next to Tony.

“You leave him alone! I like that he’s ugly,” Tony says, running his hand over the cat’s soft fur.

Rhodey looks at him strange but he leaves it be, telling him to go do his teen whispering thing so he doesn’t have to put up with a mopey teen in the living room. Tony drags his ass out of bed so he could brush his teeth and unstick his fair from the right side of his head and wake up a little before going to figure out what was going on with Peter’s goggles and play potential teen therapist.

Sharkbait follows him around the whole time, apparently not pleased with the potential of being left behind. The sound of the cat’s feet hitting the tile behind him is surprisingly comforting even if he’s no more awake when he leaves the bathroom than when he went in. He finds Peter perched on the couch looking much like the moody fifteen year old stereotype, “do you know if Rhodey made coffee?” he asks. Given that Rhodey was usually up before him and had physical therapy in the mornings he made a wheelchair accessible area with the coffee machine on it and he hoped that Rhodey had time to make some because Tony was in desperate need.

“It’s on the counter!” Rhodey calls from somewhere else in the penthouse.

“I swear he was the one that was meant to be my soul mate,” Tony says, “thanks!” he calls to Rhodey.

Peter looks at Tony like he’s grown a second head, “but you _have_ a soul mate! And he’s a _King_ , it doesn’t get better than that!” he says, almost offended.

“Aww, I’ll tell T’Challa you said that. He was actually a pretty horrible soul mate in the beginning though- he basically ignored my existence for a month and then I found one of his bodyguards in my house investigating me. Okoye’s cool though, I like her, and T’Challa pulled his head out of his ass- _why_ are there coffee grounds in the damn disposal?” he asks. He _thought_ he got rid of that problem with the Avengers but Rhodey must have dropped the habit for awhile, hoping that Tony forgot about it. Well he didn’t and someone was going to find his entire sock drawer filled with his worst enemies. _Ankle socks_.

“It was Peter!” Rhodey yells from a few rooms away.

“Are you seriously blaming a child for your mess?” Tony yells back.

“I am not a child!” Peter throws out, doubly offended.

“You pay taxes?” Tony asks, raising an eyebrow.

“Do you?” Peter fires back.

“As a matter of fact I do, obviously. Unless Pepper doesn’t pay them, then I lied. I’m pretty sure she does though. Like ninety percent. Anyways, what you were saying before that?” he asks.

“You do pay taxes!” Rhodey yells back to them.

“Great, because I was about to have a whole new set of things to feel guilty for. I’ll consider forgiveness for putting coffee grounds in the disposal!” Tony tells Rhodey, turning to yell in his general direction. “Anyways, Rhodey said something about busted goggles?”

Peter pouts, “yeah, sorry, but the villains really don’t like Queens this week and-”

“Relax kid, there’s always something new on the Iron Man armor that I have to fix even if I’m not fighting villains every other day, so pass the goggles over. And speaking of battling villains every other day, how are you keeping up with your school work?” Tony asks. Peter is a genius, so his ability to do his schoolwork would be better than his classmates’ abilities but with his time being constantly eaten away by some new asshole trying their hand at villainy Tony wondered where he found the time.

“Oh, okay, that makes me feel better. And school is fine. Usually I’m pretty bored all the time because I’m always ahead but now I’m mostly getting stuff done on time instead of way early. I told my teachers that I got a job so they aren’t suspicious,” Peter says, looking pleased with himself. Yeah, that’ll take its toll eventually, all that secret keeping. Actually Tony would be surprised if it wasn’t already affecting Peter’s life whether or not he was aware of it.

“Well keep that up, I’d hate to see the Spiderman thing take up so much space in your life that you forget about everything else,” he says. He knew how awful that could be from experience thought he doesn’t tell Peter that. He didn’t want the kid’s pity. “You don’t have any head injuries do you?” he asks, holding up the goggles as if they were an explanation for his question. Which, to be fair they kind of were, the design was strong enough to withstand normal hero work so unless Peter’s head was taking a beating they shouldn’t break.

“Yeah my head is fine. I think I might have had a concussion the other day but the enhancement thing gives me accelerated healing so I’m fine now. Wounds don’t really last that long,” Peter says. Tony half wished he had that because his only chance at accelerated healing was hanging out with T’Challa, which was fine but… but it required him to be attached and stuff. See? Rhodey should have been his soul mate. At least his ribs finally stopped feeling like they were trying to exit the skin.

“Good. I’m pretty sure these are broken in the same spot they were last time, which means there’s some sort of weak point in the design… I’ll look into it. So what else is going on?” he asks. Peter looks surprised for a moment and Tony snorts, “what? Did you think I thought you were embodying every sulky teen stereotype over some broken goggles?” he asks.

Peter looks at the ground, “maybe,” he mumbles.

“Well, spit it out. Coffee?” Tony asks, pulling the pot from its spot on the warmer.

“No thanks, I’m more of a tea person,” Peter tells him, “but… how does it feel? Having a soul mate?” he asks.

Tony snorts, “you’re hung up on _that_? You’re fifteen, the average age people happen to be when they meet their soul mate is twenty seven, you’ve got a probably twelve years of time before you meet your soul mate and you should be happy about that. That’s twelve years to learn and grow as a person, trust me, in two years you will be embarrassed of everything you are right now. Probably minus the Spiderman thing. And I’m not trying to be a condescending ass or anything, its just that your age is the age where you really start figuring out how the world works and how you fit into it. Also this is when you do all those things you always wanted to, like frosted tips and then they become immortalized on the Internet for all to see. Or the neon phase. Trust me, you want to meet your soul mate after all the embarrassing phases where you think only eating apples is a good plan for some reason. _Trust me_.”

God knows what he would have been some embarrassed if T’Challa knew him in his mid-twenties let alone when he was Peter’s age. Shit, unless it was within the last ten years he’d be embarrassed if T’Challa knew him at _any_ other point in his life. Maybe it was a good thing Rhodey wasn’t actually his soul mate all things considered. He was there for that weird six months where Tony decided that underwear were completely useless no matter the circumstance. He has since learned there were certain situations when the extra layer of fabric is convenient, like awkward boner moments. Oh, and then there was the fact that Rhodey knew about his lowkey math kink and _no one_ will ever find out about his sexy equations sheet ever again.

“Okay but like… what if I meet someone and I love them and _then_ I meet my soul mate? I can’t just _leave_ the first person like that. I know it’s a popular romcom trope to just ditch people at their weddings and run off with your soul mate but that’s really mean. I don’t want to do that,” Peter says, distressed by the possibility.

“Just date your crush kid, at your age you change so fast there’s no guarantee that you’ll like each other in six months let alone a year or more. And if you do who’s to say that you’ll still want to be in a romantic relationship? Maybe you’ll be better off in a platonic relationship anyways. Hell, people aren’t really fixed at any point. People fall in and out of love all the time. One second I’ll love a design and after ten minutes of thinking about it I’ll hate it. People do that with shows and music too, and I know you get taught not to do that with people but sometimes things change. Sometimes you like them more, or maybe you find a third person you both like better than each other. Point is shit is weird, and no one even knows how soul mates work. There was a study that came out last year that suggested that people could _make_ their soul mates. Like they met a person, the person they were dating wasn’t their soul mate, and then a year later they look at the person and boom, they see in color. Date your crush,” Tony finishes awkwardly.

Peter frowns, “but that isn’t how soul mates work, you’re born with one.”

“Are you? There are people who are colorblind their whole lives- totally colorblindness or otherwise- who have soul mates. I’ve seen in color my whole life and I have a soul mate. So there goes the number one soul mate indicator and that isn’t even taking any sort of visual impairment into account. Blind people have soul mates too. Besides, do you _really_ believe that the person I was at twenty-five could have been T’Challa’s soul mate? He would have hated me; _I_ hate me at that age. How soul mates work, who ends up your soul mate, _why_ they end up your soul mate, whether or not you’re born with one or not are all questions that have no conclusive answer scientifically. There’s no reason, in my opinion, to not experiment with relationships and love because of a concept that so obscure and flimsy that it’s subject to change at any moment,” Tony tells him.

“That’s actually really introspective and helpful. There was a study that suggested people could _make_ their soul mates though? How did that work?” Peter asks, brightness and general excitement returning.

“No fucking clue. Seriously, have you ever taken the time to read up on soul mate science? It’s an interesting subject I got into because I was tired of people acting like I was missing some essential part of my life because I’ve always seen in color and presumably had no soul mate. Anyways, the science is fascinating because it points in like five hundred different directions. Essentially the only thing a total literature review would tell you with certainty is that nothing is known for sure. There are lots of accounts of people loosing that soul mate connection to their initial partner too, and after a major push from LGBT movements there’s a lot of new stuff around how soul mates work for queer people too. Recently there have been a whole slew of studies slamming the popular notion that soul mate connections are always romantic and sexual in nature too. Again, everything is doing something and no one knows what that something is,” Tony says.

“You should send me some of this stuff, it sounds cool!” Peter says, grinning all bright eyed and bushy tailed and Tony is going to need way more coffee.

*

Shuri sits across from him texting on her phone, presumably with Rhodey. The two were growing considerably close and T’Challa was happy for it. Shuri has always been the type to keep to herself and he was happy to see her branch out some. She was close with Tony too and he would forever be grateful to her for the insight she had into how he worked because, truth be told, he would be completely lost without her. He would, however, appreciate if she did her texting elsewhere so he could concentrate on his paperwork.

When she bursts out laughing he looks up to give her an irritated look but she only laughs harder. “You have to see this,” she manages to squeeze out after a solid thirty seconds of loud laughter. “Rhodey just sent me this,” she says and hands her phone over, still snickering.

The picture on her phone was of a few tweets from Tony’s Twitter account. The first picture is of Sharkbait looking like his ridiculous self with the added benefit of his tongue sticking out. T’Challa raises an eyebrow at Shuri because the cat did not look _that_ funny. She gestures for him to continue scrolling so he does, finding another picture of someone calling Sharkbait ugly. He doesn’t find _that_ amusing either but he continues scrolling to find Tony’s response.

_@JerkMosquitoes With a face like that you’ve got no place to judge_

T’Challa starts laughing and Shuri gestures at him to keep scrolling again. The next set of pictures involves Sharkbait with a little tiara on and he was fairly certain the cat was sitting in Rhodey’s lap. The caption is something about him being a pretty prince, which was funny enough given how ugly the cat was but the next two tweets make it far funnier.

_@ActualTonyStark If it’s a boy why is it wearing a tiara?_

_@DreamDick77 because he fucking likes the bling_

Rhodey continues sending screen shots of Tony’s Twitter account so he keeps scrolling through random pictures of Sharkbait with various responses.

_@ActualTonyStark that cat is a hot mess_

_@GreenSlate so am I. We bond about it_

_@ActualTonyStark does @CEOPepperPotts know about the cat?_

_@PinchedSphincter you leave @CEOPepperPotts out of this_

_@ActualTonyStark Tony you put that cat back where you found it right now_

_@CEOPepperPotts cant, T’Challa gave him to me. Returning soul mate gifts is frowned upon_

_@ActualTonyStark I am so sorry I called him ugly!_

_Fuck you @JerkMosquitoes if he was ugly before he was a soul mate gift hes ugly after_

_@ActualTonyStark @WarMachineRoxx what do you think of this Rhodes?_

_@ActualTonyStark stop changing my twitter to WarMachineRoxx_

_@ActualyTonyStark its war machine now @JimBob and that cat ugly_

_Im offended @DisownedBestFriend_

_Are you fucking kidding me @ActualyTonyStark_

Rhodey texts Shuri an actual response in place of the Twitter screen shots to T’Challa hands her phone back. “I cannot believe he is defending the cat on Twitter,” he says, still laughing. Truth be told he was pleased that Tony liked the cat enough to get into internet fights about it, clearly he did a good job finding an acceptable cat. Shuri had doubted his pick but T’Challa knew the second he say the homely cat that Tony would love it because the cat is different.

“I cannot believe he has decided he is disowning Rhodey. Apparently he is refusing to speak to him now and Peter- I have no clue who that is- finds the whole thing hilarious. You win, big brother, he loves the cat. I assumed he was faking it because you were standing right there but he is just _that_ odd,” Shuri says.

“I told you that he would love the cat. He likes things that are different and unusual,” T’Challa says proudly.

“That explains why he likes you even though you are a freak of nature,” Shuri says.

“Coming from the one who is allergic to cats, as if!” he says, offended on his own behalf.

“I cannot help allergies, you can help thinking cottage cheese is an edible food!” Shuri counters.

“You put ketchup on _everything_ , do not talk to me about disgusting food!” Even their father had been visibly horrified at Shuri taking to ketchup when she discovered it on a trip to America once.

“You eat mangoes!”

“Oh who does not like mangoes!”

“Rhodey does not like mangoes so _ha_.”

“Then you are both wrong,” he says, nose stuck in the air.

“I bet Tony does not like mangoes either,” Shuri tells him, phone poised and prepared to text him.

“We have had this discussion, he does like mangoes,” T’Challa lies. He has no clue if Tony liked mangoes or not and he silently curses himself when Shuri calls his bluff and texts Tony.

“Damnit, he does like mangoes, you were not lying,” she mumbles, sulking.

T’Challa’s phone buzzes and he finds a text from Tony.

_I don’t know why my liking mangoes was relevant but I covered your ass and claimed I like them- I’m actually allergic to mangoes_

He smiles, happy that he got a soul mate that understood him though he resigns himself to giving up mangoes forever on the off chance he trigger an allergic reaction. That would be unfortunate.

“Did people know about you and Tony being soul mates before Tony’s Twitter confession? Because Rhodey has reported that the American media has essentially exploded with the admission,” Shuri tells him.

He sits up straight and lets out a string of Wakandan swear words, “no, they did not. Well… this is all very Tony anyways, of course he would out our relationship defending his cat.” He supposed that at least Wakanda already knew. He had made a statement some time ago in the interest of not having such a thing dropped on his people unexpectedly. Soul mates were important to Wakanda, as they were elsewhere, and the King’s soul mate being from a country that was not Wakanda was an important bit of information. But they were also reassured that Tony did not have a right to Wakanda in the event of T’Challa’s death- leadership would go to Shuri- and Tony had happily agreed to that.

The American media, however, was a lot less likely to be as calm as the Wakandan media was once they had been assured that Wakandans would be in charge of Wakanda. He did not look forward to the absurd articles about his relationship with Tony strewn all over North America and beyond but he had to admit that it was amusing that Tony most likely accidentally outted their relationship because he was so upset that people insulted his hand-chosen pet.

“Your relationship is absurd,” Shuri tells him.

“I like it that way,” he assures her, surprised that he meant it. He had long ago outgrew a love for being spontaneous, politics did not allow for it, but something about Tony’s measured recklessness and spontaneous nature was drawing to T’Challa. There was strength in keeping such a spirit in a world that required you to never be too much of anything lest you tip the scales the wrong way. Tony’s ability to tip the scales was not something T’Challa would have guessed he would enjoy a year ago, or even a few months ago, but he found himself intrigued by it now. It was particularly interesting because Tony tried his damndest to control where those scales were tipped, and they were almost never in his direction.

“Sap,” Shuri accuses though she is smiling.


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long! If you've been following the other story I have on the go you know that I've been hella swamped with school work. Plus I've been applying to grad school. Murder me. 
> 
> Anyways, this is the second last chapter. It felt like a natural end to things and I'd be afraid of dragging things out too long. So the next chapter is an epilogue that will happen sometime in the near future, but this is the technical last chapter in the story :) Woot woot! Go me. Also this is over 100K, a goal of mine I've had for awhile and I've had a few stories get close, but this one finally pushed me over!

“Holy shit, I have never seen Buzzfeed so excited,” Peter tells Tony, all but vibrating with excitement. “I totally mentioned you and T’Challa a week ago to my friends and they thought I was making stuff up about you to look cool so I am so validated right now.”

Rhodey frowns at Tony, “what the hell is a Buzzfeed?” he asks. Peter looks at Rhodey like he grew a second head and Tony laughs.

“Entertainment outlet. What’re they saying?” Tony asks. Technically speaking he didn’t actually _name_ T’Challa but with the pressure to tell people who his soul mate was, and permission from T’Challa, he gave the information up. Shuri, according to T’Challa, was having a _blast_ reading all the absurd things online about them.

“Well, there’s the butt comparison- you won by the way, that Twitter fight defending your cat that has been deemed adorable, and some crap about politics,” Peter informs him, looking at his phone.

“You do _not_ have a better ass than T’Challa,” Rhodey says, eyeing Peter skeptically. Tony tilts his head in Rhodey’s direction and Peter wiggles around in excitement.

“Are you _jealous_?” he asks enthusiastically, eyes bright with curiosity.

“No,” Tony says in a bland tone, “who in their right mind _wouldn’t_ look at T’Challa’s ass? Didn’t assume Rhodey would have spent enough time staring at our asses to know who had the better butt though. But I agree, T’Challa has the winning butt.” And his ass in that cat suit of his was way better too. Honestly it was a damn crime he had to wear pants at all.

“Yeah, well, the downsides of being at ass level all the time is that you have no choice but to look. The benefits of being ass level all the time is Shuri’s ass,” Rhodey says, grinning.

“It’s true, she does have a nice butt but don’t ever tell her I said that. I plan on living to see tomorrow,” Tony says. Rhodey narrows his eyes at him and Tony snorts, “you’ve spent enough time staring at my soul mate’s ass to determine that his is better than mine. I just _happen_ to have working eyes and made a passing appreciation so don’t you get all jealous with me. Trust me I have _zero_ inclination to go anywhere near Shuri in a sexual manner. She’s basically my sister, that’s weird.” Even if she would technically only be his sister in law it still had an ick factor a mile wide.

“Man, swamp ass must be a struggle for the average wheel chair user considering where your faces usually sit in comparison to the standing population,” Peter says, interrupting Rhodey’s offended looks.

“Swamp ass?” Rhodey asks, eyebrows drawing together.

“Yeah, you know, when you’ve been sitting down for awhile or if it’s really hot and it’s like a marsh down there. Swamp ass,” Peter says, shrugging. Rhodey’s face scrunches as he realizes that he had a whole new struggle he hadn’t even considered.

Tony throws back his head and laughs, “oh my _god_ , that’s hilarious! I was born in the wrong generation, Rhodes, because between their weird new terms, constant over exaggerating, and terrible mental health I was _clearly_ meant to be a millennial,” he says.

“You know what, you’re right. Don’t forget that self-depreciative mental health humor and all the trash can jokes- you’d blend right in. You should have born two decades later than you were,” Rhodey says. Yeah, then maybe someone could have explained mental health to him as a teen when he could have fixed all this shit. Now he was like an old dog- there was no learning new tricks so he was designed to be fucked up forever. At least kids these days actually knew what was happening in their minds- as someone who had no idea it was nice to see progress to a point where people actually talked about these things.

“Too bad my dad’s dick would have been dust if he attempted to have me two decades later than he did,” Tony says. Howard had already been pretty old by normative standards when he had Tony, it would have been weird if he had been older.

“Literally man, if he had you two decades later than he did he would have dead,” Rhodey points out.

“Oh my god, I am so sorry!” Peter says, ever aware of Tony’s emotions. It takes a second for Tony to get Rhodey’s joke but once he does he bursts out laughing, freaking Spidertot out.

“He should have waited two decades, I would have been saved a world of pain,” Tony says, still snickering.

“Do you need a hug?” Peter asks, looking concerned.

*

T’Challa was not impressed with the American media assuming Tony _made up_ their connection, an odd reaction that took a full forty eight hours to kick in, but he was more than happy to set them straight. “I cannot believe you had to sit down with an American journalist and explain that no, Tony did not invent a soul mate connection to you for attention,” Shuri says, shaking her head.

“Well believe it. People like to think Tony does everything for attention- actually I used to think that too but now I think he actually doesn’t know the difference between what everyone else assumes is ridiculous and what he thinks is ridiculous. Regardless, ever since this whole ‘Civil War’ thing people have been making up all sorts of things about Tony and claiming that he’s the problem. Guess that’s what you get when you disagree with Captain America in America,” Rhodey says somewhat resentfully, shaking his head.

“I can confirm that he has a genuine misunderstanding of social norms,” T’Challa says. He’s had more than one dream of Tony’s life in which he broke some social rule by accident and genuinely had no idea why people were upset. Usually he did this by being too honest- something he was consistently told was a valuable trait only to be told he was rude for giving the honest opinion he was asked for. T’Challa used to do that too but his father had made sure to give him to tools to figure out what, exactly, was the right way to say whatever it was he was trying to say. Tony was not so lucky- instead of trying to help him understand things socially he got yelled at. Being a child in an adult’s world had no helped him any either, especially when people routinely forgot how young he was and expected him to act like an adult while telling him he was a child. On a contradictory note people consistently got annoyed when he acted his age and then wondered why he was so socially stunted.

He had, apparently, learned to compensate by throwing social rules out the window entirely, something that still stuck around though he was not nearly so callus about it. T’Challa rather enjoyed Tony’s special brand of communication though, even if it was frustrating at times, because it made him special. He could do without the cruel public reactions to his soul mate though, especially because they came from such an illogical place. “I do not understand you Americans and always assuming you are right. Why is it that you are all allergic to being wrong and admitting it? There is nothing wrong with being wrong, it happens to everyone,” he points out. In Wakanda admitting you were wrong when you hurt someone was very important- if you refused to admit that you were not in the right people did not much want anything to do with you. In an isolated country like his it did not do well to have the public turn against you. He found the trait both useful and damaging depending on the circumstance.

“Do not forget their aversion to not knowing the answer to a question. Imagine having to act like an expert in everything out of fear that people will assume you know nothing if you are not sure of everything you say. And they wonder why their youth is so mentally ill- with that kind of pressure I would be mentally ill too,” Shuri says, shaking her head. Her words match up with what T’Challa has learned from Tony both through dreams of his memories and through his interactions with him now. T’Challa certainly knew what it was like to feel the pressure to get things right all the time, but he was also certain that his people were far more forgiving of mistakes than Tony’s country was. If he did not learn from his mistakes _then_ his people would be rather upset, which he found fair enough.

“Not quite sure if that’s how it works- they mentally ill thing, but you make a point,” Rhodey says. “We do have a weird aversion to being wrong- and god forbid you be wrong if you aren’t white, you’ll never get your credibility back. I’ve watched more than one black man make some stupid mistake only to get burned so bad he never recovers. Thankfully I’ve had some good luck, that and people don’t really like insulting me because Tony makes a very public habit of defending me.”

“Yes, I found that in my research. He’s quite aggressive about it too,” T’Challa says. Tony was rather good at pointing out the discrepancies between the way people viewed Rhodey versus himself too. It did not look good for the military to penalize Rhodey for doing something Tony admitted he did consistently so most of the time they were forced to let whatever incident go. It was a smart move- T’Challa read about Rhodey’s accomplishments in the military- they would have been fools to let him go over some petty mistake. Eventually Rhodey rose high enough on the ladder that he got away with most everything he did, including consistently covering for Tony flying around in airspace he was not supposed to be in for superheroing purposes. T’Challa liked to think Tony was at least marginally more responsible about it now.

“He should be,” Shuri says, sticking her nose in the air and drawing T’Challa’s attention back to the conversation at hand.

“Yeah, he’s always been pretty good about that. He didn’t understand racism like at _all_ when we met but he’s damn good at picking up on patterns and inconsistencies so he noticed the differences between the way people talked about me versus him pretty quick. He was just as quick to point it out too; it’s why I like him so much. Even at his worst he wasn’t fond of people being treated different for no perceivable reason.” Yes, T’Challa had ample evidence for that too. Tony appeared to be fond of evidence based thinking and when he saw no evidence for a claim he was quick to call it out as incorrect, even if he had limited understandings as to _why_ someone ignored the evidence to come to a false conclusion. From T’Challa’s experience he was more socially aware now, or at least it appeared that way.

“T’Challa?” Tony asks. He does not need to turn around to know it is him, he felt his presence as soon as he opened the door.

“No, I am a figment of your imagination,” T’Challa jokes, “Shuri too.” Tony blinks slowly for a moment, as if he was trying to figure out if that was actually the case or not, “how long has it been since you slept?” T’Challa asks, concerned. That was something else he noticed, his own sleep pattern becoming extremely erratic. The bonus, if he could call it that, was that his connection to Tony and his being enhanced made it easier to cope with being sleep deprived far more than he was used to.

“Uh… not sure. I was in the lab for a bit but Pepper needed some paperwork so I went to do that,” he says, clearly unconcerned that he was not actually certain of when he last slept.

“You were in the lab for the last day and a half,” Rhodey tells him. Tony blinks again, obviously trying to recall the lost time and failing. T’Challa looks at Rhodey, who shakes his head just a little, ‘later’ he mouths and T’Challa frowns.

“So uh, what are you doing here?” Tony asks, regaining his bearings some.

“Explaining our relationship to American media seems how they are ignorant enough to assume that you fabricated our bond,” T’Challa says, clearly irritated with this. Of all the absurd things he thought would come of Tony’s accidentally outing their relationship on Twitter he did not think that he would have to confirm that the bond was _real_. He assumed that he would have to put up with Shuri reading him some painfully bad article about he and Tony secretly being lizard people. Instead his relationship was insulted on some very personal levels.

“You came to America to say that yeah, you _are_ actually my soul mate?” Tony asks. He sounds skeptical, like he did not quite believe that T’Challa would do such a thing and that irritates him.

“Oh course, I was not going to let them spread untrue rumors about you being an attention seeker for telling the _truth_. Besides that I am very offended that I even have to _confirm_ this, the public does not get to insist on knowing about your personal life and then insult you for being gracious enough to share. So yes, I am here to inform people of their absolute ignorance,” he says primly.

Slowly Tony smiles, ducking his head, “thank you.”

*

The last thing Tony expected was a nasty rumor that he _invented_ a soul mate connection to T’Challa- an appropriate target because he supposedly couldn’t stand up for himself. He hadn’t expected T’Challa to take enough offense to fly across the world to tell people how ignorant they were being, though. If he was honest with himself he half expected T’Challa to agree with the media and leave Tony for the wolves even if there was nothing to support that he’d ever do something like that. So he went down to his lab to deal with things, or more accurately not deal with them. Which was sort of what he was doing now, avoiding T’Challa because he knew that Rhodey ratted him out. He needed to reteach Rhodey the bro code- rule number one was not ratting your bro out for using terrible coping mechanisms to deal with your problems.

FRIDAY at least gives him a warning before she lets T’Challa in because apparently even his AI was conspiring against him. “Rhodey tells me that you came down here to busy yourself with whatever project you’re currently working on when you caught wind of that rumor about you fabricating our bond. I know that must have been difficult to hear but please know that you can talk to me,” T’Challa says. He looks worried and for the first time in a long time Tony actually believes it.

“I… I know. It’s just easier down here with the things that I understand and the things that understand me. Sometimes I just need to check out for awhile,” he says honestly.

T’Challa’s lips tip up into a smile, “thank you,” he says.

“For what?” Tony asks, frowning.

“The last time I told you that you can talk to me you told me that you did not trust me, and I understand why. But this time you told me that you knew you could talk to me, so thank you for offering me that trust. I promise you that I will not break it,” T’Challa says meaningfully. They look at each other for a moment before Tony leans forward in his chair, pressing his face into T’Challa’s stomach.

T’Challa runs his fingers through Tony’s hair, gently massaging his scalp. Tony is reminded vaguely of the last time he did this with someone, Pepper, but this was different. He loved Pepper, probably always would in some capacity, but she was nothing like T’Challa. T’Challa understood him in a way he didn’t think was possible, and he worked with Tony rather than against him. It was nice that, for once, when things went wrong T’Challa didn’t assume Tony was the only one at fault, but he wasn’t about to let Tony off the hook for his own misdeeds either. It’s a nice balance.

“So,” Tony says, pulling back a little, “I was doing some research on soul mate bonds- not for the reasons you might think-” he adds quickly when T’Challa gives him a worried look. “I’ve always seen in color, which is clearly odd, and I wanted to know if there was anything in existing literature on the subject that would explain why. According to research sometimes if a person is pregnant and they meet their soul mate their fetus gets a nice dose of soul mate hormones too- hence being able to see in color,” he says.

“Sorry,” T’Challa says, looking slightly pained.

“For what? If my poor mother had a soul mate that wasn’t Howard I’m happy for her, she deserved better than anything he could have ever given her. So either that’s what happened, or the much less exciting alternative is that I’m part of the 0.2 percent of people that are born with the ability to see in color. But like I said, that’s boring.” He liked to think that somewhere out there his mom had someone else there for her that wasn’t Howard, someone who actually cared about her even if it was unlikely.

T’Challa shakes his head, laughing softly. “Of course being part of a very tiny population would be boring to you. Either way you are special and unique and I appreciate that regardless of how you ended up seeing in color your whole life. Besides, I do not particularly care how color came into your life, all I care about is that I get the privilege of having you as a soul mate.”

“I’m glad that you’re my soul mate too,” Tony says. It’s dangerously close to ‘I love you’, which hasn’t gone well for him historically speaking, but it’s far enough away from the phrase that he was comfortable saying it. Plus it was true, he _is_ glad that T’Challa is his soul mate, he couldn’t imagine it any other way.


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is just a lil blurb of how things ended up placed roughly a year after the events of the bulk of the story itself. I have a lot more ideas of what happened to who than what I wrote so if you want to know more feel free to ask :)
> 
> Aside from that, thank you all for reading, this has been a wild ride!

“Spidertwit, what are you doing?” Tony asks as Peter swings directly into a wall.

“Ow,” comes Peter’s response over the comm. “I think it’s safe to say that I was not expecting that wall to be there,” he says.

“It has been there the whole time,” T’Challa points out.

“Someone needs a lesson in heroics,” Natasha jokes.

“Do not,” Peter mumbles, “I just forgot that wall was there and accidentally smacked into it a little. On your left, Nat.” Natasha spins and kicks one of the latest Villain of The Week’s cronies off the building she was currently fighting on. Another of the cronies tries to take a shot at T’Challa only to find themselves kicked over the building edge too.

“These people are terrible tacticians,” T’Challa mumbles more to himself than the team. Tony had to agree given that they all could have ended this like thirty minutes ago. He’s pretty sure that everyone is drawing things out so that no one feels bad in the end. Actually no, it was just fun to play with the villains and they weren’t causing much property damage outside some broken windows so.

“Who’s going to tell Ross we broke the law?” Sam asks, dropping another minion in the group currently webbed to the wall by Peter. Tony hoped that the kid’s reflexes were fast enough to have caught the falling villains that were kicked off the building. Probably, he was pretty good at this sort of thing.

“Technically according to subsection six in the emergency situations clause any uses of magic means that the situation is an emergency, so we haven’t broken any laws,” Tony points out. Part of why he amended the things in the emergency situations clauses was because he knew Ross would dick around before sending them all out and putting the most common kinds of occurrences into the emergency clauses meant it was legally irresponsible to hold back the team. Tony’s been doing this kind of thing his whole life, the fine print was always where people fucked you over and being a highly successful CEO- at least back when he still was one- meant learning to play with words. Steve’s worry of agendas didn’t really matter if you knew how to use that agenda to your advantage and because Tony was so known for out and out disobeying Ross didn’t expect that he was just as good at underhandedly disobeying too.

Dumbass. “You know what, that’s pretty smart Stark,” Sam says.

“It is almost as if he is a genius,” T’Challa says in an irritated tone.

“Thanks, babe,” Tony says, “now if we could pay attention to the guy in the overdramatic coat that’d be great. Honestly, what is it with villains and fashion faux pas?”

“With the wardrobe you had in the nineties you have no place to talk,” Natasha tells him.

“Uh, excuse you, we can blame the space aged suits on my nasty cocaine habit of the nineties. What’s this guy’s excuse?” he asks.

“I think dramatic fashion statements are just a villain thing,” Peter says, swinging himself over to Overdramatic Trench Coat.

“I do not understand you people sometimes,” Okoye tells them, “you are complaining of over dramatic fashion when one of you is fighting in a metal suit, another is in a ridiculous leotard, there is a man dressed as a cat, another as a bird, and a woman dressed in one of the least functional suits I have ever seen. What is the purpose of that belt?” she asks.

“Point taken,” Sam says over the comms, “web him up Sipidey.” They wrap up their villain fight just as Ross lands on the scene looking pinched and annoyed.

“You know damn well you aren’t-” he starts but Tony cuts him off.

“Uh, no, subsection six of the emergency situations clause dictates that any magic use escalates the situation to an emergency,” Tony says with a grin.

“That is a stretch at best,” Ross snaps, hands planted on his hips.

“Yeah, and so was your year long smear campaign against Spiderman despite him never having broken any of the laws we negotiated. Besides, what were we all supposed to do? Wait till a hole opened up from the damn sky with aliens pouring out of it to decide that maybe this guy is actually dangerous? Obviously that would be a stupid idea so we figured we’d deal with it before we found out that this guy was dangerous to more than fashion norms.” Ross tries, and fails, to argue with him so they all go off to collect the remaining minions from the side of the building that they were webbed to courtesy of Peter catching them while falling.

“So,” T’Challa says when the minions and their team leader were being carted off, “do you like birds?” he asks Sam.

Sam snorts and rolls his eyes, “I do, actually. I have a beautiful cockatoo at home.”

“That is nice. I hate birds,” T’Challa says and walks off. Sam frowns at Tony, a silent plea to tell him what the hell just happened but Tony only laughs. T’Challa’s dislike of birds had nothing to do with Sam- he had bad experiences with the animals and thus disliked them. Even Tony had to admit T’Challa did have some bad luck with pigeons at least- they constantly tried to steal any food T’Challa was carrying right out of his hands. That was how Peter and Tony managed to catch a video of the King of Wakanda smacking a pigeon in the head with a hot dog.

“Stark,” someone, Natasha, says as she walks up to him. “What’re you doing after this?” she asks somewhat hesitantly.

“Nothing with you,” he says bluntly and to his surprise she looks a bit hurt by that. “So you signed off on the Accords, that doesn’t make up for all the shit you put me through, and our friendly banter on the field is more for my own piece of mind. I’d say you know how I react to trauma but you like to blatantly ignore that in favor of seeing whatever it is you want instead. But I do appreciate the help, and I don’t mean that in a back handed way either. It kind of sounds like it given the previous rant but I do genuinely appreciate what you do.” He did, even if he wasn’t fond of her as a person he would be stupid to pretend she wasn’t useful.

What was it that Obi used to say? Every troll had their use. Besides, she’s shown that she wasn’t fond of him either, minus a few confusing moments of actual compassion. He could have done with her asking if he was okay at his birthday party all those years ago instead of in some government facility a year and a half ago but he guessed late was better than never. She nods though, accepting his words and walking off graciously. “That was a bit cold,” Sam says gently, raising an eyebrow.

“So was telling me to do whatever I want when I was in the middle of a downward spiral full well knowing that I’d be stupid enough to put everyone else in danger with my antics to… I don’t know, see how worked? Pretty sure I already made an ass of myself enough at that point for her to have gathered her information. I have a right to be mad about being lied to about who she was and the danger we both put people in. And she zapped T’Challa like six times so Steve could run off, following the word of a guy who barely even knew his own name,” he points out. He might not like what she did to him, but ultimately he was responsible for his own actions however much she might have influenced them. T’Challa, though, was something that he was not likely to forgive her for. T’Challa didn’t care but he was far better at processing emotions than Tony was.

Sam eyes him for a long moment, “and where do I stand with you?” he asks.

Tony shrugs, “we still don’t know each other that well, but from what I’ve gathered you’re a decent guy. You’re still the only one aside from Peter and T’Challa to have asked about Rhodey after he fell, that means a lot. Sorry about the repulsor blast, by the way, you were only trying to help.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Sam says, “when I finally managed to get back to Riley I punched my superior for trying to comfort me. Grief does awful things to people, but I would appreciate that you don’t do that again. I had a big ass bruise for like two weeks.”

Tony half smiles, “duly noted. Spidey, you done here?” he calls out, scanning the immediate area for Peter.

“Over here,” Peter tells him before jumping onto Tony’s back so they could take off back to the Tower. When he takes off, though, he assumed that Peter would have been smart enough to _hang on_ but instead he goes flying off. Tony hears, and feels, the _thwip_ of Peter webbing whatever was closest to him and sighs. “FRIDAY, did he just web himself to the ass of my suit?” he asks.

“It appears so, yes,” FRIDAY informs him.

“Sorry,” Peter says sheepishly.

“I look forward to the pictures of the suit with a Spiderman shaped dingleberry in the news tomorrow,” FRIDAY says. Tony lets out a sharp laugh, shaking his head as he flies off to the Tower.

*

“Since when do you not want to replace me as Black Panther?” T’Challa asks Shuri skeptically, head tilted in confusion.

“I said that I could not, not that I was unwilling to if I were able,” she says. Rhodey looks exited about something, which is kind of confusing to Tony considering the damn battle Shuri went though to get the title of Black Panther to begin with. Villains were assholes and they took up a lot of time that T’Challa needed to keep his country running. He hadn’t been impressed with Shuri’s suggestion that she take up his warrior mantle while he dealt with politics. It was dangerous, he argued, which was an argument that fell flat when Tony pointed out that he played hero regularly and T’Challa had no problem with that. He had tried to argue that he _did_ worry about Tony but his argument didn’t exactly go over well with Shuri, who pointed out that he’s never told Tony that his job was too dangerous for him to do.

Eventually T’Challa had to confront that his reasoning for not wanting Shuri in the field were inadequate at best. In the end Tony told him that it would be easier for him to relinquish the title of Black Panther for awhile than it would to give up his leadership, though he was sure that Shuri would be adequate at that too. T’Challa eventually gave her a trial run, probably with the intent on proving her wrong about being able to handle his position but Shuri ended up being the only reason Peter, Tony, Sam, and a few of the Dora Milaje hadn’t been killed by a rather nasty bomb that Shuri managed to disarm. And that was when Tony was deeply offended to learn that no one told him that Shuri was an engineer too- including Rhodey, a fellow engineer. They’ve made a few projects together since then.

“Well what would possibly make you unable to take up the mantle? You are quite good at it, actually,” he says, sounding surprised by this.

Shuri narrows her eyes, “I resent that, brother. We went through the same training, what could have made _you_ better at it than me?” she says, waving a hand around. The other, Tony notices, settles on her stomach.

It clicks for him then, but a look at Rhodey confirmed it. “Nice,” Tony says, grinning, “congrats.”

“Thanks, man,” Rhodey says, smile growing wider.

“Congratulations on _what_?” T’Challa asks.

Tony shakes his head, “you are so dense sometimes. She’s pregnant.” T’Challa faints.

*

“I cannot believe they asked _you_ to be the god parent but not me,” T’Challa sulks.

“To be fair you’re the kid’s uncle biologically, and we’re together. I think the assumption was that if something happened we’d raise the kid together,” Tony points out.

“They still could have asked,” T’Challa says, pouting. Tony shakes his head at T’Challa’s dramatics but he loves him anyways.

*

“Tony, I can’t take this,” Pepper says, frowning at the box in her hands.

“Fine, then give it to charity, or pawn it, or give it to a random homeless person or something. To be honest I didn’t really expect you to keep it anyways,” Tony says, shrugging.

“Why are you even giving this to me to begin with?” she asks. She looks somewhat skeptical of his motives and Tony figures that’s fair. It wasn’t like he hadn’t considered giving her the ring just to throw it in her face when they first split- it was logical to assume that’s what he was doing now.

“I’m moving on with my life Pepper, I have better things to do than dwell on the past so I’m going through things and getting rid of stuff that I’ve been holding on to for too long. That was first on my list to go.” There was a time when he thought Pepper was perfect for him but he’s come to realize that Pepper had only ever been a good match for him on the business side of things. They had been great friends too, but they never had the romantic chemistry that they tried to force for a long four years. It took the easy, natural chemistry with T’Challa to make him see that clearly enough to let go so he could move on. Things were far less tense for him these days with all the support he had from the people around him. Hell, he and Okoye fell into a weird but pleasant pattern of drinking coffee together in the mornings. She had thawed towards him quite a bit since this all started- as had the rest of Wakanda once they realized that Tony had no interest in taking over their country or stealing their vibranium like his father had.

“Are… are you sure?” she asks.

“No offense, Pep, but I have no interest in marrying you anymore so it seemed senseless to keep the ring. But it was always meant for you so I figured I’d give it to you and let you choose what you wanted to do with it,” he says. “You’ve always wanted a lump of some sort of metal with stones in it, make it out of that,” he suggests. The notion of a metal lump with stones in it made zero sense to Tony given how ugly that would look but Pepper is weird so he left it at that.

Pepper stares at the box for a moment before her eyes travel across Tony’s lab, fixing on the trash for some reason. He frowns for a moment, not sure what she’s focused on until she walks over and pulls a glass case from the trash. Right, the first reactor with a lovely little ring of metal around it that said ‘proof Tony Stark has a heart’. It had been a cute gift when he got it but now it was just painful to look at so he chose to toss it. “Can I keep this?” Pepper asks softly, not looking at him.

“Sure. I don’t have much use for it now.” He already had the schematics- the only thing useful about the reactor- somewhere.

*

“Kings do not get days off,” T’Challa says, trying to pull himself from bed.

Tony gently presses him back into his bed, “they do when they’re emotionally distraught. Wakanda can survive one day without you doing a bunch of paperwork and they’ll thank you for it later. Trust me, I know what it’s like to go making really important decisions when I’m in no condition to be making those decisions. It never ends well so lay down and take some time for yourself,” he says gently.

“I will be behind in my paperwork,” T’Challa says weakly.

“If I didn’t know you’re ahead in you paperwork I might consider that argument. A good leader knows when to step back and take time for himself,” Tony says, repeating words that he once dreamed T’Chaka say. Sighing, T’Challa flops back into bed, unable to argue with the words of his late father. “Wakanda will thank you later,” Tony says, rounding the bed and crawling in.

The cats jump up after him, settling themselves into their allotted spots across the bed and out of each other’s space. Tony gestures for T’Challa to come closer so he does, curling into Tony’s side. They stay there like that for a long time, Tony tracing patterns onto T’Challa’s arm lightly with his fingertips. “I thought this would be easier,” T’Challa says after awhile.

“Losing people is never easy, and neither is the first anything after they die. I never celebrated my parents’ birthdays, Christmas, anniversaries, nothing. But every time one of those dates passed on the calendar I’d get so wasted I forgot who I was because I didn’t want to think about them or the time I didn’t spend with them. I doubt that would have changed much if I spent every waking moment with them either- death finds a way to make you feel guilty for just about anything.” His father had been horrible to him, and the last time he came home for Christmas- the year they died- he got insulted by his father so he had rolled his eyes, declared that he hated the man, and left while he ignored his mother’s protests.

He’s regretted that ever since that cop showed up at the party he was at and informed him that his parents were dead. He felt even worse about the fact that he assumed Howard paid the cops to tell him that as some sort of tough love lesson until the cops managed to convince him that his parents were actually dead. And then the funeral, god, that was a spectacle. Obi, for his part, had handled Tony declaring to the entire world that Howard was a piece of shit who deserved what he got pretty well. He’s always missed him mom though, she did the best with what she had and he should have told her that when she was alive.

“Does it get easier?” T’Challa asks.

“Sort of,” Tony says, “the pain never really goes away but you learn to manage it and eventually it gets to a point where you’ll be having a bad day and you won’t know why until you realize why the date is important to you. You’ll never get the piece of yourself you lose back, but it doesn’t need to be a bad thing. Losing something doesn’t need to leave nothing else in it’s place, you just need to learn how to build something new.” It took him a long _long_ time to learn how to build something new and he full well knew he was still learning. But Iron Man was a good start to his change as a person, even if a lot of the shit that came after that only taught him that life sucked.

“I love you,” T’Challa says softly.

Tony smiles, “I love you too.”

**Author's Note:**

> [My writing Tumblr](https://tenspencerriedplease.tumblr.com/)


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